Beyond The Blue

Sitting in my car, I pinch myself to make sure that this isn’t all a twisted dream that I had that Connor would be ok with it and I quickly realise it’s not and I smile to myself thinking that in the space of a couple of hours I’ve gone from still not being sure of Connor’s reaction if he found out to sharing a kiss with him with us both in just towels in the locker room.

Driving to the hospital, I can’t believe the day that I’ve had and even though this wasn’t the way that I wanted to tell Connor about my history, the way that it turned out happening was probably a good thing because I didn’t have to tell it to him directly.

Sitting there with Levi takes a while waiting for everything to go through with his assessment as I talk to him “You did the right thing today” I say to him as he is a lot calmer but still I can tell that he is agitated about everything to do today.

“I don’t know about that but I think things can be a lot better than they were especially with the help you were today, thanks Trent,” Levi says as a few doctors come in and do tests on him and ask for some space as Connor comes up with some food for the three of us.

Grabbing the burger, I start eating it because it feels like breakfast was the last meal I hate as I sit outside the room and sigh just wanting to cuddle up.

It’s nearly 10:30 pm before Levi is released from the hospital with future appointments and placed on a waiting list for a spot in a mental health unit if he wants it. Finishing up, Connor is still sitting with me and I can see that he is tired but even under my urgings he won’t go home because he wants to see this through until the end with me.

Heading out to the car, Levi falls asleep as Connor follows me to a place that Harry got me involved in which was a safe spot set up for young LGBT people who had nowhere else to go or just needed somewhere to chat and get some help. Even after Harry passed away, I still do plenty of work here especially doing training sessions for those who want it.

We get to the place which from the outside looks like just a regulation brand new apartment building, but it’s a specialised built complex with no markings on the outside so nobody knows about it to protect the people inside.

Taking Levi inside, we head into the office area “Hey Tom” I say as Tom who runs this place off just donations and grants with everybody here except for Tom who gets paid a really small salary in contrast to the 24/7 work that he does here for everyone.

“Hey Trent, this must be Levi,” he says as I nod and show him around the place as Tom finalises some paperwork for Levi to sign just as a code of conduct to say no drugs, no alcohol and what the reasonable expectations are. Levi signs the paperwork and I show him up to the room where he’ll be staying for a while until he gets the support he needs.

As I leave the room, Levi is already getting into bed “You’re amazing Trent, If I had anyone else to talk to today, I would’ve jumped” I give Levi a hug as his words ring in deep to me as Connor is talking downstairs with Tom getting to know what the place is all about and wondering how he can help out here.

Heading downstairs, I see Connor and Tom chatting away about things and how he can help which is always good to have an extra set of hands helping out at the place even though my time now runs a lot thinner than it did when I first started helping here with Harry.

We finish talking to Tom before heading out to our cars, as Connor looks at me “I didn’t know this place existed it’s amazing” he says to me as I nod. “Yeah, Harry knew about it and got me involved and helping these kids is just amazing, none of them is perfect and some of them get into trouble and some of them go onto big things” Connor smiles as I tell him more about the place.

Heading home, I still can’t believe how today turned out when I woke up at 5 am this morning, thinking it would be just an ordinary day but instead, it would be one of the most exhausting days that I’ve had both physically and mentally. Despite all this today, I’m glad that it happened because I managed to prove to myself that I can make a difference to people and the fact that everything that I’ve been worried about Connor finding out was all just in my head.

I get home just after midnight and strip down to my boxers and just flop down on the bed and sleep almost instantly. It’s almost 10 am before I wake up having slept through my alarms and plenty of text messages from everybody checking if I’m ok, especially Connor who is at work today.

6:15 am: “Hey you, hope you’re sleeping but feeling ok today; If you’re free tonight I’d love to have dinner” - Connor

7:05 am: “Hey little bro, heard about everything last night from Dad and wanna check-in that you are ok?” – Darcy

7:11 am: “How are you today? Ange filled me in on everything so wanted to check-in? I’ll 

The text messages checking on me are nice but there are so many that I can’t respond to all of them but I just reply to the three main ones right now.

10:08 am: “Hey bro, I’m doing good this morning can’t make dinner tonight but definitely wanna catch up at some point today if you’re free”

10:09 am: “Hey dad, Yeah let’s get dinner tonight we haven’t been able to catch up for ages, let me know where and when”.

Getting out of bed, I don’t bother having a shower and sit down at my dining table using my laptop when someone knocks at the back door which means that it’s either one of my friends or family because, despite my front door being on the main road, most people I know use that door because it’s where all the parking is and easier to get to.

“Hold on” I call out as I hear my sister’s voice “Just open the door Trent, it’s not like I’ve never seen you naked,” she says as I open the door, still feeling embarrassed that I’m just in my underwear and not having had a shower since last night.

My sister is standing there with Coffee and food which is just what I need as she comes in and puts down my bacon and egg roll on the table with my coffee as I put the first pair of shorts handy on which are Bright pink with black flamingos on them.

“I was getting worried about you, Darcy told me what happened and you didn’t reply to mine or his texts so we were worried,” she says as I hug her before sitting down at the table, taking a mouthful of coffee as we sit down.

“Sorry about not getting back to you, I didn’t get in until after midnight and only just woke up,” I say explaining as she keeps telling me that she isn’t bothered. “I’m not worried you didn’t reply, I wanted to check in with you because I know it must’ve been tough and if you don’t want to talk I get that,” she says as I smile.

Jess talks about what the kids are doing to keep my mind off things as I’m interested and she tells me how much Logan wants to see Connor again as I smirk to myself which my sister notices and looks at me.

“Hang on, you started smiling when I mentioned his name,” she says automatically coming to the conclusion that I must’ve told him “Oh my god, you told him didn’t you" as her tone of voice gets all excited like we’re two teenage girls in high school talking about our crushes.

“We kissed,” I say really like a teenage girl sharing stories about kissing the hot guy at school they had a crush on. “So what happened?” she asks as I tell her just the last part of the details without wanting to go through everything that happened in the first place.

I smirk as I think about how the day panned out and how good it went “Well to make a long story short, Connor overheard me so he found out about everything” taking a mouthful of coffee as Jess gets anxious about the story wanting more.

“So I thought he would be pissed that I never told him anything about my past but he was the opposite, he was totally understanding and wouldn’t leave work until he checked in on me” explaining what happen Jess is smiling as she can start to understand why I’m so attracted to Connor plus gets why Logan enjoyed his company so much.

“I went up to the gym and he was up there waiting for me and wanted to check in on me because I said that I would head up for a shower” Jess teasingly puts her hand up. “I don’t want the details on the shower, I’ve heard it before,” she says as I’ve been loud in the shower in the past both solo and with Harry when she’s been around.

“It was nothing like that, we just showered and then sat down on one of the benches outside, just together cause it was quiet, I put my head on his shoulder we sat there for a few minutes and then when I looked at him I kissed him,” I say to her as she smiles and lets out an aww as I say that.

My sister has been pushing me to tell Connor for so long about everything and now that it’s out in the open she’s already volunteering herself to become my wedding planner, which was the role that she was going to take on for when I was with Harry.

“So what are you and Connor going to do?” she asks as I shrug about things “Not sure really, he wanted to get dinner tonight”. I don’t know what I said but Jess hits me as I obviously give off the tone that I rejected his dinner invitation.

“Why would you reject him? You just kissed and spent so much time together” she says to me demanding an answer like a parent would from a naughty child. “Before you get your jets fired up, I’ve already got plans for dinner” I don’t get my sentence out as Jess looks at me.

“You can’t be serious, he wants to go out for dinner and you’re telling him that you can’t when you know he wants to? What are you doing that’s more important than being with Connor? Eating at home?” she says with a stern tone as I look across at her.

“As I said before you get your jets fired up and let me finish my sentence for a change, I’m having dinner with Dad tonight” Jess’ face calms down a bit as if it’s the only excuse that would be acceptable for me not to be hanging out with Connor.

We sit there for a while just chatting as Jess asks me whether I can look after the kids either in the morning or afternoon this week which I can tell her that I can do because I’ve got the week off and always enjoy spending time with them.

Jess leaves just after lunchtime as I head up and have a long shower considering that I haven’t had one since the one in the gym which was more about just relaxing rather than anything more. I check my phone again and see Dad texting me

12:14 pm: “How about we go to the Emperor’s Palace for dinner, meet at 7?” 

I reply with a thumbs up giving me a set plan for when to head to see Dad which I know means that I’ll have to talk about everything yesterday although I know that Dad might be the best person to know not to bring it up.

Having a day off at home is actually tough because I quickly realise how packed my days were both spending them at the gym and then either being on shift so I’m either working or sleeping to get ready for the night shift or having just come off a night shift.

Watching TV is absolutely horrendous because there isn’t much on and in the end, I decide that I might as well go down to the shops and do some groceries seeing as I haven’t done them for a while.

Putting on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, I head down to the shops to do groceries where I don’t expect to see any faces I know until I get there where I see a less than ideal face than I wanted to see coming the other way.

“Afternoon Joe,” I say as he grunts at me “Must be nice to get a free day off because you did your job,” he says as I just want to punch him as he walks past me thinking that I’m just having a day off because I’m weak which annoys the crap out of me because he doesn’t want to do any tough work.

Walking further into the Shopping centre, I spot a much better face that makes me glad that I went shopping even though I had no idea I would see anybody here. “What are you doing here?” I say smiling as I can tell how much of a bad day Connor is having considering that he is being put with Joe today.

“We got a callout about shoplifters going around and Central needed help with it because they’re short on numbers today,” Connor says as he looks happy talking to me and getting away from Joe for a while.

“How the hell did you get put with him?” I say rolling my eyes as I know the comments about yesterday would be flowing from Joe as Connor shrugs. “I was supposed to be with Steph but she’s got the Flu and Joe was the only guy left so Keith couldn’t have rearranged things quicker to make the day an absolute pain in the arse,” he says as we laugh.

“How are you doing today?” he asks as I tell him that I’m doing better than yesterday and that I’ll text him about catching up tomorrow at some point. After seeing Connor, there’s a pep in my step because it makes me feel good and seeing him made me feel even better and knowing that everything is beyond good with us makes me so good as I check him out walking away.

Going to the shops was a nice break and even though I bought so much stuff I didn’t need and made a stop in Foot Locker for another pair of shoes that I don’t need, I come back home and get ready for dinner with Dad tonight.

Having another shower, I put on a buttoned-up shirt and jeans before texting Connor

“Hey, do you wanna come around tomorrow for lunch or something?” 

I say not sure why but I kind of want to spend some time with Connor while the kids are here because I know it would make Logan’s day to see Connor again because he always asks about him and wants to go to the footy with him.

About an hour or so later I get a positive reply from Connor which makes me happy and I know that I’ve got to look after Logan and Mia but I know Connor wouldn’t mind the company of the kids either knowing how much he misses Chase.

I get to the restaurant before Dad and sit at the restaurant as he comes in at about 7:15 as he apologises for being late which isn’t an issue because I know that he is in the middle of hearings at the Police Integrity Commission right now.

“Hi Trent,” he says as we hug and sit down, I don’t know when the last time Dad and I just caught up between the two of us because we’re both really busy and never get a chance to talk other than by text message mostly with everything.

“So how is everything going?” Dad asks as I shrug given that he knows everything that happened yesterday. “I can’t complain I guess, everything has been up and down you know between good days with things happening and meeting some really good people but then a day like yesterday was absolutely horrible to think about,” I say as Dad nods, understanding what it can be like to be on both the good side of events like yesterday and then being on the bad side.

We order dinner and sit there talking about things “Ange said that you’ve been really good since you joined at The Junction and fitted in pretty well and most reports she gets are positive, especially from Sergeant Branning who put glowing reports in about you” he says which make me happy given that I know Eve is a stickler for the rules and can be pretty tough on the rules with the new guys.

I ask Dad about how things in his life are going and he tells me that it’s pretty much wrapped up in work and that his promotion should be finalised by the end of the month which makes him excited but really doesn’t change his job which is getting tougher because funding has been cut again. I’ve never asked Dad why he would take a job like he did knowing it would be somewhere he would lose plenty of friends and grow enemies.

“How are the others treating you now?” Dad asks putting the conversation back onto me wanting to know about all my problems with Joe and the other awful bunch of arseholes in the station.

“Honestly, there’s still plenty of problems from Joe and that group which makes me feel terrible and if it wasn’t for Connor I probably would have done something that I regret ages ago you know” Dad nods as he looks at me and feels sorry for me knowing how much of a horrible bunch of people they can be there.

“You haven’t done anything have you, Trent? I know how you’ve had a history of losing your temper, Do I need to remind you about what happened with Chris Henshaw?” I roll my eyes as I know that I’ve had a history of losing my temper when pushed with everybody giving a different story about what I’ve done.

“Nah nothing like that, I lost my temper yesterday only verbally when Joe had to start making dickhead comments about Levi and how it’s a waste of time dealing with some fairy who is upset cause someone said something mean,” I tell Dad who throws his head back and rolls his eyes.

“He hasn’t called you anything has he?” Dad asks because I know that he wants to come up with a plan to get rid of Joe which he has been trying to do for a while but Joe knows the tightrope of crossing the line which is annoying.

I shake my head “Nah, he’s never said anything directly because he doesn’t know that I’m gay well I don’t think he does but he does refer to me and Connor as Jack and Jill” I’ve never thought there could be anything in it other him being a prick and dislike but now I wonder if he does know despite me having only Jamie, Connor and Ange now and I know none of them spends any time with Joe because it’s a battle to which one hates him more.

After finishing dinner, Dad and I sit and chat for a while as it’s nice to just spend time with him as he is telling me that he is planning to take some leave at some point when the latest lot of hearings are done which would be good.

That night after finishing up, Dad heads home as I need to call into the Chemist to pick up some stuff that I forgot in the shopping and text Connor to see how his night is. I don’t know whether I’m being a bother but it’s always fun to talk to him no matter what.

Me: 9:28 pm “Hey man, how’s your night been? Wanted to check in with you to see how everything finished up with Joe?”

Connor must’ve been sitting on his phone when I sent the text because he has replied almost instantly

Connor: 9:29 pm “If I’m with him again anytime soon, then I’m going to kill him” he texts back as I can understand his frustration big time from my own time when being partnered with Joe.

Me: 9:31 pm: “You can handle it and at least you’ve got a day off tomorrow” 

Connor: 9:33 pm: “Well yeah, so do you wanna come around to my place to just chill? I know it’s late but I could do with some company” 

Connor’s text is a surprise that he is inviting me over at this time of night even though I was thinking about seeing if he wanted to come over to my place

Me: 9:35 pm “If your sure it’s not too late for me to come around?” 

Connor: 9:36 pm “I wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t ok stupid”

I drive to Connor’s and text him that I’m there as he buzzes me up and I head up there as Connor is wearing a loose single top and shorts that don’t hide much as I walk in thinking he will just want a handshake but really he hugs me and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

“That was unexpected?” I say smiling as he looks across at me “Come on, you don’t think that wasn’t on the cards or you were going to be against” he says cheekily as I smile and sit down in his place which is nice considering that I’ve never been here before.

“This is a really nice place, did you do the designing yourself?” I ask being polite as he laughs hard at it. “Hell no, I pay extra for the place to be furnished when I moved in because honestly, I’d have a couch, TV and my Xbox that would be about it”.

Sitting with Connor, I feel overdressed as we talk “Honestly, I feel so overdressed right now” I say as the cut-out sides of Connor’s tank top show everything off to the world and his shorts are really short when he sits down. Picking up a fresh clean towel off his washing basket Connor chucks it to me “I’m not against you wearing this you know” he says as I hold it up and laugh.

“Well, I’m not wet so don’t really need the towel to dry off,” I say laughing as I look at Connor smirking “I could always go and have a shower and need the towel… unless you have another idea,” I say as Connor laughs and winks at me.

We sit there drinking our coffee, just talking for a while as I look across at him as we are feeling really nervous about being around each other with plenty of nerves about how we feel about each other. It’s weird because I want to be with Connor and I know that he wants to be with me but it’s always such a strange feeling because starting something new is always tough.

As we sit there talking, we get closer and closer as now watching TV we’ve found ourselves cuddling up together like a proper couple would be doing sitting there on TV. Laying there I find myself falling asleep and it feels amazing because it’s been so long since I’ve cuddled up with anyone.

Sitting there with Connor cuddled up is nice, until I realise that it’s quickly getting towards midnight and he’s getting tired and that I need to head home because Jess is going to be bringing Logan and Mia around so that I can take them to school for the week.

The look on Connor’s face tells me that he is disappointed that I can’t stay the night but as much as we both want this, we know that we need to take things slowly for the time being because it’s just a situation that we need to be careful in because any sort of relationship beyond friends.

If anyone finds out about us, it could force more issues than good things for us because the likes of Joe finding out gives them more ammunition and then being partnered together is never going to happen again because of our connection. I head home, regretting not staying with Connor or taking him up on his offer of staying the night or doing anything together.

The next morning, Jess is there bright and early as she smiles at me “How did last night with Dad go?” she asks with no greeting or anything like that as the kids run in as I make her a quick coffee and she sits down at on the couch as we sit there.

“It was good last night, Dad and I got talking about things although I couldn’t tell him about Connor because I know that he would tell me to be careful and I don’t want to have this big conversation about it”.

Jess nods and gets what I mean “Did you talk to Connor since?” she asks almost trying to manage my relationship for me as if I’m a character on the Sims. “Yeah, we texted and I went and visited him after dinner with Dad and he’s gonna come around for lunch and dinner today and tonight” she smiles as I say that and Logan hears me talking about Connor.

“Is that our friend Connor you’re talking about?” he says as I nod to him and he smiles and gets excited “Can he take us to the footy again?” Logan asks as I shrug my shoulders. “You need to ask him this afternoon when he comes to visit” Logan gets excited by the news and then goes back off to play with the collection of Superhero toys that I’ve seemed to amass between him and Bailey coming to visit.

Jess heads off to work, as I sit there and just think about how good it is now that everything is getting back to a true sense of normality lately especially now that I’ve managed to tell Connor about my past and that he is ok with it.