Ask GayDemon: Sexual Chemistry

I have a problem fucking without chems. I don't take them often. Once a month, maybe even twice, but can't have sex without them. I just don't find it as exciting. How can I make sex interesting again with guys that don't want to party?

-Party Time

Let's do the math. You know math, right? It's that thing in which a dealer says what a certain amount of drugs costs and you know if you're getting a good deal or not. But you buy it no matter what. So your sexual math would mean you're only having sex once or twice a math, or at least sex exciting enough it deserves to be called sex. That's not a lot!

There are drug-free fellas who are having sex once or twice a day. Is there sex life full of exactly zero excitement? But yeah, I get it, there's a high and when combined with sex it adds up to something else entirely. I've never done chems (I don't think vitamins count) but I'm sure the drug is doing whatever it's designed to do, which good or bad on the whole, you associate with sexual excitement.

Do you remember having any exciting, drug-free sex? If not, maybe you just weren't that into the guys you had sex with. Maybe you didn't feel a sense of freedome, or connect with or express your actual sexual desires. It may seem easier to be in the moment when high, but if you think about it logically, it's completely possible to have exciting, drug-free sex. Millions of people are doing it right this second.

So you want to be able to connect with guys who don't want to party. The issue is they're going into it wanting what you want, exciting, pleasurable sex. (We won't even get into looking for relationships at this point as you're not in that zone.) But it's you who seems unable to have that kind of sex without drugs. And no, you can't secretly get high. You're not really talking about a bit of pot anyhow.

You're right that if one person is on something and the other isn't (even one drunk and other not) it's pretty mismatched. Like hey, this guy on Ecstasy seems obsessed with rubbing my flannel shirt while I want to kiss but he's not into that at the moment. Or hey, this guy who's not on chems doesn't want to chafe his dick off having sex for 9 hours while dehydrated.

What sexual interests do you have (separate from sex while high)? Do you like spanking? Oral? Underwear? Feet? A pie in the face? You're the common denominator in all the sex you have. If you're excited to start (and if you want your partner to have a good experience too) then there's a better chance the whole experience (or flashes of it) will be exciting for you.

And just because some chem-free sex hasn't been exciting doesn't mean none of it would be.

You can also go to a group to help you quit chems (twice a month is a million times more than zero). I bet you'll meet some hot guys there. Addicted to dick.

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