The Start

From your Author:

Thanks to all those who wished me a happy birthday. I’d backed off on my author's notes but the shit in the last week will not allow me to keep my mouth shut. (Masks) I guess a mask is a scarlet letter; D or R. (Social Distancing) I guess that means I back up when a guy, or family, invade my space. (The Orange One) I guess in I put my head in the sand, things will go away.

I live in a state that has had mail-in ballots for years. Our Governor’s race a few years ago had two recounts. Recounts. We could do that, no hanging chad, the votes weren’t deleted, voters weren’t disentranced. In the state of Kentucky, Mitch McConnell’s state; no mail-in, polling stations were cut from 3700 down to 170. Is that a coincidence?

Again I want to thank my readers, Bjorn, our host, and all the other new authors that grace our site. I say to everyone, pay attention. Our Conundrum in Chief is setting the stage; listen to what he says and how those around him try to cover and he cuts their legs off. He will be escorted from the White House kicking and screaming, (Election Freud). I can’t wait. RJC

Niki’s POV

The spectacle that was New Year’s Eve didn’t wear off; shit was on fire everywhere. I was ok but dropped a class because running the Foundation, Ryan, and the other three Dad’s, along with a toddler, was a lot. The song that RJ and I did was screaming to be a record, every magazine wanted an interview and life kind of changed.

I loved being pregnant with Dean and this one was no different. But it was. I didn’t have Dean with me to feel his son kick, push with an elbow or knee; it was Donny and Jeff. I would watch Ryan, his looks to me, the want to know, and the fear not wanting to know.

Robby starting handling things for him and Ryan started a Production Company; Renegade Productions. It was strictly vocal, young kids, he seemed to have a sixth sense about things. RJ put his single on the shelf; the song Barry wrote for him. And life around the Foundation never changed.

The need was still so… great. Kids, shootings, bullying, and gay-bashing. Just mean behavior. It is hard for a normal person to understand. Those who go on day today, the things in your life that need tending, ignoring what goes on around you. That is, and isn’t me. The Foundation now has over five hundred employees and assemblies at schools were happening at a rate of ten a day.

I had gotten to a point I just couldn’t do it anymore; not that I lost the passion but I just couldn’t at this stage of my pregnancy. I was having coffee with Robby one day just before Dean’s Birthday; and the baby started to move. I grabbed his hand resting it on my stomach waiting for him to be able to feel it. I felt a roll and Rob pulled his hand away.

I couldn’t read him. He looked shocked, and pissed, at the same time. He glanced at his phone and said, “I gotta go.” And stood.

“You will, sit your ass, back down, right now.”

“Why did you do that, Niki? Make me feel it?”

“I didn’t make you do anything. I let you feel, ‘it’; the baby, that will call you Daddy someday. Robby? You have been a great Dad to Dean, is this going to be any different?” I could see his hackles.

I grabbed his hand again and this time I held it moving around until he felt something. Everything faded. He moved his other hand over cupping my stomach; pushed his chair back resting his cheek on my belly. I settled my hand on his other cheek and looked around the Starbucks that was packed. And then I heard him, “Hi Baby.”

I saw looks of discuss on faces, looks with smiles, a man squeezing his girlfriend’s hand. And phones out. Robby looked at me with tears rolling over his cheeks, “Has Ryan felt this, Niki?”

“No. Why would he?”

“He needs this Niki. Now, I have to go.” And he walked out.

A week went by and the chance to talk to Robby never presented its self. I knew he knew, and he knew I knew, he knew. Dean’s second birthday was a party of adults, Cass, and her little girl, and a few others with kids. And his Four Dad’s. He was in his ‘Dawg’ attire. The baby was moving and I pulled Ryan off to the side so I could do what Robby said Ryan needed.

The next day I was having a smoothie on my side of the deck. He was by himself. “Where’s Robby? Did he have class?” And I sipped on my drink.

“He left last night. He went back to Virginia. Willows. Said he needs some time.”

“When’s he coming back?”

“He didn’t say.” Shaking his head.

“Ryan?”

I walked in on the nineteenth of June after my doctor’s appointment to four grown men doing the Hokey-pokey with the little guy. I watched. I saw how they were with Dean and I hoped things wouldn’t change in a couple of days. I pulled out my phone and recorded his four Dad’s and the little guy just loving what they were doing. They saw me and stopped.

“What did the doctor say, Niki?” Came from all of them.

“Any time, guys.”

“Ryan turned, “You put your big butt in, you take your big butt out, and you shake it all about.” And Dean did just that. I think some practicing had been going on. I was ready to fall over.

“Any time, Guys.” And there were looks of shock.

“Are you ok?” Ryan asked running his hand over my stomach. I nodded.

From behind no one would ever guess I was ready to deliver but from the front or side, there was no doubt. I took a shower because I knew by morning Dean would have a little brother or sister. The familiar pain woke me just before dawn and I looked at the clock.

This wasn’t my first rodeo and I waited to see how long between contractions; eight minutes. I walked in to wake up Don and Jeff; then all hell broke loose. They jumped out of bed with no clothes and did a great impression of ‘The Three Stooges’. They ran around bumping into each other barking orders and I had to laugh.

Between all of them, I was whisked to the UW Medical Center; we could have walked. There was a car waiting at the top of the ramp and we piled in; including Dean. I was moved to a birthing room when Ryan came in wearing a gown. He was like I’d never seen him before; he kissed me and the doctor came in. I was ready and in the position that those who are going to deliver are put in.

Ryan took my hand. “Did you draw the short straw?” I asked. He smiled so big his eyes closed shaking his head no.

He took me through the breathing and told me when to push. He was so open. Someone I’d never seen before. The last push was such a relief when I heard a cry. A minute later Ryan held the baby then rested it on my chest. “We have a little girl, Niki.” And he kissed me. He knew.

“She’s perfect and looks like her mom.” And he couldn’t hold back the real tears any longer. His smile was so big, the tears were so big, his head shook back and forth. I watched him try, he fought for composure, the strength that alluded him now.

“You need to go and tell the guys.” And I held Ryan’s daughter in my arms for the first time then let her nurse on me.

Ryan’s POV

Talk about a trip. Seeing Niki in the child-rearing position was, well it was, something. And yes, a position I’d used for a totally different reason but produced the same thing. I held her hand and we breathed together. Her eyes never left mine and the only time I looked away was to see a baby born. I walked out with tears and the guys thought the worst. “It’s a girl.”

I was toast; crispy fried to a crackly crunch. I looked at my husband, needed him now more than ever, but I couldn’t and he never tried to comfort what I’d been through. I really had a ton of shit running through my head, the paternal instinct when I held her, what I saw in Niki; I love the mother of my little girl.

The guys knew; don’t ask me how? I thought about when we got here and all three of them pushed me towards the birthing room. The birth of a child is an amazing thing, what a woman can do, the site of the first seconds. I didn’t go out right away. Niki and I spent time realizing we were a family in more ways than one now.

Chiloe was born at 7:19 on June 20th, my 22nd birthday. Niki came home the same day. I had Robby cancel everything. I hated when the guys held her, hated how much the time hurt before I could hold her again. Robby came up kissing her ear as I held her, “Hi Baby.”

I didn’t realize until the third day when Dean came up and said, “Daddy.”

I didn’t even realize for days I had completely ignored him. I knelt down next to his little frame with his sister in my arms. “I’m so sorry, lil Dawg. Say hi to Chiloe. She is your little sister and you will never let anything bad happen to her.”

“RYAN”

It was Jeff. “Give her to me and don’t you ever put pressure on him like that again or I’ll have Donny launch you into next week. Go home.” He was right.

It was strange because being away from her hurt. I went up and said good night to Niki. She came home on the same day but should have stayed; it wasn’t like it was with Dean. Her labor wasn’t easy, her contractions were hard, and she dilated slow.

I walked in not even knowing what time it was and striped. I needed a shower. The feel of Rob’s hands going around my waist then up to my pecks wasn’t a surprise. He kissed my shoulders and neck, rubbed his hands over my front, then just rested his face on my back.

“What’s it feel like, Rye?” It was an honest question; to what, I didn’t know.

“What’s what, feel like?”

“Being a father.”

“You’re a dad too. You know what it’s like.”

“No Ryan. What does it feel like, to be a Father?”

The question had all kinds of ramifications. Rob was telling me he knew without asking; without me keeping or breaking my promise. I thought about his question, how my heart, felt, to small; more love than I could hold. The realization that I had a child, a little girl, and the thought of a baby I could never claim, was setting in fast.

From the Author:

I had readers tell me that Ryan and Niki was a bad idea. As you can see I thought that was a bad idea, and the plot thickens. RJC.