Gay Voyeur Blog

Thank you, clothes. You are awesome. Without you, nudity wouldn't be a thing. Nobody would even notice a naked person for their nakedness. And there would be no such thing as pulling a cock out of a fly or shorts leg.

I'm also grateful to sneakers so a guy can be in only sneakers. It's a good fashion choice. It's unclear to me why Nike hasn't had such a campaign. Oh wait, they have. Just from the side view.

Without you, I couldn't spot the people who wear shorts and t-shirts in the cold, which is a macho move of some sort that I will never understand. So while it's not nudity, it's partial nudity which from the point of view of the watcher, works for me.

Not all celebrations have party hats and streamers. Sometimes it's about celebrating the freeing of an absolutely intense sexual need. The need that demands taking one's cock out at work and getting it hard for a camera. And putting a party hat on it. And streaming out semen. 

Okay, I'm imagining the last two things, but to the guy who pulled out his cock at work, I salute you! And I hope you're in a labor union that rallies for your right to masturbate at work. Isn't that what the work world was built on? Some form of literal or figurative masturbation? Consensual of course. 

This is why I'm not a union leader.

Sometimes a guy has to express himself and he may not have a facility with writing poetry or painting a still life of three mangos and a pear. But he can expose to express.

And maybe if he's multi talented, paint a still life of his moving penis and ass and then write a poem about it.

I definitely need to practice some immediate responses if I run into one of these situations. Like for the stealthy penis selfie guy at the gym, I could say: "If you want to do a bicep double flex at the same time, I can take your picture for you."

Sometimes public exposure is done when strangers may or may not catch it. But it's the thrill of being caught that inspires that momentary unzipping, or dropping of pants, or more extreme risk.

And sometimes public exposure is just full on clothes aren't anywhere in sight (except probably with whoever is taking the picture). That clothes holder is assuredly a trusted soul. 

Except for the clothes carriers that may have run away after snapping the picture. Potentially that itself would be such an intense fantasy for the exhibitionist they would spray right there. Cum, not urine. Okay, maybe urine too after. Sometimes you have to pee after cumming. Nude or not, that's biology.

Before clothes, nudity wasn't a thing. Not having any clothes on wasn't a state of being. Now, thanks to clothes, it is. Because clothes are for taking off. 

And preferably when that special someone can see. By special someone, I don't mean anything romantic. But the grand someone. A crowd of someone. The amorphous glob of onlookers gawking and smiling and leering and whatever else globs of onlookers do. Hopefully shooting globs.

I've heard reverse psychology can be effective. So guys, absolutely do not take any of your ass and/or cock covering garb off in public. It would be wrong on so many levels. Moral. Ethical. Practical. Viral.

Such as if your naked picture goes viral.

Now it is curious that people are in some way inherently threatened by a naked guy. Of course if he's doing something horrible, then it makes sense. But just by itself, nudity actually increases someone's vulnerability. Which is why you don't see a mollusk without its shell.

Besides holding your wallet and keys and condoms, why are your pants on? Okay, besides also holding your cell phone and loose change and lipstick and/or lip balm, you don't really need pants. 

Certainly whoever takes the picture of you naked in public can hold your stuff for a minute. Or just drop your pants to your ankles and call it good.

Because clothes are a conspiracy and a generally oppressive, exploitative industry globally. And I don't just mean the Olsen Twins' gross fashion line. Just skip it all and drop them.

I want to convince as many guys as possible to be fully or partially naked in public. Caveat: I (or you) specifically would be turned on by and situations which aren't massively problematic (like getting naked at a Kardashian wedding).

Not because getting naked at a Kardashian wedding is wrong. But attending one at all is.

As a bonus, I am in no way legally culpable if someone else gets inappropriately naked. Because it's their choice. I just would dig it if it happened more. But last time I walked down an alley (which I tend to avoid) there wasn't a naked guy jacking off in it.

It takes some liberated guys to pose for their own upskirt photos. Or, in this case, upkilt. Because normally someone has to put mirrors on the tops of their shoes and do complex mirror math to secretly grab a photo.

Not so with these fellas who let their Scottish bits out to breathe on the highlands. I'm a bit weak on Scottish examples, so they're cocks are out.

Then we have some serious goofballs being naked where you are not supposed to be naked. At least the cyclist has some common sense. His wallet's in his backpack.

Whether you're the guy sucking yourself off outdoors or the one gasping at the beauty of naked guys prancing around exposed, it's time to open wide.

And then, like, shove it in or something.

Sure public nudity calls to mind sex but isn't always the same thing. But it is a great way to flirt. Maybe next time someone sees you are 49 feet away in the gay dating app, it will help when they realize you're the totally naked one on the street. Or grocery store. Or chess tournament.

Because there's plenty of awesome cock at chess tournaments.

You may have figured out I like to promote public exposure because I'm immune to the consequences. I won't be cited for indecent exposure (because my pants tend to stay on) but I'm happy to come across it in-person or evidence of it online.

Also, as a practical matter when someone is nude they can't conceal any non-metaphorical weapons. I like that. Though they are still free to break my heart.

So strip. Peel off the clothes. Remove the coverings. Splash some futuristic chemical on your sartorial splendor until your garments dissolve in a flurry of fireworks and music.

There's the super blatant approach of participating in a naked (or near-naked) bike ride. And the super subtle approach of just happening to have your balls hanging out of your blue collar pants. But they have one thing in common. 

Balls.

And there's not a real class that can teach you all this. Except whatever lessons you learn from your own intense sex drive and need to expose. For some reason, it's still a taboo, even though violence would be the actual horrible thing in the universe. Non-consensual viewing of certain private parts can be awful of course. So it's good you clicked here willingly.

Out as in dick hanging out. As in strangers can see your dick hanging out. I like that. I'm very pro that. Though depends on the guy as most things do.

I'd forgotten how lovely the suburbs are. Not for anything but maybe the guy across the way from your place liking to hang out naked in his yard or driveway. Definitely a motivator to invisibly watch from a dark room through a slat in the blinds. Not creepy at all.

Or the  more direct approach of walking right over to his place and welcoming him to the neighborhood with a cake or a tomato or a tomato cake. Whatever works to have a conversation with him while he's naked.

If you luck out and see a hot guy naked in public and he's reasonably physically accessible (not zooming buy on a jet ski) then you'll need some solid options for opening lines.

First some bad ones:

• Who stole your clothes?
• Was it me who stole your clothes?
• What are your thoughts on the criminal justice system and the stealing of clothes?
• Blink once if you're okay. Twice if you need help.
• Why are you not simultaneously ashamed and fully erect?

That last one only doesn't not work if he's not fully erect. If he is fully erect, it gets complicated.

So what about some good opening lines? Here is my gift to you:

Now I wouldn't encourage any lawbreaking, but if there happen to be laws against being naked in public and you want to be naked in public, then hey, more power to you. Just don't freak the fuck out of anyone or piss anyone off too badly.

What laws there are sometimes require someone actually to complain for it to be a problem. The nudity itself is not an issue. The reaction to it makes it a problem. 

So I could cancel that out by bestowing praise upon these nude guys and that could erase the offense. Life doesn't work this way because we're all individuals, but I would give it the old college try such as by ejaculating on the situation.