Ask GayDemon Blog

I want to be a porn star but I'm worried about my friends and family finding out. I would love for there to be a way for me to do porn anonymously. How do porn stars avoid their family and friends from finding out about their career in porn, or do they not care?
-Cock Blocked

I'm not going to try and read their minds and tell you what they feel. But I can say you're harboring more assumptions than I can count, the biggest being that every porn star has family and friends. Considering porn stars are hatched from pods and can't very well make friends while in the throes of constant dramatic orgasm, those personal risk and conflicts are minimal to non-existent.

Ever since I’ve been a teenager I’ve been attracted to older guys. I love silver daddies and men with experience and that sophisticated look. I can’t think how to meet my ideal guy because we tend to hang out in the bars and clubs where the crowd is younger. How can I meet Mr. Right?
-Younger for Older

Sexually compatibility is absolutely important so being drawn to a look is totally fine. There may be an assumption that you would be drawn to people closer to your age, and older men may share that assumption, meaning most may see it a total waste of time to go to those clubs with younger crowds. Also because in some of those places, staff and patrons may give older guys a hard time, creating an unwelcome environment.

My boyfriend has a well-paid job, but it’s safe to say I am the breadwinner. We’ve been together for around a year now but I don’t like the fact he relies on me to pay way more than half of everything such as rent, bills and shopping. How can we get the balance right?
-Wishing for 50/50

How big is his dick? Because you need to do some math here. You want a 50/50 situation but first off all, that should rightly be a proportional 50/50. Each of you spending the same percent out of your earnings doesn't mean you both would spend the same amount of money as you earn more.

And even then, there may be things he just can't afford, so you need to either agree to fully pay for certain things, or live within his means more and don't make it all about money. So lay off the shopping.

I’m scared to leave the house. There’s a group of kids that hang around outside my apartment block, and they somehow know I am gay. I live alone and it bugs me. They shout taunts and offensive names at me such as “faggot” and “queer”, which I’m used to brushing off, but when it’s every day it becomes wearing. What can I do?
-Out of the Closet and of Ideas

Your first step is to focus on maintaining a feeling of helplessness. As long as you can keep up that illusion, there's no need for any other step. You're done! And as a bonus, stop leaving the house. And even when you're at home, lay off the tap dancing.

You're welcome.

I think my foot fetish is getting out of control. I’ve started preferring to suck my boyfriends toes rather than fuck. I just jerk off instead. I know he gets bored of it. Please help me find the fun in fucking again!
-Stymied Shrimper

You want me to help you find the fun in something that you don't find fun. Why? Because you're supposed to find fun in it because a lot of other people do, including your boyfriend? Well a lot of people find a lot of different sex acts fun, but not all would be fun for you, or for your boyfriend either. Because we're sexual individuals.

Being gay and all that does not make us part of a sexual monolith. You have some highly self-judgmental wording here, from "getting out of control" to "just jerk off".

I’m 21 years old and I’m gay. My cock has a red spot right on the end which has been there since I was born. It’s nothing medical, just a mark, but how do I convince guys it's not some kind of STI when we get down to business? I’m worried people will back away when they see it.
-Frankenpenis

How dare you not have a picture perfect penis, worthy of Michelangelo. Sucking.

It can be a comforting distraction to pick up on a supposed physical flaw of yours rather than focus on personal challenges regarding connecting sexually and otherwise with guys. Because guys may back away when they see your personality. Your sense of humor that is incompatible with their own. Your career aspirations. Or your left big toe.

I’m a masculine guy, in good shape and not camp in any way, but I’ve found I really love dressing in women’s underwear, lingerie, etc. I don’t want to be a woman or do full cross-dressing, I just love to get fucked in sissy lingerie like a bitch. I’m struggling with how all this fits in with being masculine.
-Masculine Fucked Bitch

Hiya, fucked bitch. What a pretty fucked bitch you are! Oh yes, you are. There's a good sissy bitch. Best in show!

You're in luck because I know everything, as has been previously established. See all my other columns in which I know everything. So you really love doing something. And it's not hurting anyone. In fact, it's helping the economy of wherever you get your stuff. And it makes it very clear to any sex partner what you want for your birthday. And for pretty much any gift-giving holiday. At least underwear and lingerie are quite clear, though you may want to specify to folks what you mean by "etc." Heels?

I am pretty sure I’ve developed a sex addiction. I can’t stop thinking about it, watching porn, hooking up with guys from Grindr. I even wake up in the night craving sex. It’s getting in the way of work, family life, and seeing friends. Sex comes first. Always. Where can I get help?
-Stumped Sexaholic

You took time out from sex to pose this question, which is great! Or were you fucking while typing? Which would also be great! Definitely something to bring up in a job interview as proof of your ability to multitask. When you tell your prospective employer, they'll think "Hey, here's a guy who will be fucking while he types and email to me saying he needs to stay home sick."

The job is yours. Provided you interview to be a professional sex addict.

My partner has the opportunity to move abroad for work, but they don’t recognise same-sex couples for immigration so that I can be with him. Is this going to be the end for us, or can a long distance relationship work?
-Head Trip

I'm in shock. Absolute shock. Just stunned. In this day and age, how is it you have not considered the obvious?

Become a gold digger leech.

While you didn't mention the employment issue, it seems you would be better able to get permission to live in a country if you weren't going to take a job away from a local. You could go to school there on a student Visa because you clearly need a class in Gay 101. With advance classes in Becoming a Kept Man.

I discovered that my boyfriend has been lying about his age. He told me he was 27, but he’s actually 35, and whilst he looks younger, I feel betrayed and I have developed trust issues. I have confronted him about it and he’s of the opinion age shouldn’t matter, but it’s the principle. What should I do?
-Boyfriend Can't Count

Your boyfriend is a liar and if you hadn't discovered his lie, he'd still be carrying it out. But you already know that. Did you know, though, that one lie equals a hundred?

Because he totally has to pretend not to remember certain songs (since he should be too young to). And to have certain 27 year old tastes, like all the beers or superballs or make your own mini-donut kits people market to 27 year olds, or whatever 27 is about (which I officially have no idea about).

I’m nervous about my first time with a guy. I decided recently that I am only attracted to men, not women. Will it hurt? I don’t want to ruin my hole. Is there a way to make it more pleasurable?
-Hole in One

"Ruin my hole"? Such language! Do you fuck guys with that dirty mouth?

It will totally hurt and your hole will be utterly destroyed forever. All the professional seamstresses in the world will not be able to put you back together. You'll be like a discarded stuffed animal in the bargain bin of a thrift store whose hole is blown out.

Have you got any advice on how to tell my grandparents about my sexuality? I’m bisexual and see both guys and girls. They are always asking me if I have a girlfriend and I need them to understand that sometimes she might be a he.
-Invisible Bi Grandkid

To this point, you've given the perception that you're straight, but only because that's the default assumption of society (and likely your grandparents). In fact, you're identity is bisexual and that would hold true even if you only were with women for the rest of your life. Or only with men. Unless you've reframed, adjusted your own personal identity as you see yourself.

So when you do tell your grandparents that you're bisexual, make sure you're clear that is your identity. Otherwise, say you're currently dating a guy and later a woman. They might think that you're suddenly straight. Which would put you back into some definition closet, again based on their ignorance.

I’m just recently out of a relationship of 14 months and looking for love. Most guys are put off when they learn I’m recently single and think I’m on the rebound, but that’s really not the case. Why are they so quick to write me off?
-Definitely Not on the Rebound

Because you're on the rebound. That's a fact. But what's not necessarily a fact is that you are incapable of falling in love and having a solid relationship with someone new. Like when some guy dumps some lady after he's already started fucking a new lady.

That is my vision of heterosexuality, apparently.

What does it mean to be straight-acting? People ask me a lot online or on certain apps whether I’m straight-acting and I haven’t got a clue what to respond with. Can you explain it to me?
-Straight Acting or Not

It is a group hallucination, held in more esteem within gay communities than straight. And among those who bandy about the term, I suspect means different things to different people.

Is straight acting whatever male construction workers act like? Consider that male ballet dancers are generally stronger than construction workers. Is straight acting whatever cold, emotionless, silent types act like? Or are those silent guys just dull and have nothing to say or express. Is straight acting pure top? Consider that plenty of straight guys like to get pegged.

My parents don’t like my partner. He’s 10 years older than I am (I’m 24) and it’s causing him to feel uncomfortable when we have to go to relative’s events. My family is overall accepting of my sexuality, it’s just that they don’t like him. He is successful, confident, and I love him. How can I solve this problem?
-Trapped in the Middle

Your parents sound awesome! I'm not kidding! Really!

Consider these three levels:

Hey, our son is gay and I don't want to meet anyone he's seeing or hear anything about his life (sexuality included). He's just a gay yet non-gay person who sort of probably loves somebody and is in a relationship but we don't want to know about it because gross and eww.