The Start

From the Author:

I’ve realized that this story has no interest to many; less than a hundred readers each for the last ten chapters. But even with the low reader count, it is still a 9.9. This series started with a school shooting; that was the spark. If a reader were to go back to chapter one and read; they would know me well.

‘Why are kids always first to feel the pain and hurt the worst?’ Kids can be the sweetest things and can be crueler than any adult. Schooling needs to start at home. RJC.

Robby’s POV

I had never felt a baby move. The shock made me pull my hand away. Niki put me on the spot and I was able to enjoy the wonder of a child in its mother’s stomach, feeling an elbow or knee; maybe the head. “Hi, Baby.”

I knew sure as I breathe air that Rye was the Dad. I thought about what it was like to be married to another man knowing he’d fathered a child during our marriage. Then I thought about my husband who was now a Father. Talk about a mind-fuck.

I had to go home. I needed to think about what I was going to do. There was no doubt that Ryan loved me, I was sure he didn’t think of it as cheating, and I might have done the same if things were different. I spent the night at Phil’s spilling my guts. I told him about the school visits along with how Donny and I were becoming closer.

And then I got down to the meat and potatoes of how life had been for the last few months. I’m not blind and Elton’s timing wasn’t any better than David’s. Divide. I saw Niki come down the long staircase with a look I couldn’t figure out then Ryan came in from the patio and saw her.

I knew at that moment. The way he looked at her and the way she looked away, that said it all. Phil was a guy of few answers, never showed his hand, asked questions that led you to the answers inside; your answers. “Are you still doing drugs, Robby?”

After a week at home, I made up my mind. This was Niki’s baby, Ryan and I would be Dads’ again even though I knew. It was after Chiloe was born that I had to ask without asking, “What’s it like being a Father?”

Ryan was the first up, first over to change Chiloe, dress her, and then he would sing to her. He was only sleeping a few hours a night. I walked out on the deck seeing the gangplank down and Rye walked out with her; I ducked back inside.

Ryan held her like he did Dean; so she could see with his back arched. He turned her and now her head was on his shoulder, “I love little baby ducks, old pickup trucks, slow moving trains, and Robby.”

He was turned away but I could hear him and Chiloe was looking at me as Daddy tried singing her to sleep.“I love little country streams, sleep without dreams, Sunday school in May, And Robby.”She would be two weeks old and none of us thought the traditional forth would work so we just watched from the decks.

Rye. He dominated the child. I think a blind man could see it. It had been two weeks and Ryan hadn’t done a thing other than fawn over his little girl.

On the fifth of July I had the talk. “Ryan, if you want me to keep putting people off; I will. When you don’t show up it costs you a butt-load of money; just so you know. Would you want to sit around all day waiting for the ‘Diva, to show up?”

He knew. I know he wanted to slap me; but he smiled. “OK.” And I spent two hours going over stuff, shows, magazines, time with the Renegades, and some alone time with me.

I hijacked him the next day. We both grew up here in Washington, The Pacific Northwest. And Rye and I had been around. I’d rented a car, my destination was locked in, Ryan had NO choice. Between Skykomish and Stevens pass you come to a lookout; Wallace Falls.

It’s nice but if you drive up a mile you come to a service road for the railroad; that’s the right you want to take. Rye and I had done this before, the pool that so many never see, the trails. Ryan hadn’t cut his hair since Christmas, he did in the beginning but now it was over his shoulders and he wore it in a bun; that I hated.

I did love his long hair, if you didn’t see the bun it looked like a good cut. But when we were alone he let it down. I would tangle my fingers in it, rub it over my chest, and wash it for him. This man had changed, everything about him. He went back to work with a vengeance. He worked with kids, found songs, wrote songs, and young ones sang songs written for Dean Cooper.

Ryan would sit in on recordings or sit in the booth. He’d through his hands in the air when it didn’t sound the way he thought it should, or do it the way he wanted it. He had been working on a group of songs; things he wanted to mesh-meld. And he wanted to rerelease a single on his own.

He bought the rights to a Los Lonely Boys song, along with a few others. Both movies came out and Ryan accepted with a new suit to fit his girth. Ryan hadn’t been taking care of himself and if he thought the suit covered it, he was wrong.

Jeff’s POV

If I had it my way, Dean would be mine. I loved him more than Donny. And now Donny and Robby were doing their school thing. I kind of felt left out when they’d come back and de-program, whatever happened, the kids, how they could do more. Some days were worse than others and Donny was slipping back into depression.

I went to Robby first. I told him the reality of what my big stud had been through, his own shit that keeps him from sleeping sometimes; didn’t need to be compounded by the other stuff.

“You need to go with him, Jeff. What he does, the way he is with confused kids, the understanding in his eyes; whatever it is.”

“LOOK! I don’t care about anybody, but, Donny.”

“You need to go with him. I think this is healing that he can’t get any other way. It’s gonna be hard however he chooses to mend. You should at least help or support him.”

“You think I haven’t asked to go along? Do you think I don’t fuckin support him? Whatever you guys have he doesn’t want me to be part of it.” And I walked up to stand in front of him.

“Well, I can’t speak to that. What I can tell you is he’s hyper-protective of you. We’ve talked about it; how you’ve seen him at his worst and the most vulnerable time in his life.”

“He told you about that? What did he say?”

“You know better than me. I can’t believe you guys made it out the other end. Donny is stronger than anyone knows.”

“Donny is a fuckin mess. He still has bad dreams; and when I say bad; I mean it. We are still having intimacy issues; he finds it hard to accept love. He cares about you, Robby. I see it. Be the best friend you can be.”

“We’re going to Marysville, tomorrow. They had a mass shooting five years ago. A kid.”

I watched him search for words; words to explain what something like that meant; meant to him, never living through it. “I’ll tell him I will meet him there. You go.” And Robby stopped wiping the tears from his eyes.

“He is so…big and strong. When he’s with kids you wouldn’t believe the softness that pours from him. We see all kinds of kids; some have it as bad as Donny did; it kills him. I’ve talked your stud down more than once.” And he looked at me.

“I don’t think this is good for him. You go home and I’m left with a mournful shell. He is FUBAR. Fucked up beyond all recognition. What did he tell you?”

“I don’t want to sound like an ass, but I can’t.”

“Did he tell you how I found him when I went out for school??? He’d been beaten, the back of his pants were bloody. Did he tell you how I found him after he stabbed himself??? Did he tell you; You, fuckin bastard.” I was done.

“He told me about Dean Cooper. You knew him too?” And I nodded. He had my full attention.

“Dean was something special to him; I don’t think in a sexual way.” He told me.

“Yeah. Dean was like that. Dean was a prick; and I mean that in a loving way. Donny got something from Dean that I can only dream of. What did he tell you???”

“He had sex with Dean, or Dean had sex with him. Donny felt ashamed. He said, Dean, felt the same.”

“Donny’s never told me about that. Honestly, I threw myself at Dean; you know? Even before all the shit. He never gave me a second glance. He did validate me, though. Dean told me that a kiss would never be enough, if we did what we shouldn’t, everything would just get fucked up.”

“Does Donny know that? He asked.

“He does now.” And Donny stood with his arms crossed.

“So? Was I a rebound for Cooper, Jeff? All the shit we’ve been through? Was it all about Dean, fuckin, Cooper?”

Robby walked over slapping him across the face and Donny grabbed his arm. His left caught Donny’s other cheek and Donny caught that arm as well. “Sorry Jeff,” Robby said as his knee came into contact with Donny’s balls

It’s kind of remarkable to watch. Its’ never happened to me, personally. The look of shock and surprise, then the pain, and another look of shock. Donny dropped Robby’s wrists, and he hit the floor. First his knees, then his whole body. I thought about all kind of scenarios, I would have stabbed anyone in the back to save Donny. He deserved this.

Robby managed not to go down with Donny. He knelt on him, tears in his eyes, “You crawl on your hands and fuckin knees to him.” And he got up walking out.