Gay Vintage Blog

How long have these guys been tied up now? Forty years? Fifty? Someone better go back and untie them and unshackle them and ungag them. They probaby need a good shower, stretch and rubdown. 

Then to be bound again, because it's what they're best at. Sure, tied up guys aren't great at giving hugs. And gagged guys aren't great at sucking cock. But they can do so much more.

Like make an excellent conversation piece at your next dinner party. I'm assuming you like to hold your dinner parties in grubby basements. I do. It sets expectations low.

These guys must have spent a fair bit of time at the gym or played sports or both. All to get bodies that were desired and admired. And for one what appears to be an exceptionally fuckable peach of an ass.

It's good to know what one has to offer.

And that's sometimes just a happy-go-lucky attitude and softcore poses, leaving much to the imagination. Not necessarily making people wonder what their cocks look like under the g-string, but more so what they sound like in a hardcore situation.

If there could be a crappy TV show called Fantasy Island, why couldn't there have been Beefcake Island? It could have been on from 1951 to about now, featuring lovely plot lines, beautiful sets, and incredible performances.

By which I mean the camera would follow each model as he woke up (from his random sleazy motel room, West Hollywood apartment, dorm room, or back seat of his car) and made his way to the set.

Once on the set, he'd be greeted by an oiler, a fluffer, a hairstylist, and a makeup artist (or in some cases, none of those things) and then he would pose under hot lights, crafting beefcake from thin air.

As you make your holiday shopping lists, remember that big cock is timeless. Like a strand of pearls made from semen shot from big cocks, then frozen into little balls and put on a string.

That probably didn't make the Oprah's Favorite Things shopping list she promotes like all hell, but it's one of my favorite things and that's much better and more accessible to the masses.

"Netflix and chill" wasn't possible to do 30+ years ago, so these guys, by their very nakedness, promoted a different approach. Though to be fair "Masturbate feverishly" was also an option.

Whichever way, they were all for it. The more masturbators, the more folks to consume their images, the more images would be needed. More more more.

Some people really get into classic cars. I think it's some mechanical kink for shiny metal and low gas mileage. And some people get into classic architecture. I think it's some millionaire fetish for buying mid-century modern houses and having them sit there and look all pretty.

I'm into classic cock and ass and having them do stuff and look all pretty.

To be fair, I would actually be into a mid-century modern house, including all the furniture, and some classic-looking guys doing classic cock and ass things. That's what hardwood floors are for. Easy to mop up.

If you're into big flopping cocks, none of that this time. But if you're into the male form, including the bulge, then you'll be quite happy. Sometimes when guys tease the big reveal, I'd quite prefer they don't reveal a thing. I'd rather use my imagination.

That includes picturing myself as a certain very specific inanimate object. Underwear. Because I'd get to cling where it counts, and be taken along for the ride, caressed lovingly, maybe peed or precummed in a bit, then possibly tossed on the bed at some point where I'd have an interesting view I'm sure.

A bare-assed guy alone may have come off a bit too come hither fuck me. So these double shots portray a more casual just guys being free, silly and crazy vibe. Or that they each want to be fucked at the same time by a different couple of guys. It's really all just a giant Lego puzzle of body parts. Except Lego and lube don't mix.

This is also a spanker's paradise. But what color are bruises in a black and white world? Definitely not black and blue. Though in Jezebel with Bette Davis, it was somehow clear it was a red dress, despite it being a black and white movie. So I'm sure we'd be able to figure out reddened, spanked asses in black and white.

Disclaimer: I know there's a large female audience for naked guy stuff, but that's not the entirety of course. So we can be quite positive that the massive amount of naked guy stuff from the past proves a massive amount of guys in the past masturbating to a massive amount of naked guy stuff. Thus gay visibility, sort of. Or at least the evidence of gay existence. Okay, homosexual existence en masse.

I will accept my Honorary Ph.D. in Sexual Archaeology now. Preferably from a decent school like San Francisco Tearoom University. And that doesn't even cover the folks who had no access to naked guy stuff at the time. Though swimming naked at the YMCA probably helped their sexual cause.

They're all kind of giant when they're poking the back of your throat or slapping you in the face or pushing on your crack. But there does seem to be one in particular here that is utterly massive.

And it's that big when not fully hard. Imagine.

I suppose in another era he could have been quite the cock celebrity. Making coins from closet case millionaires and that guy who saved up to treat himself with a literal one-man band of cock.

Now you know what you want for your birthday. And for a change, no, Amazon doesn't sell it. But yet it exists. Just climb in to the time-traveling penis machine, aka The Reverse Masturbator 5000, and it practically does all the work for you.

No longer are you stuck living in the present. And despite what various philosophies state, it's quite fine to focus on the past. Just the cock part mostly. I tend not to focus on shameful things in the past like the Vietnam War or Season 1 of Melrose Place.

No matter the precise position, no matter if captured in color or black and white, vintage smut is vintage smut. And I'm grateful. I get that at some point whatever is happening in the present will look vintage to somebody. But digital kind of washes out that future distinction at some point.

And images that were once on the printed page will always have a different look. Not to mention the hairstyles (body hair and otherwise) and decor. But I really can't know.

Maybe nudity will become the norm and wearing clothing will be seen as pornographic.

Like a fine wine, enjoy these guys with your meal. I'm assuming you jack off at your dining table. Or at your coffee table. Or standing up in the kitchen. Wherever you eat.

Luckily, the phrase is "Don't shit where you eat." Not "Don't masturbate where you eat." Of course it's these guy's images that have done the aging. Who knows what happened to each after their moment of exposure.

You know that feeling you get when you go into an antique store and everything has that burnished, well-worn, classic look that gives you a sense of comfort and nostalgia? Well this is like that except the furniture and decorative objects are men and the sense of comfort and nostalgia is more a sense of arousal and desire.

Though just like an antique shop, sometimes you find something that's tacky as hell like the shiny lounge wear/long johns that are West Hollywood ready.

Do you like underwear, swimsuits, and jockstraps that are older than E.T.?  Now I don't mean they've been sitting around that long because they might have disintegrated. But they were captured in time for our vintage porn viewing pleasure.

Yeah, I like that too.

And I like the quirky undies with the #1. What is he #1 at? I'm thinking taking his shirt off.