Beyond The Blue

Connor and I sit there together watching everything go down across the road, I feel him squeeze my hand nervous just like I am right now with so many people we know down there involved. It should only be a ten-minute thing but it feels like an absolute eternity as it ends up with a small stand-off between some of the assailants and the armed units that were waiting.

The time drags on as we can hear everything going on as everybody does their job as I look across at Connor “This is it, babe… you’ll know who did this to you” I say as the time absolutely drags on as we hear a couple of gunshots that bring back some panic in Connor’s demeanour.

“It’s ok, it’ll be all ok,” I say to him as I rub his hand as we sit there together and I can’t help but be panicking on the inside while trying to stay calm for Connor’s sake as we don’t know what is going on in there. I stand up and take him away from the audio for a moment and just need some space “You sure you’re ok Connor? You’ve barely gotten over being shot and this is all so close” I say to him as he nods.

“Yeah I’m ok, just hearing that sound isn’t something that I’ll ever forget or just everything going black without realising and just remembering the last thing that I ever said to Jamie was calling him a prick,” he says as I hug him as he lets out the emotion and opens up more to me about what happened that day.

Standing there, I’ve still got the earpiece in so I can hear everything going on as Connor lets out the emotion on my shoulder “Why couldn’t I have told Jamie how good of a guy he is or just something more amazing instead of telling him he was a prick” he says to me as I hold him and look at him.

“You weren’t serious when you said that to Jamie, you were having a crack back at some nonsense he would’ve said right?” I say to him as he nods and cracks a small smile. “Of course he was, he was telling me that how much of a royal honour it was that I was chucking him the keys of the car,” Connor says as it sums up Jamie and what he was like.

We head back to the window as I hear a voice come through my ear “All Clear… All Clear” and as I hear that I give Connor a thumbs up which means that the situation and all six people have been stopped. It’s a matter of minutes later, as Dad gives us the all-clear to come across the road and I look at Connor to see if that’s really what he wants to do right now whether he wants to go across and confront who did it.

Connor looks at me and nods “Of course I do, I want to see their faces when I walk in with confidence with you rather than them thinking that they’ve beaten me” he says with his usual determination and confidence that I love and makes me feel so much more confident about my life.

We walk down across the road to the bank, where the six people that were involved in the direct robbery are laying face down handcuffed as we are waiting for the transport to arrive to take them back to the station. As each of the people is uncovered, nobody is shocked to see any faces because everything matches up, especially when there are two in particular who are unmasked.

“Having a good afternoon, Joe?” Connor says as the mask comes off and surprising most of the people there but not anyone connected to Taskforce Albatross there are some familiar faces from inside the police force in this group.

“What the fuck you little faggot? I thought you were on your deathbed with that other faggot crying over you because he had a bad day” Joe says to Connor who doesn’t let it bother him today as he just smiles. “Pathetic, you’re caught red-handed and down with only a life in jail ahead of you and still wanna talk shit about me… well I don’t fucking give a shit because I’m happy because you got caught” before Connor leaves me with Joe and he goes and gives Steph a massive hug.

I don’t say a word at him but just let out a smirk as I join the hug between Steph and Connor as we all just take a deep breath and cannot believe that we’ve caught the people who made us lose Jamie and could’ve potentially taken Connor away from me.

As the people arrested are about to be loaded into vans, all hell is about to break loose when Keith shows up “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?” he says shouting as he sees me and Connor standing there “AND WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU’RE ON LEAVE BUT WHEN THIS IS DONE, YOU’RE CAREER IS GONE HANNAN” he shouts at me as he sees Joe on the ground.

“This man is a police officer; you cannot be treating him like this” Keith says ranting as he goes into unrelease Joe as he continues his rant as he sees Dad “YOU… This is all just a target to get rid of people that you don’t like isn’t it Geoff” Keith looks like he could take a swing at Dad at any moment right now but thinks against it because he knows Dad could ruin his career although little does Keith know this is about to be his last day as a cop.

“This is not an approved police raid by anyone at the Junction Station and these two are on leave and you are bringing people in from MY STATION without any permission from a senior officer at The Junction” he continues ranting about the situation, thinking this is all illegal by the PIU and Taskforce Albatross.

“Come on Joe get up, these idiots can’t get to you and pin this on you,” he says as Connor and I need to keep a straight face right now because all this time, Keith hasn’t realised that Ange has been standing right in front of him.

Keith doesn’t immediately get Joe up but then turns to me “You are a fucking cockroach, I wrote good reports about you because despite you’re unfortunate DNA you are a good cop but turns out we were right and I can’t wait to write you up for police misconduct because you’re on leave and not supposed to be at work” he says to me thinking that he knows everything when it’s obvious he doesn’t because the memo around the station was I was on leave rather than transferred.

I just stand there copping everything Keith dishes out knowing he’s going to be in deep shit once he turns around which he does and sees Ange standing right there “Afternoon Keith? Don’t remember you being posted onto this area for your patrol, if I remember correctly, I asked you to oversee traffic duties in the Traffic Control Centre because it was our rotation to be doing so”.

Keith looks at her stunned that she is standing there and barely struggles to come up with a coherent answer right now as we are all intrigued at what he has to say “Well… I was informed of a raid on a bank and as a senior officer I have to sign off on any action taken by any outside units in our area” he says like that’s an excuse.

Ange stands there and looks at him as Dad wanders over and stands next to Ange “It was signed off by a senior officer me and it was signed off by another senior officer and you’re little embarrassing rant at Trent was flawed because Trent isn’t on leave, he was seconded to the Taskforce Albatross and this is what you see right now”.

Keith looks defeated and realises that this was all legit “I do apologise, I had received information and I understand that this was a top-secret operation” he says now grovelling almost to say he’s done nothing wrong as Ange looks at Dad who gives him a nod.

“Keith Watson, you are under arrest for Corruption, accessory to armed robbery, accessory to murder and attempted murder” Dad goes on with Keith’s rights as he is handcuffed and placed into the back of a police car.

The rest of the group is loaded back into a police van and taken off to both The Junction and the HQ to be processed and to face court as soon as possible. Heading back across to the empty space, Connor has a look at the plans he’s been drawing up and goes to toss them into a bag of rubbish that is there.

“What are you doing that for?” I ask as he looks across at me as he shrugs “It was all just for this and I heard what you’re Dad said about us not being able to go for the space” he says to me as I stop him and grab him.

Connor looks at me “We are going to do this, Dad will make sure that we follow all the rules and that any conflict of interest is dealt with so that it is all above board and you’re not involved in this operation on the books so there is plenty that we can still do” I say as he hugs me and we look at the plans.

Heading back to the station, Connor is finally greeted by everybody there who thinks he is a hero and I head back to Ange’s office after she calls me in. “That was amazing work Trent, this whole situation has been phenomenal and you are going to get to the levels that your father and grandfather have gotten to,” she says to me as I smile but wonder if I want to go to those levels right now.

Ange grabs a folder out of her bag and pushes a piece of paper in front of me “I’ve been wanting to give this to you for the past few days, your probationary period has passed and you are now officially Constable Trent Hannan… although it won’t take long after the minimum period for you to get promoted, I’m sure” Ange says as she hugs me tightly like a family member rather than my boss.

“Ange, thank you for being so understanding of my situation and how amazing you’ve been for me when I had to come face to face with Joe and being here when I needed someone to talk to that wasn’t anyone in my family and letting Connor and me be together,” I say to her as she rubs her eye as she looks at me trying to not let on that she is about to cry but I know that she is.

I finish up as Connor is downstairs, giving another statement about what happened and although he can’t directly place who shot him, the investigations are still going but already the gang want to flip on each other.

After we finish our interviews and de-briefings, we head home and it’s about 10:30 pm by the time we leave, Connor is exhausted and today drains him as he falls asleep in my car as I pull into Maccas to get some dinner and we head home.

I look across at Connor and just admire how brave he is to be able to face these people when I know that I would’ve just pummelled into Joe on the ground when he was there. Connor and I get home just before 11:30 pm and despite having dinner with us, Connor just goes straight up to bed as I want to eat.

Sitting down on the couch, I look at the three photos and think about what could have been had things not happened the way that they were. Meeting Harry taught me so many things in my life, Harry had made me such a better person than I was when we first met and I’d found a level of happiness I thought was impossible but our years together built me into the person who I am.

Looking at the photo of Connor and me at the beach, I just sit there thinking about how much finding Connor in my life helped me so much. I had always questioned whether I was going to find anybody that I could care about like I did Harry but that afternoon when a 6’2 muscle god of a cop came to introduce himself to me because he missed me in the morning briefing, I just felt things and then that night in the pub, I knew Connor was going to be it.

As I keep eating my pretty crappy burger, I just reflect on everything and know that there is still so much more to come for Connor with Jamie’s funeral in a couple of days, then having to live through the whole situation again when it goes to court but right now he is feeling good and has ten everything in his stride when I know that I wouldn’t have been as patient or handling it.

I quickly put my pyjamas on and head up to bed where Connor is snoring away, I don’t know what he’s dreaming about but seeing him peaceful right now is just an amazing sight to see as I cuddle into him and fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.

The days leading up to Jamie’s funeral are pretty tough because there is a weird atmosphere around the station because everybody is in shock of what happened and then when the news filtered through about Joe and Keith being connected to the bank robberies and shooting Connor and Jamie.

Everybody knew that Joe and Keith were far from clean in the force though it was a surprise for that they were involved in such big shit. It’s nice to have a shift back on patrol which is with Steve Sutton and it’s a nice change of relaxed chatting and nothing too major with Steve who is a good guy.

“How is Connor doing? I haven’t had a chance to see or speak to him, he’s a good kid” Steve says to me as we walk head towards where Connor and Jamie were shot where there are still flowers on the ground that people have laid.

This is the first time that I’ve been down this way since as I look at Steve “He’s doing good, still got a really long way to go but he’s doing good, typical Connor attitude you know” I say as Steve nods and smiles.

“I know you all think that I’m a boring guy, but being on shift with you and Connor is good fun together and I know you two are a great couple,” he says to me as I look at him surprised with a smile.

“Who… how…” I say as Steve looks across at me with a smile “You just know when you see it especially when I’ve been with Eddie for coming up to 19 years” I say not realising that Steve was married let alone gay as well. “Don’t worry, nobody knows it’s just something I understand” he says as I take a moment where we are standing.

Taking a moment, I haven’t been to where Connor and Jamie were shot yet and it’s hard to believe that even though there are flowers still, everything is back to normal with people walking up and down over the footpath and a truck parked in the exact spot where Jamie was shot. I have to compose myself for a moment because I didn’t think that seeing the spot where I lost one of my closest friends and could have lost Connor as well.

Steve is actually an amazing person to be with as he just keeps me talking and we keep going around the patrol for the afternoon. We finish the shift and after getting to know a lot more about Steve I feel guilty calling him boring to Connor because he is anything but.

Heading home, Connor has paperwork strewn all over the living room as he is coming up with so many different plans for the gym and what we’re going to do. “I shouldn’t be worried about you not doing anything now at home right?” I say as he just laughs and shows me what he’s done which is almost a complete floor plan and everything to open it up.

“Well, I know you Trent and I doubt that you’d have come up with all these plans, it was all just off the cuff, right?” he says to me as I shrug. “You do remember that I actually already own a gym, right?” I say to Connor who laughs and admits defeat on that point but then tells me that Joel is the one who runs the show these days.

Connor sits there and runs through his plans with me which are all really good ideas and wants to make this thing happen which makes me wonder if he wants to get back to being a cop as much as he says that he will be back. Even though I’ve been at work all day, I cook dinner as Connor continues to work on the plan and talk through everything that he has done.

I finish cooking dinner and Connor finally gets to my day about how it was “How did you go today? Where did they put you?” he asks as I look across at him. “Back on patrol for just today, there’s been another 4 officers suspended other than who we knew but they won’t say who,” I say to Connor who nods and looks at me.

“So who were you with, Steph I hope?” he says as I shake my head at him. “Steve Sutton actually, which before you say anything, it was actually really good because we had to go around Cambridge Street,” I say to Connor who looks intrigued.

I eat some of the Curried Sausages that I made and have to say that I did a good job on before filling Connor in “Steve just asked me about how you were and then told me that you and I make a cute couple” I say to Connor who looks intrigued.

“Is that around the station now?” Connor asks as I shake my head and looks at me curiously “Nah, I actually was talking to Steve today about things and there is a lot more to him than he lets on… he’s actually married to his husband”.

Connor looks at me surprised “I would never have picked that about Steve you know” he says as I nod and agree. “Yeah, neither would I but talking to Steve was really good today and he just opened up and was just telling me that he likes to keep personal life away from work,” I say as Connor and I finish dinner.

There isn’t much to watch tonight so we both go to bed early and I can sense that Connor is still feeling unsure about things with Jamie’s funeral tomorrow. “You ok babe?” I ask as he gets changed into his “sleep underwear” as he calls them and gets into bed next to me.

“Just thinking about tomorrow that’s all, still not really able to come to grips with the fact that we’re saying goodbye to Jamie for good,” he says to me as I look at him and rub his arm. “It’s not for good, Jamie is always going to be in our lives and we will always have every memory that we have made,” I say as I talk with experience.

“Yeah, I know but true it’s just hard because I’m so used to just going into work and seeing the big guy just being there being a smart-arse about whatever and then on nights having to keep his mind on the job when we would patrol in the city,” he says as I smile and know what he’s talking about.

I smile “Yeah, he knew about me being gay before you did,” I say laughing as Connor gives me an intrigued look as if to go on about the story. “It was just we were on Friday night patrol around the city and around the bars on Queen Street and Elizabeth Street and Jamie was checking out the chicks” Connor rolls his eyes as if to say he wasn’t surprised “And he was trying to get me to judge the sorts and I just commented that they were good if you’re into that and he put two and two together”.

Connor laughs and shakes his head “That’s our Jamie” he says shaking his head and turning to me and kissing me on the cheek. “I’m so glad that you got to be friends and part of our little group,” Connor says to me as I smile and agree because it’s amazing how one decision by someone that has never met me posted me to a station where I found the most amazing second family and bunch of friends and someone who I can’t live without.

Neither of us really sleep that well as Connor plays Words with Friends on his phone while I’m there watching YouTube videos. Eventually, we finally fall asleep but it’s only for a couple of hours before our alarms go off and we get up.

Connor’s fitness has grown so much in the past few weeks and now he’s picked up his rate as we go for a run although it’s still mostly walking and Connor at his regular check-ups is stunning everyone with not just his good looks but how much he’s improving.

We head back home and get ready for Jamie’s funeral which both of us have weird feelings about, I look at Connor and tell him that he will get through this which I think is just self-advice because after reminding Connor that it will be ok, all the memories of Harry come back to me.

I take a longer shower than intended and when I get out, I see Connor dressed in a suit looking amazingly hot with his hair slicked back and I know that he hates suits even for the most formal of events. Eventually, we get ready and head to where Jamie’s memorial is at the Bayside Club which was where Jamie was a Rugby Player and Coach which I didn’t know about.

There is a massive crowd here because Jamie was just one of those people who absolutely loved as Ange is there in full uniform as is Dad with Ange and it’s the first time in years I’ve seen Dad in uniform. “I didn’t realise you were going to be here Dad,” I say as Ange and he are standing and talking. “Ange asked me to come along because Jamie was your friend and I wanted to support both Ange and you two,” he says to me as he hugs Connor and then me.

We head inside and see Steph there as she is sitting there trying to contain herself “Cannot believe that he is gone still” she says as we sit next to her and I put my arm around her as none of us can believe that the amazing smiling face in the picture is gone.

I sit there trying to control my own tears now because there are so many pictures of Jamie playing on a screen from Jamie as a baby to him growing up and then a picture of his smiling face on the day he graduated. It really hits me hard when there is a picture of the four of us when we were at a Police Community Day together in uniform all goofing around and I start crying a lot because I’ve been trying to hold myself for Connor’s sake that I’ve never just let go about Jamie.

Sitting there listening to Jamie’s Mum and Dad talking about him is just tough to listen to because I’ve had to sit through this before with Harry where at his funeral, the funeral director had to read for Linda and Ian because neither of them could manage to cope. I sit there with my eyes closed as nobody can disagree with any of the words that they had to say because Jamie was that guy.

The next person to talk about Jamie is Steph who has so much more composure than what I would have, gets up to speak and Connor holds my hand and squeezes it as Dad smiles at us sitting next to us. Steph gets up to speak and takes a deep breath

“There isn’t much that I can say about Jamie that nobody knows, when he came to The Junction he was instantly friends with just about everybody, he could never say a bad word about anybody even the people that treated him badly”

“At the Junction, there quickly became the Gang of Three which was Jamie, me and Connor that we just all connected and became the closest of friends, I remember an evening shift where I’d had a really bad morning where my kids had told me that they hated me and everything had gone wrong. Jamie was the first face that I saw and he could tell something was wrong and that his aim of the whole shift was to cheer me up and said that whatever happened that night if he didn’t make me crack a smile then he’d call it a bad night… that night was hardly a bad night because I’d never laughed so hard in my life” she says as she talks about our memories.

“Jamie, Connor and Me were always together and each of us had such a special bond and then came another amazing person into our group that Jamie took to instantly and we suddenly became the Awesome Foursome when Trent became in our little group” Steph surprises me when I get mentioned because I didn’t think that I was that big part of their group.

“To Jamie, everybody was special and immediately he told me that Trent was somebody that we should look after because Trent had been through a lot in his life already and we had known that he was copping so much crap from some pretty horrible people, Jamie told me how much he immediately found Trent to be amazing and wanted to make sure his life at the Junction was easier”.

Steph takes a deep breath and wipes her eyes as she continues to talk about how amazing Jamie was before she keeps going “Jamie was somebody that could always make any shift, especially night shift enjoyable no matter the situation although quite often you would have to keep him focussed especially on a weekend when his eye would go wandering, but one night we were on shift and two of our friends had just started dating and I could see that Jamie was bothered by something. This was unusual for Jamie because he let everything go but he had heard other people making comments about our friends which upset him and that he told me that he was so angered because he told me that these two friends were the most amazing people that he knew and he wanted love like theirs”.

Although Steph doesn’t use names, most people know that she is talking about Connor and I as both Dad and Ange look across at me as they know that it is about me as Steph keeps talking. “I’ve rambled long enough but that night when Trent rang me to tell me the news I’ll never ever forget it because I was on my first holiday in years with some friends, Jamie kept bugging me to take it because since we’ve known each other, I’ve never taken leave once and after Jamie kept sending me the flight details every day until I went, he sent me a text that morning in only his style wishing I was hungover with one of his cracks… I hadn’t even realised that it was the last text he sent me and that just two days before was the last time I’d ever see my hero and my strength in the world” Steph says as everybody is crying.

“I’m gonna miss your lame jokes, your smile that lit up the room and I’m going to really miss all those stupid Friends quotes you’d bring out at the most awkward times to lighten the mood, I love you and will miss you Jamboy”.

Steph finishes her words as I don’t think anybody could have put how special his friendship was to us both not just as a fellow cop but as a best friend and someone who always had your back. The memorial service finishes with none other than I’ll Be There For You playing because Friends was his favourite show but it was a song that summed him up so well.

The memorial service finishes and everybody heads out as Connor sits there for a bit as the pictures of Jamie are playing on the screen again as he holds the funeral program in his hand. “You ok?” I say as he nods at me and just hugs me as everything is overwhelming him and I think today of all days makes him realise how close it was to being him who died that day.

“Yeah, I’m alright, I think that just all this was just tough to think about especially with how close that I was to being in Jamie’s position you know, had I not thrown him the keys he would have been sitting here. “I don’t think he would’ve been sitting at his own memorial,” I say with a joke that gives Connor a small smile before he glares at me “You know what I mean,” he says as I nod.

As we sit there Jamie’s Mum and Dad come back in and see us sitting there as they talk to us for a few minutes and they check in on our Connor’s doing and reassure him that they don’t blame him for anything and appreciate how much they appreciated our friendship.

Connor and I skip the wake because we’re both just not up to it which everybody understands because we’re both emotionally drained and I think Connor could do with the space as we get in the car and head home. It’s about 4ish when we get a visitor and I open the door to see Steph coming in to check on us.

“Hey you two, just wanted to come in and check on you because I didn’t get a chance to see you after you left” I invite Steph in and realise that this is the first time she’s been to our place. Connor is curled up on the couch sleeping as Steph smiles as we go sit outside.

“How’s he doing?” she asks as I look across at her and shrug “He seems as good as you could expect physically but mentally, I’m not sure, he tells me that he’s ok but deep inside I think there is a lot of self-blame going on”.

Steph nods “Yeah that’s understandable and today, in particular, was probably tough for him,” she says as I nod and look across at her and check in on her “How are you doing? What you said was amazing” she smiles and shrugs. “I’m doing ok, just really tough you know and when Tess asked me to talk I didn’t think I could do him the justice to describe the king that he was” Steph and I enjoy chatting outside.

“I’m actually glad you stopped by because there was something that I wanted to tell you but you have to promise to keep it a secret from everyone especially Connor,” I say to her as she looks worried for a moment.

“I hope this is good news,” she says to me as I ease her concerns “Oh you don’t have to worry because this is really good news… at least I think that it is good news for me,” I say smiling to her as she gives me an intrigued look as I start to explain my plans that I sealed in my head this afternoon.