Exploring My True Self

Randy speaks up

Kevin has been going through a major awakening, and his life is changing quickly. But he’s not the only one. Randy is playing a big part in those changes and going through an awakening of his own as their friendship evolves into something different. Is it what he’s been dreaming of all these years or is he in for heartbreak? In this chapter Randy share’s his perspective.

I woke up spooning Kevin. The room has two king beds, but we decided to share since the other bed was…well…a little “well used” from last night. I’m spooning fucking KEVIN! My college crush for over a decade. I’ve been lusting after him since I first saw him my freshman year at a party he, Matty, and Jeff had at the flat they shared. And….at this very moment he is my little spoon. Damn.

I’d known Matty since high school. He invited me to a party at their place my first week on campus. I remember spotting Kevin as soon as I walked in the door. He was so hot, a great, tight little body (I LOVE short guys), so put together, every hair in place, except the few that were purposely messed up to make it look natural (natural my ass, he worked on that for hours). He was totally my type, sitting on the couch surrounded by girls, all flirting with him, and he was oblivious to all of it. That’s my favorite part about him. He has no idea how hot he is! At one point we met by the keg and made small talk, nothing memorable other than he made me feel welcome, like I belonged there. Ever since that day I’ve wanted him, but I was way too deep in the closet to ever admit it much less act on it, plus I thought for sure he was straight. So, he became an unattainable fantasy and I did my best to avoid him until he graduated and moved away. We saw each other around, but never really hung out or got to know each other. When he graduated, Matty and Jeff invited me to take his place in the flat, so I did. I figured that was the end of my Kevin crush.

When I heard he was moving to Phoenix I was freaked out on a couple of different levels. On one hand, my fantasy, right here in the same city. Awesome. On the other hand, a straight guy from back home means back in the closet for me, and I’d just started getting bolder about exploring my sexuality. I couldn’t let that happen.

But the first week with Kev was awesome. We were getting to know each other. The more I got to know him, the more I liked him. He didn’t pry into my personal life, he wasn’t judgmental, and he was fun to hang out with. I was pretty lonely before he came. So, I decided I was going to be honest with him and come out. A big step for me, but I felt safe with Kev, I trusted him. I sent him a text before the weekend asking him out for a beer on Sunday, so I could bare my soul, but he didn’t respond. I tried calling a couple of times with no luck, but I was determined to get this out in the open, so I drove over to his place Sunday night. When I got there, I saw another car next to his Jeep which was odd since I was pretty much the only person he knew here. I figured it must be someone from work, he would’ve told me if he met some girl.

I rang the bell. No answer. I texted him to let him know I was there. No response. Then I heard noise coming over the fence, so I opened the gate and headed to the backyard. It took a minute for what I was seeing to register in my brain. There was Kevin in the hot tub making out, then I realized he was making out WITH A GUY! I was frozen in place, unsure what to do next. I was stunned, turned-on, and a host of other things including jealous. I was at a loss for words and was about to sneak out when instead, I cleared my throat to get their attention…I have no reason why. When They looked up, I realised who he was making out with. The hot ginger from my jack-off sessions!

I had met Alex about six months earlier at an adult bookstore one night when I was horny as hell. He followed me into the video booth and wordlessly dropped to his knees and gave me the blowjob of a lifetime. He has this talent for taking a dick down his throat in one gulp. As his throat massaged the head of my cock, his tongue worked up and down my shaft as he looked up at me with those piercing green eyes. He’s been the centerpiece of the masturbatory library in my mind ever since.

Now, here he was a few feet away from me making out with my unattainable crush. Or should I say formerly assumed unattainable crush…I was suddenly filled with hope again. Kevin likes guys!

Watching them was hot as fuck and My cock was so hard it was sticking out of my waistband, under my tee shirt. Then Alex said “Wanna join us?” YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT I’M JOINING YOU, INCREDIBLY HOT GINGER MAKING OUT WITH MY BIGGEST CRUSH!I screamed to myself inside my head. Two of my most lust-filled fantasies in one hot tub….it was boy soup and I planned on getting every drop! I couldn’t get naked fast enough.

Things started out awkward, especially between me and Kev, but it ended up being the hottest night of my life. However, I have to admit our impromptu “couples Massage” last night was pretty amazing too, and that kiss! Thank you, Chet! I couldn’t believe Kevin went for it, it was the most sensual kiss of my life. He had to have felt the electricity too.

I know he sees me as just a friend, or FB, and for now that’s awesome as hell. Frankly, I had given up the Kevin fantasy years ago, but now it’s back. I can feel the door starting to open, and I’m very patient. I could totally see myself falling in love with this guy, but for now, I’ll settle for awesome sex.

But right now, I am holding the man of my dreams and I’m gonna enjoy the hell out of it. I started pushing my morning wood against Kevin’s ass crack as he slept.

“Not gonna happen. I’m not your bitch” he said in a low, cracking morning voice as he started to stir in my arms. Then he turned over, looked at me, smiled, and said “So, is this gonna be a regular thing with us now?” My heart almost stopped. Oh my god, maybe I AM more than a fuck buddy, I thought to myself. “Are we gonna double team some hot guy every weekend?” he added. I felt a pang in the pit of my stomach…Nope. Just a fuck buddy. But, I had Kevin to myself for the weekend, and I was determined to win him over.

“It was definitely hot, and we haven’t even left the room yet.” I said, adding “what are we gonna do today?” I said getting out of bed and walking towards the windows to look out on the strip, my boner leading the way. Kevin got up, naked and hard, and made some coffee.

“I’m starving. How about we hit a buffet. I wanna check out Jordan’s other hotels, then we can walk the strip and stop somewhere to play the slots for a while?”

“Sounds good to me, but gosh…” I said in my best naive, shy voice “What am I gonna do about this hard-on?” I wiggled my hips making my hard cock dance.

The coffee had finished brewing and Kevin was walking back to the bed wearing nothing but a coffee mug. He laughed and said, “bring that thing here.”

He sat on the edge of the bed and took a big sip of his coffee putting the mug on the nightstand as I walked toward him, stroking my cock to its full length. He reached out and engulfed my throbbing dick with his coffee-filled mouth. I let out a huge moan, the hot sensation of the coffee on my cock was amazing. He swallowed the coffee and kept working on my shaft, taking it deep down his hot throat, pulling my ass toward him to take me even deeper. He maneuvered me onto the bed, pushed me onto my back, and crawled between my legs. He grabbed his coffee mug off the nightstand and took another swing before going back down on me. The hot sensation on my cock drove me to new heights.

He swallowed the coffee and continued working on my cock with long, slow strokes. He went from the sensitive tip, down the inside of my shaft, then gently took both my balls in his still warm mouth. I was squirming and trying to hold back, but when his tongue kept going down my taint and entered my tight hole I almost lost it. He pushed my legs back to my chest to give himself full access to my bud and pushed his handsome face hard against my hole as he licked and probed. Then he inserted a finger and worked it in and out and all around, then a second finger opening me up. Opening me up? For what? I’m alone with Kevin for the first time and he’s opening my ass up! Is he going to fuck me?My mind was racing. This wasn’t just fun, dirty sex, this was me and Kevin…alone.

He moved up my body, licking me from toe-to-head until we were face-to-face, and I could feel the heat of his cock on my hole, his head lightly tapping my ass ring. “Do you want this?” he asked “Oh my god, I’ve wanted this for years” I responded breathlessly “Are you sure? There’s no going back. Once we cross this line it changes everything.” Kevin said not just to me but seemingly talking through it with himself as well. I could tell he wanted me but was hesitant.

I pushed him off gently and said, “lay down.” We turned on our sides to face each other “I want you, I’ve wanted you for years. I think we could be so much more than fuck buddies” I said to him touching his face. “I think I might want that too, but not right now. I’m just starting to explore myself, I’m not ready for much more than sex at the moment. Can you handle just sex?” Kevin replied. I couldn’t believe we were having this conversation “Maybe in time it’ll be more, but there’s no guarantee or commitment beyond the moment. It’s just a fuck, and the last thing I want to do is break your heart and lose you as a friend.” He added.

“I can handle it. I want it. I want you. NOW. So, get back up there and fuck me.” I said. A huge smile came across his face and he asked in a commanding voice as he touched my cheek “You sure about this?” I nodded, and he did as I commanded. In seconds we were face to face again, this time we kissed with passion. Friends? Fuck buddies? Couple? Who knew? I didn’t fucking care, I just wanted him in me.

We kept kissing as I felt his girth slowly enter me. He stopped pushing to let me get used to him, then another inch or two slipped in as his tongue continued to explore my mouth. It was gentle and passionate at the same time. I’m sorry, this wasn’t a fuck, he was making love to me, regardless of what he said.

His pace was steady and picked up speed while his kisses became deeper and more passionate with every thrust. He was hitting my prostate and the feeling was incredible. I moaned into his mouth every time his huge glans hit the spot. I was out of my ever-loving mind with pure, complete ecstasy. I heard myself cry out “Don’t you fucking stop, Kevin. Keep fucking me. Breed me. Make me your bitch!” then it hit me, and I couldn’t control myself, I screamed out again “I’m cumming!” And I did. With more power and pleasure than ever before.

Kevin didn’t stop he kept pounding me until stream after powerful stream of cum was filling my welcoming hole. I had never felt so full or complete in my entire life. Kevin collapsed onto my cum-covered body. We were quickly glued together with sweat ad cum and I was in fucking heaven.

And we still haven’t left the hotel room