Ask GayDemon: 12 Inches or 12 Steps?

I think I have a sex addiction. I am never satisfied and sometimes 2 or 3 hookups in the same night isn't enough. I need more all the time. I've found myself in saunas, clubs and cruising grounds; and spending hours and hours on Grindr It has started to affect my work and social life. You must have a solution that isn’t the typical "get therapy" response, right?
-Addicted to Dick

To quote Blanche Deveraux when Dorothy claims Blanche is jealous because Dorothy has a date on a Saturday night an Blanche doesn't: "Saturday night? That's kid stuff. Get lucky on a Tuesday morning and then we'll talk."

Only 2 or 3 hookups a night means if you spread those guys out throughout the day (yes including Tuesday morning) you should be able to better balance your addiction with the rest of your life. It's called harm reduction, like smoking less cigarettes until you quit, rather than just failing to quit and giving up entirely.

Now if sex isn't actually pleasurable for you and you are acting from some other addictive place, then yes, talking to someone about it can help but don't approach it as "the typical get therapy" deal as you say. That tells me that on some level you'd be seeking someone who would shame you or fix you or otherwise do something to you. Rather than it being a space for you to gain awareness about what's going on. That includes a safe space to have feelings.

Plus maybe the therapist will be hot and he can cum in your mouth!

You know you were thinking it.

The world of fantasy can also be a fine place to explore more. Pornography can be a part of that but so can you writing your own fantasies down. Are you innately looking for multiple guys or do you want a massive amount of sex with one guy?

Overall it's a big deal to call something an addiction and in our society sex is already stigmatized, and same-sex sex even more. As in insanely more. Sex with multiple partners doesn't have to be unsafe, both as far as STIs and just personal, physical (or wallet) safety. Someone in a monogamous relationship may contract an STI from his actually monogamous partner, as someone may be asymptomatic and pass something on, or otherwise just not know one's status. Plus people do get assaulted by their supposed loved one. It's called domestic violence.

Which is to say that a sex life involving multiple guys a day isn't automatically "bad" or an "addiction". But because it's concerning you, I do suggest you talk to a sex-positive therapist. As you may feel some shame and confusion around it, it may be natural for you to pick a therapist who is shaming about such things. Don't. You need someone unbiased, pro-sex, pro-gay and who knows what Grindr is. Just probably go offline on Grindr before you get to your appointment as you may see your therapist's avatar and a "4 feet away".

Actually, no harm in that either. But you may need to go home and find some counselor/patient porn or otherwise jack-off in his office restroom after.

While you're sorting all this out, experiment with increasing masturbation frequency, and self-ejaculation frequency as part of that, including upon first waking up. It may take the edge off enough for you to seek help. Just keep your mind open to what the solution may involve and that it may take a while to reach.

Now go out and get laid a few times! I can't believe you've wasted your sex time reading this. Oh wait, if you have then you do want help, so go get help. Yeah, do that.

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