Ask GayDemon: Single and Looking

I’m just recently out of a relationship of 14 months and looking for love. Most guys are put off when they learn I’m recently single and think I’m on the rebound, but that’s really not the case. Why are they so quick to write me off?
-Definitely Not on the Rebound

Because you're on the rebound. That's a fact. But what's not necessarily a fact is that you are incapable of falling in love and having a solid relationship with someone new. Like when some guy dumps some lady after he's already started fucking a new lady.

That is my vision of heterosexuality, apparently.

Sometimes relationships are in death spiral for weeks or months, and if you were aware of that and used the time to gain awareness of your part in the disconnect, you'll be better prepared for a new relationship.

Because you're the common denominator here. But also be aware, looking for love is not necessarily where it's at. Rather it can be about working on all those barriers you may have put up that guard against love. There's nothing you need to look for at all. Because looking for something is rebound behavior. If it's looking for something to alleviate the sensation of being alone. Or looking for someone who sees you as amazing and wonderful and sexy and can actually make you feel all those things about yourself.

Even thought that may be the first haze of having a crush. Hard to compare a crush with a longer term relationship. And, ironically, you actually want someone you're dating to be self-aware and self-possessed enough to express concern about you being on the rebound. It shows they are wanting something that has a genuine shot of building to something.

So take it slow. Being on the rebound may not be so full of extreme, so boundy and bouncy, if you put less energy into it. Some guys think you're on the rebound, perhaps also because of how you act. Maybe you bring up your ex, compare the two, or other rather challenging behaviors. So let them self-select out of the situation, after you give it a shot with a good old "Hey, yeah, maybe I am on the rebound, but I still think you're cute as hell and I want to make you dinner and go out to the movies." Or whatever.

Or you may decide you don't want to date at all. And that's okay too. As for the required length of time, people say you get over it half the length of the relationship. So give yourself 7 months and you'll be much more desirable to a wider rxange of guys, one of whom you can fall in love with and be together for 14 months and 1 day, then repeat the process.

For once, I'm not jealous.

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