Ask GayDemon: Breaking Out of the Bi Closet

Have you got any advice on how to tell my grandparents about my sexuality? I’m bisexual and see both guys and girls. They are always asking me if I have a girlfriend and I need them to understand that sometimes she might be a he.
-Invisible Bi Grandkid

To this point, you've given the perception that you're straight, but only because that's the default assumption of society (and likely your grandparents). In fact, you're identity is bisexual and that would hold true even if you only were with women for the rest of your life. Or only with men. Unless you've reframed, adjusted your own personal identity as you see yourself.

So when you do tell your grandparents that you're bisexual, make sure you're clear that is your identity. Otherwise, say you're currently dating a guy and later a woman. They might think that you're suddenly straight. Which would put you back into some definition closet, again based on their ignorance.

You may want to gift your grandparents with a subscription to a bisexual porn site. Check our our handy reviews! Tell them that's what you're into and ask them to definitely get into all that hot bi content so you can speak the same language. Or just ask your grandparents to share the bi porn they already enjoy.

First off, keep those sites to yourself, but realize that if the above idea made you queasy, it's because you innately understand that talking about your actual sexual interests on a more personal level is way different than talking about your bisexual identity. So focus the conversation on identity, like here is what bisexual means to me. Everyone has a different experience. I don't speak for all bisexuals. Here's what it was like to grow up bisexual. Here's what it's like to feel invisible. Here's what it feels like when you've wanted to introduce a guy you're dating to them but you held back. You want to share the important, and everyday, parts of your life with them.

You're not financially dependent on them, and if you've told other people they may already know and just not be bringing it up. Probably don't tell them in a public place where others are within earshot. Though outdoors, like in their yard, if they have one, could be nice. In case they get super shockingly violently biphobic and you need to get out of the situation fast. Because you don't want to have to beat the fuck out of your grandparents. Then they'll think all bisexual people beat the fuck out of their grandparents.

As for introducing people you're dating, it's not like introducing them to your kid if you had one. That you may want to wait longer. Just tell your grandparents in advance, maybe invite them over for lunch to your place, or on a picnic, just anything you want. Go to the movies together. Whatever.

And you may need t give it some time and get them some educational materials. You'll likely want to curate that, as just looking up bisexual may not quite end in the most accurate (non-pornographic) information. Best bisexual wishes to you and yours.

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