Ask GayDemon: Shy Guy

I'm attracted to so many different guys but I don't know how to meet any of them, or even if I do meet a guy, how to turn it into a date or more. What can I do?

-Too Shy

It's very important that you make enough personal progress to reach the place many of us are at, which is we like guys who like other guys but not us. And the guys who like us we happen to not like. How randomly consistent! Nothing to do with resistance to intimacy at all!

But that's what your shyness is. Holding back, not engaging in the first place. It's the same thing as engaging and holding intimacy at bay, just a different order. And the more we get our hearts broken, or even the more we have daily disappointments, the more we're likely to hold back. In that state, how can we engage with someone who really is a potential match?

There will always be a wall.

You're protecting yourself from what you want. Only you can know why, but I bet it's because you're super ugly and pathetically boring, really nothing to offer anyone. You don't want to ask guys out because you know they'd all be right to reject you. You're just a waste of space, confusing the landscape further for those of us really on the hunt for love or whatever else.

Hey, is there a small part of you that's pissed off at my reading you like that? Because some part of you rejects what I"m saying about you? Well, guess what. Fucking good. Take that small part and light it up, blow it up so big you live in it. That's your spirit and it's what will drive you to connect. To try.

You may not know all the smooth pick up lines, but there aren't any besides hi. And asking a guy about himself and actually listening helps. Plus get in good shape for you, whatever that is. Get some cooking skills together. Get a candle or dimmer switches at home. Go out and do what interests you. Meet someone who already has something in common with you, like shyness even.

You'll be jaded soon enough. Enjoy this shy part. Gay guys don't always get to have high school dating experiences. We don't get to practice. So it's all practice. It's all a movie. You'll be fine. Just doing something about your awful hairdo. Geez.

If you need me to piss you off again so you can find that place inside you that wants to connect and doesn't hide, that knows you're excited not scared, then let me know and I'll piss you off again. Happy to do it, tiger.

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