Ask GayDemon: Unfriendly Competition

My best mate and I have the exact same type of guy we're after. Going out pulling with him is a nightmare! We always end up arguing over the same guy. It's really starting to piss me off and I'm finding I don't want to go out with him as much as I used to. How can we hang out and pull without it turning into a bitchfest each time?
-What's His Is Mine

Clearly you're both going after rather flighty, indiscriminate types who see you as interchangeable. Maybe you're making time with a guy and his eye wanders to your friend or vice versa. Taken to its natural conclusions, some guy will pull his dick out of your mouth and put it in your friend instead. Leaving your mouth cockless. A cockless mouth is a tragic occurrence that afflicts millions of homosexuals every seven minutes. Let's hold a telethon for Cockless Mouth Syndrome right now. I'm sure we can get Celine Dion to perform. She's very charitable.

So you could instead meet guys at the exact same moment and demand the guys choose between you two right away. That is a great idea. A guy out for fun loves being put on the spot with two strangers telling him he has to do something. But keep it up and you might find a guy who wants a threeway. 

Why in the double hell haven't you considered that option? It's win-win! And if you two aren't awful at sex it's win-win-win. I'm adding the third win for the third guy. He sort of matters in this.

Alternately, root for your friend to fail. And make that happen by spreading lies about him. That would be a very appropriate thing to do to a friend. The best lie would be to tell people he's a liar. It's also a good way to run a political campaign, which this whole thing sounds like in a way.

What you really need is another friend to go pulling with, a wing man who will talk you up to some new guy, introduce you, then distract your first friend from meeting the guy. Then your friend can get his own wing man to do the same thing. It's like a cold war escalation. Ultimately, the entire bar will be packed with wing men and at some point you'll all realize that any of the potential guys to actually hook up with have left hours ago and there's nobody left to compete for. So you can all go home together and watch television and be bored as hell.

And that's what life is all about. Being bored as hell and wanting sex and trying to get it and failing. But at least you'll have a hundred or so friends to commiserate with. Hopefully none of them are cute because that will start the cycle again.

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