Flashback: Time-Traveling Penis Machine

7 Oct 2017

Flashback: Time-Traveling Penis Machine

Now you know what you want for your birthday. And for a change, no, Amazon doesn't sell it. But yet it exists. Just climb in to the time-traveling penis machine, aka The Reverse Masturbator 5000, and it practically does all the work for you.

No longer are you stuck living in the present. And despite what various philosophies state, it's quite fine to focus on the past. Just the cock part mostly. I tend not to focus on shameful things in the past like the Vietnam War or Season 1 of Melrose Place.

Flashback: Time-Traveling Penis Machine

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If I could, I mean, when I do time travel, I work as a pornographer. It's a rather undercover thing and I have to remember not to try to talk to anyone about the latest electronica song I'm digging. It's a bit of a clue.

But thankfully, pornography is timeless. Cocks just never go out of style, even when the decor surrounding them has. Though fucking on top of a tacky couch tends to improve it somehow. As does pissing on a hideous carpet or cumming on a reprehensible lampshade.

For sure fucking in a shower remains timeless. At some point, the various eras will become a blur of nudity, with cock and ass as the constant. If a new Star Trek series can come out 51 years after the original, we can for sure rely on something in this world. Sexual fantasies about Vulcans. I may need to make a trip back to 1966 and put some fake pointy ears on some naked 20-year-olds and have them go at it. 

Someone has to make new vintage porn.

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