Ask GayDemon Blog

I think I have a sex addiction. I am never satisfied and sometimes 2 or 3 hookups in the same night isn't enough. I need more all the time. I've found myself in saunas, clubs and cruising grounds; and spending hours and hours on Grindr It has started to affect my work and social life. You must have a solution that isn’t the typical "get therapy" response, right?
-Addicted to Dick

To quote Blanche Deveraux when Dorothy claims Blanche is jealous because Dorothy has a date on a Saturday night an Blanche doesn't: "Saturday night? That's kid stuff. Get lucky on a Tuesday morning and then we'll talk."

Only 2 or 3 hookups a night means if you spread those guys out throughout the day (yes including Tuesday morning) you should be able to better balance your addiction with the rest of your life. It's called harm reduction, like smoking less cigarettes until you quit, rather than just failing to quit and giving up entirely.

Now if sex isn't actually pleasurable for you and you are acting from some other addictive place, then yes, talking to someone about it can help but don't approach it as "the typical get therapy" deal as you say. That tells me that on some level you'd be seeking someone who would shame you or fix you or otherwise do something to you. Rather than it being a space for you to gain awareness about what's going on. That includes a safe space to have feelings.

Plus maybe the therapist will be hot and he can cum in your mouth!

You know you were thinking it.

I’m a bottom and I find it hard to stay erect while I’m getting fucked. I recently started playing with a guy regularly who is really keen on me being hard while he fucks me. He keeps mentioning, “Why aren’t you hard?” and doubting whether I’m into him, even though I love getting fucked like a bitch by him! I don’t want to take Viagra or anything like that. What’s your advice?
-Wet Noodle

What a charmer!

If you did take Viagra, you'd need to keep it a secret because he'd then claim any erection you had was due to Viagra and you couldn't prove otherwise. It's not like your penis has a blue Viagra section and a [insert your skin tone here] non-Viagra section. So strike that plan. Hmm, so what should you do?

My best mate and I have the exact same type of guy we're after. Going out pulling with him is a nightmare! We always end up arguing over the same guy. It's really starting to piss me off and I'm finding I don't want to go out with him as much as I used to. How can we hang out and pull without it turning into a bitchfest each time?
-What's His Is Mine

Clearly you're both going after rather flighty, indiscriminate types who see you as interchangeable. Maybe you're making time with a guy and his eye wanders to your friend or vice versa. Taken to its natural conclusions, some guy will pull his dick out of your mouth and put it in your friend instead. Leaving your mouth cockless. A cockless mouth is a tragic occurrence that afflicts millions of homosexuals every seven minutes. Let's hold a telethon for Cockless Mouth Syndrome right now. I'm sure we can get Celine Dion to perform. She's very charitable.

I’m uncut and my foreskin won’t pull back. Some sexual partners have noticed and said I should get cut. I don’t find it an issue function wise, but it does make me a little embarrassed when hooking up. I don’t particularly want to go through the pain of circumcision, so how should I handle it?
-Foreskin Fella

I'll assume the partners who didn't notice were too busy getting their dicks sucked while you jacked yours. It takes a very self-absorbed partner to not notice a key feature of your dick. So I suggest you seek totally self-absorbed  guys, only concerned with their own pleasure and bodies.

In short, sleep with straight guys. The non-homophobic kind so they don't "gay panic defense" you to death.

Please help me! I have always been gay since before I can even remember, but recently I started finding trans women attractive and slept with a few. Now I'm thinking about experimenting with women and I feel as though I'm losing the attraction to men altogether. How can sexuality change in such a strange way!?

-Sex Change

What you do in the world and who you are inside are not the same thing. They may seem to be when they are concordant, like gay on the outside and gay on the inside. But when a straight guy has sex with a guy, it's totally up to him if he still defines his identity as straight. Who you have sex with doesn't define who you are.

I have a problem fucking without chems. I don't take them often. Once a month, maybe even twice, but can't have sex without them. I just don't find it as exciting. How can I make sex interesting again with guys that don't want to party?

-Party Time

Let's do the math. You know math, right? It's that thing in which a dealer says what a certain amount of drugs costs and you know if you're getting a good deal or not. But you buy it no matter what. So your sexual math would mean you're only having sex once or twice a math, or at least sex exciting enough it deserves to be called sex. That's not a lot!

I'm not into hookups anymore because I'm looking for Mr. Right. But where do I look? It seems everything and everybody is about no strings attached. I'm so frustrated. Help!

-Strings Please

What's it called when you're blue-balled but for a husband? Like you're aching for one and can't get release. The release one of those newfangled legal gay weddings would get you. Not to mention the presents.

It's not how you meet. It's that you meet. So it doesn't much matter where or under what circumstance, just that you and he become aware of each other and interact in some way. And get each other's number/email/Bat Signal.

After 2010 porn star Tommy Anders has left the gay porn world. Do you know what happened to him or if he has a new porn name? Also how big is too big in terms of dick size?

-Puzzled Porn and Dick Lover

You're right, Tommy retired from filming porn back in 2010. His new porn name is Donald Trump. And he's running for President. Actually, he's totally retired from porn (for now) and I hear he's pursuing higher education. Something the actual Donald Trump should consider.

I would suggest The Donald take Econ 101, plus several Women's Studies classes, African-American History, and Gay and Lesbian Studies. Tommy has him on that last one, if only based on his porn past.

I'm tired of jerking off over the same gay porn. Everything seems to be the same, I can't find anything new or interesting and it seems to be the same models over and over. Am I becoming immune?

-Burned Out on Porn

For your jack-off engine, you're passing out of the automatic transmission phase into manual. Porn used to automatically take you there, but now you have work to do. You need to meet porn halfway. It doesn't have to be about the same porn that turned your on before. Yes, you're still attracted to guys. Yes you still like dick and all that. But there's more to porn than bodies.

I'm scared I'm getting too close to my best mate. He's really hot and I've never thought about anything more than being just friends until he decided to start flirting a bit. I am scared it'll ruin stuff if I go with the flow. What do you think?

-BFF or BF

I think you're scared it'll ruin stuff if you go with the flow. I also think you're scared you're getting too close to your best mate. And that you find him to be really hot. Lot of scared. Lot of hot. Like Jason Statham is hot and also pretty scary. Such a horrible actor yet such a film star. That's scary.

The key is perceiving someone to be hot is subjective. I'm sure others find him hot, but the point is that you do. So he's a guy you find hot and enjoy spending time with. Sounds like dating material to me. It could turn into a husband thing if you're into that.

My boyfriend is away a lot on business so we don't have much of a physical relationship anymore. I am also a busy guy and don't have time to go cruising or spend many fruitless hours on hookup apps, so I hire rent boys. We don't have an open relationship, but for some reason I don't feel like I'm cheating if I am paying for the sex? Should I confess?

-Paying Customer

I strongly discourage you from confessing to the rent boys you hire that you have a boyfriend. Rent boys are more into monogamy and would lose respect for you. Also, you apparently don't have a kink where it turns you on to cheat otherwise you would have told the whores (and I use that as an honorific not a pejorative) about your guy.

Last year I went on vacation and saw how awesome it was to be in a big city with so many gay guys. I live in a small town with the nearest person about 30 miles on Grindr. Do you reckon I should move?

-Confused About Moving

As they say, wherever you go, there you are. Meaning if you go to a gloryhole booth at a bathhouse, there you are. Or if you go to your couch and watch the horrible spectacle that is America's Got Talent, there you are.

Before you decide, you need to realize that just because the nearest person is 30 miles away on Grinder, there still may be gay guys closer to you than that. Maybe that guy lives really close to you but was busy making friends at a highway rest stop. Plus 30 miles isn't that far. The bigger issue is you've seen his profile and he's likely seen yours and neither of you have said hi. The difference in a big city is you'll see a lot more profiles, and some will say 47 feet away, and still neither you nor the guys will say hi. The city isn't going to do it for you. It's just a place, not an action.

A couple of weeks ago I saw my neighbour on a hook-up site. After a couple of back-and-forth messages, I asked if he wanted head. I was in and out in six minutes: he just lay there while I sucked his cock, then he held my head and rammed my mouth until he came. I've been over one other timeand it was exactly the same.

-Two Doors Down

Well you didn't see him on an app but if you had it would have read 30 feet away or something, which is pretty tough to resist when you're hungry for cock. It's like fast food. Plus you save on bus fare. Or however you get around town. I was on one of those newfangled (now oldfangled) apps once and it read 0 feet away for some guy. All I could figure was my phone GPS was busted or he was on the second floor of the bar I was at. Yes it was a boring fucking place because I felt the need to look at the app.

I need some advice, I've got a boyfriend and we had a threesome with some cute guy a couple of weeks ago who keeps texting me to see if we can meet, just the two of us. I'm tempted. Should I?

-Triple Trouble

I have such empathy for your major problem. Imagine having two guys who each want to have sex with you separately and together. Oh wait, you don't have to imagine because it's your life. It's most of the rest of us who do. Poor you. Are their dicks too darn big also? Stretching your mouth and ass so you walk and talk funny the next day when you're at work as an overpaid hedge fund manager? Your life is true misery.

I'm attracted to so many different guys but I don't know how to meet any of them, or even if I do meet a guy, how to turn it into a date or more. What can I do?

-Too Shy

It's very important that you make enough personal progress to reach the place many of us are at, which is we like guys who like other guys but not us. And the guys who like us we happen to not like. How randomly consistent! Nothing to do with resistance to intimacy at all!

But that's what your shyness is. Holding back, not engaging in the first place. It's the same thing as engaging and holding intimacy at bay, just a different order. And the more we get our hearts broken, or even the more we have daily disappointments, the more we're likely to hold back. In that state, how can we engage with someone who really is a potential match?