I Said Yes

The “Second” Morning After

 I woke to this odd buzzing noise and realized it was my phone going off on the nightstand next to the bed.  In obvious disorientation I reached for it and looked at the screen.  It was the alarm going off with my favorite Journey song as the ringtone.  I turned it off and sat there staring at it for a minute….it was 7am.  I surveyed the room and, oddly enough, there were no pups on the bed…things were quiet, and I caught a faint hint of a coffee smell in the air.  I laid back down rubbing the sleep out of my eyes remembering I set the timer on the coffee maker last night.  I also caught a whiff of another smell, or fragrance if you will.  Hugo Boss.  I looked over to the other side of the bed and realized, though I was alone at that moment, someone else had been there…time stood still for, what seemed like, an eternity as my brain bounced back and forth from last night to now.  Crumpled up on the foot of the bed was a white tank top…and on the other nightstand “drug store products” …products I know I had not had in the house in a while.  I sat up and put my feet on the floor, still trying to get my wits about me, and then it hit me and I realized I had allowed Michael to share my bed last night…He was going to stay the night but was going to use the pull-out sofa in the living room.  What the hell…

 I got up and realized I was not wearing anything…unusual for me…so I grabbed my boxer briefs (that were on the floor??) and stumbled out into the bathroom.  Leaving the door open I looked in the mirror at myself and, in the reflection, I could see, behind me, feet propped up on the coffee table in the living room.  I brushed my teeth…slapped some water on my face, toweled off and headed for the living room.  There he was, the owner of the two feet sitting on the couch, in his underwear, drinking a cup of coffee and reading the paper.  The pups were snuggled up alongside him and they all looked very, very content and very natural!

“Good morning sunshine”

“Hey”

“There is coffee made”

“Cool”

 I shuffled past him into the kitchen, grabbed a cup, and poured myself some coffee.  As I was standing there stirring the sugar into it I felt him come up behind me and hug me.  The warmth of his bare skin, and his breath on my neck were…well…refreshing.  He had his arms wrapped all around me and suddenly I felt this sense of security and contentment.  In a way it was odd for me…I had been having no issues being a single guy in this house.  After all, I had the pups to shower love on and make enough noise to deaden the silence of being alone but this feeling…this feeling of contentment had taken over for the moment and I was having a hell of a time balancing that with the idea that I was ok being alone….or so I thought. 

 I turned to say something and he put his finger under my chin and leaned in and gave me one of those kisses again and my thoughts turned to mush.  It was during the split second of that kiss that everything came flooding back…into my brain that is…and I had a full and complete memory of last night…the memory of him “dragging” me into the bedroom…the memory of his taking time to explore…the memory of us both taking the time to explore…the memory of the things I was feeling…the memory of what he wanted and what I gave…the memory of what he wanted to give and what I was able to take...and the memory of the passion…  In that split second of that kiss, in the here and now, I recalled how it started with those butterflies and chills I get…and ended with contentment…the physical aspects spanning all of my thought processes and emotions and ended up on the other side…in that place that seemed so natural, normal and…awesome.

 When we broke apart, I put my hand on his bare chest and sort of moved him back a bit.  I looked into his eyes, which were smiling right along with his lips.  I couldn’t really say anything even though I had a lot I wanted to say, but nothing would come out.  I was waiting, sure that, at any moment, my brain would take over but it hadn’t yet.  I was happy with the moment and realized nothing needed to be said.  His eyes and smile were saying it all and I just stood there taking it in.  At that point he moved over to pour some more coffee and I spoke, finally…

“Should we…” and I was cut off

“No”

“I was going to say should we get ready and go wander the neighborhood before we meet your folks?”

“Oh…yeah…ok” and he grinned big…he obviously thought I was going to say something else and I chuckled to myself.  While lots of things needed to be said…at least in my head…but not now…I got that…and for me it was just as important to appreciate and understand and enjoy the moment.

 We showered and dressed we got in the car and headed the few short blocks to the village.  I parked the car and we got out and started to wander around.  Like I said, it was a very eclectic neighborhood with an awesome beach front/coastline that ran a few miles in both directions.  There was a small ferry that ran across the bay over to the city…it was really a water taxi in the event you didn’t want to drive.  There were old school record stores…small little cafés and coffee shops…secondhand stores and vintage antique shops.  Michael seemed to really enjoy the walk.  It was still early and, because it was Friday, there were not many people out and about as it was a workday for most.  Though I did have to work I was covering the evening shift and Corey was doing the day.  Even though it was a night shift for me the restaurant closes at 10 so I would be out early.

 After an hour or so of wandering around we got to the diner to meet Michael’s folks.  They were there and had a table already.  Michael kissed Diane and we sat down for Coffee and breakfast.  Diane said she had asked about the patio table overlooking the bay but it was a tad chilly out.  That was ok with me as memories of “The Lunch” came back…yes…this was the same spot where my “transition” into single life began…again, not negative memories but memories that were significant to me.

 Before I knew it the time had passed and I told them I would probably have to get going.  Diane asked Michael to grab his bags out of my car…telling him that Chris had already headed back and he could ride with them back over the mountain.  I snickered as I realized we had not put his bag in the car but before I could say anything Michael said

“Dave, Diane…I think I’m gonna stay for the weekend…nothing going on up at the winery so I thought I would take a day or two here in the city”(I laugh because he always called them by their first names when he talked to them…not Mom and Dad)

“Are you going to stay at Matt’s”

“Yeah”

Dave popped off and said “There’s our Michael…Mr Spur of the moment with no plan”

“Come on dad…give me a break…it’s just a couple of days and Chris will handle anything the comes up”

“Yeah Yeah”

 As the three of them were bantering back and forth I had to wonder if I had missed something.  I don’t recall, at any point over the past few hours, Michael having said he was gonna stay the weekend.  Of course, not that I really minded at this point…it just caught me.  Michael kissed his mom, shook his dad’s hand, as did I, and we all left.  Diane ran back over to the car to remind me about a Wine event in January downtown and then, with a puzzled look on her face, asked how Michael was going to get back over the mountain.  Michael looked at her and said

“I dunno…maybe I will get Matt to bring me back”.She smiled and headed back to her car.

Michael was whistling some tune as we walked back to the car and as he was opening the passenger door to get in, he shot my one of his famous smiles.

“So…when were you going to tell me you were staying?”

“Do you not want me to?”

“No dude…I mean yeah…it just caught me off guard”

“Im sorry…I guess I should have asked…I can get a room…I just wanna hang out away from the winery…with you”

“No, no…it’s all good…It’s just that…Wait…I’m gonna take you back?” 

“If that’s cool”

“You know I have to work tonite and tomorrow”

“I know…trust me…it will all be fine…besides you have Sunday and Monday off, and Corey will cover Tuesday for you” …So he has, at some point, had a conversation with Corey…weird

“Uh…Ok…do you want to just drive me out there and use the car today”

“That would be perfect…if you are sure…I am going to go check on some of the retailers and wine shops…and speaking of Corey…and Chris…remember not to say anything to them”

“Yep I am sure…you just can’t forget to come pick me up…and I wouldn’t even know what to say to Corey so I am not going there right now”

“Dude…I’m not gonna forget to pick you up…I will come have dinner and be there when you are ready to go”

“Ok…sounds like a plan”

 I was still puzzled at how all of this has played out.  I guess I am totally clueless…What was he doing?  What was he thinking?  When were we going to talk about “last night?”  I guess, with his plan we will have plenty of opportunity to chat…if nothing else…it’s a long drive back to the winery!

 So, after all was said and done, I drove Michael and I out to the restaurant. The ride was quiet as I was working hard to figure out what was going on between us...I was trying to figure out what was going on with me...unfortunately the ride wasn’t long enough for that!  I pulled into the lot by the kitchen door and parked. We both got out and Michael came around to the driver’s side and put his left hand on my waist and looked directly into my eyes.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah...why?"

"Cuz you haven’t said a word since we left my folks"

"Well...you have to admit all of this is a bit weird...and you might have told me you were staying instead of just springing it on me in front of your parents"

"I guess I thought after last night you would want me to stay...if it’s not cool I will stay at Nolan’s...

I just thought you..." And he stopped and looked down at the ground...

"You thought what"

"That last night was amazing...like I do"

I put my finger under his chin and raised it up so he was looking me in the eyes again

"Hey, I’m not gonna lie and say last night wasn’t awesome...cuz...well...it was...but my head is really fuckin spinning right now and I don’t know where any of that...any of this...whatever it is...I don’t know where it came from...I think I need a minute"

"Dude...so here...now...I’m telling you that I am falling...so I’m gonna get in the car and let you do your thing...and hey…one more thing…I am going to kiss you now" And he did.  “Don’t say I didn’t communicate on that one!”I had to chuckle…silly as it sounded!  As he got in the car I got the smile...he closed the door...whipped out of the spot and hollered " I will be back at 8"....and with that…he was gone. 

More from “The Letter” from Diane; November 8, 2014

  I remember that day when you two finally had “The Talk” with Dave and I. I also remember how poorly I reacted.  You see, there was my little boy telling his dad and I that he was embarking on a path that we were certain would bring him pain, heartache and frustration.  The life that he wanted to lead, or at least explore, was a recipe for disaster as far as we were concerned.  Living in this small town, being part of a high-profile family in a high-profile industry did not seem to lend to an easy or pain free existence. 

I have been burdened with the fear, and the awareness that I took my concern and anger out on you.  I know that, through the many arguments and battles I had with Michael about this, that you guys really didn’t understand why I felt the way I did and why I reacted so poorly.  Dave and I had many sleepless nights worrying about the road Michael and you were choosing…and I knew the morning we had brunch after the holiday wine dinner that the two of you were in for a long road and a difficult time…………

11.  Emotional Seduction

I stood there in the parking lot and watched him drive away...not having a clue what just happened...so I guess I am clueless as he keeps saying. It is a hell of a lot easier to have all these thoughts spinning in my head than it is to try and figure out what is going on and what it all means.  I truly did not get what he was saying at that moment…the falling for me part…Why is this happening and what does it all mean?

 I went inside the restaurant to get the day started. Corey and Chef and I had a quick manager meeting where we reviewed the private events for the weekend. We had a luncheon in about a half hour...a cocktail reception this afternoon followed by a formal dinner in the private dining room this evening. Same schedule for tomorrow and then all quiet Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.

The day passed and all went well. Though I was having a hard time concentrating, I managed to get payroll and last month’s financials done while Corey managed the floor.  He truly was a find for me.  He was passionate about the restaurant…was very good with the staff and was great with the customers.  There was never an instance where I had to worry about how we handled things and I was lucky to have him.  On top of that he was turning out to be a great friend.

 Happy hour rolled around and the bar was packed...not unusual for a Friday especially during the holidays. Corey and I were running around like mad men as the main dining room was very busy and we had the private group in the back. At about 7pm I was buzzing through the lounge when I spotted Michael and Nolan sitting at the bar with a bottle of wine and some appetizers in front of them.

"Hey...what’s a guy gotta do to get a decent table around here?"

"Ya really wanna know?"

"Oh...very good Matthew...and quick too!"(I noted that it was the first time he called me that…and I liked it)

"Well...I guess I am learning…I do have some game ya know"

"Bout time" and Michael and Nolan both laughed and went back to their wine.

 I went back to running around and made a stop at the desk to check on the wait list...things would be slowing down soon so I put a hold on the "family table" in the far corner of the dining room. I should be able to sit with Michael in about a half hour...maybe we could finally have a chat as I felt as though I really needed to get some clarity on what was going on…his comment…the things that happened last night…what was going to happen the rest of the weekend…and in general, what was going through his head right now??

 As the dinner crowd started to thin, I let Corey know I was going to have dinner with Michael and I buzzed by the bar, told Michael I was going to change clothes and I would meet him at the table. Nolan started to say good night but Michael interrupted and asked him to join us. I was somewhat frustrated as I really wanted to be alone with the putz so we could chat...I think he sensed my irritation but I decided to get over it...he and Nolan were good friends and I really liked Nolan too.

 Dinner was good. Corey and Chef joined us too and we all shared some good food, wine and lots of laughs. The group was turning into quite a tight knit circle. I had to play boss and told the boys it was time to "wrap" it up as tomorrow would be a repeat of today and we were going to be busy. Corey chose to exert his version of a sense of humor by leaning over and asking Michael if he "wrapped up" when he was with me...Michael thought that was hilarious and roared with laughter...Chef and Nolan looked really confused. ...and I told Corey to go fuck himself...which brought more laughter from the group.

 With that little side show I told Corey that we were leaving and he could lock up. As the man-hugs were going around I realized that Corey was handing Michael some sort of envelope that he put in his pocket...I was then distracted with saying goodbye to Nolan and chef and then we made our way out.

 As we got to the car Michael asked me again if I was sure I was ok with him staying...I chuckled and said

 "Of course...remember I have the pull-out sofa bed in the living room".  

 He hesitated for a minute, called me an ass and proceeded to plant one of his signature kisses on me. I gotta say I was getting used to those kisses and the chills that went with them.

 We got to the house and were greeted by the pups...both were jumping all over and very excited to see...Michael again...still confused about this but I guess he just has the touch! I told him I was gonna walk the yahoos around the block and be back...

"Ok...I will be here waiting"

 We took our walk...a little shorter than normal as it was starting to rain a bit...and it was cold enough to turn to sleet or even snow so we headed back.  When we got inside and I got the pups their treats I realized that the lights had all been dimmed...candles were burning...a fire was lit in the fire place and, there in the center of the room, was Michael in his boxer briefs, no shirt and a big ole grin...funniest part of that whole scene...he had pulled the sleeper sofa out and was laying on it...all I could do was laugh...well...that’s not ALL I could do...!

 I stood there for a minute, again with my head spinning, and just looked at him.  This was the first time that I truly took all of him in…I mean, I had noticed before that he was a rugged, handsome guy, but now I was noticing something different about him and the reaction I was having.  I recalled the feelings I got earlier in my stomach…the butterflies if you will.  I thought about how natural it felt to see him on the couch this morning drinking coffee and reading the paper and I also remembered that feeling of contentment when I was pouring my own coffee.  And then last night’s “action” in the bedroom came into play.  Picture that cartoon scene where you have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other…both yapping at you.  Problem was…I could not discern the difference in how that felt or what the voices were telling me.  It was then that I realized that the voices in my head were saying the same thing…that it WAS ok…that all of the things I was feeling and all of the things I wasn’t understanding…the things that didn’t make sense…everything was going to be ok.

 As I went into the bedroom to get out of my clothes he came up from behind and put me in a big bear hug…with his breath on my neck I just leaned my head back into him and took in the hug.  He turned around and looked me in the eyes and I was transfixed by his stare…his dark brown eyes with so much behind them…the corners of his mouth turned up into a discreet smile…it was then that I realized…as he whispered to me like he absolutely knew what I was thinking…

“Everything IS going to be ok”

“When you came into my life that day 

You showed me what true love was meant to be

You brought light into my shadows 

And made me be your number one priority

And when you hold me in your arms 

The rest of the world seems to disappear

I'm in heaven when I'm with you 

And for the first time I can tell it's real”

From him to me o that day...Seduction