Finding My Perfect Rhythm

Hitting the Airwaves

The next day is all just a blur for me, I meet with Andy and a few of the producers who have been looking after and preparing the song for me to sing as well as a few of the others of my songs which are more upbeat than what I planned them but they sound really good. It takes a while for the recording to go perfectly and when it’s after about 6 hours of recording and mixing, Andy plays it for me and I really love what we’ve come up with.

Listening to the song, I look around to get the general guide of what people are thinking and everybody seems to love including someone else that I have never seen before but I recognise as Andy calls me over to introduce me.  “Liam, this is Alex Creighton or you probably know him better as Critta,” he says as I stand there stunned.

“Holy hell… how’s it going man?” I say as he shakes my hand and starts talking to me about the music and how much he’s enjoyed listening to the song and that Andy sent him my demo tape and the video of the performance at the Nova. “Just wanted to meet the guy who is going to make it big,” he says as I stand there tongue-tied and not sure really what to say. “Nah, I’m not that good,” he says to me as he shakes his head “Bro, take it from me you are going to be really big and I wanna work with you”.

I’m surprised by what he had to say about sounding good and wanting to work with me and he tells me that he’ll get in touch with Andy about when we can collaborate together. Andy pulls me aside, we’ll get this cleaned up and should be able to send it around on Friday and get it on the radio next week because I’ve already set aside some time for it and then we’ll record the video on Sunday night if that’s ok with you.

Andy finishes off talking to Critta and some of the others as I just take everything in and go and grab my phone checking it with missed calls and texts from Ben, Richard and there’s a call from Aunt Sophie there as well. I head outside and ring Ben “Hey B… everything ok?” I ask worried that something might have happened during the day.

“It’s all good, I just wanted to check in with you to see how everything was going, nothing bad,” he says as I sit down outside and talk him through it. “It went really well, Andy and everyone thought it was brilliant especially given the fact that he brought in Alex Creighton to see me because he’d heard my performance at the Nova,” I say as Ben’s voice has a fair bit of uncertainty in his voice not knowing who I’m referring to.

“That’s good… but I don’t really know who you’re talking about L,” he says as I knew that he didn’t because I didn’t even know who he was when Andy said his name. “Alex Creighton… also known as Crittah,” I say as his tone of voice changes big time. “Crittah? As in the guy who sings the Sunny Skies song?” he asks sounding surprised and impressed that I got to meet him and that he “Jeez L, that’s fucking awesome babe” he says as we just chat.

“Hey, can you check if Josh can come round tonight, Andy sent me a copy of the song and what is going to get released and I want to play it for everyone before it gets sent around for Friday,” I say as Ben sounds surprised. “Friday? That’s quick isn’t it?” he asks which was the same thought that I had but I tell him all about how Andy gave me the story of how they hadn’t even finished recording a song on the night that it was released”.

Heading home, it’s almost surreal to think that this time next week I could be listening to myself on the radio which is exciting but also really embarrassing to say that I’m looking forward to hearing Bloodlines make its debut on the radio. As I walk inside, Ben and Josh are in the kitchen cooking as Richard is upstairs on the computer “Hey I’m home” I say as I walk in surprised to see Josh here already.

“Hey B…” I say wandering and kissing him “Hey Josh, I knew I wanted Ben to invite you round if you weren’t busy but didn’t expect you here so soon” as he is in the kitchen helping Ben cook, teaching him some of his recipes for when we move into our own place. “I was actually already on my way over here to drop off some clothes to you and Ben that I had ordered but they sent me the wrong sizes,” he says gesturing to the box as I have a look through it.

Ben smells the food as Josh asks me how it went “Yeah really good, it took forever because there are so many little things that have to go right and you can have 3 minutes 58 seconds of perfection but if it’s a 4-minute song then it can be ruined by those 2 seconds of non-perfection” I say as I go the fridge getting out a can of Pepsi and sitting at the table.

I’m sitting there for a minute as Richard comes downstairs “Thought there was a car out the front, how did you go Liam” he says as I finish taking a mouthful of Pepsi. “Yeah went really good, got it all recorded so it should be out for Radio and potentially online Friday with the music video to be filmed Sunday night in London down by the Thames,” I say as I explain the details a bit further.

“Well, that’s all good but are you going to let us hear the song?” Richard says almost like an impatient child at Christmas as Ben and Josh urged me to play it as well. “Be truly honest about it, Andy and everyone really liked it and Crittah loved it too but most importantly to me is what you three think”.

I play them the song, listening to it for the first time out of the studio not watching the reactions of anyone because I’m more nervous about their opinions than what anybody else thinks about the song. All 3:52 minutes of the song play and I have my eyes closed all the way through it, afterwards I look at them each with their own distinctive look on their face.

“You hate it don’t you?” I say as Ben and Josh shake their heads while Richard has an indifferent look on his face which is not surprising considering that it is a bit more modern than what a lot of my other singing is. “I think it’s really good, I’ve never heard you really sing anything like that because it’s all mostly acoustic and softer tone songs,” Ben says as Josh agrees with him “I’d listen to that plenty on Spotify because it’s a really good tune,” he says which makes me happy.

“Well, it’s not really my kind of music but your voice comes through really well in it and as long as you do the acoustic version to go with it then I like it,” he says as I try for a group hug that isn’t too awkward and I feel relieved about it. “So who is this Mr Crittah person that you mentioned before, he sounds like a big deal,” Richard asks as Ben laughs knowing how out of touch with most modern music and even TV and movies he is.

“Crittah is one of the top DJs and record producers in the world, a bit like Avicii was Dad,” Ben says knowing that Richard had at least heard of him. “Oh, so one of those guys who works with other people and makes music?” Like the Whitney Houston song recently” I nod and am a touched surprised that Richard knew about that.

“Yeah like that,” I say as Richard gets what I mean “Andy invited him to listen because he was working in one of the other studios and had actually sent him both the demo tape and he watched the Nova performance and really liked it and said that if I was keen he would love to work with me on some of his music,” I say excited about the fact thinking about how well it all went today.

Josh walks back to the stove “You better remember all of us when you’re famous” he says jokingly as I look across at Ben and smile “Won’t be hard to remember you at all, because I’ll have an amazing husband by my side, an amazing dad and an equally amazing friend on every step of the journey with me”.

I head upstairs and change out of my clothes as Ben comes in “Hey, I didn’t get a chance to say it to you down there with everyone but I’m so proud of you with all this and how much you deserve this” he says kissing me deeply as I’m standing there in just my underwear as we make out. “Shouldn’t you let me get dressed and head back to the dinner that we have being cooked for us?” I say as Ben realises that should be back learning from Josh. I put on a casual T-shirt and my grey Nike track pants and head downstairs and sit down at the table.

The rest of the night is pretty good fun, Josh stays for a while and talks about his family as Richard asks him plenty of questions about things and then after dinner, he heads upstairs leaving the three of us just chilling out before Josh has to video chat with Isabella at home.

The next day or so is an absolute whirlwind and just so much on the mind thinking about how the song is coming out tomorrow and will be out in the world, the fact that I’ve got the Music video filming going on Sunday night, Andy texting me about media opportunities and interviews once the song is released, recording schedules and then just thinking about everything in life that is also pretty exciting such as the wedding and how much progress we are making going forward, the life with me and Ben and then being in contact with Aunt Sophie and then trying to find my mother.

“You on planet earth Liam?” I quickly shake my head “Oh sorry Ricky, I’ve just been thinking about everything going on that’s all” snapping back to the real world. “I’m popping out to the chemist before it closes, do you need anything and will you be alright until I come back?” he asks as I nod, it’s pretty quiet here for a Thursday night, the last of the music classes out the back is finished and so nobody is around as Ricky comes back in.

“Anything much happen while I was gone?” he asks about 20 minutes later “Not really, there was one person come in and have a look around but she left about 5 minutes before you got back,” I say as he looks around and decides to close the store a few minutes early. “So what’s the plan with you and working going forward?” he asks me as I look confused about things.

“You’ve got the song coming out tomorrow, the video being filmed on Sunday night and that will take what about a week… you’ve got your payout from the contract so far so I guess there isn’t much need for you really to be working here anymore,” Ricky says almost with a tone of annoyance in his voice like it’s an inconvenience for him.

“I don’t work here for the money, I work here because I enjoy coming here for the people around, the passion for music being able to help people get into music like I did when I used to come in here all the time and just hold a guitar and think about it,” I say thinking back to the amount of time that I used to spend in this place looking at the Guitars and instruments always wishing that I could play something just to ease the pain before I actually got my own guitar.

Ricky looks across at me looking upset like he realised that he crossed the line with his tone in the sentence before “I know Liam and you’re a really sweet, kind-hearted kid and I shouldn’t have said what I did and I know it’s only a matter of time before you become too busy for this place and I’ll miss having you around” he says to me as he puts his arm around me. “Ricky, I’ll always have time for you and Billy giving me the opportunity to work here and help me get back on my feet and there’s only ever one music shop that I will use and ever recommend because you’re my work family,” I say as I wipe away the tears because this job along with the music was what truly got me back on my feet and stable.

“Look, tell me what days that you want to come in and I’ll make sure that you can come in and work,” Ricky says as we head out the back “And I promise that you can use me in your promo material that you want because I’ve got control on what I want to be in the promo for and it’s all for free,” I say smiling to Ricky and giving him a hug back.

Wandering out the back to get my bag, I walk back into the main part of the store and just sit down for a moment, even though I know that I have a shift here on the weekend, I really could have just finished what is my last shift at the store. Turning off the lights and heading out, I head back home and upstairs to our bedroom where Ben is laying in bed playing PS4. “You alright?” he asks as I shrug my shoulders and look across at him “Just talking to Ricky about things you know and realising how much the Music Store has meant to me in my life,” I say as Ben nods understanding how much significance that it has to me and even the fact that it was him that convinced Ricky and Billy to give me the chance.

Taking a quick shower, I head back to bed and get in next to Ben and cuddle up to him as he finishes his game off and turns the PS4 off and cuddles into me “You excited about things L?” he asks as I lay there thinking about it. “Yeah I am, I mean that I’m nervous that it gets out there and becomes a total flop and everybody hates it or that Andy is having me on and nothing happens about it,” I say as Ben rubs my shoulder.

“You’ll be fine and everything will be fine,” Ben says as I know that he’s right and his reassuring tone of voice makes me think that everything will be alright. “I know and I’ll keep my ear on the radio to hear if I can hear it, also I’ll let Aunt Sophie know in the morning because I think that it is fair that she knows,” I say as Ben agrees and we turn off and go to sleep cuddled up together.

The next morning, I get up and get surprised when Richard has one of the modern music stations on the radio in the kitchen “Music today” he says shaking his head as I come down whilst Ben is in the shower “Morning… you’re listening to modern radio?” I say surprised that he is.

“Yeah, well I’m waiting for a certain singer and song to be on,” he says smiling as I make a cup of coffee and sit down. I grab my phone and text my aunt “Hey Aunt Sophie, it’s Liam; I want to let you know and ask you that if you listen to FM radio, could you let me know if you hear a song called Bloodlines, I’ll fill you in about it later but it means the world to me”.

Sitting there she texts me back “Yeah absolutely Liam… good to hear from you again and hope we can catch up”. Ben has asked as many people as he knows to let him know if they hear the song at all and I’ve asked everyone at the music shop if it gets played on the radio as Andy texts me and says that he’s got the song around to the radio stations to play and he has plenty of power at the station.

It gets to mid-afternoon and I don’t hear anything from anyone which I wasn’t surprised at because deep down I really knew that I wasn’t going to get a go today. I head for a walk around the block and have my earbuds in just after 3 pm when my phone goes off multiple times including from Ben, Aunt Sophie and Joey from the music store.

“L… It’s on Capital FM” Ben texts me as I try to get the radio up on my phone while I’m walking around but I’m a fraction too late to hear it which disappoints me a bit “And that was a Fresh Friday hit Bloodlines with Liam Morgan, a name that you will hear plenty of I reckon” the host Tom Carver says which makes me happy.

I manage to get the stream back a few minutes and hear the end of the news and the intro to the Drive program before the host starts talking “We’ve got the latest Fresh Friday hits dropping from the likes of Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran and absolute banger from a newbie on the scene Liam Morgan” he says as there is a couple of songs before the now familiar intro tune of Bloodlines starts.

Listening to it, it sounds absolutely remarkable and I stop by the park and just take a moment to finally realise that my song has hit the radio and that all my efforts have absolutely paid off. I head back home, almost skipping with glee and delight that my song is on the radio as I walk past the neighbours’ houses saying hello to a few of them including a family a few houses down from Ben’s who have their car radio on Capital FM which means that they would’ve just heard my song and not known it was me.

Getting back inside the house, I take a look online almost narcissistically to see if there is any commentary about the song and it’s all looking pretty good, seeing a Spotify link to the song as well which makes me happy because I know at least people will be able to hear it. I finish internet searching and ring Aunt Sophie.

“Hello, this is Sophie speaking,” she says down the line as I have a wave of nervousness going down the line “Hello, is there someone on the line?” she says again before I take a deep breath and start talking to her. “Hey Aunt Sophie, it’s Liam,” I say as she gets excited “Oh hi darling, I heard that song you wanted me to listen to on the radio, it’s not my usual music but the voice was really good”.

“Thanks for texting me Aunt Sophie, what I was calling you about was I was wondering if we could chat and then maybe catch up sometime soon… I know it’s a long drive down here but my schedule is pretty busy to really leave here” I say worried that she’s going to say no or something like that.

“Absolutely I can, I’m free to come down on Sunday or sometime next week?” she asks as I think about what day would suit me the best “How about Tuesday? I’m working over the weekend and have a thing Sunday night” I say as she agrees to meet around here on Tuesday morning which makes me feel good. “Liam, about the song was that one of yours that you played me the other day?” she says as I feel really nervous and embarrassed about it “Yeah it was and that was why I gave you a call because I just needed if anybody heard it and then just to tell you that it was me because I don’t think there should be any more secrets”.

Sophie agrees with me about the fact there shouldn’t be any more secrets because I’ve torn apart Ben’s life before with secrets and 20 years of secrets in my own family have disintegrated things for so long which is why I never had any sort of relationship with my family and Mum cutting everything off with them and in turn me cutting off Mum for the last 5 or so years without giving her a clue about how I am, what is happening in my life or even just how she is.

My phone doesn’t stop buzzing all afternoon and night with people texting me that I know about how much they love the song and being able to hear it. I’m cooking dinner when my phone rings and see Andy’s name on the ID.

“Hey, Andy, what’s up?” I ask as he is excited on the phone “Liam man, the song has taken off I’m only hearing good things about the reception on the radio and you could have a number one on your hands… look how about we go out and celebrate tonight man” he says as I have to decline because I’ve already got things in the oven and on the stove “Would love to man but I’m a bit busy man but we can catch up after the video is done” I say which Andy reluctantly agrees to.

I’m finishing up cooking as Richard comes in “I’m home, hello Mr Music star” he says as I get embarrassed and just turn away “You had a song come out on the radio and you’re doing all this instead of celebrating” he says to me as I shrug because for me this is celebrating with my favourite people.

“I am celebrating with the most special people I’ve got in my life, mind watching this for a minute?” I ask Richard as I need to go to the bathroom upstairs. As I do that Ben gets home and comes in as I come back downstairs “Dad… you’ve done all this?” as Richard is stirring something for me.

“Jeez I leave the room for two minutes and you’re taking all my credit,” I say as Richard puts his hands up and pleads innocence which is true. Ben wanders over and kisses me “You did all this tonight?” he says as I nod. “I wanted to cook something special for the most special people in my life as a thank you,” I say pulling out my attempts at a very special recipe that Rosie always used to cook us for dinner on a special night.

“I know it won’t be as good as what Rosie dished up but I thought I would give it a go,” I say as I dish up the Wellingtons which are good but nowhere near as good as what we used to have. Despite Ben and Richard putting the attention on me, this isn’t about me but about all of us as a team and how much I’ve needed them through the journey.

Saturday is pretty chilled even though everyone is surprised that I still went to work at the music shop because it’s fun and good fun especially given the fact that I’m really still anonymous because the single went out but there hasn’t really been any promotion of me yet so even though the song is on while I’m working, the people in the store don’t have any clue that it’s me.

Sunday is a different story though because it’s nothing but rush rush rush, trying to get things done before heading into London to film the music video and everything with that because I’ve never done any acting in my life other than what we were forced into at school.

I manage to get to spend a quick few hours just chilling with Ben as we head out for coffee and brunch while Richard is at church “So I don’t know what time I’ll be back because Andy said this could be anything from an hour to six hours” I say as Ben shrugs “Yeah that’s fine, Dad knows so nobody is worried and you can use the spare bed if you don’t want to disturb me” he says as I pat his arm.

“I’m catching up with Aunt Sophie again on Tuesday morning,” I say to Ben springing it upon him “What?” he says as I don’t know whether he’s annoyed by the fact or just genuinely surprised by it.

“Yeah well, I asked her if she could listen to the radio up her way for the song and I thought it was better that I told her before everything goes big rather than her finding out and being annoyed that I never told her because why bother keeping secrets anymore?” I ask as Ben reluctantly nods “Well I’ve got meetings booked right through Tuesday so I can’t be there, hope that’s ok” he says as he scrolls through his phone.

“I can cance….” I stop him “I want to do this part on my own at least because I think she might have more ideas on where I can find Mum that she didn’t really want to tell me the other day,” I say which is something that I always got the sense of from the texts the other day. “She’s coming down here so I promise that I will drop by the office or ring you to tell you everything,” I say to Ben who scrolls through his schedule “Look, I’ve got a blank spot at about 2 for an hour, I’ll put it on busy and we can catch up then”.

Finishing up Brunch is nice and we walk having a look at the shops as we both end up buying some new clothes and head back home for a while. At home, I go through Snapchat and decide that I probably should re-establish some of my social media if I want to get on the front foot and promote myself as well. I create a brand-new Instagram page just to have a bit of fun on and give a behind-the-scenes feel about my life and everything. I scroll through and just follow a couple of people and teams mostly Ben, Josh and our group of mates, Everton and then a couple of other accounts that look interesting.

I head out at about 3 to go down to London to shoot the music video which is making me nervous as hell but I’m also really excited about it. Turning up at the office, to go through all the plans, I head in with no idea what is about to happen next, I’m not an actor, hell I’m barely a musician.

“Liam man, so good to see you man had worried that you were gonna pull out of this because so many artists don’t get through their first music video,” Andy says to me as we get through what is going to happen in the shoot. It’s amazing how 4 minutes of video takes so much footage to film. Heading into the studio, Andy gives me a look at the wardrobe that they have for the video and I just put on a pair of black pants and a checked button-up shirt.

Talking through with the video director that a lot of the video is just going to be me sitting on the wall by the river just lip-syncing the song mixed in through some other footage that they filmed for the song. Andy organises an Uber for us to get out to where we are doing the filming.

All in all, the 4 minutes of footage takes us nearly 6 hours to film because there is plenty of different angles to get and it’s nearly 2 am before we finish and I’m exhausted through all the filming and everything. We head back to the studio so I can pick up my car and drive home, not getting back until nearly 4 am and I wander up and just crash out on the spare bed in the office not wanting to disturb Ben.

Most of Monday is just spent sleeping, exhausted by everything that has happened in the past few days with Ben and Richard having already left for work before I’d even woken up. I get up and look at the time realising that it’s 11:30 am which is the latest that I’ve slept in until for quite a while since moving in with Ben. I text Ben “Morning B” with a yawning emoji knowing that he’s already been at work for three hours at least whilst I’ve been in bed the whole time.

“Well look who is alive” he replies to me as if it is some great shock that I was exhausted after spending eight hours on a Sunday night filming a music video at the same time as being awake pretty much all day for 16 hours without really taking a break. “What do you mean by that arsehole?” my reply teasing Ben who just sends back a laughing emoji.

“Just when I came into check on you in the spare bed this morning, you didn’t even react to me kissing you” he replies as I don’t even remember hearing the sound or feeling him kiss me with how exhausted I was after everything. The rest of Monday is pretty chilled just playing around at home before another hectic day comes on Tuesday.

I text Aunt Sophie to make sure everything is ok for her to still come and meet me in London which she says she will and we agree to meet at the Café near where Ben works which is a good spot to meet, still neutral but close enough to Ben if I need help with anything. I get there a few minutes early which allows me to just to contain my nerves.

Aunt Sophie comes in not long after 11 as I wave her over to the table “Hey Liam, how you doing darling?” she says kissing me on the cheek as we sit down. “It’s just us two today, Ben’s in meetings all day,” I say as picks up the menu and has a look.

“That’s fine, it’s really good to see you so soon after the other catch-up we had,” she says as we just chat about her trip down as she tells me that she caught the train down and gives me some story about someone on the train on their phone talking loud as hell which I don’t really get the point of why but everybody needs to rant at some point because Ben and I both rant at each other about pointless shit that bothered us.

I order coffee and something to eat for us and bring the number back to the table as she sits there checking messages and sit down “So I wanted to catch up with you because after our last meeting it was good to talk and think things through and I wanted to talk to you about the song that I asked you to listen out for” I say as she just nods and already knowing why I wanted her to listen to it for me.

“Yeah, it’s because it was you,” she says smiling at me proud of my achievements “It wasn’t my kind of music but your voice is amazing so can we buy it or?” she asks me as I nod. “Yeah, it’s on Spotify now and guess on Apple Music too so you can get it off there,” I say as our order comes and I look across at her, wanting to bring up the topic of Mum again but not wanting to ruin the moment.

Sophie talks about the family a bit more, and how my cousins are doing which is nice to hear but these are people that hold no significance to me whatsoever because some I haven’t met and others, I haven’t seen in 20 years. I know that I probably shouldn’t have brought up the topic of Mum but I can’t help it because I just feel like there is more to know than what I’ve been told so far.

“So, I went to our old house the other day to see if there was any information on Mum and well they said that she used to turn up there every so often looking for someone named Lee, which isn’t too big a leap to be Liam,” I say finishing my first cup of Coffee and ordering another one. “They said she would turn up not in a good way, quite disoriented and said that she was looking for a little kid rather than an adult” my voice crackling a bit as I think about the state that she could be in especially worrying if she could be dead.

The reaction from Aunt Sophie is a little non-plussed which surprises me like she knows something else potentially that she hasn’t told me yet about Mum and where she could be. “That’s really sad to hear that, any more information?” she asks as I nod. “Well, they gave me some mail that came pretty recently and it had a credit card bill to show that Mum has been out shopping with her card at the Supermarket and places like that,” I say as Sophie looks down.

“We’ve heard from Lisa” my face gets really annoyed and I have to try to do my best to stay calm and not make a scene about things. “It was only one letter a few months back, she wrote to us looking to know where she could find you but we didn’t know so there wasn’t any more contact back with her,” she says almost pleading with me not to be angry. “When we met the other day, I didn’t know about it because it didn’t come to me, it came to your grandmother and she held onto it because she said she had closed the door on that part of life” I nod somewhat understanding what Sophie means because I had done the same thing.

“Do you have the letter and any idea where she is?” I ask as she gives it to me “I’m sorry about this Liam” she says as I sit there and put the letter in my pocket, wanting my own time to read it either alone or with Ben. The rest of the catch-up is naturally pretty tense given that I’m not in the mood to talk now and just feel betrayed by the fact that if I hadn’t asked for this second meeting with Aunt Sophie there’s a strong chance that she totally would’ve just ignored me and this letter again.

Finishing up, she sits there a bit longer as I pay the bill and walk out “Fucking hell… all this time I could’ve had something else to go on but they didn’t bother to tell me especially after reaching out to them”. I grab my phone out and text Ben “Hey, you got meetings now? Need to talk and show you something pretty important”.