Beyond The Blue

Cracking The Relationship

(Hi everyone, sorry for the delay in chapter; My publishing schedule is out of whack at the moment but will hopefully be back to normal shortly)

Waking up with Connor feels right, his body is so soft, smooth and warm as we lay there together naked, nothing sexual just taking in each other as his alarm goes off at 6:30. I keep my head on his chest as we lay there before realising that we both need to get up.

I head downstairs to make coffee while Connor has a shower and even though I want to be in there with him, things have already gone to a pretty quick pace between us and we don’t want to force things too much faster either despite having sex the other day.

Connor comes downstairs wearing just the jeans he did the other night as he looks across at me “Hope it was cool that I borrowed a pair of your clean boxers” he says smirking as I’m just in my sleep shorts.

“Yeah that’s cool, can keep them if you want,” I say as he smirks and shakes his head at me “Too boring for my taste”. His cute smirk turns me on as I give him a coffee in a travel mug that he can give me back at work this afternoon.

After Connor heads out back to his place, I sit down on the couch as my self-doubt kicks in thinking about Harry again. I know that Harry would be happy for me to be moving on part of me in the back of my mind is nagging at me that I loved him so much but had it all ripped away from us with everything that happened.

Sitting there, I can hear Harry’s voice yelling down at me “Fuck sake T, just get on with life” which is one of the things that he told me that I can’t stop being me and that I’ll find someone just as special as him which Connor is. I get up and pick up the photo of Harry and just look at it for a minute wishing I could get his advice but at the same time I know if he was here we’d probably be married or at least engaged by now.

I get into work about 40 minutes early like normal as I see Connor talking to Steph as I wander over as they have a smile chatting. “Here’s the other lovebird,” she says teasing me as I nudge her and look around to make sure that nobody is around to hear the conversation because it would spell trouble.

On shift this afternoon, I’m with Steph which in theory sounds like a good idea but she’s become like that annoying best friend that wants every detail about Connor and me and how things started. “So how long have you two been together,” she asks trying to get every bit of information out of me that is possible.

“Wait a minute, you two knew each other BEFORE you started here didn’t you,” Steph says trying to think of why me and Connor bonded straight away. “Honestly no we just got along really well as friends from the first day we met on the first day when he offered to take me for a beer and just grew from there” Steph nods and looks at me.

Sitting there looking at me Steph wants answers “So how did you and Connor… you know” she asks politely, if it was anyone else I’d tell them to piss off and leave me alone but Steph is just curious and being such close friends with Connor and now me, it’s just friendly banter.

“Look, it’s really complicated and something that I try not to get myself into talking about ok?” I say trying to put it as gently as possible as a callout distracts us from talking about the situation. Later that night, Steph and I have dealt with our fair share of drunks and noise complaints as we pull into Maccas and grab a coffee and something to eat.

“I know I shut down the conversation before but I don’t like talking about the past because it brings up a lot of old memories about what happened with Harry,” I say as Steph nods and goes to apologise but I stop her before she can. “You don’t need to apologise; Connor knows the whole story about my past and I just always think about what I should have done differently” I get the sense that Steph wasn’t in contact with my brother at the time.

“Break-ups are always hard; I’ve been there with guys when you think you’re in the same place when really they’re so far off the planet you might as well be invisible,” she says not meaning anything nasty in the conversation.

“Well, honestly, in my case it wasn’t a break-up my boyfriend actually died from Cancer which is why I always get emotional talking about it and spent so long at breaking point that I want to and get told to all the time to look forward” Steph puts her arm around me and cuddles into me.

The look of regret on her face is visible “Honestly, I never knew about that and I look so stupid for bringing it up” she says as I shake my head. “Nah not at all, I mean I’m not a very open book at the moment for many reasons but I guess why it’s pretty obvious,” I say as Steph and I head back to the car to head back to the station.

Driving back, Steph nods along knowing that I’m already on a hiding to nothing at the Junction with everything with my dad and then being gay is also going to cause so many issues. Steph and I have a good time as we head back to the station.

It’s about midnight and we debrief after our shift making sure all the paperwork and everything is done before we can head home. Steph heads home as I go and get changed as I bump into Connor who’s had a less than ideal night and looks exhausted.

“Everything ok with you?” I ask as he just shrugs annoyed by the shift he had tonight. “Just the usual shit being put with all the arseholes on this shift that wanna make cracks everywhere they can,” he says as I pat him on the back.

Connor comes into the locker room and changes as we go out to find a quiet spot for a minute “What happened? You normally let things slide like that so something must have happened out there tonight” as I can see on Connor’s face is absolutely seething there right now which is unusual.

“I’m alright, just need to get home to bed” Connor looks still annoyed as we sit outside in the cool air and I want to know what’s happened because this isn’t like him to be that angry. “Look, I don’t want to push things but what happened tonight must’ve been serious because I can see that it’s left you so angry and I hate to see that”.

Connor looks at me “Trent, just leave it ok, I’m angry but I don’t want to make more of an issue of it ok?”. Reluctantly, I nod I don’t want anyone getting away with anything that has hurt Connor but most of all I don’t want people getting away with being lowlife shits.

Heading home, I’m having this internal debate on whether I should have pushed the issue further because I never want anything bad to happen to Connor but then I start doubting that maybe I’m pushing things too far.

It’s about 7 am when I hear my phone buzzing with my alarm going off but I have a look and instead, my phone is ringing and I see Connor’s name on the caller ID so I answer it. “Hey man, what’s up?” I ask as I sound groggy from only just waking up as he has a chuckle “Woke you up didn’t I?” he laughs as I try to answer no.

“Well do you mind if I bring breakfast over?” he says as I wander downstairs and open the door and turn my head. “Yeah, I do mind,” I say leaving the door open for Connor who was already standing outside as he comes in wearing a Nike hoodie and Nike track pants while I’m just in my sleep shorts.

“Sorry about last night, I wanted to talk about it but I didn’t want to talk about it there,” he says as he picks up his weird Almond milk coffee concoction and then his very unhealthy bacon roll as we sit down at the dining table as I have my plain old flat white to go with my Bacon and Egg roll.

I look at Connor “So what happened last night? You normally let things slide but last night you looked like you wanted to rip someone’s head off” I say as he rolls his eyes but nods along with me.

“Well yeah, I was with Simon who is Joe’s best mate and he just kept going with the cheap shots all night and I knew Joe would’ve put him up to it but it was worse than what I could have expected to cop from Joe,” he says getting frustrated.

I shake my head annoyed “So what happened exactly?” I ask as he looks across at me and has a look that he doesn’t want to talk about it. “I don’t want to take this further ok and cause more trouble,” he says as I realise this is the first time since knowing Connor he has felt defeated in anything that he has done.

“Of course not, I’m not going to tell anyone or tell you what to do about it ok? I just don’t want you to have it all piled up on your shoulders” I say to him smiling remember having this same sort of conversation with Harry when he had a massive problem when he started his new job.

Connor lets out a massive sigh “Well we had a call out about a family disturbance which was tough but got sorted out and we got back into the car and on the way back, he says that good parents wouldn’t let their children come in the middle of a fight then turns to me and makes a crack about well you wouldn’t know about being a good parent cause you are so far away from your kid”.

I shake my head getting annoyed, anybody who cares and knows Connor is that he is an amazing dad to Chase and does everything that he can in the circumstances. “That’s totally fucked up man but I’m sensing that it’s not the only thing that happened,” I say as he shakes his head to tell me that it wasn’t all of it.

“All night it was little digs and then comments about me being gay were coming you know, all trying to be subtle but they were constant which ended up with a comment about well we all know the reason why I don’t get to see Chase and how he’s protected” which gets him annoyed and gets me annoyed.

“That’s fucking disgusting and I can get why you were so angry,” I say as he nods and looks at me “I don’t care if people don’t like me but to bring Chase in this is absolutely ridiculous and I love my boy so much and I wish every day that he was here but there’s more family for him in Wyndham,” he says getting upset which makes me upset.

Sitting there I want to tell him to talk to someone about it because it’s only going to get worse but he wants to let it slide. I change the topic away from the negative to talking about whether Connor wants to do anything on the weekend.

“You busy on the weekend?” I ask as he nods “I’m on shift Friday night and Saturday night so going to be sleeping” he says annoyed as I realise that the rosters again are starting to split us up which is getting really annoying and even though I know Ange is trying to put us together, she can’t overstep in changing the roster willy-nilly.

“Fuck that, I’m working Friday and Sunday morning with Saturday off,” I say as we both realise that we’re being separated again knowing that Keith is in charge of rostering. “Genuinely, do you get the feeling that we’re being rostered at the complete opposite times and even trying to stop us from seeing each other outside of work?” I say probably overthinking things as Connor nods in agreement.

“Honestly, yeah it does to me too, it’s like we’ve been too close and they don’t like it,” he says as he shakes his head annoyed by that because we actually work pretty efficiently together as well when we are out on shift like the day with Levi.

“Imagine how they’d freak out knowing that you’ve slept in the same bed as me naked” we both laugh as I say that before Connor takes it further “Well what about if they knew you had my cock in that amazing tight hole of yours too,” he says as we both laugh thinking about the other day when he fucked me.

We sit there for a while, just chatting away about anything and everything before Connor has to head to an appointment and heads back to his place. After Connor leaves, I can’t help but think about what he said to me about what was said last night and I know that he told me not to say anything to anyone about it but part of me can’t let it go because it was so targeted.

I sit there for a bit procrastinating on whether I should call Dad and in the end I do just under the guise of some hypothetical advice.

Me: “Hey Dad, I need to ask your advice on something but I gotta stress nobody can know, ok?”

Dad: “Hi Trent, ah I think I can help but if it's relationship stuff isn’t that more for Jess than me?”

Me: “Nah, it’s work-related for both of us”

Dad: “Ah ok so they’re getting to you finally?”

Me: “Not me yet, look a close friend of mine was on shift last night and was the target of some pretty nasty shit about him being gay isn’t natural and that his son living with his mother in Wyndham and I just think there’s more going on”

Dad: “That’s pretty nasty, that Joe again?”

Me: “Nah, it was Simon Harper I’m pretty sure that’s his surname”

Dad: “Ah yes, Simon Harper and I are old acquaintances if you get my drift,” Dad’s tone tells me that he has dealt with Simon in a professional capacity before.

Me: “That doesn’t surprise me at all considering he’s Joe’s best mate”

Dad: “Of course, he drifted that way… Simon was a cop elsewhere and had several incidents let’s just say and had one last choice of staying in the force to be a constable never to be promoted back to sergeant or be fired”

Me: “Wow it must have been bad then to get something like that?”

Dad: “Yeah it was but he had friends in higher places that sort of gave him the lesser of the two options; So about your friend I’m gonna assume this is Connor you’re talking about?”

Me: “Yep, he told me not to say anything to anyone because he doesn’t want to grow the target on his back or do anything but I can’t let it stand anymore especially with Joe starting to ramp up the attacks again”

Dad: “The only thing that I can recommend is an anonymous complaint but even then we would need to talk to Connor about it… although I can push forward a review of the station”

Me: “A review? What does that mean?”

Dad: “Every couple of years, we review the processes of the station either directly or indirectly by placing a temporary officer from our staff in and they conduct a report over a period and come back to us with the information, nobody ever knows”

Me: “As long as nobody ever finds out that I asked about this, it might be a good idea because Connor told me not to say anything to anyone and with our friendship, we’ve gotten close so share a lot that we don’t tell anybody else”

Dad: “When you say you’ve gotten close, do you mean? Actually, I don’t want to know but just be careful because if you get together then there could be an issue about you two working together and if the others find out”

Me: “Yeah, we just make sure that we don’t let on in the station and it’s only our little group of friends that now”

Dad: “I’ve got to go but I’ll look into what I said and keep it a surprise from everyone except Ange because she has to at least now”.

Getting off the phone, I sit there I don’t know whether I did the right thing because on one hand I’ve betrayed what Connor wanted me to do but on the other, I can’t stand by and just let that situation happen because if it continues then something will happen and it’s not good for him either.

While I’m on the couch on my phone, I ring Tom because I haven’t had a chance to check in to see how Levi is going.

Tom: “Hey this is Tom”

Me: “Hey man, it’s Trent”

Tom: “What’s happening man? Some of the guys wanna know when you’ll be back in the ring with them”

Me: “I’m trying to get there next week, but had heaps going on speaking of which, how’s Levi doing?”

Tom: “Yeah not too bad, he’s keeping to himself a lot but he’s doing his school work and talking with the counsellor which is good and he helps out around here”

Me: “That’s good, I might come down to talk to him tomorrow before work if that’s cool”

Tom: “Yeah that would be good, he’s actually asked if he could talk to you and I wasn’t sure if you gave him your number”

Me: “Can you give it to him for me? I want to talk to him and just think that maybe with a friendly face that he will open up a lot more.

Tom: “Yeah no problems man, I’ve gotta go anyway but drop by anytime you want alright?”

I get off the phone and know that Levi is doing ok there at least from the outside, I’ve tried to do my own digging at the station but I can’t really do much without anything being made official which it hasn’t.

Getting ready for work, I head in there early trying to be there early just to get everything prepped for the night. As I’m sitting there Ange calls me into her office and it makes me worried that I’ve done something wrong as I head in there and sit down at her desk.

“Why are you looking so scared Trent?” she says with a laugh as she sits down and looks across at me as I am still panicked about what this could be about. “So there are two things that I want to talk to you about both good so don’t worry alright”

I let out a sigh of relief as we sit there as Ange pushes a piece of paper across from me “After everything that happened at Hamilton Park with you and the self-harm threat the commander has listed you for a commendation for your efforts that day and creating a positive outcome, especially with your inexperience” she says to me as I smile but shake my head.

“I was just doing my job, Levi needed somebody to talk to and it was just luck for him that he found me,” I say as Ange nods but then stops me.

“That’s why we are recommended you for the commendation because you kept your calm and didn’t try to rush the situation and you can argue all you want against it but it’s happening,” she says with a matter-of-fact tone that makes me understand that I’m not going to win any argument.

Ange smiles thinking that she knows she’s won that argument “In two weeks we’re going to send you off onto a driver training course which is a high-intensity course that takes a while to complete because we believe you’re ready to go onto that level and you are already showing skills beyond your years” she says as I smile.

“I’m glad that I’m pleasing you and mostly everyone here but part of me can’t help but think that if I was someone else at the station I wouldn’t be getting all this so early into my career,” I say as Ange gets an annoyed look on her face.

“Trent, we can all see with our own eyes how good of an officer you already are and I know that there is a small group that doesn’t like you but forget about them and think of everybody who has spoken of you positively,” she says as I nod and take a bit of confidence that people do like me here.

“I know that group is very vocal and if I could I’d have them gone by now but the majority of people like you and every progress report I get from the sergeants tell me you're performing beyond expectations and yes even though he won’t say it to your face, Keith thinks you’re a very good cop,” she says which surprises me considering how much he’s said he’d want me gone.

Leaving Ange’s office I get a big boost in confidence and head downstairs to find Connor with Jamie sitting together chatting away as I join them “You look happy this afternoon Trent… did you two?” I roll my eyes as Connor hits Jamie to tell him to be quiet.

Sitting there, I’m dreading who I’m going to be put with given the last few days as the names get read out as “Jones and Hannan” which makes me smile because I’m getting a rare shift with Connor today which will be good.

Heading out to the car, Connor looks at me “Did you say anything about what happened to me?” he asks as I shake my head wondering where this could be coming from considering that I had only talked to Dad this morning.

“Of course not, why would you think that I would?” I ask worried that word got out already from someone after I spoke to Dad on the phone this afternoon.

“Just that we’re actually allowed to be together for a change, that’s all,” he says laughing as I quickly realise that he’s joking with me and taking advantage of how gullible I can be when he is making jokes.

The jokes getting into the car are about the only highlight we get for the shift as we are mainly just assisting on a gang shooting so we don’t get much time to hang out and instead we’re just canvasing witnesses which typically nobody saw anything despite being right in front of what happened.

It’s a frustrating night because you’re being treated like you’re the evil ones in the world and causing trouble when a group of innocent people just got caught up in an argument that the gang squad think started all over a set of wheels on a car. The shift feels like it goes forever as there is just a lot of standing around and making sure that nobody turns up that shouldn’t be there and maintaining the scene.

Eventually, Connor and I are allowed to go back to the station as we sit there and just both let out a sigh “That could’ve been the most boring eight hours of my life” he says as I nod in agreement as even though we both know that police work isn’t all glory and catching bad guys this won’t go down in the memory as one of the memorable shifts.

Over the next few days, I don’t get a chance to see Connor with our shifts being separated which is annoying because when I’m at work he’s sleeping and when I’m sleeping he’s working. Eventually, we get to catch up although as soon as he gets there he has to take a phone call that takes a while.

“Everything ok?” I ask as he shakes my head “Well I don’t know, you know how there were all those apartments down by the airport with the cracks that are now unstable to live at” I nod my head knowing that Joel was living in one of those towers.

“Well they had to do an inspection of my tower and well they found the same major issues and so as of this morning my place is deemed unliveable and from 4 pm this afternoon we need to be out of there,” Connor says as he looks devastated because it was a place that he saved up for and made his home given that he has no real family close by.

“They’re putting us up in a hotel until the end of the week if we cannot find anywhere else to stay which is mine but really it’s a pretty average motel out in Silverdale that’s owned by the same people who own the tower and I saw the pictures and it’s pretty dodgy,” he says as I look across at him.

“Well, at least you have somewhere to move into at least,” I say as he looks across at me confused about what I mean right now. “There is no way I’m moving into the police house with the types that I would be sharing with there,” he says as I shake my head at how dumb he is.

As our coffee and food come I sit there and look at Connor “You idiot, you’ve got my place to move into and live at” I say as he looks across at me surprised that I’m offering my house to him. “What do you mean moving in with you?” he asks as I don’t quite get what is so hard to understand about what I said.

“You moving into my house with me, I mean I live alone so I could do with the company and your living in the same area and honestly you aren’t going to be paying any rent of anything on it,” I say as Connor looks a bit tentative about things.

I put my hand on his for a moment “If it wasn’t ok then I wouldn’t have said anything and I want you to move in with me, I’ve got three bedrooms and really I doubt we need to use either of the spare rooms” I say as he laughs and rolls his eyes.

“Wouldn’t I impact on your ability to do your uncle duties with Logan and Mia?” he asks as I look across at him with a look that makes him quickly realise how stupid his argument then was. “Of course, it would make Logan excited to have me around a lot more wouldn’t it,” he says as we both laugh as I nod.

It’s funny how much Logan has become attached to Connor right from the first minute that they met at the footy that night and how when Connor was over when I had to pick him up from school, I didn’t see Connor for the two hours that they were together.

“You don’t need to make a decision straight away, I know I just sprung it on you but I thought it was the best option because that way you’re living in the same area and you don’t need to worry about things too much” Connor looks across at me and smiles.

“You’re amazing Trent and I’ll definitely take you up on your offer and I’ll help you cover rent or whatever you need,” he says as I smile and lean across and kiss him for some reason which he kisses me back.

Sitting there, I can see a lot of tension just fly out of Connor who has had a lot on his mind lately as we finish up “I’ve got a physio appointment in 20 minutes down the road so I will come down and help you move stuff that you need after that” I say as we hug and I head to my appointment as Connor goes the other way.

As I’m walking to the physio my phone rings and I see a number I don’t recognise on it

Me: “Hello this is Trent”

Person: “Umm Hi Trent… this is Levi… remember”

Me: “Oh hey Levi, of course, I remember you it’s good to hear from you, how are you doing?”

Levi: “Yeah not too bad, it’s nice to be able to be myself around here and everybody is really kind and sweet”

Me: “Yeah that’s good, I talked to Tom the other day and he said you’ve been doing your school work lately and getting good marks”

Levi: “Just been wanting to focus on something other than life at the moment which is partly why I want to talk to you about something if you can help me?”

Me: “I can try if you tell me what it is and I can see what I can do”

Levi: “Well my parents have been around at Tommy’s place trying to get information on where I am and even though his family know he’s gay, they won’t leave them alone and I know my Dad has parked the car outside school when it’s home time trying to find me”.

Me: “Well look, there are plenty of options but I need to make it official before I can do anything especially when it comes to Tommy and his family; By the way how are things with him?”

Levi: “A bit tough, he is still really angry at me for what happened even though he knows it wasn’t necessarily my fault and then he’s annoyed my parents won’t leave his family alone even though he knows I’m not living there”

I sigh realising how tough this is and how my appointment is only in a couple of minutes

Me: “Look, things aren’t going to be easy for a while but just tell him that you’re working on it and ask him to call the station and ask for me because I know the circumstance, he’s in or if I’m not there as for Constable Jones, ok? And not that I want to brush you off but I’ve got to get to an appointment so I’ll catch up with you there tomorrow or on the weekend?”

Levi: “No problems Trent and thanks for all your help”

I get off the phone, part of me is happy that I know Levi is doing a lot better than he was but know there is still such a long path for him to get to the end of it and I just want to be able to help him out because he seems like a really good kid.

My appointment goes well and I manage to get out early before I text Connor

1:53 pm: “Hey man, what do you need help moving or what do you want me to bring to help you move?”

1:56 pm: “Can you just get some boxes? I’m just going to take my clothes and pictures and little stuff, they’ve given us a couple of extra days to move bigger stuff so we can take some time doing it”

I text him a thumbs up and head back to my car and find somewhere to grab some boxes as I’m getting excited to think that Connor is about to move in with me.