I Said Yes

The Lunch

Sweet & Bitter Part of Life

Life is just meant to be this way,
It's your way or my way,
I think we were not meant to be,
It is for you to see,
But, I am glad that you came in my life,
You gave me lessons to strive,
I will cherish your part in my life forever,
Goodbye!

Corey and I returned to the hustle and bustle of our city and immersed ourselves in running the restaurant. The contacts and connections we made at the winery event were paying off as we rolled through Labor Day and on into the fall. We were able to book several private events for the coming holiday season all due to our affiliation with the winery and our profile and brand were becoming more and more visible. Dave and Diane made periodic stops when they were in town doing tastings or wine dinners.

Things on the home front were getting more and more weird, for lack of a better word. Our kids were out on their own, I was pretty much working day and night and, for the most part, I was oblivious to the fact that things were slipping away. In retrospect, there is no reasonable explanation besides stupidity and me being self-absorbed…or downright selfish. Conventional wisdom normally dictates that this was an opportunity for us, as a couple, to enjoy each other and our life. We were successful professionals, respected in our fields and able to afford to travel and play and, yet, I seemed to have lost all motivation to be a part of that life.

Right after thanksgiving she and I went to lunch on a glorious sunny afternoon. Sitting on a patio, overlooking the ocean, we sipped on mimosas and enjoyed the unseasonably nice weather. It reminded me of a time when we were dating and we would do this...both being comfortable just sitting in silence because we were doing it together. That was a time when I worked hard to convince her to marry me. She had been down that road before and I promised her it would be different with us...and it was...for a while. On that patio on that beautiful November day, almost without having said a word, we each made a decision. During that afternoon we celebrated us; we toasted the 15 years of our marriage; we laughed about raising "our" boys; we silently hoped for another way; and with heavy hearts we both understood this thing we had together...this partnership...this marriage...this life...had run its course and with each of us not wanting the other to know, we mourned its passing in a deeply heartfelt way.

A week later I was alone in the house...our house...our home. I stared at empty closets where her clothes had been and empty bookshelves where some of the family photos had been. I watched as the two dogs waited patiently by the door for her to come home from workday after day. And when she didn’t...they started sleeping by the door instead of on our bed. For weeks this went on. I have to confess that, as I had taken that first week off to compose myself, I too caught myself waiting for her to come home...so you see...I couldn’t really think it silly of the pups to be doing that. She and I talked every day on the phone as she made her way driving across country. We both wanted to make sure the other was ok and we both wanted to make sure we weren’t blaming each other.

Our circle of friends and family had difficulty adjusting...but we didn’t. My mother was down-right angry and blamed her. Mom was also angry because it had taken me several weeks to admit, to my side of the family, that things were over, and she dispatched my dad to make the 600-mile trip to check on me. I tried to get them all to understand there had been no fights or battles...no mudslinging or anger or disagreements about material "stuff" but the family still didn’t get it. I know now that it was, due in part, to me not really being able to communicate my feelings. I suspect that was a big part in deciding on the transition, but I didn’t tell the folks that because…well…I was always afraid, deep down, of being judged and compared to others I suppose.

In thinking about the decision, more so after the fact, like I should have been doing, I realized that there were real tears from and for both of us because...you see...we really were mourning a passing...but what I am proud of is that we did mourn...both of us...because this passing was important and, even though we both knew it was the right thing for each other...it hurt each of us in our own way...for what it was to us and, maybe even for what it could have been. I know it sounds silly…that pride in the mourning…but I came to realize, very much later, that I was proud of and thankful for the relationship. There are a lot of people out there who don’t allow themselves to have that type of bond with someone, but I was one of the fortunate ones. So, the mourning was more about not having thatanymore but not about me, or us, having had it.

The Surprise Guest

“Life is a balance of holding on, and letting go”

Having pulled my self together I got back to the business of running a restaurant and planning for a future. One of the things I really had to determine was whether I was happy where I was. With the sadness put aside, at least for the moment, I was forced to really delve into my situation, the city, the job, what was going on with my parents health-wise (They were 600 miles away) and where I wanted to be. We had passed the Thanksgiving threshold in terms of the calendar and we were, full blown, into the middle of Holiday party season so that, in and of itself, took most of my energy and brain power. Some days we had two and three different events taking place, some on site and some off site. We were located down the street from the home-base of the nation’s largest retailer and a mile away from headquarters for the top software developer in the world…so, needless to say, our pool of potential private parties, lunches, holiday dinners and large-scale banquets was immense.

About 2 weeks before Christmas I received a call from Diane. She seemed rather “harried” and I could tell, from the chaos in the background, something was not right.

“Matt, we need your help bad. We had a holiday winemaker dinner scheduled next week downtown and they have backed out with a week’s notice. I can’t cancel the event because there are just too many high-profile folks coming”

“Ok, what can I do to help?”

“Couple of things. One-is your banquet space available a week from tomorrow for a group of 40? and…Do you have a spare room at your place?”(I thought that was an odd question but assumed she and Dave needed a spot for the night of the event)

I checked the reservation book and I did have an event but it would likely be over at 5pm. We could probably pull it off if the wine event started at 7.

“I can do it, I think. I can’t get you in until 7 but I think I can make it work. Can I talk with Corey, the Chef and staff and make sure? It won’t take but an hour to get it together and call you back”

“You are…well…you are an Angel. I’m gonna go start on the printing and media changes…call me”

“Wait a…” and with that the conversation was over. Shit. Ok. I guess I had better get a move on.

I was able to pull Corey and the Chef into a quick meeting, explained what was going on, and both were excited. This would be a great opportunity to showcase our stuff. I did caution both to not get carried away – we needed to focus on what we do well and not forget how much business we have coming in in the week between now and the winemaker’s dinner. Both nodded and said they understood and they were off. It was like two young kids on Christmas morning trying to get everyone up to open presents…For Fuck’s sake…what did I get myself into. That was odd I thought…I have never used that phrase before!

I left Diane a voicemail letting her know we were good for next Thursday and that I would have a 5-course menu finished and emailed to her by this evening. She didn’t need to worry about calling back unless she just missed my sexy voice!

Fast forward 8 days. We had survived the wave of holiday parties and events, so far, and I could not have been prouder of the staff. Corey really took the reins of the restaurant while I focused on the special events. Today, though, was a big day…We had a luncheon for 30 people in the private room and we had a group of 80 in the large section of the main dining room. We then had a small cocktail gathering from 3-5 in the banquet room and, once that was complete, had to turn the room into a winter wonderland for Diane’s winemaker dinner.

It was about 6:30pm, the room had been cleared and reset and I was outside having a cup of coffee and a smoke when a small pickup truck pulled around. The windows were tinted so I couldn’t tell who it was, but the back was full of cases of wine. The window rolled down and there was Michael in the passenger seat. It totally caught me off guard as I assumed it was Chris…well it was as he was driving but I did not expect Michael to be there. I am not sure why I thought that…he is the winemaker after all and it is a winemaker’s dinner. I had just assumed Dave and Diane would be handling it. I showed Chris where to back the truck in so we could unload the wine into the back door of the banquet room. Michael got out of the truck and came up and gave me a big bear hug…looked at me and then said

“Dude…you smell…ah…like a kitchen” and he started roaring with laughter.

I guessed I would never live the “smell” comment down and I let it go but only with a “Go fuck yourself” comment from me to him.

Corey came busting into the banquet space…said “Oh Hey Guys” and proceeded to tell me guests were arriving. I instructed him to hold them in the bar and that we would be ready in a few. Just about that time Dave and Diane came waltzing into the private dining room like they were going to an inaugural ball. As always, Diane was dressed to the “9’s and Dave looked uncomfortable in his 3-piece suit. It was then that I noticed Michael’s suit. Black with a Maroon, or burgundy colored shirt and matching tie. Sharp, pressed and, again, GQ-ish. It also seemed as if he had lost a few pounds (as had I) since we last saw each other in August. I found myself staring again, obviously for different reasons as this time he was fully clothed but, none the less, still staring. I was snapped out of the gaze when Corey brought the first of the guests in. Just before the presentation and first course Nolan popped in with much goofy fanfare. He likes to be the center of the party and has jokes for every occasion. It is good to have him in the room because he can command it, keep people’s attention and he knows what he is doing with the winemaking process. I found out that this was a joint venture between the two wineries so now things were making sense. Nolan had ventured out to a different company where he became the head winemaker but the relationship between he and Michael and, now the two wineries, was as strong as ever.

The first course arrived, and I decided to sit with Dave and Diane as Michael welcomed the guests and presented his lineup of wines. In between our moments of catching a glance between us, the presentation was awesome, and I was struck by his knowledge of the food we served and how it paired with his wines. He obviously had done his homework…well…at least on Chef’s menu offerings as he was able to answer questions about choosing specific foods to pair with the wine and, also, the preparation. The evening cascaded along and, before I knew it, we were finished and the guests had left. The group of us sat around one of the tables and toasted the evening with port and Grappa. It reminded me of the night at the Fire Pit but very less rustic. I asked Diane how long they would be in town and she said they would be leaving in the morning. I got up to give her the spare key to my place and a card that had directions on it…I sheepishly apologized for not having told her that it was a one-bedroom cottage so I was going to be staying over at Corey’s apartment and they had full run of the house as long as they needed it.

“Oh honey…Dave and I don’t need the room…it’s for Michael. We already had a room at the Hyatt, but Michael decided to come at the last minute and there are no hotel rooms to be had downtown. Chris is staying at his parents so I just assumed you realized it was for Michael”

Corey popped off and said… “Good…cuz you know there really isn’t room for two of us at my place so everyone is good to go” …

What did he mean by that…everyone is good to go? It reminded me of the night when he asked if I had gotten lucky like he had at the Karaoke bar…that shit-eating grin he had on his face…

I looked up at Michael and there it was…that grin…that devilish smirk he could trademark. I turned to Diane and really didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t bothered by the plan…I just had a weird feeling in my stomach again and I am sure I looked somewhat confused. As Chris and Corey loudly made plans to hit some of the bars downtown they convinced Michael and I to tag along.

Diane and Dave kissed everyone goodbye and headed out for the Hyatt. We all agreed to meet at a little diner in my neighborhood in the morning for brunch. As she was putting on her coat Diane caught my eye and mouthed the words “Thank you for everything”, blew a kiss and started to leave and then, she turned and pointed at Michael and I and said “No Sunrises!!” and off they went.

As Corey and Chris were carrying the left-over wine out to the truck Michael leaned into me and asked if there was a problem with him staying at my place….I said no and then he asked if I would be staying with him…he stumbled on that for a second and then corrected himself saying

“I meant at your place…are you staying there?”.(That was really the first time I had seen or heard him trip over his own tongue!)

“I do believe I just got bounced so I guess I have no choice!”

“Nothing like making a guy feel welcome and all” Michael said with a somewhat pouty face. I turned to him and told him I was sorry…that I didn’t mean it to come out that way…with his own version of the grin and smirk he said

“That’s ok…you can make it up to me later!”

Morefrom“The Letter”from Diane;

“I certainly wish a lot of things were different and that we hadn’t taken so many things for granted but I can’t change that now. I can only keep with me the love I have in my heart for all “my boys” and all that you have meant to Dave and me over the years. You will never know the fondness and love that Dave felt for you Amigos – He was a tough and ornery son of a bitch most of the time but you need to know that he thought of you as one of his own – you, Chris, Nolan, Corey and, you might as well have been. You were all dear, dear, dear to us.

Now the hard part for me. When I came into this family, oh those many years ago, I immediately fell for Michael. He was a three-year-old bundle of energy, inquisitiveness and spunk. He was a little boy who, even at that age, knew he was special and would grow into a good person. Over the years I came to understand that, though I was not his birth mother, I was his mom and no title or nickname would change that for wither of us. I was the protective lioness when it came to his illness, his adolescence, his enlistment, his college life and, as you well know, his love life. 

When Michael met you there was something different about him. Though that first interaction between you two did not go so well – yes, I do remember how grumpy he was, I know that it came to be the beginning of something very special. As the time went by it became very clear that he was enamored with you and you were becoming a very special part of his life…”