Public Exposure: Why the Hell Are Your Pants On?

Besides holding your wallet and keys and condoms, why are your pants on? Okay, besides also holding your cell phone and loose change and lipstick and/or lip balm, you don't really need pants.

Certainly whoever takes the picture of you naked in public can hold your stuff for a minute. Or just drop your pants to your ankles and call it good.

Because clothes are a conspiracy and a generally oppressive, exploitative industry globally. And I don't just mean the Olsen Twins' gross fashion line. Just skip it all and drop them.

Then focus on the positive, which is the admiration and/or shock of onlookers. And if you skip your clothes in a job interview, you're guaranteed to be noticed.

Since resumes can get buried under an avalanche of competition, including a naked photo along with it will surely help your chances. Ideally, pose at a desk working hard. Employers like that.

On another level, people stigmatize nudity because the clothing enforces how we divvy people up into groups and identities without getting to know the and asking them directly what their interests are. They just become another have vs. have not device for social control.

I hope some of these slapdash socio-political arguments result in at least one more horny hunk stripping down in public. If so, then I've done my job for humanity. You're welcome.

Read our Out in Public review