I Said Yes

We spent the rest of the evening just hanging out. Michael went and grabbed some fast food and we watched some tv. I, honestly, was pretty wore out from our escapades earlier and was happy just to be a couch potato…plus it was nice just hanging with him. We went to bed early and got up early. He was going to go do a few things in town…then spend an hour or two in the production and shipping room. I was perfectly content on hanging out and told him I would probably take the pups for a long walk. I bundled up and put a beanie on my head so my ears wouldn’t freeze and off we went. The pups were excited to be able to play in the snow and they dragged me, in unison, up the path.

The ground was covered with a lot of snow and the sky was dark and cloudy so I suspected it would snow again soon. We walked and walked and walked and the next thing I knew we were up at the springs. I guess, when I thought about it, this was the only path and place I had been to up on the hill. A familiar walk that took about a half an hour one way. We wandered around the springs and pool and then headed back down the path. I could tell my little energizer bunnies were starting to tire so I picked one up in each arm and made my way back towards the winery.

Happy to have got the pups out for a good stretch and walk I was starting to get really chilled. We got back down to the lawn by the tasting room and I noticed the doors were open. Figuring there would still be a log or two burning in the fireplace we went in searching for warmth. When we got in I could hear voices in the office and I could tell it was Diane and Michael. It seemed like they were arguing about something but I couldn’t really tell what was being said. I decided to announce my self so as not to scare them or have them think I was listening in.

“Hello in there…You have 2 little visitors looking for a treat and one big visitor looking for a big ole glass of wine…”

Both Diane and Michael appeared in the doorway…she with milk bones and he with a very large glass. I chuckled at their expressions though everything seem fairly normal and ok. We sat at one of the large round tables and the pups chowed on their treats and the three of us partook in a nice glass of red. It was pleasant and cordial when Diane reminded us about dinner at their house. We had about two hours so told them I was gonna take my wine and dogs and go take a quick shower. Michael said he would be up in a few and Diane gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me she would see me in a couple of hours. Up the stairs we went and the pups settled on the couch and I went in and took my clothes off and got in the shower.

The warm, steamy water felt really nice as it helped wash away the chill from being outdoors. I heard the door open and close and the pups reacting to Michael’s entrance. As I was there, letting the water cascade over my head, I thought about how normal this was becoming and how natural it felt…him coming “home” at the end of the day…the pups greeting him all happy…trying to decide what to do for dinner…etc. Dinner was not an issue for us this night as we were to go to Dave & Diane’s for a meal so I was trying to hurry when the shower door opened and Michael climbed in. It must have been the look on my face because he grinned and said

“No…not what you think…I’m just saving time”

“Sure you are…you are a horn dog and you know it”

“I haven’t heard you complain”and with that he kind of pushed me aside, grabbed the soap and started lathering up. I knew nothing was gonna happen but that did not prevent me from getting a little worked up anyway.

We finished, toweled off, dressed and I took the pups out for a quick pee. We jumped in the truck and headed out and I was really looking forward to one of Diane’s home-cooked meals and just a relaxing night with good company. What I didn’t know then was that there was an agenda. Dave and Diane waited until after dinner to talk to us about his condition. In short order he laid out what was happening with his cancer and let us know that the chemo and radiation were not really working to slow the progress of the disease. Again, Michael reacted badly though, at the time, I was wondering if it were due to Dave’s disease or the fact that it was messing with Michael’s plans and time-line. I did feel guilty for thinking it but recent history plopped it right there in my brain as a memory of our dinner out that evening.

So when all was said and done everyone seemed incredibly calm and mellow…considering the subject matter. As quickly as it seemed Michael was getting all worked up he then calmed down. He and his dad went into Dave’s home office and chatted for a few minutes while I helped Diane clear the table and clean the kitchen. She seemed to have something on her mind so I figured I might as well prompt a conversation with her:

“It seems as though you are handling this pretty well…I am not sure how you are holding it all together so kudos to you”

“Thank you Matt…I am not sure either. It all feels pretty surreal and unthinkable at times”

“I am not sure I would be able to hold it together as well as you”

“I have decided to take it one day at a time and just face it all…I am really glad you have been able to be so supportive of Michael…it means a lot to him…and to Dave and I” “you may not know this…or maybe you do…Michael has had some fairly difficult times with depression since he got out of the Navy. These past several months I have seen a change…I think you have provided a calming effect on him…I just…”

“Just?”

“Well…I am just worried that with the newness of what you guys have…I am not sure what to call it…but that along with Dave’s issues…I just worry that Michael will backslide into some of his old moods”

“Diane, Michael has told me about some of his stuff…I don’t know the whole story and, with my background in Social Work, I have been able to see beyond what he has actually told me…”

“I just worry…mother’s perogative you know. With the road you guys seem to be going down…I don’t know how to explain it but I am concerned”

“I understand. Hell, 9 months ago I was in an entirely different situation so this is all new to me…and while the health issues Dave has shouldn’t be taken lightly, it does seem that it has affected what is happening with Michael and I” I thought about how that sounded and then said:

“Please don’t take that as me downplaying Dave’s stuff or me being selfish…I know it sounded kind of shitty but it wasn’t meant that way…I just mean everything is happening so fast and I don’t think I have taken a breath.”

“That is exactly what I have been afraid of…everything happening with you guys so fast”

“One of the critical things I have learned about Michael, in this short amount of time, is how impulsive he is…and that has the potential to lead to problems…so I am working hard at learning that about him”

“Impulsive doesn’t even begin to describe him…but I am glad you have picked up on that so quickly…I think my primary concern is how he will react when things go really sideways with Dave…and worse”

“Well…I guess none of us know how that will be but I can say this…I will do my best to be there for him…and you and Dave too”

“Thank you…you are a good friend…I mean for Dave and I…and it does help a bit to know Michael has you…I this group of Amigos that you guys have created…Chris, Corey and Nolan…I am glad you all have become such good friends!”

“Me too…it’s a good group of guys”

Just as I sensed the mood needed lightening Dave and Michael came into the kitchen wanting to know what was going on. Michael pointed out to his dad that Diane and I were in the middle of “girl talk” which kind of pissed me off…but I let it go. Dave had brought 4 Cubans with him and Michael opened a bottle of wine so we all went out onto the patio to have a smoke and some wine. The fire pit was lit and we sat around it smoking and watching the snow fall. There was very little conversation other than polite banter…Dave expressed his excitement that his Seahawks would be on TV tomorrow and I reminded him I was a Cowboy fan wherein I got a really dirty look. We chuckled and the silence reappeared. I had to admit how cool it was sitting on the porch watching the snow fall. I don’t know why but since I was a kid I was always taken by the snow…I have always loved it and it was beautiful on that night.