The Start

Who are we, really?

From the Author:

From the emails I have received I can tell you the last chapter hit a nerve. I always ask people to comment not just for me but for the other readers. We are a community of people who like to read gay erotica and I think we owe it to ourselves and others to share or mind, insights, and wisdom. RJC.

Dean’s POV:

Niki and I got on the plane and Dean wasn’t looking forward to the five-hour flight and settled back in my seat as Niki sat next to me. I didn’t want to make a fuss but I hadn’t been feeling well; beyond the normal. It would’ve been nice to stay at Barry’s but I had school in the morning.

I kind of dozed thinking about Niki wondering when we could pick up where we left off this afternoon. I thought about Rick and how I felt waking up with his hair under my chin; so different than Niki’s. And I thought about Jeff and the phone sex we had a little over a week ago.

The pain was growing and had passed the uncomfortable stage and I wondered about telling Niki. It felt like I had to pee and shit at the same time, which I tried to no avail and I started to sweat wanting to throw up.

I so wanted to fall asleep but the pain in my stomach was getting worse and I tried to focus on the calming things Phil recommended. I had started to have sharp pain then all of a sudden I had a jolt that lit me up and I screamed trying to stand. The last of the shit in my stomach flew into the aisle and I followed it.

The first real thing I really remember was Niki, saying, “You can’t cut those.” And I turned to throw up. I wondered what ‘those’ were.

The next thing was a light in my eyes and a voice asking me what day it was. “It’s-Taco fuckin-Tuesday,you bastard, now get that light out of my eye.” And I wanted to throw up again. Dean had turned into a class A prick.

I wasn’t sure what happened and I woke up again and Niki was next to me on both our phones and her tablet. She saw me and I must have grimiest because she said, “Push the button, Cooper.” And she reached over and did it for me. The button would become my best friend over the next hours.

I woke up again and Niki was still next to me. “Dr. said, ‘No more Red Bulls, Boss. It must suck to be you.”

“WHAT?”

It was a long night. Over the next eighteen hours I passed some overly large Kidney Stones and they were caused by the cans I drank every day. Nothing good ever comes for free. By afternoon on Tuesday, I was standing tall, and a little buzzed in front of the hospital telling the world to read the warning labels on energy drinks.

I was overwhelmed with the flowers and stuffed critters. I asked the nurses to give them to the other patients and Niki was in charge of sending thank you notes. She was so attentive I couldn’t help but share. I dangled a baggy in her face. Little rocks; ok, not so little, lined the bottom and I said, “These came out of this,” as I pointed to my lap riding to the airport.

Niki and I talked non stop for the two-plus hours back to ND. When we landed she told me she quit Sony and hoped my offer still stood. I nodded and told her we would stay in town tonight. It was now late March and I wanted my car back and made the excuses to spend the night in Minot and I could be to school by lunch tomorrow. The Lion’s was on speed dial.

As we walked the hall I said with a nod to her room, “I’m across the hall,” and she followed me to mine.

“Tomorrow is Wednesday Dean and Friday the Vail will come down. We’re gonna have to block out two weeks. It’s in the contract. With the stay in the hospital, everyone wants you, Dean? I can’t keep putting off the magazines; you got to do something.” She said all of that before the door closed behind us.

“I liked you more when you worked for Sony,” I announced as I turned the water on for the tub and came out laughing taking off my clothes.

“Dean?” She questioned.

“No Niki. Unfortunately, now’s not the time; those little comets shredded me. I’m going to get in the tub and if, maybe you wanted.” And I dropped my underwear not looking back at her.

The tub was full and the bubbles felt great on my tired body. I knew Niki was watching me even though my eyes were closed. “Dean; move up.” And she slid in behind me.

“I’m not on the clock, Farmboy. Do you understand?” And I nodded. “You really scared me, you bastard. If I have to go through that again I get a bonus, you got it?” I nodded.

“What did you want me to promises you, Dean?” She asked with her lips on my ear.

I wanted to tell her. She deserved to know. “I don’t remember, Niki. I was giving birth to sextuplets for Christ sakes.” I laughed and she did too.

We calmed. “Dean?” And we reached the comfort zone. I was floating on the water above her with Niki’s arms around me making sure our skin touched.

“Dean, as far as school goes we should end the week now. Long says you’re good and you really need to take it easy. Ellen, Gale, and Seacrest all want you but with everything, I think you should lay low.”

“You said you weren’t on the clock, Niki. I trust you. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. You’re my shining star. So, if Dean has the next few days off how about, Uptown and Farmboy, go to Rushmore in my Mustang?” And I rested my hands on hers that were around my chest. Does life get any better than this?

I knew Niki was right. The Vail would drop and in a few days, the album would be released. The tracks had been turned out one at a time over the last three weeks. Every other day a single would get played and when the album came up it was expected to break iTunes.

We got out of the tub and ogled each other as we dried. It was funny. I beat Niki out of the bathroom and as she came out I was ordering room service. She had on these little boxer-briefs, and a tiny robe that came to her hips. I couldn’t help but smile when my phone rang on the dresser with all the other electronics.

“Put them away, Niki.” I told her as she held mine up and I saw Ricks’ picture. “Put them away, Uptown.” And she brushed everything in a drawer. That’s my Niki.

I thought about Rick. What now? Fuck it. I turned on the TV and surfed as Niki sat down on the sofa and patted the spot next to her. I muted the sound and flopped. I picked up her hand and our fingers intertwined as I brought it to my lips and kissed it.

“Niki, thank you; I don’t know what I’d do without you.” That was like the most honest thing I’d ever said. All this shit. I was seventeen and all this shit; I couldn’t imagine what it would be like without her.

The grown up and now business man came out. “This will work. I’ll have Parker draw up a contract for you and I will see to it that you receive adequate compensation.” I ran that shit over in my head as the next round of shit came out.

“When we travel we’ll have adjoining rooms and where Dean goes; Niki goes also. There will be a few that won’t have to go through you to get to me; we’ll figure out how to make that happen.” And there was a knock at the door.

We sat at the table that was wheeled in to the room and ate in mostly silence as we watched the TV with no sound. My mind was kind of moving at light speed. I needed to have a multi-topic conversation with Parker. Winston would have to take on a role I’m sure he didn’t want. Dean Cooper was going to sue Sony over the pilot and I wanted to sue Fox. But I wanted to do an interview with them and I had things I wanted to say.

“You OK, Farmboy?” Niki asked when I had just paused between bites; don’t know how long it’d been. I realized I liked it when she called me that. I nodded with a smile.

“Niki, I won’t work more than eight hours a day. And I don’t expect you to either. I know you live in LA and I know you haven’t been home in months. How’s that working?”

She explained that she had roommates and has just been paying her share and she missed her dog. Oh; make Dean cry. Her Shih Tzu was named Shazam. And I could tell Niki missed her, a lot. Make a note Farmboy.

I told her that I would just ‘month-out’ her room in Rugby. If she was ok with that I would see about the best room they had apologizing how Sony had raged her. I asked if maybe we should get her an apartment.

“Who’s working now? Cooper? Things are going to get so crazy; you don’t even know, Farmboy. You’re way safer here in North Dakota but there will be travel; lots of it. Sony will provide the jet, cars, and guys to watch you but, only for shit that’s in their best interest. I’ll have to be crafty for other stuff. I’m tired.” And we both brushed our teeth.

I pulled her into me and my arm and the covers wrapped around Niki. I tucked my hand into her armpit and said close to her ear, “This doesn’t come with the job.”

Her hand rested on mine and she backed further into me and said, “This doesn’t either.”

“Sweet dreams, Uptown.”

“Sweet dreams, Farmboy.”

Max’s POV

I was on top of Rick and Jeff looked at us in bewilderment. “He hurt you. Why won’t you let me?” And Rick looked at me.

I realized what my next words might start. I could tell my brother what happened. I could implicate Jeff, or I could just tell Jeff to go. Instead, I pinned my brother down and said to his fiery eyes; “He didn’t do anything to me.” looking back at Jeff. “I’m sorry Jeff,” hoping to remove any blame in my brother's eyes. And I got off him.

“Really, Maxi: you dive on me out of the blue like that?” And we laughed.

He held out his arms and I couldn’t help but fall into them. From behind us, Jeff said, “I think you guys need to talk. You can call me.” I tightened my pull on Rick.

He held me and I got a feeling like I had not felt in a long time. I knew my brother loved me but feeling it, it was something more and I knew we would order a pizza and by the time it got light again Rick and I would see each other differently.

We sat with the large pepperoni-extra cheese, two-liter bottle of Coke between us, and laughed by the old tire swing in the back yard that neither of us had ever played on. We sat Indian style, knee to knee, and we talked about things brothers, don’t.

I told him what I thought I knew and he confirmed or denied. And then he did the same. I couldn’t figure out what he was doing with Dean, and Jeff, or what he thought the end would be. I knew he would go to college in Washington and I would be left behind here in ND. It sucked.

After time in the yard, we went to his bedroom and talked more. Rick wanted; no, he needed to know, how many of the scars I put on myself and I took off all my clothes and stood in front of my brother. It wasn’t like that; it was like explaining to a Doctor.

I never really looked at them like that before; never counted. I was looking over my body telling my brother what was going on with me when I did certain groupings and then I looked at Rick. He was mad, sad, and crying.

I started to put my clothes back on not wanting to upset him more. “We can’t just stop now, Maxi. Quid pro quo?” And his clothes came off. “I have Dr. fuckin, Phil, on speed dial and I love Dean Cooper.”

OK. Half bombshell, half, no shit.

He was resting back on his bed. “I let an old queen seduce me and take pictures. Don’t ever let anyone take pictures, Maxi.” And Rick looked at me like a homeless person that didn’t know my face. “I tried to kill myself, Max. And Dean covered for me. He took care of the pictures; don’t know how but I don’t care. He is everything, Max. He would do anything for me.”

I realized in that moment my brother had stepped off the road. He didn’t grasp what was happening or what was going to happen and only thought about Dean coming home. He talked about how he and Dean were going to Washington for Spring Break and they were going to live on a Houseboat.

He showed me shit on Twitter, naked pictures and offers. He told me how much money he raised on his Go Fund Me and how much he slid off to the side. He said everything else went to the Project and everything from the, Bonus Track, would go to the Project as well. What Bonus Track?

Rick seemed to just go off into some imaginary rant. He talked about Dean being in school tomorrow and how I should skip forth and take lunch with them. And then he looked at what was limp between my legs.

“Maxi?” he started. “You put that thing in yourself, didn’t you?” I lowered my head. “Max, that’s not good. If I hadn’t seen my own dick I would say yours was the most beautiful I’d ever seen. Don’t do that to it. Does it hurt?” And I nodded.

I told him the whole story. What Brice had done to me, what I did to Jeff, and what I did to my self?

Niki’s POV:

I woke up from the best sleep warm in the spot we slept but Dean wasn’t next to me and I saw a little light from the bathroom. I could hear him on the phone and I knew he was quietly talking to Rick.

Dean was trying to comfort him. “Ricky, you need to call, Phil. What do you really expect me to do from here? I will try to get home but it could be a while. I may not be back until late next week.” And there was a pause. He knew he was not being honest.

“In case your eyes have been closed for the last three-fuckin-months; my life changes minute to minute. And it’s only going to get worse.” Dean’s tone had kicked up, a lot. And he listened.

“Yes, Rick. I owe you for pulling me back but look, Rick, the Bonus Track comes out in three days and you really need to pull your shit together. I can’t do everything but I can stop the release if I have to.” And I could hear the venom in Dean’s voice. He could and would.

“You’re going to be in the spotlight again and this could be good for you; maybe modeling or acting, like you wanted.” And there was silence.

“Do you really want to bring all that shit up again? It wasn’t me that took that away from you. Own it, Rick. It was all on you.” And there was a pause again.

“Oh, don’t even start. What about Jeff? The last time I said his name you punched me. And you got one coming, just so you know. What is it about him? Yes he’s hotter than fuck and yes he is a sweet guy and no I haven’t done anything with him. Do I really need to explain who and what I do to you???” It was hard listening to this.

“Rick! Will you just stop and think about me for one-fucking minute?” And Dean paused. I could almost feel him take a deep breath.

“I was released from the hospital yesterday morning after two days of passing jagged- fucking-pieces of glass from my kidneys to my bladder and there’s only one way out and that’s through my dick”

Ok; hearing him describing it out loud to someone kind of put things into perspective for me. Dean has some slack coming.

“I destroyed my voice, Rick; if you can’t tell. I recorded six fucking songs in two days. I’m not talking about singing it the shower shit. It’s hard fuckin work.” And I started adding them up.

Over the last four months, Dean had recorded an album with friends; fifteen tracks. He did that in nine days. This album with ghosts; had fifteen tracks, and three stand alone; six of those done in two days. Something like that had never been done.

“I’ve been doing this for months and you don’t even know or care what I’m dealing with; let alone all your petty bullshit.” The sarcasm was off the chart and his voice broke. And another short pause.

Dean’s voice was starting to crack and had gone up in volume. “I didn’t mean it like that but, come on. Really? You’re gonna fuckin cry? I can’t deal with you and your brothers shit.”

I could tell that he was probably holding the phone out as he yelled, “If I was there right now I would slap the bitch right out of you, Rick. Rick? Don’t you dare hang up, you? Rick? FUCK!” And I knew it was his phone up against the wall making that sound and then the shower turned on.

I could hardly hear him over the water. He called Rick’s name and cursed himself for not being stronger and more understanding. “FUCK. FUCK. FUCK” And then it was silent.

I didn’t go in. It took all I had to not go in and try to comfort him. He didn’t have the strength in him; not enough for himself let alone enough for Rick to suck off him. And I pitied him because he felt responsible for Rick. And then I wondered if I was part of his ‘own shit.’ ‘I’ve only sampled one fruit, Niki.’ That’s what he told me. I didn’t want to be pictured like that.

I thought about this clean-cut, almost eight-teen-year-old man, what had happened to him, and what he had accomplished over the last six months. In a few days, the fruit of his labor would come crashing down around him. And I wondered if Dean was any better off than Rick.

He’s gone from a kid in his third year in high school to a spokesman for The Trevor Project. No; that’s not right. Dean promotes respect. Respect for everyone. To date, he’s raised one hundred and seventy million dollars. He doesn’t even realize the impact he’s had or will have.

I put my little robe on and was sitting with my tablet and phone when he came out. I told him breakfast would be here in a minute turning to look at him. He nodded knowing I’d heard his conversation with Rick and acknowledging breakfast. I started rattling things off to him and then I stopped.

“You OK, Boss?” I asked trying to put things back into perspective for him.

Did I feel bad? Fuck yes. But one of us had to step up. I saw the same resilience in him I had a week ago. He looked at me and I swear his brown eyes got darker and a smile ran across his face. With a towel wrapped around him, he struck his best Saturday Night Fever pose and winked at me.

I need to start a list of things Dean just can’t do. First; he can’t do that. Second; he can’t kiss my hand like he did last night. Third; I can’t have a ‘bite my lip orgasm’ when he does what he did just now.

“I dropped my phone in the bathroom. Can we get me a new one?” He asked. The look on his face was priceless.

“Can ‘I’ get you a new one? Yes, ‘we’ can get Dean a new phone. That’s what Niki’s are for.” And I smiled.

He knelt in front of me and wanted my hands in his. I felt I’d done something wrong. “Don’t do that.” he started as he looked at me and I looked to the floor and what was hanging from his towel.

“I will never think of you like that and I don’t want you to ether. Understand? We’re a team, now. They will come up with something combining our names. It better not be Dicki!” And he smiled at me.

I nodded at him as my eyes started to burn and I wasn’t going to let this farm boy see that.

“So? You gonna take care of the Phone, Farmboy??” It seemed so… appropriate.

“Come on, Niki.”

He stood back up and acted like he hadn’t made me cum again. He dropped the towel that barely had enough to knot at his hip then bent over looking in his bag for briefs. Dean was a guy who liked his underwear. Before I could tell him I was getting in the shower he stood, turned to me, then stuffed his bad little self into a pair of tight six hundred dollar jeans; commando.

I couldn’t turn away. He still had some drops rolling down the fine hair on his chest and around his nipples. I don’t know what he does; his pecks are cut and so are his arms. His abs wouldn’t be called washboard but that V dropping into his pants comes from somewhere.

I was thinking about walking up and licking the drops off. He caught me again. “Ah,” got my attention and then his hand motion up to his face. “I’m up here, Niki.”

I asked as he turned to the mirror. “You’re actually going out like that?”

“Well I’m going to put a shirt on but, what’s wrong with the way I look, Niki?” He fuckin knew exactly how he looked. The sausage that was pushed to the right would be the first thing people saw. It would draw attention and nobody would look at his face. Good disguise.

He was right. There was not one-fuckin, thing, wrong with him. I shook my head walking to the bathroom to have my third orgasm.

It was all I could do to wash my hair let alone touch myself, anywhere. Washing was out of the question. He didn’t even know what he did to me and I’m almost sure he looks at me like a gay guys, girlfriend. I hope not.

He was pacing the floor when I came out. “So Niki? The phone?”

“That will be Ten-Hail-Niki’s. I was in the fucking shower, Farmboy.” And I hoped my eyes changed colors like his did.

After he bowed to Niki ten times I told him we’d pick up a new phone when we left. We talked over breakfast and pumped five hours worth of work into a half hour. I hadn’t had a chance to catch up with him. From the time we left last Thursday until today, Wednesday, we really hadn’t talked business.

The tracks were coming out; when I say, ‘everybody wanted Dean,’ that’s exactly what I mean. Even with Sony, everything still came through me and Niki can do this shit with her eyes closed. But Dean deserved ‘eyes wide open.’ And that’s what he got.

The Dork! He had never saved anything on his phone and was lucky I had. An hour later he had a new I-phone X Plus with everything that was on his old phone. He didn’t even notice, trusting me that all would be as it was.

I had plenty to keep me busy. I worked over the weekend and when he was in the hospital. I called magazines setting up times during the day and Dean gave great interviews over the phone as he drove.

I had never seen the ‘Ford car’ before. It was something. From the outside, it didn’t look much different than any other old car. Its paint was nice. It took us an hour to get out of the dealership and Dean took pictures with the guys that were lucky enough to be there at the time. He even signed the driver’s door of that monster he drove for over two months.

The inside looked like; I don’t know; old school meets new school in a car. The interior was soft as hand beaten leather. Three tones. The dash was metal with knobs and gauges ran up Dean’s side to the roof. And a seven-inch tablet popped up when he started the car. “I’ve missed you, stud,” came over the sound system.

There was a pause and the car shut off. “I’ve missed you, Stud,” came from the speakers again.

“I’ve missed you too, Nikita.” And the car started. I looked at him. He had turned away and I waited for him to turn back. When he did I took a picture. Fuckin Farmboy.

I looked at my avatar on the screen and almost laughed. A tight black leather one peace covered my body and my hair was flaming red. I pointed at the screen, “Really, Dean?” I looked like something off a video game.

“I didn’t know what you looked like, ok? It took a lot of time to program her.”

It was a beautiful morning, it really was. Dean did Talk Radio or interviews driving down the road with his wrist resting on the wheel. He was so at home.

It was noon and Dean asked, “Where’s the nearest High School, Nikita?”

We weren’t even out of ND; south of Jamestown and he wanted to eat lunch at some high school. My eyes almost closed from the smile on my face as I looked at my tablet and the car said, “Exit six hundred feet and turn right.” And I called ahead.

I’d never watched him at school and he fit in here on the border to SD like any other kid but, this was where Dean shined. It wasn’t a scary crowd. I stood against the wall and took video of him across the room with the awesome camera on his new phone. He was a star, without worry here.

I lost focus for a minute and then I saw him with a boy. They sat crossed-legged in the far corner and nobody approached them. It was a while. I can’t read lips. I saw them hold hands for a minute and then saw a finger point and I followed it. Please don’t let this turn ugly.

It hasn’t been that long since I was in high school. The finger pointed to the corner where the fuckin shanks and jocks, dominated. The cunts that have balance and with enough makeup look good in last years hand-me-downs. And little boys in grown-up bodies sit stinking. Dean stood. This was gonna be bad.

Dean was across from me on a mission and I was moving towards him. I caught him before he could cause a seen and pulled him to me. Big, ugly, and dumb as fuck, should have never stood up.

“We call you, ‘Drano Dean.” He said in a nasal voice and he looked down on us. This was going to be really bad for him.

I’d scanned the room. There were no school cameras; nobody had their phones out and I got right up in his face all sexy like. He didn’t see me pull the razor from my boot. “I can see to it right now that you die never having a child. That would save your sister having to explain why her brother was the daddy. Change your ways, Puss-Face” And thankfully the slice didn’t reach the skin. Note to self. ‘No more school lunches.’

We got in the car and he looked at me. “What the fuck was that Niki?” he said with a tone and he turned in his seat to look directly at me.

“Don’t you EVER get between me, and whoever, again? If I can’t finish what I start then I deserve to get my ass kicked.” And he waited.

“What were you going to do, Dean?”

“I was going to talk to him.” He said and I smiled nodding thinking ‘sure you were.’

“I don’t know who you think you are so let me spell it out for you. Dean Cooper is a star. He has an album coming out, he has millions of dollars; you are the face of the Project and Sony. Dean, you are the leader of change and you will leave a legacy. As much as you want to; you have to think more with your head than your heart now.” I finished.

“But Niki.”

“Dean, stop and think for a minute. What If I hadn’t stepped in? Something would have happened and before we made it out of that lunchroom video of Dean Cooper, doing whatever, would have been flying around the world.

I didn’t step in because I thought you’d get your ass kicked. I stepped in to save you the shame, humiliation, and probably a million bucks.” It dawned on him and a smile grew on his face.

“OK. It was kind of emasculating though. Call whoever at the Project and have some people sent to this school to educate the councilors on how to counsel. And thank you.” He started the car and I went back to work.

“Just so you know, your masculinity is still very much intact, Farmboy.”

As fast as I could set them up he talked to whoever. He didn’t like talking about himself and why it was just him now; he preferred promoting the Project and the album just released was his focus. He would talk about the album he’d just finished not giving anything away. He teased apologizing for his voice on the single that would come out in a couple of weeks.

I could only hear his side and he was so polite and articulate. He expected and loved being underestimated, his answers left interviewers dumbfounded. Dean was smart; honors smart. Some of his classes counted towards college.

I was concerned about this next one and only had a minute to warn Dean. Howard Stern.

I listened on his phone and he was on his headphones.

“Howard, it’s great to talk to you.” And there was a pause as Dean looked at me. I just kind of rolled my hands like, ‘keep it going.’

“Slow down Howard. You’re going after me like I’m the anti-Christ. Who are you really mad at, Howard? I sense a lot of shame and pain. Did someone hurt you?”

Now I’m not a fan of the man. But what Dean was saying seemed to hit the nail on the head and I made the same hand motion to Dean.

“Howard, the front you put on will only last for so long. Who hurt you? Did someone bully you; or worse? Everything you do screams victim. Your lifestyle and womanizing; it’s all a mask, Howard.”

Stern was going off on Dean and making less and less sense. ‘Howard, I think you need a break and if you want to talk to someone call my assistant, she can give you a number.” And Dean ran his hand across his throat and I ended the call.

I hadn’t told him yet that The Trevor Project wanted to honor him; Canada actually. Well, it was more than that. It was going to be a big deal and they were working through Sony and as we drove I emailed them saying Sony was out of the picture; everything went through me.

The Project was going to declare him, President Emeritus. Dean had raised more in months than the Project had raised from conception. This was a big thing and could go a long way. I was sending out the word to his friends as the South Dakota border flew by.

I motioned with my head and he pulled off the highway. We’d been on the road eight hours and Dean was fading without his cans of liquid energy. I’d booked a room just off the exit; I should have booked two, but.

It was a Super 8. Ok, I know. But when you’re in the middle of South Dakota, you take what you can get. Not a Hilton around every corner.

We parked and after checking in he said he was hungry. He should have been, he skipped lunch at the school. Dean still didn’t get it. If we had been anywhere but SD he would have had to wear glasses or something. Over a meal of red meat and carbs,’ I explained to him what was going to happen.

“Look.” I started and he locked eyes with me. “Dean? I know what you and Rick went through when you guys started. That was nothing compared to the pressure of what’s going to happen this weekend and over the next month. It’s not going to be just moving from here to there anymore. That will require planning. Do you understand?” I asked.

He didn’t say anything as he thought about what I shared with him. It had been ten minutes as he finished eating. “I trust you, Uptown.” And I knew we were off the clock.

“Apple pie,” He asked looking at me?

“I prefer Cream over fruit, Farmboy.”

From the Author: 

I have asked questions of the readers and not many have responded. I don’t know if you enjoy reading what I write. I don’t know if the chapters are too long or not long enough. I have no way of knowing if you like the style in which I write or if you think it sucks. Grow a set and let me know. RJC.