Ask GayDemon: Do Women's Clothes Make the Man?

I’m a masculine guy, in good shape and not camp in any way, but I’ve found I really love dressing in women’s underwear, lingerie, etc. I don’t want to be a woman or do full cross-dressing, I just love to get fucked in sissy lingerie like a bitch. I’m struggling with how all this fits in with being masculine.
-Masculine Fucked Bitch

Hiya, fucked bitch. What a pretty fucked bitch you are! Oh yes, you are. There's a good sissy bitch. Best in show!

You're in luck because I know everything, as has been previously established. See all my other columns in which I know everything. So you really love doing something. And it's not hurting anyone. In fact, it's helping the economy of wherever you get your stuff. And it makes it very clear to any sex partner what you want for your birthday. And for pretty much any gift-giving holiday. At least underwear and lingerie are quite clear, though you may want to specify to folks what you mean by "etc." Heels?

Yeah, you mean heels. Garters. Maybe even a wig. Lipstick. Or whatever your heart and hard-on desires.

I'm sincerely happy that you're in touch with yourself enough to know what you want and that you're acting on it. But I don't understand why you're not in touch with something you already know. You are masculine. Is that a question you ask yourself? If you're masculine or not? Because you are.

Meaning, you are as far as your external appearance (to your mind) and general gender expression in the world at large. In fact, while you're in panties, crotchless or crotched or crotchety, you are still masculine. Though at that moment, your masculinity is semi-internal and actually still partially visually external too. You may enjoy seeing panties on your masculine body.

And even in that situation, you aren't necessarily camping it up, like a drag queen putting on a show. Because you are not a drag queen putting on a show. You're having sex. Yes, there are cross-dressers who happen to also be drag performers. But when on stage, they are not having sex. They are dancing, acting, doing comedy, or whanot.

Biological sex (and its many determining components, many of which are on a cline), gender expression, gender identity, sexual identity and sexual expression (not to mention sexual fantasies, actual sexual experiences) don't line up in neat rows. You are masculine and you like what you like. And do what you do. The struggle you are having is with the struggle you are having. Let go of the struggle and just be aware that you are experiencing a struggle because you think everything needs to line up. That something is wrong if it doesn't. Ask where you got that story from. Because you weren't born with it.

I get that some excitement in this may seem as if it's coming from this all being taboo in some way. But accepting who you are as you move through society (in and out of sexual situations) doesn't take away any of the power and pleasure of your sexual and romantic life. Because all this is real in this moment.

I do have a concern that you may be holding back on exploring some other aspects of this for fear of experiencing greater dissonance with your masculine identity. In the same way, a heterosexual identified male may choose to remain as such, even while occasionally having sex with men, can be extended to say that if you ever felt the desire to express yourself in a feminine way (beyond clothing, say also mannerisms, name, anything), you can still choose to identity however you wish at any time. And that extends to sex partners with whom you may have experimented in a certain way. You are not locked into that sexual behavior. You get to draw boundaries, express desires, express yourself at any time.

To you, it's sissy lingerie. You don't need to identify as a sissy. Just sure as hell don't put down or mess with anyone who chooses to identify as such. Being feminine in some way is not less than, is not week. Who is fitter? A ballet dancer or a bodybuilder? One may look more masculine but the ballet dancer can kick ass for days. Then dance.

You're you You're strong. Now dance in your own way. And remember, it's not women's lingerie. It's yours. Clothing doesn't need to have a gender, but if that aspect turns you on, gender away.

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