The Start

“I’m so… fuckin sorry, Jeffery. I am so fuckin, sorry.”

“Max?” I asked when he finally released me.

I could feel the steam from Donny’s nostrils on my neck when he came up behind. I spun around putting my open hands on his chest and pushed like he might move. I turned back to the guy I hardly recognized. “How did you get past the guard?”

“You live here.” He questioned.

“He asked how you got past the fuckin guard.” Came from behind.

“Donny. I got this. Go eat.” I said through clenched teeth, with another firm hand to his chest.

“This is our neighbor's house; we live next door. What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?” And I stepped aside.

Everybody around the table was looking when we came in and I introduced him. “This is Rick’s younger brother, Maximus. You know who Niki is, you know Donny, this is RJ and that’s Robby; The Chancellors. And he is Justin.”

“Are you hungry?” Came from Ryan and he stood.

“I just need to talk to, Jeff.”

“Well, we’re all ready to eat and you can take the chair next to Justin.”

“Are these are Dean’s kids?” And nods came from all.

Ryan must have pulled another steak out of his ass because he returned with a plate and everybody started passing other stuff to him. Donny still had steam blowing from his nose and I was afraid his steak would be well done before he ever took a bite.

“Maximus?” Asked Robby.

“Only my brother, and this one, call me that. Max.” And he pointed at me; another puff of steam from Donny.

“What are you doing here?” I asked taking a long look at him.

“I needed to tell you. I can’t do it in front of all these people. Can we go outside?”

“Nobody is going anywhere until this is gone,” Ryan said waving his hand around the table. “This cow was fed organic food, tiny, little, hand, rubbed the furry body while feeding it Saki. And at a hundred and nine dollars a pound; you all are going to eat every fu…n bite.” And that was that.

Max was not what he once was. Gone was the groomed and self-confident guy I knew. He was in disarray. His hair was a mess, black circles under and around his eyes, clothes that looked like they’d been slept in for a few nights.

I had never told Donny. The whole thing with Max was something I never wanted to think about. How I let a kid younger than me, smaller than me, how he raped me with a sounding rod and how long it took to get off it. It’s just something that never came up and I knew I had to tell Donny. But first I needed to find out why he was here.

“Max? We were all just saying what we were thankful for. You have anything?” Came from Ryan.

“Him.” And his finger pointed at me and Donny’s dinner was now ‘well done.’

We did eat. You could see every muscle in Donny’s face as he chewed; his neck too. I watched Max and it was obvious he was hungry by the way he piled it away. He looked at Justin, asking if they had ever met. “I get that a lot.”

We had devoured everything, even Donny. Niki stood, thanked Ryan for a wonderful dinner, then told Donny he was helping her with dishes. He didn’t like that. I nodded to Max and we walked out to the deck. He pulled a chair right up in front of me then took my hands in his resting them on my knees.

I was glad when I looked over my shoulder; Donny wasn’t doing the same thing. I pulled my hands back and put a little distance between us. “Why are you here?”

“Rick didn’t come home a couple of weeks ago; I was staying with him. The manager of the dump he lived in kicked me out.”

“Why are you here, Maximus???”

“My folks found out some stuff. I was doing shit online, for money. I ruined modeling; honest work. I moved in with Rick after and everything got worse. He became mean. After Dean, he just went downhill.” And I nodded.

“He’d bring guys home and would watch them with me. He didn’t even try and help. He even recorded some of it.” And he took a breath.

“OK.” And I stood. “Be right back.” I walked in and tapped Robby, then Donny.

I knew he came to apologize but he needed to tell someone what he’d endured. I couldn’t help him and I was smart enough to know that.

I walked both out to the deck and re-introduced them. “Maximus has something to tell you.” And looked at Max. “Tell them. They can help you way better than me.” And I turned walking back into the house.

I washed taking Donny’s place next to Niki, drying, and putting stuff away. Over my shoulder I watched them pull chairs next to Max.

“That was the total, shit, what they did today.” Came from Niki.

“What else happened today, Niki?”

“I’ll get her,” Rye said hearing Chiloe.

I saw Ryan stand along with Justin heading for the reading room where she was sleeping on the floor. I returned back next to Niki. “They got her.”

“So…? What happened today, Niki?”

“You should have seen them. They’re ok. I mean. Let’s just cut the bullshit. Everybody knows. Robby knows, and for whatever reason, he’s ok, with it.

“What was it like, Niki? I mean he is. Fuck. You don’t have to tell me.”

“And, I’m not going to tell you.”

“Tell him, what?” Came from behind; Ryan.

“He wanted to know how the recording went today,” Came from Niki. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Personally, I didn’t like it. I need a different producer.”

Justin; hearing. It was funny. He like slap-boxed the back of RJ’s head. It was really funny.

“Hitting a man holding a baby. Really?”

“You could do that a hundred times, Daddy. None of them would come close. Want to fuck around?” ‘Coin in the jar’ came from all of us because Dean was playing within earshot.

They went to the corner; the music corner. They sat side by side on the keyboard size bench. They were talking and watching what was going on, on the deck. I thought about Justin. He was twice our ages, was on some ‘mouse show’ back in the day.

Ryan’s POV

It was strange; the space, Robby had been giving me. I’m not quite sure when it was but we were all together; it seemed so… natural handing her off to Robby; one of her Daddy’s. I had taken about five steps and stopped; turning around. I could hear him in my head.

The look of fear on his face was evident. You could smell it; swear to god. Now it was funny, him the way he was. Tears had already started to form in my eyes. Robby knew who her Daddy was, looked at me not knowing what to do. “I got this,” came from Niki with a hand going over my back walking up behind my Husband.

Now? Robby knew. It was strange how we all; I mean all of us, danced around the whole, Chiloe, thing. Niki did what a mom does showing a new baby person how to do the shit. This was wonderful on so many levels; words can’t describe. But tears were in my eyes. My Husband was learning to hold my little girl with her mother behind him.

I watched from as far away as I could; nothing but tears. Robby never asked. I never admitted. But the five of us knew. I didn’t regret what Niki and I did; not even making this little girl. The thing that bothered me, and didn’t, was, she would grow up a child of Dean Cooper.

Any man, even a gay one, would want their child to share the same last name. Niki and I share the same Lawyer, but I am Parker’s Godson. Another change to my will that included Chiloe. Two Million Dollars. It seems like a lot, the amount of money, but it really isn’t.

We all flew to New York; I was doing a thing and we ate an early lunch with Don. It was the release of Dean Cooper’s last song. I told the story on stage; all the people who chimed in on Dean’s finally. I was exhausted when we got on the plane, put Chiloe in her little chair next to me; Niki across the aisle, Robby next to her.

What Dean and I did was raw. Just me harmonizing with him and playing the piano, it was so very bare. I’d spent almost two years adding sounds, horns, more guitar’s, back up voices; just a lot of shit. I saw the guy who was younger than me sharing something that would make you cry. ‘Reflections of my Life’.

We left the guys and took Niki back to the studio where Justin filled the last hole. I worked the board as he adding his sweet voice to all the others who helped with what would be Dean Cooper’s last swan song. Niki didn’t know. I watched the sadness roll across her face; his voice.

We both had headphones on and when I turned to her tapping on my shoulder, I didn’t need to hear: “You’re a real fucker, Chancellor!” I mouthed, sorry.

With closed eyes and resting back in my chair holding my daughters’ hand, I felt the rumble of the jet engines.

“The changing, of sunlight to moonlight; Reflections of my life, Oh, how they fill my eyes.” It was a great song.

“The greetings, of people, in trouble; Reflections of my life.”And we started moving.

I did like the feeling of being laid back in my seat. I opened my eyes looking at my little girl than to her mother and my husband, “Take me back to my old home. All my crying, feel I’m dying, dying. Take me back to my old home.”

It has always boggled my mind how these things get off the ground, “I’m changing, arranging, I’m changing, everything around me. Take me back to my old home.” And I heard the landing gear come up.

Don Lemmon

Breaking News

“A private plane exploded after take-off out of JFK. More after the break.

“I can’t believe I’m reporting this. The plane that exploded after takeoff was carrying the seven people I had lunch with, today.”And his glasses came off,

“Ryan, RJ, Chancellor, and his husband, Robby. Nicole, Niki, and her two children, Dean and Chiloe Cooper, along with Jeff and Donny, all presumed dead.”And it broke away to commercial.

Now it was Anderson and Don.“It is so strange, Don. Niki and I zoomed while they were at your place today; our kids saw each other for the first time. And now they are all gone.”

Ten days later

“It is hard losing someone you care about; we are all feeling that now. Our President tweeted this about the Chancellor’s and Cooper’s, ‘the haters get what they deserve’. “That came from the man who is the biggest hater.” And his glasses came off.

“All across the country, people are morning the loss of a family. RJ carried on the legacy started by a true friend of people, Dean Cooper. The DC foundation has helped victims, educated all of us how hate hurts, and that foundation has saved countless lives. Yesterday, Niki and her children were laid to rest next to Dean at a private ceremony in North Dakota. Today Ryan and Robby Chancellor were laid to rest in his family plot in Chancellorsville, Virginia.” And he wiped his eyes.

“They all came at my asking. I mean, Ryan had his appearance last night. But they all came for me. It had been a while and I wanted to re-cap what started four years ago when I interviewed Dean for the first time. I wanted to talk to Donny and Jeff, again; and of Corse, Niki. A call I wish I’d never made.”

From your Author:

This story was a distraction for me as I finished Robby and Ryan. Everything in this fictional story is close to me and should be to everyone. School shootings, bullying, hate, sexual issues with young adults. All of these things and more should be talked about with all ages.

This is a hard thing for me; the ending of something I called, The Start. I’ve spent so… much time on some 46 chapters. But all good things come to an end. 

For readers, it must be hard wondering about the Author’s; if you even do. I guess it isn’t about you, but more about us and why we do it. For me, it was about sharing what my life with Robby was like, basically, my life.

This venture was, like I said, a distraction. What it took to share over four hundred thousand words with you, huge chapters filled with love and pain, And death. Now I might be unique, others might write for different reasons, like for fun. My only goal at the time was to make, Bobby, relevant, again.

When Cupid’s arrow lands in you; it’s there for life. That was, my Bobby. Though we had great years, years that weren’t so great, we loved each other through all of them. When I reached twenty years without Bobby, I started writing, remembering all the good and some of the bad.

That non-fiction, along with the other things I’m writing now, has me sitting at number 11 on this site, for favorite authors. I never dreamed. Through all of this, I included Author’s Notes. That one simple thing allowed me to develop relationships with readers, and Authors alike.

I never really realized that until today. A reader, a friend, someone who helped me put Robby and Ryan, to bed; we talked. I like to think I’m a good listener, I think I am. The things I took away from our conversation; over an hour and a half, enlightened me. Thank you, D. 

I regret a lot of stuff. But the one positive thing is I’ve had the opportunity, the platform, a place where I can share my views with others; for that I’m thankful. As always I want to show appreciation to our host, readers, and other Authors for the inspiration I’ve received. The End.

‘Live. Laugh. And love till it hurts. RJC.