Exploring My True Self

The Final Chapter

Author’s note: This is the last Chapter of Exploring My True Self. When I started this series it was supposed to be a one-off about Kevin’s first trip to the bathhouse. Thanks to your encouragement through ratings, comments, and e-mails Kevin’s story went on for 40 Chapters. Those chapters introduced new characters with different stories. I plan on exploring some of those next and giving some of the other characters (and some new ones) a voice. So watch for the next series coming in a few days. THANK YOU ALL for making my first experience posting my work a great one. Please keep the comments and emails coming, they inspire me to write more. I hope you enjoy the final chapter.

I woke up in Randy’s arms. “Today’s the big day” he whispered in my ear. “You ready to spend the rest of your life with me?” He asked.

“Abso-fucking-lutely! Let’ get rolling love of my life.” When we got up the house was eerily quiet. We went into the kitchen to brew the coffee, I looked out into the pool area and there were the boys. All four of them passed out on lounge chairs or floating on air mattresses. Naked of course. Randy walked up behind me and said, “Nothing wrong with looking” and kissed me on the cheek. “Hey boys, put some clothes on, before Joanie wakes up, or Mom gets here.” I yelled loudly to the group. Randy went out to the patio and was banging on a pan with a spoon. That got ‘em up!

They all started to stir. Scotty was floating in the middle of the pool with his bare ass displayed to the world. He yelled, “HAPPY WEDDING DAY BRO-MOS!!!” The others followed suit.

“Thank you, Guys! Coffee’s on!” Randy shouted back as we walked back into the kitchen. “Get up, we’ll make breakfast. We got a big day ahead.” The guys pulled on their clothes and started to file into the kitchen and Randy went into command mode “You need to put your stuff away and make sure your room looks good by 9 o’clock. Mrs. Nicholl’s needs your help opening up the tent and putting the finishing touches on the yard. Big day, guys!” Randy was very chipper as we made breakfast together. We sat down and ate with the boys, they updated us on their new careers. Chip and Whoops were loving Denver and rooming together was working out great. Chip had come out to the guys and was living openly, playing the field big time and loving it. Kenny was working as a store manager for some restaurant chain and dating some girl that the rest of them couldn’t stand, and Ryan was working a fulltime job at a big box store and looking for the right job. Apparently, he had several interviews and offers but he was holding out for a job in finance. Randy talked to him for a while, understood what he was looking for and promised to help him with his resume and networking with the right people. Ryan perked up and was excited about the prospect. Breakfast with the boys was a nice, no pressure way to kick-off the stressful day ahead.

“Is anybody awake?” Mom’s voice bellowed through the house as her, dad, Joanie and Dave let themselves in.

“We’re in the kitchen” I yelled back. They came in and joined us with their hands full of boxes and bags. The guys jumped up to help them. “Boys finish up breakfast, I need you out in the yard” Mom said to the group as she took control. “Joanie, pull the blinds, Randy and Kevin don’t get to see the backyard again until the ceremony.” Uh oh, I thought to myself. It’s gonna be tacky as shit. It didn’t matter though, my commitment to Randy was the main event. Plus, the smile on Mom’s face was worth it, she loved being part of this.

For the next few hours everyone worked to get the house ready. Randy, Joanie and I worked inside while the others worked outside under Mom’s direction. At 1:00 we all stopped working and started to get ready, there were ten of us and three showers. Randy and I locked ourselves in the master suite and got ready. I know the whole superstition of the couple not seeing each other before the wedding, blah, blah, blah…but fuck it. We even showered together. We put on our tuxes, oh my freaking god, Randy looked stunning. We each wore a black tux with a plum vest and tie and a red rose on our lapel. We were ready about fifteen minutes before the ceremony. I faced Randy, held his hands and said “This is it Mr. Ashton-Nicholls. You and me for the rest of our lives.”

A huge smile crossed his face and tears filled his eyes “I waited a decade for you, and damn it was worth it” We kissed and held each other for a minute, took a deep breath, then walked down the hallway and into the great room. All the blinds and French doors were open, and the house and yard were full of people. They all cheered as we entered the room.

I looked out into the backyard. Holy shit, Mom came through. It was gorgeous. She added white lilies, baby’s breath, some beautiful white sheer fabric and weaved them into the brush-covered arch. Bows made with the same fabric and flowers adorned the end of each row of chairs leading down the aisle to the archway. There were twinkle lights in the tent, thousands of them. There were even candles and lilies floating in the pool. There were several tall tables covered in white clothes around the pool, so people could gather after the ceremony, drink champagne and toast us. Each had a simple but elegant centerpiece of white lilies. She turned our yard into the most elegant space I’d ever seen. The lady had some skills.

People started to sit down, almost all the chairs we full. I scanned the crowd, and everyone was there. Our new neighbors, Jordan and Jodi, Bill, Randolph, a lot of coworkers, even Bonnie was there dressed to the nines. She cleaned up nice. Our four groomsmen lined up on the sides of the pool waiting to walk the white carpet Mom added to the aisle. They were dressed entirely in black, each with a white rose. Scotty wore the same with the exception of a white vest as he took his place under the arch. My Mom shot him a “WTF are you doing Scott Allen Nicholls” look. We still hadn’t told her he was officiating.

The string quartet was set up near the arch and started to play the Beatles “In My Life.” It was a beautiful rendition, perfect for the setting and the moment. One by one our best friends walked down the aisle, they all looked so incredible hot. Matty and Adam took their place on Randy’s side and Alex and Jeff stood on mine. Olivia and Emma down walked the aisle spreading rose pedals to perfection. I was impressed that Emma made it the entire way without getting distracted. Kyle was close behind them holding the ring pillow. The three of them made it down the aisle and sat in the front row with their parents. Randy was next. He walked down arm in arm with his mother, the quartet still playing the same song. Now it was my turn. Pop was on my left and Mom on my right, our arms were hooked together. The music stopped just as I was about to start walking. This wasn’t part of the planI thought to myself. Suddenly the violinist started playing wildly, the others joined in, I recognized the song but couldn’t quite place it. Whatever it was, it was lively and beautiful, people started snickering a little as they recognized the tune. I looked a Randy and saw him subtly dancing and mouthing the words “What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man” as he watched me. It was Salt -N- Pepa. Randy, you dork, this is what I get for skipping the meeting with the musiciansI thought to myself as I smiled and chuckled to myself. It was a very Randy move. God, I couldn’t love this guy more. I continued my walk down the aisle. When we reached the arch Mom and Pop each kissed me on the cheek and took their place in the front row with the rest of our families. I took my place next to Randy under the arch. We faced each other with our handsome groomsmen lined up behind us.

“Finding the person that makes you the best version of yourself. It’s what we all dream about and it’s why we’re all here today. To celebrate two people who make each other better, finding each other in this immense universe.” Scott said to our gathered loved ones. I refer to him as Scott here because for the first time I saw not as my baby brother but as a man. He commanded the audience with his thoughtful words as he talked about who we were as individuals and as a couple. He spoke eloquently about our love for each other. He was amazing, and his words were beautiful. Randy was right. He was the best choice to officiate. Then the focus was on us, it was time for our vows.

Randy went first “Kevin, I dreamt of you for a decade. I was only 19 when I first saw you, I knew that night that you were the guy I wanted. Over the years we lost touch and I lost hope, then one day about a decade later, you called me. You were moving to town and wanted me to show you around. You asked if I remembered you. How in the world could I forget you? YES! I remembered you. YES! I would show you around town. And now, YES, I will spend the rest of my life with you. I vow to always put you first, I vow to do everything in my power to honor you and make your life better. As long as we both shall live.”

Now it was my turn. How the hell to I follow that? “Randy, I have no idea how you stayed under my radar for so long. You are the most caring, loving man I ever met. This past year with you has been the most amazing year of my life. Everything I have achieved is because you have given me the strength and confidence to do so. You push me to be the best version of myself. Together we have done things that I never would have had the courage to do by myself. You make me want to be a better person. I vow to do the same for you. I vow to always support you and be there for you. I vow to push you to be your best self. And most of all I promise to love and respect you no matter what.”

Scott stood there looking at the two of us and said “Kyle, can you bring the rings to me please?” Kyle jumped up and ran to Scott while the crowd chuckled at the serious look on his tiny face. Scott took the pillow from him and held it in front of the two of us while we untied the rings. “Randy,” Scott said, “Do you take my brother Kevin as your lawful husband and promise to love and respect him as long as you both shall live?”

“I do” Randy said choking back his tears as he placed the ring on my finger.

“Kevin,” Scott said looking into my tear-filled eyes “Do you take Randy as your lawful husband and promise to love and respect him as long as you both shall live?”

“I do” I said as loudly as I could without crying.

With that, Scott said “By the power vested in me I now pronounce you spouses for life. I hope you both remember the words I said to you the first time I met Randy” We all smiled at each other knowing exactly what he meant. When Scotty first met Randy, he told me Randy was probably too good for me and I better not fuck this up. He then told Randy that if he ever hurt me he’d hunt him down like a dog in the street.

Randy and I kissed each other, hugged, then turned to face our friends and family who were sitting under the tent while Scotty proudly proclaimed “Loved ones, I present to you Mr. & Mr. Randy and Kevin Ashton-Nicholls” the cheers and applause of our loved ones literally echoed through the hills. I looked over the crowd and saw all the people we loved. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house. This moment marked the start of our lives together.

Randy invited everyone to stay at the house for cocktails and told them the shuttle would be running between the house and the resort when they were ready to head over. We spent the next hour talking to all our guests and introducing our friends and family to each other before we all headed to the resort for the reception.

When we stepped outside to get on the shuttle, there was Aunt Bessie backed into the driveway covered with rainbow streamers with a “Just Married” sign on her trunk that had a silhouette of two grooms in rainbow colors. Now THAT is what I expected the backyard to look like. Pop threw me the keys and said “time to pass Bessie on to the next generation. Your mom and I are flying back to Wisconsin.” Randy and I looked at each other in disbelief.

“Are you sure you’re ready to part with her, Pop?” Randy asked.

“I didn’t drive her 2,000 miles for nothing. Your grandpa gave her to me on my wedding day, now it’s officially a family tradition, and you’ll give her to your son or daughter on their wedding day. It’s time, and she’s in good hands,” We both hugged him with tears in our eyes. Then we hopped in and headed to the resort in style… well Mom’s version of style.

The reception was nothing less than spectacular. I had extremely high expectations and they were all exceeded a million times over. We were off to an incredible start, surrounded by the people who were most important to us.

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The backyard looked beautiful, the giant tent bursting with people eating, drinking and laughing. Eighties and nineties music was playing over the speakers in the background and the mood was extremely celebratory. It reminded me of the parties my parents used to throw when we were growing up. There were always people around, and so many of them were gathered right here tonight.

My older brother gave me the signal, I turned on my mic and clinked my glass of champagne with a spoon I grabbed from a nearby table. “Everyone…” My voice echoed as I cleared my throat “Everyone…can I have your attention for a moment.” The crowd quieted down, and my brother shut the music off. The floor was mine. I was nervous as hell, but ready. “Um, for those of you who don’t know me, I’m Scotty. I’m the baby… and the straight one.” The crowd gave a small chuckle. “My brother asked me to welcome you here because, well, I’m the loud mouth in the family.” The crowd laughed a little louder, I had their attention. “We’re here today to celebrate my parents anniversary. It’s not a celebration of the years they’ve been together, but of the love they’ve shared and what that love has created.” You could hear a pin drop as I paused. I looked out over the crowd and saw so many people who have played a big part in my parents lives together. People I’ve known forever, gathered here, at the home I grew up in with my dads’ and my brother Matty. “That’s my brother Matty over there with his partner Jake, wave guys. Matty, why don’t you join me?” They waved and Matty made his way over to me. I started babbling while he walked over. I always do that when I get excited. “Matty graduated last year and is working for my dads’ and living downtown. I’m still at ASU and living home. Just one more year.” Matty wasn’t an attention whore like me, but he wasn’t exactly a wall flower. Jake, my future brother in-law, on the other hand was a pretty shy guy. He was perfect for Matty and I loved him like he was my brother.

“My Pop Kevin, and my Dad Randy said their vows right over there twenty five years ago shortly after they bought this house and made it their home.” I said pointing to the old dried-up, brush covered archway that had been sitting in our yard since before I was born.

“Over the years they filled this home with friends, family, and lots of love. So we thought it would be appropriate to honor them with a surprise party right here to celebrate their twenty five years of marriage” Matty added.

I continued, “Uncle Alex, Uncle Adam, Uncle Jordy, Uncle Marc, Uncle Darren, and Uncle Mauricio, we remember you all coming over for cookouts or to swim in the pool on the weekends. And hearing your laughter down the hallway on Friday nights when you were in the great room playing board games and we were supposed to be sleeping. I’d sneak out and spy on you all but Matty was too chicken” I paused trying not to get emotional, “You are such good friends to our dads’ and have always been around when our family needed you. Matty and I felt safe knowing we had six adults living on the same street who loved us and would be there for us if our dads couldn’t. We love you guys.” The six of them were standing together, I could see all of them welling up with tears as they held up their drinks in acknowledgement of my shout-out.

Matty took over “Uncle Jeff and Uncle Matty, we used to eavesdrop on your ZOOM calls every Wednesday while dads’ were cooking dinner together and we were supposed to be studying. We still mock you for using ZOOM after everyone else even forgot what it was. You old farts” Matty got a laugh from the crowd. Uncle Jeff was standing there with Aunt Annie, and Uncle Matty was there with a “friend,” he was never alone, but never seemed to be in a relationship. He always had a “special friend” with him, sometimes it was a man, sometimes a woman, but there was always someone. And why not? Uncle Matty is a lot of fun and just a genuinely lovable guy. Matty continued, “Uncle Jeff, I could always rely on you for advice or a couple of bucks when I was away at college in Wisconsin, you were always there for me. Sunday dinners with you and Aunt Annie saved me from getting home sick and I always felt like I was around family”

I reminisced, “We remember visits from relatives on both Pop’s and Dad’s sides of the family. Our aunts, uncles, and cousins. Grandma and Grandpa Nicholls (I waved to them in the crowd), and Grandma Ashton ( I waved to her too) all used to come visit at least once a year and we’d have the best time while they were here.”

“We would spend Christmas’s in Wisconsin because Dad and Pop wanted us to see snow and know our family” Matty said, “but Thanksgiving’s were spent here, at home with a houseful of friends, and sometimes strangers. Dads believed the more the merrier. We would work with Pop and Dad in the kitchen late the night before and early Thanksgiving morning. Once the bird was in the oven we’d go and help out at a soup kitchen, or bring a meal to a family in need, or hit the nursing home to visit with some folks who were far away from their grandchildren. It was different every year, but we always did something for someone else. We still do. My parents taught us that the real value of love is in sharing it. Any stranger who walked into our home was soon a welcome friend, and Dad and Pop could always find a drink, or whip up a meal on a minutes notice for anyone who dropped by.”

“There were countless business meetings with Uncle Bill, Uncle Randolph, or Uncle Jordy and Aunt Jodi in Pop’s den or out by the pool. Both of our dads’ worked so hard running their companies, plus building the resort business. Someone was always working in this house.” I added before Matty took over again.

“All our friends used to hang out here. This house was everyone’s favorite spot. Not because of the pool or all the video games, or because my dads’ were the cool dads’ and let us get away with stuff… it was because they were always here for us and gave a crap about everyone they met. Our friends always felt welcomed and loved here. Especially the ones that didn’t have it so great at home. This house has seen a lot of sleepovers”

I added “That’s what our dads did with their love for each other. They grew it and shared it. They shared it with family, friends, strangers, anyone who needed it. But most of all they shared it with each other and me and my brother. Pop always told me if you give love, you get love back. So please…raise your glass to the two most loved men in the world…my Pop Kevin and my Dad Randy.”

Both of my dads’ were standing near us and had tears in their eyes. They had just come back from their Saturday morning trip to the café with Aunt Bessie and had no clue that their home would be full of the people and chaos they cherished. They shared a kiss, then lifted their glasses in celebration of the love they shared with those around them, and each other. Matty put his arm around me and we lifted our glasses with the rest of the crowd.

I Heard Pop ask Dad “Any regrets?” Dad just answered, “Only that I didn’t make my move ten years earlier.”

Kevin set out to explore his true self, what he found was a lifetime of love. Mission accomplished.

The End… of this part of their story