The Start

I follow my readers club loving the interaction between you guys. To think I brought you all together makes my heart swell and that you followed me to the next series can only mean one thing; we are all FUBAR. Some of this chapter will be reflection on Niki’s part but will take us back fifteen chapters. I think looking back is important whether it be in life or rereading something that got us here today.

I looked back a few chapters and saw ratings of 9.9 out of ten. If I was in the Olympics; a nine point nine; might as well be a fuckin ten. To anyone who clicked on this for a quick ‘get off’ I hope you will; but it will be empty if you don’t go back to chapter one; and read the comments.

The Start is something that is fiction but involves so much shit from today and lifetimes ago. I started this over a year and a half go after Parkland because I wanted to open eyes. Don’t lose sight. RJC.

Ryan’s POV.

I do love Jeff Healey. Niki and the boys along with Robby were in attendance. Good luck finding a guy who could play a guitar backwards sitting on his lap. Took me half a day. It was ‘Angel Eyes’. I walked out with Jeff’s son afflicted with the same condition his dad had and we sat side by side. Well he sat on a stool and I was on a much lower bench. We were well received to say the least and raised a butt load of money.

It was sinking in as I grew more comfortable doing what I do in front of thousands. I still had the waves; shit that would crash down on me when I least expected it. My life had changed. In the last few months I’d suffered highs and lows, Robby and I had been apart in a way that’d never happened before and the distance between us hurt.

I was feeling pretty good. The thing with Keith, the other day; I thought I handled it well. Robby reamed me for not telling him about tonight but he’s here. It’d been four months; I was still struggling but things were getting better in baby steps. Superstars loved Dean Cooper and I could tell who they saw when looking at me.

I’d appeared at two of Pink’s shows sense New Year’s Day; hadn’t had a problem. I don’t know what it was about tonight. The spot light hit side stage as she introduced me.

“RJ, Everybody. RJ, Chancellor.” And I walked out with a smile on my face and right up to Pink; I knew it wasn’t going to end well when her hand went around my waist. I don’t know how I knew, but I did.

She seemed to know as well. We were supposed to do two duets, Four Blonds and hers with Nate. I was melting; for some unknown reason I didn’t have what it took tonight. She turned us away from the crowd motioning to the keyboard with her eyes, a cheek kiss, and I nodded. She did ‘What’s going On’ and I was pulling it together feeling my confidence returning when we finished.

She had swiveled wanting me to stand and as I did, Kelly Clarkson walked out. I fuckin, hate, Vegas. She walked up to Pink then each of them held out an arm for me to join them then everything went to shit again. I walked up as they turned and with our backs to the audience they both hugged me and bonked my head.

When we all turned around the music started. The two of them together. “When the day is long… and the night, and the night; and the night is yours alone.”

Their heads were next to mine and even though I was a sobbing mess I moved my lips like I was singing with them. When I looked down at Robby he pointed to his eye, did the hand over his heart, pointed back at me; and smiled. It was like a six pack of Red Bulls.

I was wired up with a headset mic and kicked off the next verse, “And you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life but hang on. Hang on.”I didn’t try and hide my tears that had stopped. I wanted to hear them behind me so I pulled out the plugs as I knelt on the front of the stage.

“Don’t let yourself go, because everybody cries. And, and everybody hurts sometimes.” I could feel them standing next to me. I had my game back, standing, kissed, and squeezed the two to the right and left of me. I backed up giving them their rightful place.

They spread apart motioning me back pushing me forward. “Sometimes everything is wrong, and now it’s time to sing along. When the day and nights alone; and you feel like letting go, and you think you’ve had too much: of this life to hang on; hang on.”Robby had started the wave.

When you don’t sing the band just keeps going till you start. If I could have gone back in time, maybe, I could have said words like this to my red headed friend. I got lost in the lyrics; I forgot where I was. My eyes closed.

“Because everybody hurts; take comfort in your friends. Everybody hurts some times.” I didn’t have the buds in and I could hear myself; what I couldn’t hear I could see in the audience.

This was the first of two shows tonight. I stood getting off my knees and started clapping at the both of them. Who in the fuck am I? Six months ago I was in love with the man I have loved so many times before and today I was on stage sharing with two of the most beautiful souls on the planet.

Vegas is a small venue in comparison to stages I’d shared. I could tell Robby was pissed and Niki would suffer his wrath. During Pink’s last song I walked past Robby and Niki shaking hands with people who paid to see Pink and got something they hadn’t paid for.

I was at one of the three doors when she finished. Maybe it was two thousand people. Most everyone formed a line even though they could have gone out another door. I shook hands, listened to compliments, hugged a few old ladies, and a few old men. This was really the first time I interacted with people after doing something. It left a lasting impression.

Two hours and I would attempt to do it again. I walked into our room and Robby was giving Niki the riot-act. It was a suite and they didn’t see or hear me.

“See what you’ve done. I fuckin told you to cancel everything.” He didn’t know I was listening. And I didn’t know he told her that.

“That was the saddest thing I have ever seen in my fucking life, Niki.” And I felt his tears.

“He is stronger than you seem to give him credit for. Ryan is more than he realizes and don’t put this all on me. That was a breath taking performance. He pulled from a place most people don’t even know is in them.” She spat back.

“Niki, that place you speak of came from a darker side that’s going to kill him if you keep this up. He is scared to fuckin death because he couldn’t save that boy. Rye doesn’t fail! What you think you saw, wasn’t confidence, and wasn’t the man I know. First, Rye would never allow himself the luxury of what happened tonight. Second, letting go like he did is not in his nature. He lost control.” And as Niki paced she saw me in a mirror.

“I’ve seen people lose it, dumbass.” And she turned back to Rob knowing I was there.

“You don’t know what watching your Ryan ‘losing it’ really looks like. Tonight was not losing it, dumbass.” And she stepped to where she could see me in the mirror again.

“It was an ordeal in Toronto. He is so much stronger than you want to give him credit for.” And there was a pause.

“That’s, it, isn’t?” And another pause as I lost sight of her in the mirror.

“You want to be there for ‘what you call’ a weak Ryan? Don’t you? You want him to lean on you like you do him. Honest, Robby; You don’t want that.” And Niki was back in the mirror looking at Rob.

“You call me, dumbass. one more time. Do you think I like seeing him like that?”

“Then don’t look. That was Ryan healing. I saw your stink eye when we got to Phil’s. The last thing I could do was draw attention on how he looked.” And I saw her looking at me again.

“Are you made of fuckin stone, Niki?” He asked.

“You take that back of your balls will be the first thing to go, Dumbass.” She announced. I backed out of the room.

Niki’s POV:

I remembered back to the Sony trailer watching the loop of Dean and Rick. I was already crushing on Dean bad and what he had just done personified that and I knew there would be another rush on the single.

Ryan had so many of Dean’s qualities and it went far beyond looks, what he was packing in his pants, and the way he dressed. Ryan shares with all who watch him just like Dean did. He is very much a man but doesn’t have a problem showing his feelings or speaking his mind.

I thought back to when Dean had his break and then I thought of Ryan four months ago and why he was the way he was tonight. Robby gave me that eye he has. And I thought back to a few days ago when Ryan and I walked hand in hand. It wasn’t the first time he had reached for my hand.

He’d helped me down plane stairs and heled my hand to the car. We would step on an escalator or into an elevator, his hand would reach to mine seeming not to even think about it. And not even thinking, I always took his. With everything about him it was like it used to be with Dean because of the natural way it happened.

The next two weeks would be hard. We had five conformations and five non-committals. And we needed to leave after the show to be in New York by morning. We had three morning talk shows over the next two days; one on morning Joe. Fox. Ryan is not a person you want to fuck with and just because he’s married to a man doesn’t mean he won’t kick your ass.

We were having dinner in Don Lemon’s high rise when he brought up last night’s show that was all over YouTube. Ryan looked at me. I handled his social media.

He reached across and squeezed Ryan’s knee and asked so genuine, “How are you?”

I realized Robby was right when I looked at Ryan. He didn’t have an answer to the simple question. Don gave me the ‘get lost eyes’ and I gave him my ‘no, fuckin, way, eyes.’

“Dean, would you like to go outside?” and Don started to apologize. Ryan stood seeming not to pick up on the Dean thing.

“Sure.”

I thought back looking at the two of them remembering his last interview with Dean.

Flashback:

Wet:

“I have to go home, Niki. It’s been too long. We all need to heal.” I know he was seeing my fish-face.

“What do you want, Dean?” Two hours later he gave me my marching orders.

He had given me a directive. ‘Do you think anyone will come?’ he finally asked thinking of his request. I had a fuckin week. “Niki will do, what Niki does best, Farmboy. This is going to cost you.” And I put his phone to work.

It was June fifteenth and Dean’s return, that’s what it was. How many heart throbs from North Dakota do you hear about? Oh yeah, his school got shot up and a bunch of kids died. He called it a reunion and I refused to give this potential fiasco a name. It was held at the same stadium where it all started with Rick. We’ll just call that, BN, before Niki.

I told him I would do what I could, but. I did remember telling him a month ago, ‘they would move heaven and earth for you, if they could.’ He really didn’t understand what that meant. I didn’t either. We both got schooled.

Four motor coaches pulled into the stadium and every person I had talked to or texted got off those buses; more even. Dean was in a locker room and saw none of this. He expected to go out alone because I couldn’t confirm or deny who, if, anyone, was coming.

If they needed to hate; he was willing to give himself as a sacrifice someone needed so the healing might start. He had prepared himself. So he thought.

It had been a little over two months since the shooting. The shit with Donny and Jeff, what Dean and I had been through, Barry’s and Elton’s. And here we were five days before Dean’s Birthday.

This morning was a sound check for him. It was just Dean; he sang a-Capella. You don’t even know what that’s like. He had NO idea how good he was. And I mean he was fuckin clueless. He could hold or hit a note not even knowing what note it was. He just kept asking me “what?” I didn’t know how to tell him or if I even should.

I’m three years, nine months, older than Dean and we have rocked each other’s world once. Ok three times the same night and that’s what I thought about during lunch at a fast food place. ‘Yes, Arby’s.’

Dean’s stress level started to rise. The building had filled to capacity and I went to get him. He was sitting in the far corner on the floor, head in his hands. When he heard me come in he stood giving me a smile like everything was fine. That was Dean. “Nice try, Farmboy.”

I reached out and his chin rested on my shoulder. I kissed him behind the ear and told him, “You don’t have to do this, Dean.”

I could feel his chest shake and he put the headphones on. “I got this. Honest.”

Fuckin liar.

Dean was led to a stool in the dark. Like flashlight on the ground, dark. How fucking creepy. He had to be shitting bricks, I know I was. A single spot light shined down on him as he sat looking at the floor. He thought he was surrounded by studio musicians along with school choirs and bands.

The light was on him and he couldn’t see anything. The screaming electric guitar played by Keith sounded and then stopped. I could hear the boos. Angry haters started screaming. As bad as it sounds, I wanted to fuckin kill people and I know I wasn’t the only one. I don’t think he could hear it. I hoped he couldn’t. His Mom did and I knew she wanted blood. I got your back, mom.

His head moved back and forth as he settled into the sounds then he looked up to the light with his eyes closed. “We feel it in our fingers;”He started, reaching out.“We feel it in our toes.”

Dean stood never being able to sing sitting down. He wore a headset with a mic ashe waved his hands around dramatically to the unseen audience with a smile and tears he didn’t hide. He had found a medium falsetto. This was way more than rehearsal. “Their love is around us; and so the feeling grows.”

Dean can’t help but move when he sings and it is the sexist thing I’ve ever seen. He doesn’t even know. I compared him to Michael Jackson when he said he was going to do one of his songs on the next album. It started a conversation.

“You know, Niki, I’m a black or white kind of person, but; Take Michael for example; do I think he was a pedophile? Fuck yes I do. Was he a musical genius? Fuck yes he was, but that doesn’t give him a pass. He’s not a good example.”

Now, I’m not religious, I am NOT religious. I could feel something, though. If I was in LA I would think an earth quake was going to happen any minute. That’s what it felt like.

Dean continued. His voice was like a lonely echo with so… much heart. He was on the big screen and I could see his fear and the wet eyes I hoped everybody could see. His Mom hugged me.

Flowers and little animals were on the screen behind him now along with old tractors, trucks, and miles of wheat fields. And the words to the song he was singing. This was a DC production. He’d planned everything. So he thought.

He had rehearsed this and the other songs but he didn’t know who was backing him; if anyone. Niki, don’t let her boss down! And his friends don’t let him down, either.

I had never heard sound like this come from him, not even in the tub. He looked into blackness as he poured his heart out. For the most part it was still dark and Dean had no idea. He had this thing when he’d bend over and swing pushing more air out as he sang.

“They wrote it on the wind.”I saw the recognition on his smiling face and he turned around hearing them in his headset. Lights slowly came on and his friends sang behind him. “It’s everywhere we go. Oh yes it is. And if we really loved them; than now it’s time to let them go.”

Music continued to play as Dean greeted his friends singing and he moved from one to another. A kiss was planted to Keith’s cheek from behind as he played and he did the same to Elton with an ‘I love you.’ The high falsetto joined him. Barry. Grampy.

It pained me to see him hurting but he did what he came here to do with such humility. This guy had raised half a billion dollars and he was humbled today, as I think they all were. It’s not right. I’ll never understand this backwards State and the kids they raise.

His Mom hugged me from behind. “You know we love you and always will; our minds made up by the way that we feel. There’s no beginning, there’ll be no end, cause on their love we can depend.’This seemed to be going good.

We see your faces before us as we lay crying on our beds. I kind of get to thinking of all the things you said; oh yes we do.”He was back on the big screen and tears rolled over his cheeks as friends gathered around and protected Dean as he cried and they sang for him.

Dean’s friends, Whoopi, Tom, Keanu fuckin Reeves. Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Bon Jovi, Carol King. Just a few. The place held fifty thousand but the way it was set up probably thirty thousand people with a roped off section on the floor for three hundred or so.

Security was tight. There was talk of Dean wearing a vest or a bullet-proof trench coat. He refused. A little girl, maybe five, slipped between the legs of a Police officer and ran towards Dean on the field. There was like a big gasp.

He met her half way and he’d stopped singing as he knelt in front of her. There he was on the big screen with this little girl in front of him so close we could all hear her in his mic. “Please don’t cry, Dean.” And she ran her small hands over his cheeks and the water works started as she hugged him.

Music continued as the heart wrenching seen played out. Dean stood and she held her arms out and he picked her up and starting singing again with her little head tucked under his chin.

“You gave your promise to us and I gave mine. We need someone to promises too. I gave mine to you. We need someone beside us. It’s written on the wind. It’s everywhere we go.” Now came the hard part.

“So if you really loved them, come on and let it show.” Dean was hoping for forgiveness for Donny. “Let it go. Let them go.”

Dean had me make arrangements to have Donny’s Dad and Brothers cremated. We both knew that a funeral was out of the question and any kind of head stone would be vandalized. They would just rest in plastic boxes.

I think after the first song the playlist went out the window. He did ‘Everybody Hurts’ with Kelly on one side and Pink on the other and then a voice just blew up. Josh Grobin. “Sorry I’m late, Dean.” He could definitely be Niki’s type. I saw an older version of Dean Cooper with messy hair.

Most of the people from the Friends album were here and he did most of the tracks. ‘Bridge’ was making its way up the chart; Dean and John rolled out a live version. I knew we had to be getting close to the end; Dean hadn’t even had a drink of water. I saw him look at me and nod.

What he’d done on his tablet had been loaded into the big screen. When I paused looking at him from a hundred feet away I understood he meant, now. I said into the headset I was wearing “OK”

Dean sat next to Granny as he started to play. He stood and put his hands on Elton’s shoulders. ‘The First Time.’

When it ended there was a long pause. Then people were on their feet and the place erupted. I wished it would have been me but his mom pushed me aside and walked out to Dean with a bottle of water. I heard her in his mic as she hugged him. “Who are you? And what have you done with my little boy???”

“It’s me, Mom.” He said holding up his hand. “This came out of my dinger.” Showing off the stone he had mounted with diamonds surrounding it on his little finger. I think things might get better. People were still on their feet and I walked out to him as he watched me over his Mom’s shoulder. He kind of slithered from her and wrapped his arms around me and I felt the weight of him relax and I didn’t know if I could hold him.

Some of his friends came and hugged the both of us, some went to the roped off section to meet families and survivors. There was no ego, no one wanting to be better than another, and honestly they all knew nothing could meet or beat Dean’s passion. And so they didn’t even try.

Dean was drenched. His hair was slicked to his head and drips were still falling from his chin. “Are you OK,” I asked?

He nodded with his face in my neck. “Are you lying to me?” He nodded again and took a deep breath.

The next day

It had gone viral. YouTube damn near crashed and Twitter was teetering. CNN, Fox, and local news had trucks outside the Lion’s in the morning. It had been a late night and I let Dean sleep as I worked out a schedule with the guys outside. I knew Red Bulls were ‘firing squad’ worthy, but.

When I went back up to the room it was full of his friends and Dean had pulled on a pair of jeans, commando. That’s it; I’m going to have to start wearing a pad all the time.

It was like when I came in they all knew he had to follow up with what happened last night and the goodbyes didn’t last much longer.

He looked at me across the room and curled his finger beckoning. He wrapped his arms around me and lightly kissed my neck. “You know I.” and I squeezed him so he’d stop talking. I felt him.

“Don’t spoil it, Farmboy. It’s ok.”

“How did you manage all that, Niki?” he questioned.

“All I did was ask, Dean. They did the rest. I think they like you. And that will be a thousand, hale Niki’s’” I finished.

An hour later things had been set up in the lobby because Dean said he wouldn’t sit in a truck. Fox. Dean had never given them the time of day and he chose them first. Lawsuit was still pending.

“Well, Dean, you look good.” The clown started. “That was quite a comeback you put on last night. Took everybody to church, didn’t yah?” as he kind of rocked his head back and forth.

“Well, Dick, I didn’t know I had gone anywhere.” Dean said showing his teeth.

“It’s Don, Dean. When I talked to your handler this morning she told me you planned all of this.” We were now on the downhill side of the ride.

“First, Dick,” And he smiled showing those award winning dimples. “No, body, handles, Dean Cooper. Second, I do what I did last night and she did everything else. If not for Niki’s generosity we wouldn’t be talking right now, Dick.” And I thought I saw a smile forming on his face.

“Yeah, it’s Don, Dean.” He started; sounding like a used car salesman. “I have to know? Whose idea was the little girl? That was the best stunt I’ve ever seen.” And the hint of a smile on Dean’s face faded.

He held up a finger reaching into his pocked with the other hand pulling out his phone and acted like he was having a conversation. He asked, “Are you sure. He’s not going to like that.” And he put the phone back in his pocket.

I don’t know how long it takes to blink your eyes but, I missed it. Dean leaned forward and slapped the guy so hard and so fast that all I saw was his head spin.

Now it was pandemonium. Fox Live. Dick was standing screaming at Dean. “You hit me! You can’t hit me. Arrest him.” He said to the six cops that were standing around. None of them moved as Dean relaxed back in his chair.

“Technically, I slapped you. That was your mother on the phone, Dick. She told me she’d raised you better and you needed a slap. I listen to every body’s mom.” And he kind of made a motion and Dick jumped back.

“Sit down, Dick. You deserved that and you know it. Now to answer your question; I knew her big sister. I remember Amie when she was born. She has been comforting crying people for weeks and that is what she wanted to do for me. Happy, fuckin, birthday, Dick?” And he pulled the mic off standing then walked over to me. He looked back and gave Dick the finger.

By the time he did CNN he’d watched the whole thing in slow motion with Don Lemon asking if Dean was going to hit him. “Only if you deserve it, Dick. Ok, I know; sorry, Don.” He said smiling reaching over to squeeze his shoulder.

“Dean, not since Michael Jackson have so many superstars come out for some one. What do you attribute that too?”

“I think they are all wonderful people. All Niki did was ask, Don, and they came.” Dean smiled at me.

“Well it seemed to me that they just wanted to shine light on the real star of the night. That first song was your choice?” And Dean nodded.

“I can safely say Dean, you were emotional. I totally get it. Amie’s big sister was your girlfriend up until last year, right? Julie, right?” And Dean nodded. “That little girl broke the hearts of millions Dean, including mine.”

“Dean, I have to ask; why didn’t you come back for any of the funerals’? Why would you stay silent when those other networks said such awful things about you?”

“Well, Don. To answer your first question: it wouldn’t have changed a damn thing. I worked hard trying to stay focused and it just would have brought pain down on me even worse than I suffered. I spent time with Barry along with Elton and his family. Niki has been my rock.

I think ‘my comeback’ as Dick called it, was the best I could do to help myself and everybody start to live with a big hole it their hearts.” And Don just kind of sat there with his mouth open a little.

“And as for not engaging the haters; you saw what happened to Dick.” And they both laughed.

“Dean, I would love to have you on my show or in my living room, I don’t care. I want to spend time with you just talking. I have a feeling there is more to, Dean Cooper, than meets the eye.” And he reached out and shook Dean’s hand and wished him an early Happy Birthday.

From your Author:

I know some of this might have been redundant but we all needed it. RJC.