Exploring My True Self

I woke up Saturday morning and was totally preoccupied with thoughts of Randy and Adam’s date. It was all I could think about, and it was bugging the hell out of me. Why did I even care? I’m the one who told Randy I just wanted to be friends and that he should do whatever he wanted to. I’m basically the one who set the ground rules for our relationship. So….why the fuck was I so jealous?

I got up, made myself a cup of coffee then tried to occupy my mind with mindless chores. I headed outside to tend to my allegedly neglected yard. I had lived there a little over a month and already I was getting notices from the HOA threatening me with fines if I didn’t pull the two weeds from my desert landscape. Ugh. I spent the next several hours weeding, raking the rocks in the yard, cleaning the house, doing the Laundry, changing the water in the hot tub, whatever I could find. But as I went through the motions I just kept thinking about Randy. I fucked this up.

Randy was perfect for me. Smart, fun, sexy as hell, adventurous, incredible in bed. He even liked my flaws and wasn’t afraid to call me out on my shit. The only problem with Randy was me. If I could just get over my hang-ups about being gay, relationships and accept who I was…the perfect guy was waiting. But not for long. My insecurities pushed him to go out with Adam, and who the fuck wouldn’t pick that hot piece of Marine ass over me? I did this to myself.

I went into the living room, pulled out my laptop and started to tweak my presentation hoping to occupy my mind with something else. It was useless, my mind was on Randy.

At about 5:30 Alex texted, “You want to come over and play tonight?” He ended the text with a little devil emoji.

“LOL, not tonight. I’m wiped out and need to work on this presentation” I lied. WTF? I just turned out a chance to hook up with the world’s hottest ginger, well at least the hottest ginger in my world. Maybe losing my face in his sweet ass for an hour would get my mind off Randy. But, I opted to stay in and throw myself a pity party instead. I ordered a pizza for dinner and gorged myself while watching some sappy rom-com on Netflix where they start or as friends and end up together in the end (like every damn rom-com). I couldn’t tell you what the movie was or who was in it, they’re all alike anyway.

At about 8:00 I poured myself a glass of whiskey, stripped and got into the hot tub. I brought the bottle outside and set it on the edge of the hot tub for easy access. I’d be needing several refills. The bubbles felt great and the whiskey gave me a good buzz, the second and third glasses gave me more than that. but my thoughts were still on Randy and his date. Why the fuck did I care? Adam’s a great guy, he’d be good for Randy. Too good. Definitely better than me. The perfect boyfriend. Why the hell wait for me when you’ve got him. SHIT! That was it! That was why I was so upset… I assumed Randy would be waiting for me when I finally wanted to settle down. Now, I realized he didn’t have to wait, he was a damn good catch. My mind was rambling on when I heard the latch on the gate click and the gate slam shut.

“Kevin, you back here?!” Came Randy’s voice from the side of the house. When he came around the corner and saw me in the hot tub he said, “I yelled this time in case you had another boy stuck on your face.” Then laughed at his own joke.

“What are you doing here. Where’s your boyyyfrieeennd” I said in a snotty, sing-song tone I that any bratty eight year old would’ve been envious. “I thought you had a date with Aaaaaadaaaam.” I stressed his name in the same snotty tone.

“I changed my mind, besides I thought you didn’t care”

“Well, maybe I changed my mind too.” I bit back at him

Randy smiled and said “Oh really? Well I’m gonna go grab a glass, then come back here, pour myself some of that whiskey, strip, and join you. And then YOU’RE gonna tell me all about why you changed your mind.” He went through the French doors into the house and into the kitchen. He returned a few minutes later with a glass and grabbed the bottle from the edge of the tub and poured himself a couple of fingers.

He set his glass and the bottle on the patio table near the hot tub while he stripped. God he was sexy. Something about that lean body with the perfect dusting of blond hair…oh hell it was everything about him.

He hoisted his naked body into the tub and sat next to me, his leg rubbing against mine. Then he turned towards me, his face just inches from mine. He smiled, and said in the sweetest tone “So, what the fuck is your problem? I thought you just wanted to be fuck buddies, but now you’re acting like jealous school girl.”

“Why didn’t you go out with Adam tonight?” I said, ignoring his question

“Because there are two things you suck at. First, flirting, and second, hiding your feelings. It was obvious it bothered you, and frankly, you’re more important to me than hot sex with some random Marine.” He said. “Besides, I’ve never been on a date, and I want my first date to be with you. Whether that’s tomorrow or years from now.”

“Us date?” Yeah right” I spit back trying to convince myself I wasn’t into him. He smiled knowingly, then we just sat there in silence after that for the next several minutes with the hot water bubbling around me. I downed whatever liquid courage was left in my third glass of whiskey, turned to him and said “I don’t think I want to wait anymore. I think I know what I want.” I leaned in to kiss him.

He pulled back “say it out loud” he whispered

I shot him a look that could kill “Fine, fucker. I think I’m starting to fall for you.”

He smiled that damn smug smile of his and said, “You think?”

“Fine. You win. I am. I’m totally into you. Every fucking thing about you. Even when you’re being a smug, cocky, prick….I find it sexy” I was going into a babble worthy of Randy himself, “I was thinking through what I want in a guy when I finally get my shit together and everything points to your sorry, fine ass. You’re an arrogant prick, but sexy as hell, and smart, and fun, and your body is to F’ing die for, not to mention you know how to handle me, and…….”

“KEVIN, you’re rambling” Randy said doing his best impression of me and then laughed. “So…then what’s the problem? Other than your own freaking insecurities, and fear of coming out?

“Not a damn thing, Randy.” I said, “Not a damn thing.”

He leaned in and kissed me more passionately than ever before, then we leaned back, and I put my head on his chest while he held me in his arms. We stayed like that with the bubbles surrounding us until we pruned. Finally, Randy stood up bringing me with him “Let’s go in the house.” Between the whiskey and the hot tub, I was almost numb. We dried each other off and Randy guided me to my bedroom and helped me into bed. The he just sat on the edge of the bed stroking my hair and looking at me.

“Listen. There’s zero doubt in my mind that we’d be perfect together. I’m just waiting for you to figure that out.” Randy said. With that said, he jumped into the bed next to me and just held me until we both fell asleep. I was his little spoon.

I woke up about 9:00AM, a little hungover and still in his arms. I rolled over to face him, still embarrassed by my episode last night. Randy was still sleeping as I studied his face. “Damn he’s cute.”I thought to myself. “And he gave up a hot Marine to take care of my drunk ass.” Despite all my baggage, this guy was here for me.

Randy’s eyes opened, and he smiled “How are you feeling, drunk boy?”

“I’m good. I’m sorry I was such a dick last night.”

“I get it. But it’s time to make a choice, Kev. Are we just friends with benefits or can I take you out on a real date and see where this goes. I think we both want something more.”

I touched Randy’s cheek and said, “Are you asking me out?”

“Yes, you drunken whore. I am asking you out. Will you please go out with me tonight, Kevin?”

“Then, yes, you arrogant prick. I will go out with you.” I answered then leaned in for a passionate kiss. My dick grew instantly rigid, and I could feel Randy’s growing rigid against mine as our naked bodies touched, but he pulled back and started to roll out of bed and get dressed “Not now. I got a hot date tor prep for. I’ll be back to pick you up at 6:00, and dress nice….for a change.”

“I’m wearing THIS” I said pulling the sheets back to show my naked glory.

Randy just grinned and said, “Save that outfit for after dinner.” I got out of bed, pulled on my boxer briefs and walked him to the door. We kissed goodbye at the door and he left. I saw Bonnie from next door watching us from her front yard. Randy waved to her as he passed by. Well, I guess I just came out to the neighborhood. Bonnie had a mouth on her and gossip this juicy would spread in minutes. Surprisingly, it didn’t bother me in the least. I was ready just to be me. Come what may.

The day flew by. I went shopping for some new clothes, everything I owned was either business wear or shorts and Tee-shirts. After a trip to the Scottsdale Fashion Mall I came home and manscaped, then hit the showers. I was ready (and looking damn good I might add) when Randy arrived promptly at 6:00 to pick me up.

He walked up to the door and rang the bell. When I opened the door he was standing there with his right hand behind his back. And, damn, did he look good. He had a perfectly tailored Armani sportscoat with a collarless shirt and dress pants, and his hair was freshly cut and styled. He pulled out a bouquet of red roses. “for you” he said with a cheesy grin.

“That is the GAYEST thing you’ve ever done, Randy.” I said

“Well what do you expect, this is my first big gay date. I plan on getting even gayer tonight.”

I laughed and said, “Damn, you look good. Did you get your hair cut?”

“Styled actually, by the gayest stylist I could find in Phoenix.” He said proudly ”I’m going to impress the fuck out of you tonight.” I invited him in, put the roses in a vase and put them on the counter they were really beautiful. I don’t think anyone had ever given me flowers before. I gave him a kiss and we headed out for our date.

When we pulled up to the restaurant the valet opened by car door and said, “Good evening Mr. Nicholls.” Then he went around to the driver’s side and said “Good evening Mr. Ashton, I’ll take care of your car. The hostess has your table waiting.” We were treated like royalty. I just looked over at Randy who said, “You’re not the only one with bigshot clients.”

Randy was a financial advisor, and a damn good one I learned later, with a lot of high-profile clients. Including the restaurateur of this extremely high-end restaurant in one of the most beautiful resorts in Phoenix. I’ve heard awesome things about it, in fact it was a favorite of Bills, but never felt the urge to mortgage my house to eat there.

“Randy, this is too damn much. You’re going overboard.”

“You’re damn right I am! I’ve wanted you for a freaking decade and I’m going to do this right. Just chillout and enjoy it.” He said as he opened the restaurant door for me. Again we were greeted by the maître d “Mr. Ashton, Mr. Nicholls, welcome. Your table is ready please follow me. The restaurant was on a bluff and our table had a breathtaking view. There was a rose at my place, and a bottle of champagne already chilling on ice, the maître d promptly uncorked it, set the cork in front of Randy and filled out flutes.

Randy put the cork in his coat pocket, then lifted his glass to make a toast a I rolled my eyes “This is to the hottest guy I’ve ever known, may we become so much more than friends with benefits.” There was a sincerity in his eyes. The cockiness was gone. As cheesy as the toast was, he meant it. I lifted my glass, we clinked and took a sip. We had a five course meal starring surf & Turf. Randy had set everything up ahead of time including a massive dessert with two forks. But the food was secondary to the company and conversation. He was so easy to talk to, and we laughed all through dinner.

He went to the restroom and when he came back he stepped behind me to pull out my chair and said, “let’s go.” I asked about the check, of course Mr. slick already took care of everything. I thanked him, feeling guilty, as he guided me out a different door than the one we entered.

“This isn’t how we came in” I said confused.

“Nope. But it’s how we’re going out” Randy replied as he led me into the incredible resort. “I hope this doesn’t make you feel cheap, but I figured you were a sure thing, so I booked us a room.”

“What kind of boy do you think I am? “ I asked innocently

“The kind I want to spend every waking moment with.” He answered, again the cockiness was gone. Randy was a freaking cheeseball, but romantic as hell, and most importantly, sincere.

We walked into the suite, there was a huge wall of windows overlooking the bluff, and a sunken Jacuzzi in the middle of the room (jets already running) surrounded by lit candles. “What the fuck, Randy? This is amazing!”

“Well, I hope you brought the outfit you were wearing in bed this morning.” Randy said as he pulled me into an embrace and his started to kiss deeply again. Oh my god this felt so right. I pushed Randy’s Armani jacket of his shoulders and started to unbutton his shirt as our tongues continued their dance. He started fumbling with my shirt and we slowly, sensually stripped each other down to our underwear, our lips never parting.

We pulled apart and just looked at each other. He never looked sexier to me, no one had ever looked sexier to me than Randy did at that moment. How could I have been so blind to him all these years. He’s the total package. We stepped down into the Jacuzzi, the second we sat down we were all over each other. I stopped and pulled away “shit, I gotta be to work in the morning.” I started to panic “We can get up at 6AM and go, you’ll have plenty of time, just relax, enjoy this.” Randy replied

We slunk back into our kiss. I had never felt passion like this, I was experiencing something completely different. This wasn’t about sex, or gratification, it was about two people connection on a totally different level and I was loving it. Randy’s lips left mine and went to my neck, giving me small kisses, then down my torso licking and playfully biting my nipples. His hand was under the water stroking my cock up and down. I was reveling in the attention.

“It’s too hot in here, let’s move this to the bed” I said. We dried each other off with the towels Randy had set out for us by the jacuzzi earlier and moved toward the bed. Randy pushed me gently onto the bed, laid over my body and started to kiss me, grinding our cocks together, he was so incredibly hard, I could feel every vein pulsating against me as the grinding got harder. He moved down and rubbed his hard, veiny cock up and down my hole, the pleasure was indescribable as my hole contracted, and opened in anticipation.

I was ready for him to take my ass when suddenly he moved up my body. He reached for the bottle of lube he had set on the nightstand earlier, reached behind him and lubed up my hard, dripping seven and a half inches. He was turning the tables on me. Just as I was ready to get fucked, Randy was mounting my dick. He slowly impaled himself on my waiting appendage, I breached his ring and his velvet-like manhole grasped onto my cock, pulling it deeper into him.

Our eyes were locked as I rolled him on to his back so that I was on top, looking into his eyes as I slowly plunged into him missionary style. His legs instinctively wrapped around my waist and his fingernails clawed into my back, the pain was so pleasurable. I entered him slowly and moved in and out with long, slow, steady strokes. Savoring the moment. Every nerve in my body was alive, I put my face into his arm pit to savor the smell of him, I licked his chest to savor the taste, I looked at his handsome face and tried to memorize every pore. I wanted all of him and I never wanted to forget how incredible it felt being in him. Being with him. Being his. This was so beyond just sex.

I started pounding harder and Randy whispered “cum inside me, please, Kev, cum inside me” that’s all the encouragement I needed as my pace quickened and I shot stream after powerful stream of myself into him. I collapsed on top of him.

He commandingly rolled us over with me still inside of him so that he was on top. Then, he pulled off of me and aligned his long, slender, hard as a rock cock with my pink, hairless waiting manhole “It’s your turn” he said as he slowly entered my eyes, our eyes locked again. He used long, steady strokes like I had done on him just minutes before. In an out, in and out, slowly. I oved it and soon was begging him as he had done to me whispered “cum inside me, please, Randy, cum inside me.” He did, almost instantly shooting stream after stream of himself inside of me. The he collapsed on top of me and we rolled onto our sides with him still inside me, trying to catch our breath.

We fell asleep with him spooning me, still inside me. It felt perfect.

To be continued…