Finding My Perfect Rhythm

The policeman found the pills on the floor of the car and before I could say anything Ben fessed up for me and said they were his saying that he had got them the night before and lost them in the car. It could’ve ruined everything for Ben and I’ve always felt like I’ve never been able to fully pay him back for doing that and his letter (See Life Isn’t A Fairytale for it) meant so much to me.

Looking across my arms, I think about all the tattoos and how each one tells its own story and I take a nap because I’m exhausted and lay there dreaming but not about Ben but what it would be like to be with Josh. His amazing tanned, muscle arms wrapped around me as he kisses my neck going down my body. I’m laying on a bed in a room that doesn’t look familiar as Josh is there stripping off, his totally smooth body now laying on top of me making out with me.

I know that this is wrong but my cock is raging hard and leaking, I keep my eyes closed and imagine Josh going over my body and starting to wrap his lips around my head and running his tongue around it which makes me moan. I see him going further down as my cock disappears in his mouth as he takes it all right down to my body with his nose touching my trimmed pubes.

I feel my cock leaking and I instinctively jerk it as I continue imagining being with Josh and his sweaty body all over me as he climbs on me and feeds me his massive cock and I start sucking it deeply, struggling to take its whole size in as his hairless body is just perfect. After what feels like a long time of being fed his massive cock, I can only watch on as he uses his strength to throw me around and get me on all 4s as he lubes up my hole and pushes a finger in. I put my own fingers in my hole and moan, it’s not as good as I imagine the cock going in there but it feels good stretching my hole out with 1 then 2 fingers.

Closing my eyes, all I can see is Josh filling my hole with his cock that is growing inside me and I just moan loudly at every push from his Aussie cock that just feels so good, stretching me out and using my ass as a milking tool. The feeling whether it’s my fingers that aren’t as big as what I imagine Josh’s cock to be or that imaginary cock it feels really good to fill my hole up and my balls are filled with cum as I get so close to blowing the load.

Eventually, I feel my load exploding everywhere, cum going all over my body, fresh hot white load even spraying on my chin and my cheeks and absolutely everywhere. It’s been so long since I’ve had that solo session with just myself because every time, I’ve done something it’s been with Ben. Laying there with the cum on me for a while, I just take the chance to have a nap before getting up and taking a shower and getting ready.

I finish up in the shower and just put on a black and white striped T-shirt and a pair of jeans and head back into the room to play a bit of PS4 until Ben gets home and has to get ready. It’s about 5:30 when Ben gets home and comes straight upstairs “Sup B,” I say as he just groans and flops onto the bed. “Everything ok?” I ask as he lays there for a minute and just sighs. “Yeah, a whole heap of paperwork that had to be sent to our offices in Singapore, Hong Kong & LA haven’t been finished yet and they were meant to go by 5 pm so everything is so fucked up right now because we’ve got a receptionist who just doesn’t give a shit so I had to send emails and have to explain on Monday why they weren’t sent”.

I give Ben a big hug as he lays there on the bed “We don’t have to go anywhere tonight if you don’t want the stress of having to go out and we can just order Pizza or something?” I say as Ben shakes his head. “Nah, I’m looking forward to going over to Josh’s and catching up with him for a while and about his trip because I haven’t had a chance to talk to him yet”.

Ben goes off and has his shower as I finish off playing the match on the PS4 before coming back in and just ranting about his day which is fair enough because it’s not his fault. He puts on his t-shirt and pants and we get ready to head to Josh’s. I grab the keys and tell him that I’ll drive home because if he wants to have a drink with dinner then that’s fine and I can drive home.

In the car, I sit there thinking about how I was imagining being with Josh and just the weird feelings that I had considering how much I love Ben and have never ever thought of being with anyone else before other than being with Ben. In the car, my mind is wandering as Ben continues about how despite being in love with his job and the people around him in the office, he hates how unreliable the receptionist is and how certain people don’t pull their weight.

As we drive, Ben’s tone changes “I’ve been rattling on about how annoying my afternoon was that we haven’t even spoken about your day and how good it is” he says which I shrug not really worried by the fact that we haven’t talked about my day and everything that happened, because I’d rather Ben get his frustrations out. “So, what did you do after you came to the office?” he asks as I just shrug “Not a lot honestly, I grabbed some lunch and sat down by the river at the usual spot which is where I bumped into Josh because he was running then I gave him a lift home and we just chatted for a while when you rang then went home and had some fun by myself” I wink at Ben who chuckles knowing what I meant.

“You were thinking about me, right?” he says punching me and teasing me almost instinctively knowing that I was thinking about Josh. “We’ll go with yes,” I say laughing as Ben shakes his head, “so what state was he in when you were there, shirtless naturally?”

I shake my head “For a few minutes, with the sweat running down his chest but he towelled off and put a shirt on and we sat down and chatted about things generally you know, mostly about Mum if I’m honest”. Ben doesn’t mind me talking to Josh about it because he knows that Josh will keep me in line and make sure that nobody gets hurt through this.

We pull up outside Josh’s apartment block and head upstairs, it’s the first time that the three of us have had dinner together at his place which is interesting because every time we’ve caught up with Josh it’s usually been somewhere else.

Knocking on the door, Josh answers the door to both our surprise not shirtless but actually dressed in a blue and white checked shirt and pants because even though it’s more formal than normal dinner, it’s always a surprise to see him fully clothed. Heading in and sitting at the table, Ben and Josh catch up about his trip which is nice to hear about but I don’t know a lot of what the pair talk about so it goes right over my head.

I know Josh was married, has a daughter and I think is in a relationship but I’ve never really got the proper story from Ben and it’s not really my business to ask because even though we’ve become really good friends, it’s not my business to pry and if I need details I can always ask Ben.

Sitting down with Ben and Josh is a nice relaxing night for a Friday, I know that I could be out celebrating everything but I don’t really want to do anything like that because all I did was sign a contract. Dinner is a remarkable chance to just to do something relaxed and chill with some good friends and unwinds from the hecticness of the past two weeks and the week that’s ahead.

We sit and chat just about general things including about what our wedding plans are and things which we haven’t really spoken about given that Ben and I are just so busy with everything. I sit there and think about who would be part of our wedding party because every close friend of mine, is a friend of Ben’s for the most part so we share the same group of really close friends with Josh and Dan for the most part.

“I don’t think we’ve really thought too much about it,” Ben says as he looks across at me and I nod “Suppose we better get thinking about it, especially about the where and when,” I say as Ben and Josh nod along. “It’s just making everything official really I guess, because I mean everybody considers us an old married couple anyway,” Ben says laughing as Josh just nods “Yep”.

Sitting there as Ben and Josh have a few drinks, the focus on the talk is all about where we should get married “Where do you think we should do it?” Ben asks me as I shrug having never really thought about it. “Honestly, I’ve never really thought of it but I mean I think it should be somewhere special to us so what about what the Park where we always used to go as kids with your Mum, that way it’s somewhere that we have a connection, that’s special and she’s still a big part of it,” I say thinking of the idea straight off the top of my head.

Josh smiles “That sounds amazing and I can tell already that Ben loves the idea and then you can have the party somewhere else where you can extend the number of people to keep it intimate at the park,” he says which I nod and think that’s what both Ben and I wanted.

We move off the topic and have some dessert which Josh ordered from a local desert café and sit there just watching a movie as we eat, Ben’s eating a double-choc Caramel Sundae, and Josh is just having a fruit meringue and I’m just having a Brownie with ice-cream. We sit there all relaxed until the movie finishes and decide to head home at about 11ish.

Heading home, we get home just before midnight after having to take a detour to get petrol and then get home. Walking into the house, Richard is sitting in his chair having fallen asleep listening to music and reading the latest novel he bought. I wander over and turn the music off which wakes him up “Oh hey boys, I must’ve drifted off to sleep, had a good night?” he asks as I nod as Ben needs to go to the bathroom rather urgently.

“Yeah, it was nice, just pretty relaxed just had dinner with Josh at his place to catch up with his trip and things in general, how was your day and meeting, Ben told me there was some sort of emergency?” I ask as Richard rolls his eyes.

“Considering that I didn’t get home until 10:30 and the meeting started at 4:30, that should tell you the levels of drama that we had but I can’t really get into anything because it’s had to go to the police and beyond my level,” he says sighing, clearly frustrated by the situation and work in general.

I stand there for a minute, not sure whether I should add anything but I want to share the news about us deciding on a wedding location “Ben and I have some news for you” I say to Richard who perks up “What is it he?” he asks as Ben comes down the stairs.

“What’s all this?” he asks as Richard is excited about the announcement “Liam said you two had some news to share with me,” he says as Ben looks at me confused for a minute. “About the record deal?” he asks as he looks confused “No about the other thing we talked a lot about at Josh’s” Ben still looks confused then totally gets what I mean “Oh yeah, now I remember what you’re talking about… we decided after a bit of research and talking it through with Josh, that we’ve decided on our ideal location for the wedding”.

Richard looks happy and genuinely interested in what we have decided, “It was all Liam’s idea and I think it is absolutely perfect, we want to have the wedding at the park down the road because it was a special spot for both of us, where we spent plenty of time together as kids with Mum and then sneaking behind your back when you banned me from seeing Liam… and it’s our special place with heart and soul” Richard glares at Ben when he admits that we met at the park secretly, although it's an open secret that’s been fixed, ultimately there’s a smile.

“I think that’s a great idea, but aren’t you worried about having too many people?” he asks which is a justifiable concern “Nope, we’ve decided that because the wedding is about us, we want a very small wedding and then invite people to the reception afterwards, which we were thinking about having somewhere near the river,” I say as Richard smiles and nods “Sounds good boys, I was starting to worry it was never going to happen”.

Ben and I both look at each other and laugh “That’s not the first time we’ve heard that tonight” he says as Richard just nods as he goes to the kitchen before stopping “Oh… Liam, I forgot to ask, how did everything go today?”

“Really good, I signed the contract and will get a very scarily large amount of money upfront on probably Monday, and I start recording this week with a video being filmed in the next week or two, all so it can be done within the month,” I say as Richard also looks surprised at how quick it is. “That quick? You better get that wedding organised Benjamin” he says making a joke as he goes into the kitchen and we head upstairs.

We get changed into our PJs, which for Ben is a pair of pants and for me, just a pair of cotton shorts “You ok that I told your dad about the wedding plan?” I ask as I wasn’t sure if Ben was ok with going into details yet because they were hypothetical. “Nah, it was totally fine and I think he needed something to pick him up after the day he had… plus I mean dad and Josh were right about it, we haven’t done a thing about the wedding and barely had a conversation about anything to do with it other than when you proposed to me that night”.

I smile and kiss him softly as he kisses me back, just having a make-out session together as Ben’s hands rub over my shoulders as I moan as he kisses me and his hands continue exploring. We keep kissing each other and I start playing with his nipples as he moans softly into my mouth. As much as it would be tempting to go further, we’re both pretty tired and don’t want to create too much noise and disturb Richard.

The next morning, I wake up early as the sun comes in through the window as Ben is still laying there spread out like he tends to do, I grab my guitar and head downstairs just teaching myself some new songs to play which is a good way to relax. I grab my lyrics book and start to try and put some of the words to the music and just get a good gist of what is going to work.

I keep playing and trying to write the song that I was going to audition with because it means so much to me and decide that I want to sing it at the wedding reception for Ben. I sit there singing and playing, not hearing that Richard was in the kitchen and was able to listen to every word that I was singing and even the swearing when I messed up.

“Oh shit…. I mean” I say as Richard startles me as he walks into the living room “Sorry didn’t mean to frighten you, just wanted to say that I love hearing your songwriting and you singing because I can see how much it means to you,” he says as I smile. “I didn’t realise you were up yet or listening, I’ll keep it quiet,” I say as he shakes his head and puts his hand up. “No, not at all, I love listening to you sing like this, you’ve got an amazing voice and seeing how much joy it gives you… minus the expletives of course,” he says smiling and sitting down on the couch.

“Is the song that I listened to that night?” he asks as I nod glancing up the stairs “Yeah, it was the song that I was going to use for the audition but with that not really needed, I was thinking about using it for our wedding and singing it for Ben” I say as Richard nods. “That sounds lovely and perfect for you two,” he says as Ben comes down the stairs “Morning Ben,” Richard says “Morning B” I reply as Ben comes into the living room looking a bit suspicious about me and Richard talking.

“What’s going on here between you two?” he asks as we both just say “Nothing” which Ben doesn’t really believe but just goes into the kitchen to get breakfast. “What are you two doing today?” Richard asks as we both shrug our shoulders “Nothing much, it’s just been such a hectic weekend that we’re just gonna spend it here at home, maybe head to the gym later but we just wanna chill, if that’s alright?”.

Richard nods “Yeah of course it is, I need to go to the garden centre a bit later and get some more bug spray because something is attacking the trees out the back and the leaves are dying,” he says seemingly being much happier than he was last night. Heading back outside, I turn to Ben after he’s gone out “I think he seems much happier today than he did last night, think he was really pushed to the brink last night by his tone of voice and everything that happened not that he could tell me”.

Ben nods “Yeah, he really does need a break from everything but he won’t ever choose to take it” which is true because Richard wants to prove that he’s ok for Ben and I which he doesn’t have to do.

“Well, I was thinking, he’s wanted to go on that tour of Ireland for so long that with the money that I get, we can give that to him as a present, as my or our way of saying thanks for being so supportive and letting me stay here for so long,” I say as Ben hugs me and tells me how much of a wonderful idea he thinks that is.

The rest of the weekend is pretty chilled out by usual standards, we stay home Ben does some work but we mostly just play PS4 and watch TV before another hectic week for everybody. Monday morning comes and I get up at the same time as Ben “Do you want me to organise the trip today? I can book it now and he can pick the dates that he wants to go?” I ask as I check my bank account and see a number that I could’ve only dreamed about.

“Yeah we can surprise him this afternoon with it, it’ll be a good thing for him when he gets home because he’s got another tough day,” Ben says as we head downstairs and have breakfast with the usual routine. Richard and Ben head off at the same time as I sit at the table pondering what I’m going to do for the day considering that I’m not in the studio until Wednesday afternoon and not at the music store until Thursday night.

I spend the morning just playing Football Manager and get ready to throw my laptop out the window with how frustrating it is with my team constantly conceding 90th-minute losers or draws. I have a shower and go for a drive, I don’t know why but I head back to my old place and park out the front for a moment, seeing how much it hasn’t changed sparks some very conflicting emotions in me about being back here with both good and bad memories.

Not much has changed with broken fences, graffiti, smashed and burnt-out cars littering people’s front yards, I wander the street hoping that I’m not recognised by anyone but thankfully people that I walk past that I know don’t recognise me which is a good thing. I wander back to my old place and take a deep breath and wonder if I should be thinking about knocking on the door, something tells me that I should but at the same time, something tells me that I shouldn’t be.

I wander up to the front door and knock on the door, it’s probably looking weird that a guy in an authentic Calvin Klein T-Shirt and designer jeans is knocking on the door of a place where those sorts of clothes probably only come as knock-offs from the local market. Standing there a middle age guy opens the door and looks at me quite strangely.

“Uh yeah mate?” he says almost not wanting me to see inside the house like there is some nefarious plan being created inside “You’re not a cop are you?” he asks as I shake my head. “Fuck no man, I was just wondering if you knew anything about the people who lived here before, I was just looking for someone that was all,” I ask as he slightly eases his guard.

“Sorry man, not really but we do still get post for the people here before us we used to give it to the people next door before, they moved, but we still get things, would you want them?” he asks as I nod. “Yeah, that’ll be good thanks” as he calls from the front door. “Oi Trace… have you got the mail for the old people that used to be here still” he shouts as another screaming voice comes down the hall “Why who wants it Mark?” the screaming voice says coming up the hall “It’s not that bloody whacked bitch looking for Lee or whatever his fucking name is it, I’m over her,” the voice says as she comes down the hall with it and gives me a looking over.

“Who the hell are you?” she asks me as I stand there really nervous now “What name did you say the person came here looking for?” I ask as she looks at me accusingly. “You a copper or something?” she asks getting aggressive at me “Hell no, I used to live here a long time ago with my mum before I left and she stayed…” the face on the woman I’ve only discovered as Trace looks at me oddly.

“Well, you certainly went up in the world… wait are you Lee?” she asks as suspiciously as I stand there “I’m Liam, so probably who the woman comes looking for,” I say as she invites me to sit on a plastic chair out the front which looks like it could break the minute any wait goes on it.

I decline, happy to stand as she gets the mail “When was the last time she came by was it recently?” I ask as she shakes her head “Has been a few months at least since she came back” I say as I look around the house seeing not much has changed. Trace gives me the post which is just mostly junk mail and a few credit card bills that I don’t bother to look at.

“What sort of state was she in when she came? It’s just I haven’t seen or spoken to her in at least five years so I don’t really know how she’s been” I ask as I can tell that they are judging me for being a lousy son which for an outside probably looks pretty accurate but it’s a complicated story. “Not that great, she is usually coming here when she’s a bit off and it’s like when she’s not in the real world that she comes here,” Trace says which leaves me a bit depressed but there’s nothing I can control about it and I made the right decision for me.

“Well thanks for this, if she ever comes back could you text me,” I say writing down my number for her which she says she will and I head off. Looking at how they are living, makes me glad that Ben saved me because I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be living around here with all the chaos and everything as a string of Police cars fly up the road.

I get in my car and drive off pretty quickly trying to get out of the area making sure that nobody I used to know saw me because I don’t really want to be talking to anyone in the area about things. I drive away and head back home and head inside, somewhat paranoid about being followed and head inside.

Opening the mail, I have a look at what’s there which is mostly junk mail, a couple of old overdue bills that probably would have been wiped by now and then I have a look at a more recent credit card bill that only looks like it is a few weeks old. Sitting there I look through it and see that Mum has been spending on it which makes me feel a fair bit better knowing that she is still out and about although it’s mostly been at Tesco’s and Aldi so generic supermarket charges that don’t really tell me too much about what’s she buying or where she is.

I put the letters upstairs in one of my drawers where Ben can’t see them and head back downstairs to do some more work looking at the tours of Ireland for Richard. I go through them and find a 10-day tour in the summer that I think he would want to do and I send the link through to him to see what he thinks of it.