I Said Yes

Warming of the Heart

A few hours later we found ourselves finishing up an amazing Prime Rib dinner at Bill’s Tavern. Those who had told us about the meal were absolutely correct. I was a Prime Rib fanatic and this meal did not disappoint and that is saying something coming from a couple of foodies. As we sat there, I felt like I was basking in the glow…so to speak…we had an amazing afternoon…my personal horn dog was spot on with his moves and passion that day. The way he had acted…the way he took control…and the way he took me…pretty much twice, left me feeling satisfied and hopeful. We would have one more day on our mini-vacation and I was pretty excited to wonder what would be next…and, ironically, I found my self not worried about that conversation we had the previous day…I thought in my head that it would all work out.

Cannon Beach is a very small town and there was not much to do after dark, especially on the Sunday of a holiday weekend. We did hear that fireworks had been scheduled for that evening however it had started raining heavily a few hours before the planned start time…so they had been cancelled or postponed…so we literally had no plan for the rest of the evening…meaning…probably spend it over at the dive bar.

We finished up at Bill’s and thanked Hank for the recommendation and his hospitality. He was going to be getting off shift soon and said they did Karaoke on Sunday’s at the dive bar and he would be down there…I was not, after all the years of bartending on horrible karaoke nights, a fan…but there seemed little else to do so we said we would see him there.

We wandered into the dive bar and were immediately greeted by Fran. Had it not been for the fact that we knew she was a part owner we would have wondered why she was always there. She was a happy person with a grouchy undertone to her personality and we liked her a lot. We found two stools and she immediately poured a beer and a shot for Michael and a cocktail and shot for me. She asked about dinner to which we let her know she was spot on with the recommendation. She was a little busier than normal so the chit chat was held to a minimum, but she did let us know that Karaoke would be starting in about 30 minutes from then…UGH!

“Do we really have to?”

“Oh, come on…it might be fun to watch” (Michael)

“No, it won’t”

“Ha-ha…you never know” (Michael)

“Oh…trust me…I know!”

“You need to just loosen up a bit…it’s all just fun…and besides, when have we ever gone out for Karaoke together…it’s a kick” (Michael)

“Ok…whatever!”

We bantered back and forth about that for a while. I guess I decided to just go with the moment…after all, there wasn’t much else to do in Cannon and I was enjoying being out with him. Every once in a while, I would catch a look from Fran. I had not told Michael that she and I had had a conversation about him earlier in the day…didn’t feel as though there was a need…and I had been in my “feeling sorry for myself” mode. Michael got up to go to the restroom and she made a bee-line over to me to ask how things “really” were…I chuckled and told her it was all good…it had been a good evening and we were just winding down….

“Just remember you gotta do what’s good for you” (Fran)

She dropped that comment and then walked away to deal with other customers. About that time the KJ (Karaoke host) had fired up the machine and immediately someone was up doing a really bad version of a Journey song…of course…my favorite band and they were killing the song…and not at all in a good way. Michael popped back over and asked if I wanted to go have a smoke and we wandered outside. We were both quiet and I was feeling a bit uncomfortable or awkward in a way…like we were on a first date and didn’t really know what to talk about…

“I want you to know that I understood everything you said and how you feel…ya know…in terms of the kid thing…I don’t want to bring the mood down but I want you to know that the second you are ready and want to talk about it I will be there…I don’t want you to think it’s not on my mind…” (Michael)

“I get it…and yes…I think we HAVE to talk about it…I just wanted to enjoy our time”

“I get it…so nothing else needs to be said tonight…but I didn’t want to go through the night with you thinking I was avoiding the chat” (Michael)

“I know, and thank you for that and…for understanding I need a minute to think”

“Gotcha Mr. Man…” (Michael)

I was glad he brought it up…it kind of took us out of that awkward moment and made me focus on real-world stuff. I also appreciated that he recognized my feelings and that he understood that that moment wasn’t the best time…so I was relieved a bit…I knew it was coming…but for the moment things were ok. We went back inside and before we could sit down the KJ, who had been yapping and trying to drum up interest, called out Michael’s name…

“Seriously…you are doing this?”

“Oh yeah…it’s happening…so pay attention” (Michael)

Before I could say anymore, he was on his way over towards the dance floor and folks were clapping…as if they knew him. Fran came over with another cocktail and 2 shots…she said “Cheers” and downed a shot with me…and then it was on…I could hear Michael’s voice over the microphone…and the music started as he announced that the song “Is dedicated to the one I love………” I immediately recognized the music as a “Pearl Jam” song…Pearl Jam was his favorite band…so I was not surprised because he knew every single word of every single song that they had ever made…and then it started…and I was mesmerized…the room was deathly quiet…just the music and Michael…I got up from the stool and walked to the end of the bar with my drink…

“Yes, I understand that every life must end, uh-huh
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, uh-huh
Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love
Some folks just have one, yeah, others, they've got none, uh-huh

Stay with me...
Let's just breathe...

Practiced are my sins, never gonna let me win, uh-huh
Under everything, just another human being, uh-huh
I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world to make me bleed

Stay with me
You're all I see...

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see
No one knows this more than me

As I come clean...
I wonder everyday, as I look upon your face, uh-huh
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take, oh no

Nothing you would take
Everything you gave...

Did I say that I need you?
Oh, did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see
No one knows this more than me
And I come clean, ah...

Nothing you would take
Everything you gave
Hold me 'til I die
Meet you on the other side...

© Pearl Jam

Before I even realized what was happening Fran was handing me a Kleenex and another shot…I had tears streaming down my face…and as Michael and I were locked into each other from across the room I realized it was still silent…no noise, no movement…no nothing…