Public Exposure: Best Opening Lines

If you luck out and see a hot guy naked in public and he's reasonably physically accessible (not zooming buy on a jet ski) then you'll need some solid options for opening lines.

First some bad ones:

• Who stole your clothes?
• Was it me who stole your clothes?
• What are your thoughts on the criminal justice system and the stealing of clothes?
• Blink once if you're okay. Twice if you need help.
• Why are you not simultaneously ashamed and fully erect?

That last one only doesn't not work if he's not fully erect. If he is fully erect, it gets complicated.

So what about some good opening lines? Here is my gift to you:

• Since you don't have any pockets, do you need me to hold anything for you?
• I want to treat you to dinner but restaurants require shirts so we'll need to order in.
• Will you be my personal trainer. Right now.
• You look like one of those hunk posters in college bookstores. But real.
• I recognize you from somewhere. [Say while staring at his penis.]

So I think my good opening lines are actually horrible. Probably the best thing to do is just make regular eye contact, smile, and say hi. Because he's naked and he knows he's naked and he knows you know he's naked. So it's not really about that. Except that you know what he likes that way and he doesn't know what you look like naked.

So taking some or all of your clothes off may be the way to go. At some point, we'll all be wearing see through pants anyhow. We're sort of already there as "see through pants" is an alternate name for the web. It strips so much away and seems to reveal so much.

But it comes down to the eyes. And the butt.