I Said Yes

The VIP’s

“The ones who notice the storms in your eyes, the silence in your voice and the heaviness in your heart are the ones who you need to let in”

The Requiem of the Moon Poetry      

     The evening reception was to be a formal affair, so we were to dress accordingly. When Corey came back down, he had dark burgundy tails on...typical for the attention-grabbing ham that he is. After a hearty laugh from me...and a "go screw yourself" from him I grabbed a glass of wine, confident I could choke it down by then, and excused myself to go get ready.  When I got up to the apartment, I stopped dead in my tracks. There was Michael dressed in black tails... looking as though he stepped right out of GQ...fumbling with his bow tie...clearly irritated at his inability to master it. I sat back silently watching...and chuckling to myself...and there was that nagging feeling again...can't quite figure out what it is...

     After 3 or 4 F-Bombs I finally decided to help the poor guy, so I maneuvered in front of him and sort of swatted his hands away. Michael, standing about an inch or so taller than me, dropped his hands a looked into my eyes.  While I was focused on the tie, I became acutely aware of my sense of smell...yep...Hugo Boss cologne...one of my favorites. I started to say something and stopped...

"What were you going to say";

"Oh nothing";

"yes, you were…what?";

"serious-nothing";

"Bullshit"

"I was just gonna say you smell good...er I mean I like the cologne" and then I looked up and he was just staring at me expressionless.  Are you freakin kidding me? Did I just tell this dude...a guy I don't even know...that he smells good? Not just a guy I don’t know...but I just told a guy he smelled good?? Just fuckin shoot me now! It was at that point I grabbed the glass and chugged the wine.

With my embarrassment complete, or so I thought, Michael left me alone to get ready. As I leaned against the bathroom sink staring at myself in the mirror, I couldn't help but wonder what the hell was going on and why, suddenly, had I become this bumbling fool in an educated guy's body??

     Happy with the way I, myself, presented in my own black tails I headed for the party. As I got to the bottom of the stairs I ran into Dave and Diane who seemed to be lurking in the shadows. Apparently, they liked their cigars and this was their secret spot...I lit up a cig and we chatted it up for a few minutes...they thanked and complimented me...I thanked them and told them how excited we were to be there. As we finished and started heading towards the party room Dave put his hand on my shoulder and said "you boys sure must have had a good time last night!" It must have been the confused look on my face when I turned to him because he then said "I haven’t seen Michael with this much bounce in his step in a long, long time!"  Dave and I escorted Diane into the room with her on each of our arms. It was a grand entrance for a lady who obviously is adored by all who know her...staff, customers and friends. She is clearly the epitome of style and grace and genuine kindness and the most humble person I had ever met.  Michael approached and kissed his mom and had a hearty handshake for his dad and started to turn away. Diane pointed at me and said "Michael...don’t be so rude...what about Matt?"

     "I’m so sorry Matt" (with a ton of sarcasm).  As he was speaking he put his hand out to shake… and as I put mine out he grabbed it and pulled me to him...whispering "I think you smell good too" in my ear, kissed me on the cheek and turned and walked away with a chuckle.  Diane started to snicker, and Dave asked what the hell that was all about.  I am sure there is no red grape that could have compared to the color of my blush at that moment!

     After I had gathered my wits and stopped blushing I noticed Corey had the buffet line looking awesome and it seemed to be the main attraction...complete with him in those goofy burgundy tails...(he would later tell me he chose that color to match up with the fact we were at a wine event...that was Corey alright...Mr. critical thinker!)  Chris, Michael’s assistant winemaker, was just passing the buffet with a tray of half full tasting glasses. Keeping in mind he was the only person in the building wearing white (White tails complete with top hat), he turned to say something to Corey and I and then ran right smack-dab into a wooden post...yep...it happened...8 perfectly poured glasses of Reserve Cab down the front of him. Other than wine glasses breaking one by one there was no sound in the room. Once the last glass rolled around on the tray for a minute it finally left the tray and made a slow-motion dive to the ground.  “CRASH” …then silence again…and then out broke a round of applause led by Dave and Diane...that moment, and the few minutes after, easily could have been the highlight of the trip...but, as it turns out, it wasn't...

     As the crowd thinned, I noticed Dave and Diane sitting down with friends visiting...Corey and Chris were busy tearing down the buffet (Chris sans jacket and shirt of course) and Michael was working the last of the crowd. It occurred to me that I hadn’t really seen much of him throughout the evening. Dave and Diane kept me busy taking me around to meet the VIPs and, for all intents and purposes, that part was a success. When I did see Michael, it was generally from across the room and I would get the look, the glance and the grin. I wasn’t sure if he kept his distance for fear I would smack him because of the "smell good" comment...the kiss on the cheek or just him being a brooding ass in general. On the flip side...this was a big nite for he, his family and the winery so that was probably it…He was preoccupied. Still…With the grief and embarrassment he caused he could have been somewhat more hospitable...at least I thought so.

    Once the buffet was cleaned up Chris and Corey said they were going to change and head to that karaoke bar and asked if I would like to go...I thought about it for a minute and then decided against it...realizing I hadn’t slept in 36 hours I figured I would hit the sack and be the early set up guy in the morning...they worked me pretty hard to get me to go but I held firm...and off they went. 

     Dave and Diane made the rounds thanking all the staff and came over to me to say good night. Again, with kisses and handshakes they complimented me on the food and set up. Diane asked if I knew where Michael was and I told them I had no idea...Dave asked me to tell him good night and that they would see him in the morning...Diane made it a point to say "Bright and early"...and with another snicker they were gone.

     Shortly after that Michael came into the main hall wondering where everyone went. I told him they were all gone, that it was just us. He smiled and said "finally". Not being too sure if he meant finally, they were gone or finally it was just us (?) I told him I was going to head up and hit the sack to which he said

"Oh no you're not...Come on"…. 

HARVEST MOONs & FIRE PITs

“Eventually soulmates meet…for they have the same hiding places”

     Michael sort of grabbed my arm and led me out the main door and said

"let's go"

"Wait...lets go change"

"No come on”

"Seriously let’s go change...it's a rental”

"For fucks sake come on”

     So, I went...sure that I would end up replacing a tuxedo...but I went.

We traveled in the opposite direction from the night before...past the barrel rooms, the equipment barn and the two RV spots with RVs parked in them. Down a narrow path that sloped up along the edges of an older section of vines, we trodded.

"Those are my first...5-year-old Zin grapes” ...holding back the urge to make a smart comment about his “first”.

     I did the oohs and ahhs thing to be polite, but I was more concerned about where we were headed at that point. We had now started up a pretty steep incline towards a ridge of pine trees that seemed miles away...but was really only about a hundred yards...as I lagged a bit behind he gave me shit for smoking and being out of shape...I do believe at some point he called me "lard-ass" too. Never having been one that was proud of my body...the husky football player build and all...I had, in fact, been told I had no ass...so I was, in all good conscious, able to take offense at that shit! Suddenly, I was getting that this guy had some semblance of a personality and a sense of humor...in some sort of an abstract way it was coming out in front of me.

     We crested the hill and made our way through a few ridges of pines (where I knew I got sap all over my jacket) and then hit a clearing. Paying more attention to my jacket, and not where I was going, I ran right into Michaels back side...

"Damn dude...are you a klutz or just really happy to see me?" 

 "Fuck off" I said… and... for an awkward minute he just stared at me with that damn grin and then we both started to laugh...again with the goofy laughter.  Michael grabbed my arm and pulled me to the edge of the crest...he grabbed my head and forced me to look forward...leaving his hand to linger for just a second on the side of my face.  When I focused and looked in front of me the first thing, I noticed was the moon. Full and huge...a combination of yellows and orange colors I had never really seen before...larger than life it-self and spraying amazing colors down on a decent sized "pond" below. A smooth, slippery rock formation, in the shape of a water slide, at one end …and a smaller, self- contained area with steam rising at the other end. As I stood there transfixed by the technicolor display, I heard Michael mumble something as he hastily made his way down the gentle slope to the pool.

     Time seemed to stand still for me as I stared at the setting...the moon, the colors that were a beacon in the dark and, the pool itself...tranquil and untouched.  The next thing I know the sound of a scream...a "YEE HAA" actually...the sound piercing the quiet and tranquility of the moment. As I looked up, I caught a vision of a guy leaping from a rock...in a cannon-ball position...in all his naked glory!

     Somewhat perplexed I started down the path towards the pool, picking up a shoe here and a sock there until I had gathered his clothing.  The last thing I picked up were those white CK boxer briefs which made me realize he really was, in fact, skinny dipping and I wasn’t just seeing things. With a chuckle I waited for him to surface and climb out...readying my cell phone camera for proof. Proof of...well I didn’t know proof of what...him skinny dipping...or him being an idiot... or even blackmail material for later...who knows. I also had an incredible urge just to take off with his clothes but I determined he had no shame so, short of bothersome stickers, needles and sap he would likely have no problem with a naked walk back to the winery.

Michael surfaced, wiped the hair and water out if his eyes and moves towards the flat spot he dove from.

"Come on...your turn...the water is great”

"Dude, I can tell it’s cold by the shrinkage”

"Fuck off...get your ass in... it’s fed by a natural hot spring”

     (Remembering the steam at the other end) I was finding it harder and harder not to jump in... except for the fact that I was a 34-year-old guy who had no businesses running around the woods naked...well...

yep...I did it...stripped down like a fool...in front of god and all his creatures...AND a guy I hardly knew

...yep…I took the plunge amidst rolling laughter from this putz ...I actually slipped and pretty much fell in...

     We swam...splashed...jumped...slid...cannon-balled each other and relaxed in the warm small pool. It was during the relaxing time I learned about Michael...his childhood...the fact his mom passed away when he was 1 from cancer...his dad married Diane when he was 4...he didn’t do well in school and then enlisted in the Navy. After 4 years he came home and finished viticulture (winemaking) school...and then he and his dad set out on the journey to build the winery. After hearing all that detail…and honestly unsolicited, he became a bit more real to me. He confessed to feeling guilt for his mother’s death because she refused treatment while pregnant with him...and he shared that he was prone to severe depression at various times...hence the brooding disposition I guessed.

     The "realness" of him became even clearer when he moved to get out if the water as we decided to head out. A fiercely masculine guy...rugged looking...lumberjack-ish...strong jaw line with some scruff...as I said earlier, a bit taller than me with about the same pudge…considering we both could stand to lose 15-20lbs. What struck me most was his back...and oddly enough...his ass!  Back and butt...somewhat muscular and defined, with fuzzy buns and legs. I stared as he walked towards our clothes...knowing I shouldn’t be and concerned that I was. And yet…there I was staring.  Dueling voices bantering back and forth in my head...physical reactions not at all understood. By the time I snapped too he was pulling up his tuxedo pants and turned to face me...an equal amount of beef and fuzz on the front side too. Why did I notice that?  WTF is going on right now.  He stood there, yacking at me...I saw his lips moving but heard no words.  I guess my thoughts were louder in my head than his words were in my ears.

     I hopped out of the water and padded towards his spot all the while instinctively using my hands for cover. I dressed while he watched...the grin became a smirk of sorts. Shoes on and tied, carrying our jackets we headed back up the trail. When we reached the crest..."pine ridge"...I turned around once more to take in the colors of that amazing moon...realizing it had totally changed positions but still an amazing sight...

"Dude...have you never seen a harvest moon before?"

The Greek word for “return” is “nostos”.

“Algos” means “suffering”

So “Nostalgia” is the suffering caused by an unappeased yearning to return 

Milan Kundera

     We beat-feet back up the winery grounds and as we arrived I realized the sun was coming up again.  Jesus Christ…where did this guy get his stamina.  We have now approached almost 48 hours without sleep.  Ironically, I felt good…I had energy and, though logically I knew better, I was ready to get at it.  He, on the other hand, seemed to be showing some signs of fatigue because when we approached the stairs to the apartment he did the “laurel & Hardy” trip UP the stairs.  In an instant there was laughter…but not coming from us…lurking, again in the shadows, was Diane and, with her, another guy as they each toked on cigars.

     “Matt, this is Nolan Graham…he is the winemaker over in the city…and I think he grew up somewhere near where you did”.  I reached my hand out and shook his.  We spent a few minutes chatting and we realized I had gone to school with his mother, aunt, dad and cousins back in the Midwest.  What a freakin small world.  Nolan and Michael hugged and Michael smacked Nolan up-side the head.  It turns out that Nolan did his wine making internship with Michael and Chris so they are all old friends.

     With all the introductions and catching up and pleasantries finished we all realized we had about an hour to get ready for the day…a repeat of yesterday’s daytime event so we all plodded off in different directions with Michael and I headed upstairs.  He told me that Nolan was there to help with pouring and that he was going to stick around overnight so he could be at the post-event staff party after tonight’s festivities.  Michael and I both took showers, dressed and went down to the tasting room where we were met by Chris, Corey, Nolan, the parents and the rest of the staff.  We did a 5-minute team huddle and then we all proceeded to our individual stations.

            The day was an exact repeat of yesterday except that the tasting continued for a couple of hours longer as there was no official evening event on the schedule.  The music and activities continued throughout…people were totally impressed with the food and the wine and, I must say, Diane’s staff did an amazing job.  Through-out the day Corey and I chit-chatted about our individual evenings.  I guess Corey got “lucky” at the Karaoke bar last night and left Chris high and dry without a ride.  Obviously, Michael didn’t answer his cell phone… (of interest now that I mention that…I have not seen Michael on a cell phone even once since we met 2 days ago). And so, the story goes.  Needless to say, Chris was not a happy camper when he got here this morning and I think he was more irritated that Corey got lucky then he was being left without a ride.  I chuckled at the both for a few minutes and was totally caught off guard when Corey asked if I had gotten lucky too??  Of course he walked away as he made the comment…or question rather.  My thoughts started spinning again…Didn’t Corey remember I hadn’t gone anywhere…that Michael and I had stayed behind…wait just a damn minute…Was he asking if I got lucky with Michael…What the hell?

     Sometime shortly after that conversation we heard a large bell ring.  I realized all the guests had left and we followed the group of staff outside and down a walkway past the barrel room.  As I turned the corner I saw the biggest bonfire I had ever seen burning in the center of one of the lawns near the closest vineyard.  I mean, I grew up on a huge lake and we had some monster bonfires but this, this thing was the mother of all bonfires.  There were beach chairs set up all around the circle and a wagon…a true horse-drawn wagon, without the horse of course, parked on the lawn filled with ice chests full of bottled beer, white wine, soda and bottled water.  Next to the tubs was a selection of liquor and spirits and cases of red wine.  The party and celebration were on.  With a group of about 30 the gathering took a life of its own.  General drinking, debauchery and corruption, and a good time had by all.  Stories, bullshit and lots, and lots of laughs!  We could not have asked for a more perfect end to an awesome weekend. 

     Through the night Corey and I stayed close to Michael, his parents, Chris and Nolan as they were really the only ones we knew.  By the end of the evening it felt like we were all old, old friends and pretty much knew everything about each other.  Of course, Michael and I shared a much more private “screening” of our life histories but, in the end, there came to be camaraderie among the 8 of us…young and old…that felt very, very natural…like family.  With just the 8 of us left Corey and Chris disappeared to address their need for a weed-fix and Dave and Diane outwardly toked on their cigars in one hand and huge glasses of wine in the other.  Loud music played and, at one point, as I was trying to tell Michael something, he put his index finger up to my lips again and said

“Shhhh…just listen and tell me who this is…if you guess right there will be a prize for you at the end”

“Know a man, his face seems pulled and tense

Like he’s riding on a motorbike in the strongest winds

So I approach with tact

Suggest he should relax

But he’s always moving much too fast

Said he’ll see me on the flipside

On this trip he’s taken for a ride

He’s been taking too much on

There he goes with his perfectly unkempt hope

There he goes

He’s yet to come back

But I’ve seen his picture

It doesn’t look the same up on the rack

We go way back

I wonder about his insides

Its like his thoughts are too big for his size

He’s been taken…where, I don’t know

Off he goes with his perfectly unkempt hope

And there he goes

And now I rub my eyes, for he has returned

Seems my preconceptions are what should have burned

For he still smiles

And he’s still strong

Nothing’s changed, but the surrounding bullshit has grown

And now he’s home

And we’re laughing like we always did

My same old, same old friend

Until a quarter-to-ten

I saw the strain creep in

He seems distracted and I know just what is gonna happen next

Before his first step

He’s off again”

     I guess I got the answer right…Pearl Jam.  Now to find out what the prize is…