Ask GayDemon Blog

Until recently I thought I was entirely gay. I've always wanted guys and never had any interest in women, until I noticed myself watching more and more straight porn, thinking I was enjoying the guy and the fact he's straight. Then I started enjoying the pussy, and now I find myself enjoying straight porn for the women, although I don't find their boobs all that! Does this make me bi?

-Pussy Porn Peeper

Well famous gay author Christoper Isherwood is quoted as saying "It seems to me that the real clue to your sex orientation lies in your romantic feelings rather than in your sexual feelings. If you are really gay, you are able to fall in love with a man, not just enjoy having sex with him." So you should ask that pussy porn out to dinner and see if you hit it off romantically.

I think I'm becoming a complete pervert. I recently joined a gym to shape up and I am amazed by the amount of incredibly obvious bulges in lycra! I can't help but stare at these guys' packages and very often they'll notice and I look like a right perve! Is there something wrong with my self control? Can I do this perving more discreetly?

-Loving Lycra

Remember raising your hand to go to the bathroom in elementary school, asking "Can I go to the bathroom?" And the teacher would rightly correct you with "I don't know. Can you?" Because you really should say "may" not "can"?

I've always been into straight guys, and aren't we all?! Recently I met a guy online who wants me to wear lingerie and be his "slut" for the night. Would dressing up for this guy make me a transvestite?

-Lingerie "Lady"

No we're not all into straight guys. Even straight women aren't all into straight guys. But isn't it interesting that you, a dude of the male XY chromosome type, is perfectly content to define this self-defined straight guy as a straight guy despite him being interested in you, a guy?

I've got a sister that is completely obsessed with the fact that I'm gay. She just won't shut up about it! She's constantly asking if I find so and so hot, and trying to hook me up with her other gay mates. What can I do to stop this constant bombardment?

-At My Gay Limit

Welcome to 2015 folks, where it's no longer the activist cry of Silence = Death, but rather an implied Silence = Relief. As in why won't my gay-positive, sex-positive sister stop loving me so hard? Why won't she treat me as if she's grossed out by two guys kissing and boinking and other crap those freak gays do when they're behind closed doors, or (gasp!) on the street?

My partner is moving abroad for work and wants to make ours an open relationship (we all have needs right?). I'm just not comfortable with the idea of him sleeping with other guys, even though I know I'd need to do the same. Any advice?

-Far Away Cock

Talk about him needing his space. Moving to a whole other country? Filled with plenty of new holes? Unless his field of work is completely impossible to do where you live, clearly he's using this as an excuse to get away from you. I mean, kindly, have some space while keeping a beautiful, minimal connection.

And you're not moving with him so you must need space too on some level.

I met a guy who was traveling from Sydney on holiday. It was a Grindr hookup and a one night stand. We've chatted a hell of a lot since he went home and now he wants to come back to visit. Isn't it a bit soon to be hosting him for a week or two?

-Host with the Most

Yes, so totally do it! But don't think of it as hosting. Rather consider it temporary kidnapping with you as the captor. Not literally of course. But in every other sense.

So is him being there not giving you enough space? Go out with him to a bar then ditch him and change the locks to your house. Then sleep easy with earplugs in while he bangs on the door and calls your cell. You can later claim you couldn't find him at the bar so went home assuming he took a cab or something. And that you forgot you'd scheduled a locksmith to change the locks that evening. Because he's dependent on staying with you, he won't say anything.

Is there anything i can do about my flat ass? It looks terrible in jeans, even though I think I've got a nice bottom when I'm naked. It just doesn't fill any pants I wear right.

-Two Dimensional Tuches

I can totally help! You're so lucky you reached out to me! I will save you from your misery!

Know that saying "Accentuate the positive. Eliminate the negative." That's from a song, actually. And definitely not a Rihanna song. She doesn't sing songs. She sings money.

What's a normal amount of times to jerk off a day? I'm spending most of my evenings playing with my cock and edging, and cum about six times every day. Am I normal?

-Six Shooter

Yeah, you're totally normal because it's normal to lie about sex and there's no way in hell you cum six times every day just from jacking off in the evenings. Six may be an exaggeration but obviously it's enough times to get you worried. And it's not just evenings you're spending jacking off either, is it? Add in mornings before work or college or whatever, and during lunch break if you can find some privacy in a toilet. You love toilets.

I'm a male stripper with a 10 inch cock. I've thought about doing porn but haven't had any interest from producers. Would it be easier to go gay-for-pay instead? I don't fancy guys but I need to make cash!

-10 Inch Mystery

You do know gay-for-pay applies to both porn and escorting, right? Because if you do porn, you can put "Porn Star" in your hooker ad and charge a whole 17.3% more an hour. I've done the sex math.

Difference is the guy or guys in the scene with you are professional too, gay-for-pay or not. But when you do sex work, the guy paying you is not gay-for-pay. He's paying-for-gay. He's actually getting off, not giving the appearance of getting off. Unless he's from Seattle, in which case even if he's not really that turned on by you, he'll act like he is and not at all tell you what he really needs, even though he's paying.

All my friends say I'm a terrible dancer but when I go to clubs I love dancing. I'm embarrassing my best buddy all the time. Should I stop dancing and prancing and behave myself? Or should they just know that I'm a disco diva and have to deal with it?

-Disco Dick

So you're a shy diva (huh?!) love dancing but dancing hates you. Sounds like a typical gay relationship. The keyword in all this is "prancing" as in flaming out as in queening out as in exploding and aureating and accelerating with maximum gayness in an enclosed space.

I'a a 25 year old man with the constant worry of not having the right body for a man to worship. I've tried donkey dick hypnosis and enlargement pills. I even use a penis pump and nothing has worked for me. Would you be able to give me advice on how to accomplish what I want?

-Unhung and Unhappy

Remember when you were a kid and had a loose tooth? You might've tied a string around it and tied the other end to a doorknob and slammed the door shut. Hello Tooth Fairy money! Well don't do that with your dick. Because if you rip your dick off, there's no Dick Fairy to leave you money under your pillow. That's not how the Dick Fairy economy operates.

I want to get a pornstar body! How do these guys get so hot? Is it genetics or is there a secret to the perfect workout? I'm not too out of shape and just need a plan that works.

-Desperate Dude

So you wannabe be a pornstar minus the whole have sex on camera for money thing. That's like going to medical school to be a throat surgeon and not killing Joan Rivers even once. What's the point of medical school if you never commit malpractice? And what's the point of having a pornstar body if you don't ejaculate on cue for 50 bucks and a donut?

I'm 32 and split up with my wife a couple of months ago after I realized I was gay. I want to start seeing guys but am not sure what's the best way. I live in Boston. Gay clubs maybe? I'm quite shy though. And I'm nervous about meeting people from an app.

-Fresh Out of the Closet

You're not off to a good start. Being married and sort of in the closet would have made you immensely desirable. And it would have created a reason (besides insane shyness) that you would be looking for some sort of discretion. You've lost your chance to be trade. That's gay slang for a straight guy who can be had after a few cocktails. Or in your case, after a mocktail. Because you don't need to be drunk to screw a guy.

I have a date with a guy next Wednesday. We're both tops! I didn't want to say I was a top because I fancy him so much. What should I do?

-Closet Top

That's a huge problem. A date with a guy? How fucked up is that! Especially on a Wednesday. At least if it were a Friday night you could plead your case that you got swept up in weekend homosexuality, a phenomenon which victimizes many. But a Wednesday? That sounds intentionally gay.

I'm a 31 year old straight guy who was arrested for possession of pot. I had to be strip-searched and ever since I've been obsessed and fascinated with what happened. I was so aroused being naked and inspected by officers. Does this make me gay?

-Aroused and Confused

It's completely true that you can get up one day and go about your normal business of shopping for groceries, getting a haircut and possessing illegal drugs when bam, something makes you gay. It used to be that stepping on a crack in the sidewalk would turn you gay, which would so freak out your mother that she would break her back in a homophobic stress-related injury. Thus the saying "step on a crack, break your mother's back" since the full version was too long.