Beyond The Blue

(Sorry for the long delay in chapters, I've recently started a new job so my writing time has been cut short and with some writers block not helping either)

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Heading to bed, Connor feels so much better as we get in and I cuddle into him reminding him that he can talk to me about anything which I know he knows but I just think this situation is so complicated to talk about that he just doesn’t know how to and keeping the details so secret for so long is the main issue.

Getting up the next morning, Connor has moved my phone again so that my alarm can’t go off and that I sleep in so as I get downstairs he’s already up and been out to the shops and back as I find everything ready for me on the table for breakfast.

“Morning sexy,” he says walking over to me as I look surprised at how much effort he went to as he puts his arms over the top of me and kisses me as I can feel his muscles poke through his tight Nike t-shirt against my muscled chest.

Pulling away from me Connor finishes making his almond milk coffee concoction as I sit down at the table “So what’s all this for again?” I ask as he just shrugs. “You put up with so much of my nonsense last night and over the past few weeks being my carer and therapist,” he says as I get the sense that he is guilty about putting his problems on to me.

Sitting there I just look at him “You’re my fiancé and I love you so, of course, I’m going to look after the most amazing man in my life especially given how much of my crap you put up with” I say smiling to him as he smiles and he kisses my neck before sitting at the table.

“So what are the plans for today?” I ask as he glares at me because I’m supposed to be not doing anything again but I want to be doing something whether it be at either of the gyms, helping Tom or just stuff around the house. “Nothing, we’re just going to chill here today because there’s nothing to do at the gym until the permits come through and I just want to spend the day with you,” Connor says as I nod and smile as he gets up and massages my shoulders.

Picking food off my plate, I glare up at him “You’ve got your own or could’ve bought your own” I say to him as he just swallows it and then kisses me before sitting back down to eat his Avocado toast with Egg.

I sit there not sure whether I should bring up last night’s conversation but I eventually do wanting to make sure that he’s ok “You feeling ok after talking about everything last night to do with Chase and Olivia?” I ask worried that I’m going to rub salt into the wounds.

“Yeah, it was good to get it off my chest with you because it’s such a complicated situation that people get really judgmental when you tell them at 17 you became a Dad and then people often judge me for not being there especially when I talk about how young Chase was when they moved and people usually think I’ve done something wrong” which I nod and understand because we are all probably guilty of doing that.

Connor feels much more comfortable about talking about it now which makes me happier “So how did your parents feel when you told them?” I ask as Connor sort of shrugs his shoulders not really giving me a clue as to what happened. “They weren’t exactly thrilled about the situation and called me a stupid boy which is probably right but I didn’t really expect the situation to be happening either, they quickly came to terms with it and being so far away from home it was weird too” I sit there nodding and not even having a clue at how much of a shock it would have been.

As Connor talks about things, I realise how much he has bottled up a lot of things because he’s just had to go with the flow, especially about Olivia moving away with Chase and the limited opportunities that he gets to be a dad which even though he wasn’t even in Year 12 yet, it’s the proudest achievement of his life.

Sitting there talking, Connor again feels so much better getting off his chest and our conversation is only interrupted by his phone going off as he gets up to answer it and I finally get the chance to finish off breakfast as he comes back with a neutral look on his face.

“That was the permit people and they wanted to let me know that there was something important,” he says as I think that this is going to be bad news as I run my hands over my face. “Fuck, what did they say was wrong?” I say as Connor still looks down about it.

Standing there he can’t keep it up for too much longer “Nothing, all the permits have been approved and as of today that we can actually start work legitimately” he says excitedly as I get up and kiss him deeply thinking this day was never coming.

“You better not be messing with me” Connor shakes his head at me as I smile and we can finally get this work done even though we’ve been doing all the little stuff that we can to make sure we are prepared and that everybody is ready to go.

“Nope, we’re allowed to start work from today and there’s the usual sort of conditions for a place like that in a metro street but we’ve planned around them so we can get all our contractors in pretty much straight away” Connor is focussed right now and I love how determined that he is about everything about this project and how much ownership he has taken.

The rest of the morning is spent organising everyone to be ready so that work can start tomorrow or whenever possible so that we can finally get these underway. Most of the morning flies by as we make sure that everyone can turn up to the schedule before Connor and I get ready to head to the gym for a while.

The day of relaxation is completely gone as we are rushing around making sure that everything is right for the workers to come in because whilst at the same time we don’t want to rush things and make things perfect, we want to get things going especially with the trial and all that approaching.

It’s about mid-afternoon when we are working on the gym when Connor looks across at me as I’m carrying some stuff in “Don’t we need to pick up Logan and Mia this afternoon?” he says as I just nod.

“Yeah but it’s… oh crap it’s 2:30 and it’s gonna take me ages to get there,” I say sprinting out grabbing my keys and driving to the school only getting there ten minutes late.

Despite only being 10 minutes later, Logan doesn’t let me forget it “Uncle Trent is late to pick us up… Mum isn’t going to be happy” he says as Mia just nods and naturally teams up with him. “I was doing some work at the new gym with Connor and lost track of time,” I say as they just grin.

“Well because we’re late, we are really hungry and could do with some ice cream,” they say as I know what they are trying to do again and are surprised that keep doing it because it usually never works. “Are you really trying this on again today?” I ask them as they nod and Mia starts doing the talking now.

“You were late Uncle Trent and if we told Mum she’s not going to be happy,” she says with the poise of a lawyer putting a criminal under cross-examination as I relent today because I am feeling guilty about being late and I’m in a good mood.

Driving past McDonalds I pull in towards the drive-thru “So if we do this today, you don’t ask me again on the way home and we don’t tell your mother” I say to them as they nod even though I know they will try it again in the future.

Sitting in the car, I’m now worried that they are going to spill so I decide that they can have a plain Sundae because it has the lid and I don’t need to worry about them spilling the ice cream in the back of my car especially with the no food in Uncle Trent’s car although if we were in Connor’s there’s a different story.

Getting home, the kids rush inside to eat their Ice Cream and I have to bring their bags in as they think that they are getting away with a lot more than what they usually do but I bring them crashing back to earth. “Ah you two, just because you have Ice Cream doesn’t mean that the rules change, homework still has to be done before you can do anything else,” I say as the groan thinking that it was a free play afternoon.

The two of them do their homework as I sit on my laptop looking at the accounts for both gyms and the budget that we have for everything and thankfully there is more than enough for us to do both things. Sitting there, I look over at the kids doing their homework and think about what Connor said about being a Dad and how much he misses everything with Chase being so far away as I think about how that feels because I’m just an uncle but always feel like I’m missing the kids when I can’t look after them.

The situation with Connor and Chase is something that I’m never going to understand 100% as much as I try to put myself in his situation but just can’t because having a baby so young is tough on its own but for then to have him move away so young it would be tough. I’ve never had a situation where any of my family have been far away from here because we’ve always been near each other whenever we needed them.

“Uncle Trent… is Uncle Connor going to be home soon he promised to finish the game with me,” Logan says as I snap back to the reality of things at the moment. “Not this afternoon, he’s got some work to do at the new gym so I don’t know when he’ll be back, but I promise when you come over on the weekend he’ll be home” Logan nods and I know that promise is one that needs to be kept.

Logan goes upset knowing that’s a promise as he finally gets to have his sleepover with “Uncle Connor” as he calls him which I just smile at because it didn’t take Logan long for him to adore Connor and I think for Connor, it was a similar thing because he gets to spend time being with Logan because it reminds him of what he gets to do with Chase.

Sitting on my laptop, I look at Mia who has the TV on to watch whatever the kid show of the moment is but I see her standing there looking at my photos as I look and see that she is intent on the one with me and Harry standing there. Whilst Logan was super close to Harry, Mia was probably the closer of the two of them and I know that she misses him as I wander over to her.

“What’s the matter, Mia?” I ask as she looks at me and just shrugs her shoulders. “Nothing” she sits down on the couch and doesn’t say too much to me right now. I quickly realise that she is thinking about Harry right now and then thinking how she isn’t really that open to Connor yet.

“Come on Mia, you know that you can talk to Uncle Trent about anything?” I say to her as she sits there and nods to me and hugs me tightly. “I miss Uncle Harry so much and I don’t want you to forget about him because with Uncle Connor everybody loves him but nobody talks about Uncle Harry,” she says as I put my arm around her.

I just smile “I never forget about Uncle Harry, every day I miss seeing him or talking to him and I’m never going to forget him,” I say as she looks at me. “Really? Everybody talks about Uncle Connor and him getting hurt but nobody talks about Uncle Harry” she says as I just nod to reassure her again.

“Yeah, I know that we talk about Uncle Connor a lot but I still think about Uncle Harry, I can walk past the shops and see the Banana Cake and think how much Uncle Harry hated Banana and would pretend to vomit remember?” I say as we both laugh and I can see Mia cheering up a lot more as we both laugh and remember Harry.

“Do you remember when Nanny gave Uncle Harry the Bananas because she thought he liked them and he had to eat them when we went to the Train Museum” Mia laughs and that was the day when she and Harry really connected because she wanted to the Barbie Movie that was on at the Movies and nobody really wanted to go because we preferred the Museum but he agreed to take her while we went to the Museum.

Talking to Mia about Harry gives me a much-needed boost and I think it reassures her that it’s ok for Connor to be here because as we talk about him she sees me get happy “I’m happy that Uncle Connor makes you happy again Uncle Trent cause Mummy said you were sad about Uncle Harry” she says to me as I hug her.

I leave her to watch TV and go upstairs to check on Logan who is in his own world like usual when he plays upstairs “Can I join too?” I ask Logan as he is so in engrossed in what’s going on that it takes him a while to see me standing there.

“Yeah but you don’t do the voices as good as Uncle Connor,” he says to me as I just shake my head and sit down to play with him for a bit. Sitting there playing with him is fun “So do you enjoy playing with Uncle Connor more than you do me?” I ask Logan who nods straight away.

I glare at Logan who just laughs “You’re not bad uncle Trent but Uncle Connor does the voices better and he knows who all of the bad guys are” he says as I nod and can’t lie that I struggle to keep up with who’s who and get what they do wrong because for Logan that is the most important thing in being accurate.

After playing with Logan for a while I head back downstairs and text Connor to see how everything is going as I can tell that he is excited about this and that’s good because as Steph told me he always loves having something to do which I can tell since we’ve been together and since he can’t work, I think he’s been lost.

I sit down on my laptop talking to Mia about school when Jess comes through the back door and has a look at the Ice Cream containers on the table “So they finally conned you into it” she says as Mia turns around. “Uncle Trent was late picking us up that’s why, he was guilty,” Mia says turning her head back to the TV as I look at her.

“Well, that’s the last time I trust you with a secret,” I say to her as she just giggles as Jess sits there with her arms folded. “I was only 10 minutes late because we got the permit approval for the gym this morning so we were down there and then coming through to pick them up I got traffic and because I was late I felt bad,” I say as Jess nods and then just shrugs her shoulders.

“So you got there about when I got there,” she says as I roll my eyes. “It must’ve been a heart attack ride having them eating Ice Cream in your car” I look at Jess as she ends up just rolling her eyes knowing my answer.

“If I’m not letting Connor eat in my car, then what makes you think that I’m going to let these two? I’d be finding Ice Cream and rubbish on the outside if that happened” I say as we both laugh and sit there talking. Jess sends Mia upstairs to go help Logan clean up and tell him that it’s time to go home as she looks at me.

I sit there for a minute as I know that Jess is sensing something “You are going to ask me a question because you are going to tell me that something is bothering me again, so no it’s not but just talking to Mia had me thinking about something that she said today”.

“After she finished her homework, I was on my laptop doing some of the finances for both gyms and instead of watching TV she was standing there looking at the photo of Harry and she was really weird about it and then wanted to know why everyone was forgetting about him and focussing on Connor,” I say as Jess nods her head and drops knowing what I mean.

Jess sighs for a moment as she thinks about what I said “Yeah, I’ve kind have thought about that especially with you and Connor because Mia has kind of been weird about it and when Connor got shot, she was really weird when we talked about him but I think it was that you know” I nod my head as Logan and Mia come down the stairs bickering over everything and anything.

“Alright you two, come on it’s not worth having the issue because you’ve been good all afternoon,” I say as they get their things and follow Jess out to the car. Jess turns back and looks at me “I’ll talk to Mia without being obvious about how she feels about Connor” I nod but not wanting to make a big deal out of it.

They leave just short of 6 pm and I’m sitting there waiting to know whether Connor is going to be home shortly about what to do with dinner now that I know that I’m probably going to be pushed to second fiddle behind the gym.

Me: “Hey you, getting carried away there now are you?”

Connor: “Oh shit... I didn’t realise it was that late, how were the kids?”

Me: “Well I made a promise to someone that you would be home over the weekend when he comes to stay because you owe him a game or something” 

Connor just laughs at that and I can tell what face he would have right now there

Connor: “Yeah I’ve got to finish that game off with him and I promised him we would do it today before I got side-tracked with the gym”

Me: “Yeah you did, but he’s ok with it because I made that promise to him although you are officially replacing me these days”

Connor: “Well you’ll have to tell me when I get home, what are you planning for dinner?”

Me: “I haven’t done anything yet because I didn’t know when you’d be back”

Connor: “Yeah it’s my bad, don’t bother getting anything out, I’ll meet you over at the pub in about an hour? That way gives me time to change”

I get off the phone with Connor and head upstairs to have a shower, letting the water run down my body is just what I need but Mia’s words about Harry are still sitting with me in my mind and think about how with Harry we were together so long but right now with Connor everything is so rushed.

I love Connor and in my head, I know that he is the man that I want to be with for the rest of my life and have no doubts about us being together but I always wonder what people on the outside think about it because it’s been so quick and I wonder if people think that I’ve forgotten about Harry.

The shower is longer than I thought because I’m standing there just thinking about Harry and how much I’ve missed him and the little things that he used to do that always made me smile like how Bananas were banned from the apartment because Harry hated the taste, texture and all-round smell of them. It was something that I never really got back into eating that much because I’d gone so long without them, that when I ate one it was never as good as I remembered.

Getting out of the shower, my mind is now frazzled thinking about Harry and what Mia said to me, it’s bothering me right now that she thinks that I’m forgetting about Harry and maybe that is what it does look like.

I just put on a t-shirt and jeans before heading across the road to the pub and sitting down at our usual table grabbing a coke for me and a beer for Connor and waiting for him to come through. Sitting there, I have a look at everyone and those that do know me here only know me for living across the road which is good and when I was with Harry we were in a different part of the city so nobody knows my past.

Connor finally comes in having been across the road getting changed “Hey you” he says leaning over to kiss me as we sit down. “How was the afternoon with the kids?” he says with a smile as he looks at the menu like he’s not going to get the usual.

“Interesting,” I say as Connor just laughs at me when I say that and nod my head about the afternoon. “Well I’ve been replaced as the favourite uncle you know,” I say as Connor smiles and looks smugly at me as I just roll my eyes right now.

Connor sits there as he is still trying to decide on dinner as I fold my arms at him “You’re going to order the usual anyway, so why the hold-up” I say to him as he looks at me and just rolls his eyes. I tell him what I want and he wanders over and orders for it paying for dinner tonight even though I was happy to do it as he comes back and sits down.

“So what makes me so much better than you? Well, I mean I know why but tell me anyway” Connor feels smug about it as he just laughs. “You do all the voices and know which villain is supposed to do what and that is very important don’t you know,” I say as Connor just nods his head at me.

“Well yes, because you confuse them all and make them do things that they can’t do,” he says as I just look at him wondering where the hell this superhero nerd has come from. “You are kidding aren’t you? There was never an issue with me before playing with Logan and the Spiderman toys” I’m astounded at both Connor replacing me and how much he knows.

Connor has another mouthful of beer and then looks at me “Look, it’s not about who’s being better or that, it’s just that sometimes you want the real thing and I’ve watched you playing with Logan and for example, you get Rhino confused with Hammerhead and then there are other little things”.

I sit there shaking my head “So I’m useless then?” I say as Connor just cheekily nods his head as I lean over and whack him. “So what did they get out of you this afternoon for being late? Because I know you’d have given in today” he says as I finish off my coke.

“They got their ice cream today but it was meant to be a secret until one little blabber mouth couldn’t keep her mouth shut,” I say as Connor mocks outrage right now. “They got to have ice cream and have it in your car when I’m not even allowed to have anything to eat in there?” he says as I just look at him.

“Do you really think that I let them eat in my car let alone having those two eat Ice-Cream in there?” I say to Connor who again rolls his eyes and is always at me about letting him eat in my car. “Of course not, I should have known that it would never happen that way,” he says laughing right now as our food comes.

I look at Connor’s plate and get shocked that instead of having Steak or a Burger, he’s actually gone for a Seafood Pasta which is unusual because even though I knew Connor liked Fish when it was fried and battered but I never realised he liked Seafood like this.

“That was not what I was expecting you to have at all, you’re not doing this just because I said you’d have your usual are you,” I ask as Connor just smiles. “Am I that petty?” he says with a smile on his face as I can see him actually enjoying the food right now.

I sit there and look at him “Yes, you are that petty and you know it” he just laughs and nods as we sit there eating dinner. “How was Mia this afternoon?” he asks as I don’t know whether to bring up the whole Harry issue right now especially here in the pub.

“She was herself really,” I say not going into details but Connor realises that I am hiding something right now like he has a sixth sense about this especially when I am thinking about something or it’s bothering me.

I keep eating my dinner trying to change the topic “So how much stuff did you get done this afternoon?” I sit there and Connor looks at me shaking his head but then just goes through all the stuff that he did and what he got organised as I tell him what I did as well.

After finishing dinner, we sit there watching TV for a while as he has another drink and I have some bets with some wins tonight before we head home. Heading upstairs, we just decide to go to bed and sit up there and just listen to some music which is a mix of what Connor likes and what I like which has some differences but a lot of similarities.

“So what was going on with Mia this afternoon? You changed topics so quickly that I know something was bothering you” he says to me as I’m getting changed and getting into bed.

I shake my head “It’s nothing that I really want to bother you with or put on your plate”. Connor puts his arm around me as I get in and kisses me for a moment. “Considering everything I put you through lately, I think you talking to me about the situation is only fair… if you want to of course,” he says to me as I sit there thinking about it.

“Well this afternoon, Logan came up here to play like normal but I could see Mia looking up at the photos and she asked me why everybody was forgetting about Uncle Harry,” I say as Connor nods not surprised by that comment. “Ah right and you’re thinking about that aren’t you,” he says to me as I nod.

“It just got me thinking you know because she was talking about how much she missed him and that with everything going on with you getting shot, she just felt that everybody had forgotten about Harry so I had to tell her that nobody had forgotten about him” I explain to Connor as he nods and listens to me.

I lay there knowing this situation is probably awkward for him and I don’t want to keep talking about it because I don’t want to make things weird between us right now but Connor keeps prompting me to talk about it. “Well I mean, we talked about how I never forget about Harry and he’s always with me but then at the same time it just got me thinking about what everybody else thinks like me moving so quickly with you and that”.

My anxiety internally is taking over as now I’m worried that Connor is going to sense or think that I have any hesitation about us being together but he just smiles at me. “It doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks about us or our relationship, it only matters that we are together and love each other and I know that every time I look in your eyes that you love me and I love you too Trent,” he says to me as I smile and hug him tightly.

“And as I’ve told you so many times, I don’t care if you want to think about Harry or miss him because he is such a big part of who you are and I understand that,” he says to me as I smile at him and kiss him. “I know other people might think it’s weird but at the same time, they don’t know how amazing of a person you are and to go through that so young it’s totally understandable,” he says to me as I smile.

Laying there with Connor makes me feel so much better, I knew that this would be the answer that he gives me and I know he is genuine about it when he tells me that he doesn’t care when I want to talk about Harry or feel like I’m missing him because he was such a big part of why I am who I am in life these days.