Exploring My True Self

The rest of the weekend was pretty boring. We cleaned up the house, watched a couple of movies and just generally did nothing. I was pretty bummed out, I missed the chaos and noise. One unexpected outcome of all of the chaos was that I had never felt closer to Randy. Watching him bond with my baby brother solidified something within me.

I thought about how he didn’t so much as flinch when his holiday was held ransom by a bunch of frat boys because he knew it meant something to me. I thought about how he went with the flow of it all just because it made me happy. I thought about how he was so concerned that Scotty and his friends got home safely that he invested in that old car without giving it a second thought. Even the sex with the frat boys. He waited for me to decide and would’ve walked away without ever mentioning it again if I had a problem with it. He spent close to $2,000 on my brother and his friends without batting an eye just because it made me happy.

Every damn one of his decisions were somehow focused on making me happy. Yeah, he had fun, but I think the majority of his joy came from making me happy. But why? Why is this sweet, fun, hot, incredibly generous, sexy, loving man so focused on making me, short, average at best, Kevin Nicholls happy? These thoughts consumed me all weekend as I cleaned and worked around the house. Why me?

Whoops called when they got back to Boulder and thanked us again. I could hear the frat boys in the background, obviously drunk already. Scotty said they all had an awesome time.

My mom called Sunday afternoon. “Hi honey, your brother Scotty called, they made it home safe and sound” she said “He told us that you and Randy took good care of them, he also told us what you did to his car. You’re a good brother.”

“Mom, that was more Randy than me. It was his idea and he insisted on paying for half of it.” I said

“Put him on the phone” she said

“He’s busy washing the cars” I said

“I don’t care if he’s performing open heart surgery, you put him on the phone right now young man” she demanded. Young man? She was serious. You don’t say no to mom when she calls you “young man.” I walked out to the driveway where Randy was washing the cars. Mine was still covered in red clay from the boys’ adventure to the desert on Friday.

He was bent over scrubbing the rims in nothing but a tight bathing suit. His ass was on full display. Damn he was hot. I notice Bonnie pretending to water her plants with her eyes glue to his ass. I yelled playful “eyes on your own paper, Bonnie, that ass is mine.” She turned beet red and went into her backyard.

“Hey!” I yelled over the rushing water to Randy. He stopped spraying and looked at me. “My mom's on the phone and she wants to talk to you.” He gave me a confused look, I just shrugged, and he came over to me and grabbed the phone from my hand.

“Hello Mrs. Nicholls” he said “…Okay… Mom” he said as he looked at me with a curious look on his face. After a few minutes of “yes mam’s” and “okays” he said “you’re welcome, I will. Thanks. I can’t wait to see you at Christmas. Goodbye” and handed me the phone. I grabbed it, put it to my ear and said “I’m back, mom. Hello? Hello?” she had hung up.

“What the hell did she say to you?” I asked Randy who had the broadest smile I had ever seen on his face as he fumbled with the hose in his hand.

“That’s between us” he said knowing I’d never accept that answer.

“The hell it is. Spill it” I said.

He grinned, knowing he had no choice because I would bug the living fuck out of him until he told me. “Well, first off she told me to call her mom,” He smile broadly and looked at my face awaiting a reaction that I refused to give him, “And she thanked me for putting up with Scotty and his friends and making sure the car would get them back to campus.” I listened intently.

“Then…” he continued “She told me….” He spoke hesitantly “…that she’s known you were gay since you were a little kid and was fine with it. But her biggest worry was that you’d be lonely.” He looked up at me and saw the tears starting to run down my face. I never really thought about how my being gay affected my parents. I was too focused on worrying about myself. “You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, I just never realized she worried about that. Keep going.” I said

“Basically she thanked me for loving you, which of course I told her was my pleasure,” He added with a smug grin “…and said that she and your dad considered me part of the family already.” I just stared at him then he added “Oh, and she wants me to text her my phone number, so she can get a hold of me if she needs to” Then he laughed.

I stood there at a loss for words. My earlier questions of “why me?”didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was that it WAS me he loved. We’d only been together a few months, but it didn’t matter. I was ready for a lifetime commitment and was going to make it happen. I remembered Scotty’s words “Don’t fuck this up.” 

I looked up at Randy and said “Well, you found the way to her heart. Through her babies.” He just laughed then turned the hose back on and sprayed me, the bitch.

Sunday night was quiet. For the first time in several days it was just the two of us. We ate what little leftovers we had and then cuddled on the couch watching some stupid flick, I was just trying not to doze off. We went to bed by 10 o’clock.

We crawled under the covers naked as we usually did. As tired as we were his dick was wide awake and pushing against my ass trench as we laid on our sides with him behind me. He reached in the drawer and grabbed the bottle of lube, slicking himself up. Wordlessly my favorite piece of man-flesh in the world slipped into my welcoming hole. He went slow, stopping often. We were in no hurry. We were just lying there enjoying each other. He kissed my neck slowly and I turned back to meet his lips full-on as he pushed in slowly until I felt his trimmed bush against my crack, then he would pull out completely until I pushed back asking for him to fill my hole again. We made love slowly as I teased his cock by contracting my sphincter tight around it every so often. He would moan into our kiss as I did.

He reached around and was slowly stroking my hard seven and a half engorged inches. My cock pulsated in his warm hand. He pulled off my lips and put his tongue in my ear… damn he knew every button to push and exactly when to push them. It didn’t take long before I was on the edge and whispered “I’m cumming.”

To my surprise he pulled out of me, pushed me onto my back and took my erupting dick in his mouth drinking every bit of cum my balls could produce. He licked and slurped up and down my super sensitive cockhead. I was shuddering with every movement of his talented tongue.

When he got every drop of my seed, he rose above me pushing my knees to my chest and entered me again. He made passionate love to me, pumping in and out while he kissed me deep with his cum-covered tongue. He didn’t last more than a half-dozen strokes before he moaned and shot stream after stream of wonderful cum into me. He thrust as hard as he could and stopped with his long cock deep in my rectum. I felt the warmth of his cock as it pulsed inside my hole, I loved it when he was in me! It felt like we were part of one being and I loved that feeling.

We fell asleep like that. Him inside me, and my ass full of his cum. It was a warm, comfortable feeling. When the alarm went off at 6AM we were in the exact same position. We kissed good morning, my cum still on his lips, and he slowly pulled his soft dick out of me trying not to make a mess.

We went to the kitchen to grab our coffee and then we showered together. It was a sensual moment between two lovers. More comfortable and familiar than lust-filled. I loved it. We soaped-up and scrubbed every inch of each other. When we stepped out we dried each other off and shared small, sensual kisses as we did. Then we stepped up to the double sinks and finished getting ourselves ready as we smiled at each other in the mirror. What a great way to start the week.

We got dressed, then each grabbed something for breakfast and kissed goodbye when we got to our shining cars in the driveway and went our separate ways.

I had the music blasting and was singing at the top of my lungs all the way to work with the top down. It had been an awesome weekend with Randy, Whoops and all our friends and it was hitting me hard how lucky I was. The whole way in I was designing Randy’s engagement ring in my head. I had been trying to think of a way to propose, but everything I came up with seemed cheesy as hell and not worthy of the momentous moment it would mark. My plan was to get it made and carry it around until the moment hit me, unless the perfect plan hit me first. The only thing I knew for sure is that I would pledge my love to him before the end of the year.

Monday morning went great as usual. Good meetings, no surprises. The next few weeks I’d be focused on getting everything wrapped up for the end of the year and making sure my calendar was cleared so Randy and I could take a full week off for the holidays. The good news was that we decided to close the agency between Christmas and New Year’s making it easier for me to get away. I told Bill about my plan to propose in our morning meeting. He congratulated me and gave me the name and number of a jeweler that he had known for decades. At lunch I escaped the office and headed to downtown Phoenix to meet him.

After looking at a lot of samples and talking through it with the jeweler I ordered a beautiful polished black graphite ring with titanium edging and a small white diamond inset. I thought the black was masculine and the diamond brought a hint of tradition to the engagement ring. Randy had admired one similar to it when we were looking around the shops in Vegas on one of our trips. It wasn’t my style, but I wasn’t the one wearing it, and it was still beautiful. My assumption is that he’d wear the engagement ring until we got married, then we’d replace it with matching bands we picked out together. I did a little research on the etiquette of gay engagements, who proposes, who picks out the rings, etc. etc. and frankly there wasn’t a lot of consensus out there. Everyone had their own take on it, so I decided to make my own rules.

I bought a ring that I knew he’d love, and I would propose to him when the moment was right. I decided I would leave the rest up to fate and future discussions between us.

Randy called me at the office about 4 o’clock and told me to meet me in front of my building at 5:30, he was picking me up and taking me out to dinner. He was kind of vague, but he showed up right on time and I was waiting as promised. I got in the car and kissed him “What’s the occasion?” I asked.

“You’re having dinner with Vogel Harris Financial's newest VP and Principal.”

“Oh my god!” I threw my arms around him “YOU GOT IT!”

“Yup! Complete with a bonus check” He said as he pulled it out of the inside pocket of his suitcoat and handed it me the $25,000 bonus check.

“I am so fucking proud of you. You’ve earned this!” I truly was proud of him, he worked his ass off for them and they knew it. We were both lucky to work for small companies that appreciated and rewarded us for our hard work and talents.

“Thank you” He said. “I’m setting up an investment account for myself like I did for you. I’m going to put all my bonuses and the raise away like you have.”

“We’ll be Phoenix’s biggest gay power couple.” I said and we both laughed.

We drove up to the resort where we had our first date. They were waiting for us and treated us like royalty just as they had on our first date. We ordered champagne and a seafood tower and talked about our futures. The conversation was mostly about our career’s, but I noticed that we both spoke in terms of “we.” It was clear we each saw the other as a permanent part of our lives. I kind of wished I had the ring with me already.

After dinner we drove through the hilly neighborhood (one of the very few in Phoenix) around the resort. The beautiful, large homes were all hidden in the desert landscape. It was gorgeous and wreaked of success. We looked at the beautiful homes and daydreamed about someday living there. Ah…to be out of that ugly little suburban tract home and away from Bonnie’s judgmental gaze. I was imagining a home where Randy and I would build our life together, just the two of us, or maybe some kids in a couple of years. A home that could hold any unannounced onslaught of our family and friends. OUR home. That would be sweet. And with the combined income of two VP’s on the rise, it could be a reality someday.

During our ride I realized that my mindset had changed drastically. I had moved 2,000 miles from home to find myself, now all I could do was dream about the future with a guy who had been in the shadows of my life for a decade. Funny what happens when we just start living life.

To be continued…