Ask GayDemon Blog

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. He's incredibly selfish and it's something that was originally quite horny, with him being arrogant and self-centred. Now it's impacting on important things in life and I need to convince him my feelings are important too. What should I do?
- Moth to a Flame

What an asshole. Break up with him immediately. And just disappear. Refuse to take his calls. Don't give him any sense of closure. Except one key bit. Give him my number.

I want him extra demanding, egotistical, boorish and aggressive. In my ass. And mouth. In no particular order. Strike that. In this order: mouth, ass, mouth, mouth, ass, mouth, lunch break, mouth. ass. No, it wouldn't stop shortly after lunch. The last "ass" would take us through early evening.

Is it normal to feel uncomfortable about discussions about my sex life with my parents? They ask with great interest, and it seems genuine, but I just find it awkward and embarrassing. I just think those kinds of things should be private.
-So Not Listening

What do you want? A double standard where you're seen as a sexless someone who has gay discussion with your family only about politics and the occasional gay-themed movie or sitcom? Or to be treated maybe in some overcompensating way so they can prove they're not disgusted by you?

I have no measure for this beyond having met "the parents" of people I've dated and our boyfriend relationship to be treated as asexual. Knowing that if it were a hetero thing, one or both of the parents would be asking about my intentions, or talking at least in some way about compatibility, not necessarily sexual, but romantic anyhow. Or at minimum shared interests.

I'm a first-timer on the sauna scene and a bit nervous about going. My friend has convinced me to go along with him this weekend but I don't know what to expect. Is there some kind of code?
- Sauna Virgin

Yes, and I'm not telling you. Because all normal sex rules go out the window at a bathhouse/sauna despite that they don't often have actual windows. Perhaps some plastic plants and a painting of a palace or dogs playing poker to liven the joint up, but no windows.

Clearly your own personal sex rules no longer apply. For instance, once you're naked or even just in a towel, you lose your ability to say no to people. Consent is irrelevant and STDs don't exist.

I broke up with my ex about a year ago and we've remained friends until now. It was difficult at the start, but we were able to talk, catch up and help each other out until he met a new guy. At first, nothing changed, but then he changed his number and didn't even explain it. Then I got a jealous message on Facebook telling me to stay away from his fiancé, which came as a surprise. Do I just quietly leave things alone or demand an explanation?
-So Single

I absolutely think you need to demand an explanation. You deserve nothing less and should settle for nothing less, no matter the potential fallout and conflict. So you march yourself right to your bathroom, look at yourself in the mirror and say "What the fuck is going on with you?"

Because you seem to have confused being on good terms with an ex with being on permanent good terms with an ex. Permanent just doesn't enter into it. And when someone does something that shows you who they are (at least shows you where they stand on your friendship), then you have only one responsibility.

My wardrobe is full of some very kinky clothing. There's leather, rubber, harnesses, etc. for clubbing as well as sex sessions. I've met a new guy and I don't want to scare him off with my fetishism. How do I tell him?
-Material Witness

Actually you do want to scare him off if he's not a match. You know that whole Venn diagram thing from math class? You need some overlap, some shared interests, or at least a willingness to try each other's new (or established) thing.

Though what you'll probably want to clarify is that these items are a mix of clubwear and one's tied to your sex life. He has some of those too. Bet he wears underwear to a club. And bet he liked being stripped down to his underwear. Fetish 101.

I have a phobia of drag queens. I have absolutely nothing against cross-dressing, or trans women at all, but drag queens and their garish makeup and loud personalities scare me. How can I fix this?
-Drag Drama

Such a drama queen! Kidding. Sort of. If only true bigots had that level of fear (such that the political and physical violence never came tot he surface). Because then they'd all just run away. You 'd just need a single drag queen to march in North Carolina. Goodbye hate laws.

Now back to reality.

There’s a really cute guy at college who is quite open about his sexuality. He’s bi. I’m more of a shy kinda guy, but I wanna ask him on a date and just not sure how to do it without making a fool of myself. Have you got any tips?
-Too Shy

Someone can be open about their sexual identity but still be shy in terms of dating and relationships so you can't really be sure how shy or unshy he is on that level. Also someone seemingly more confidently open about themselves would commonly interact with folks who aren't. Meaning the tallest person in the room is quite used to dealing with shorter people. So don't sweat it.

Just don't overcompensate and become someone you're not. Some super-revealing, instantly-intimate person who comes off as both crazy intense and crazy fake. Besides, people don't have to be twins to be compatible. Just because you're both guys doesn't mean you're the same guy.

I've been going out with a guy for 3 weeks. We've made out a few times and it feels like we're getting closer physically day by day. Even though we're not quite there yet, I've been thinking about sucking his cock. But I've not sucked a single one ever. I get turned off by a weak handshake. And I'm worried he'll be turned off by weak cocksucking. What should I do?
-Vacuum Lessons Wanted

Ask yourself if you've been thinking about sucking his cock because you want to suck it or because you think it's some expected gay sex act. I get that "cocksucker" is a handy slur, but it doesn't mean you actual want to do it. And if you don't want to do it, or if part of you does but isn't ready, you don't have to.

There are plenty of other ways to express affection, like taking him out to dinner or anal. Or both if you go to McDonald's, where anal is always on the menu.

I’m having issues being separated from my boyfriend while he’s at work. I have anxiety problems and rely a lot on him. How can I make sure I don’t push him away with my overbearing need to speak to or text him?
-SOS

People like to feel needed, but only to a point. After that, it can feel like a second job. Except for that whole thing called love. And when someone's in love with you, they may not be setting boundaries that would benefit them, your relationship, and yes, even you, in the long term.

So your best bet is to get him fired.

Try taking naked pictures of him, then send them to his boss as him. Though that could backfire. He may get a raise, in which case you will freak out.

Something incredibly embarrassing happened to me at a dance club the other day. I was dancing in just some speedos (as you do) and I got a bit turned on. The fact I had a semi boner wasn’t really an issue because it just looked like I was packing and that’s a good thing, right? But so much precum leaked out it almost looked like I’d pissed myself and it’s not that kind of club! How do I stop myself from leaking so much?
-Drippety Drip Drip

You need to find out if the dance club has precum insurance. Because if someone slips on your mess, you don't want the liability to land on you. I wouldn't worry about a drag queen slipping on her heels because they're used to walking through body fluids. It's the twinks who are most likely to slip and crash.

Suddenly I'm picturing a bowling alley with 10 twinks at he pins and a giant precum covered bowling ball rolling toward them in a destructive path.

I’ve just moved into a new place with my boyfriend of 8 months and I have realised he has an awful lot of stuff. Our place just isn’t big enough to store all his clobber but he is so very attached to it all. How do I tell him that he’s got to have a clear out without breaking his heart?
-Buried by Boyfriend's Belongings

Applause to the two of you for not at all assessing the realities of moving in together before jumping right in. Bodes super well for how well you two communicate with each other. And even now, you're isolating yourself as if he for some reason thinks the place is big enough for all of it and it would be news to him that it's crowded.

It may all come from a place of love and sensitivity, but when those things are used to justify a lack of communication, what's the point?

When the Olympics was on, I noticed a lot of bulges. They make me so horny and I can’t stop getting turned on watching all those fit, athletic men getting sweaty in skin-hugging, and skin-revealing, gear. Now when I'm watching sports with my family, or even out on the street , I can't help but spot bulges and get turned on. What can I do to hide my boner if I have to?
-Boner Hider

It's important you prioritize bulge watching over family time. So if it's your birthday and they want to take you out, you have to make sure there is no risk of seeing any bulges. So probably celebrate your birthday at a convent.

I hear convent's have pizza, lots of great games, a ball pit, all perfect for birthday celebrations. Or maybe that's horrible restaurant chain Chuck E. Cheese. And definitely avoid that chain because it's full of dads. And you know how hot some dads can be.

I feel like my boyfriend likes me less because I lost weight. I used to be a bit more beefy, but still muscular and a solid frame, but now I am more lean. He denies he has lost interest in me physically, but how can I tell for sure?
-Less Is Not More

How did that conversation go?

You: "Have you lost interest in me physically? Because I feel like you have."

Him: "No, I deny I've lost interest in you physically."

You: say nothing but still feel insecure because he's probably lying.

Is it normal to be annoyed by somebody else’s exes? I get really pissed off when they hang out with us all the time. There’s so much history there that it’s hard for me to develop anything with the guy I like while his ex is around us all the time.
-Hexed by Exes

You're completely abnormal to have an emotional reaction to having someone's ex around all the time. You should have a completely cold, neutral response to the man that repeatedly had sex with the guy you're trying to date being mere feet away as you attempt to interact with suave virility. 

Do you have any recommendations for places I can cruise? These days it seems like there’s nothing. Once upon a time I could go to the park toilets and pick up a hot guy to blow, but now they’re all locked!
-Cruising for Cruising Spots

These things used to never be in print, but rather a word of mouth affair. Unless you count writing scratched or scrawled onto bathroom stall walls. Or written on parchment by sex-crazed homo monks.

At some point, there were bar guides put out, and some of those included mentions of other environs. Often written in a medical, investigatory, shaming, faux-shocked kind of way as to expose the homosexual underground. But that's how they had to be written. They were actually just cruising guides.