Finding My Perfect Rhythm

(Apologies for the long gap in the chapters for the story; I've had a few health and personal issues that have meant that my writing sadly had to take a back seat for the past little while, thankfully everything is looking up and should have plenty of more chapters up in the next few days and weeks.)

I play the PS4 for a while before Ben gets home and comes upstairs to find me “You are going to sign the contract tomorrow?” he says to me as he looks at me and I nod. “Yeah I am, Josh had a look at it and says it’s ok as well as Frankie so I might as well get it done as soon as possible,” I say thinking that this is a good idea but I gather that he doesn’t think so.

“Why do you have a problem with me doing it?” I ask as he shakes his head no but I still don’t feel entirely convinced. “I just thought that you were going to think about it for a while?” he says as I nod “Yeah and that’s all I have done every moment of the day when I haven’t been with you, this is an opportunity that I can’t say no to and Andy has everything set up so if I don’t say yes now, the chance goes to someone else and I’m fighting for scraps again,” I say as Ben starts to understand my point of view.

“Well, I support you in every move you’ve made and everything you’ve done is the right thing,” he says to me as I look shocked. “But weren’t you just questioning my decision-making?” I ask confused because I thought that was what he was just doing right at that moment. “No, I was trying to make sure that you had thought everything through and you were confident in your decision,” he says smiling as I hug him and give him a big kiss.

“Dad should be home shortly so want to give him the big news?” he asks as I nod and we head downstairs and start organising dinner together. It’s about an hour later when Richard gets home looking exhausted “We have some news…. Well, Liam has some news” Ben says as Richard comes into the kitchen.

“I’ve decided to sign the contract and I guess start a whole new career,” I say looking excited as Richard comes in for a hug. “I’m so proud of you Liam and you’ve got the talent and persistence to pull this off and I know that Rosie would be so proud of you right now as well,” he says as we all get emotional thinking about her. Cooking dinner there’s a really good atmosphere as Ben and Richard help out and we all end up making an extreme mess but it’s nice to cook as a family for a change.

After dinner, we all sit in the living room and decide to watch a movie which we end up watching Shrek because it’s a movie that Ben always used to watch with his family. Sitting there it’s nice as everybody seems content tonight as we watch the movie and then Ben and I decide to watch Shrek 2 as well after Richard excuses himself and heads upstairs so that he can go and play some Mahjong on the computer.

“Do you think everything is alright with him?” I ask Ben again because Richard just seems different to normal to me at least. “I think he’s alright you know but I think he just needs a change you know because he hasn’t had a holiday since Mum passed away and even then I think it might be good for him to make a big change,” he says as I nod along and agree. “I was thinking the other night that maybe he should think about retiring, he’s clearly had enough of work or at the very least he just needs the break from that toxic environment”.

Ben nods, I’m not sure whether he fully agrees with me but it’s just how I feel about Richard who has been trying to keep everything together for Ben when Rosie passed away and then since I’ve been living with Ben under the same roof and all the stresses that my life tends to bring.

We finish watching the movie and head to bed, I can’t believe that by this time tomorrow that I will be a signed singer with a proper song deal at a major record label. My excitement is too much for me to sleep, just thinking and getting carried away about everything that could possibly happen from the awards and fame which also worries me about what it would mean for me and Ben going forward.

The next morning Ben and I are up bright and early, enjoying some time in bed together which is nice just snuggling and playing with each other. We don’t want to fuck this early in the morning because we both know how long it will take for the other to end up getting ready and we don’t want to be late. Laying there as Ben stays in bed well past his alarm “What an amazing week, considering last week you were nervous about performing at the Nova and based on that you’re getting an amazing contract” I kiss him as he finally realises that it’s time to get up.

I get up not long after Ben and swap with him in the shower as he can’t stop playing with my hair “You’re absolutely obsessed with my hair since it’s blonde now right?” I say as I get in the shower and he shrugs “I just don’t know where or why you got the idea for it” he says as I shrug because it was just something that I chose on the morning when I got my haircut. Standing there in the shower isn’t the same as it was without Ben, even though he’s putting on his face stuff in his towel, the fun in the shower last night was amazing.

I finish my time in the shower and do my routine after getting out and getting dressed before heading downstairs for breakfast. Sitting down, it’s an awkward silence for a change rather than a conversation because we can see there is something on Richard’s mind which makes me concerned but if he doesn’t want to talk about it then it’s not for me to push.

Both Richard and Ben head for work while I go out into the backyard and just stand by the Apple Tree and look up at the sky trying to get advice from Rosie “What more can I do for Richard? I don’t think he’s coping too well at the moment and I can’t get him to open up to Ben or me” I say as I just stand next to the tree for a few minutes trying to get some sort of sign. Just taking in the fresh air, I wander back inside and grab my things and head out to go to the meeting

Turning up at the office, I find myself really nervous about what is going to happen and have plenty of doubt about what is going to happen. I text Ben so that he can reassure me “I don’t know if I can do this B” I send to him as he replies almost instantly.

“Of course, you can do this L, You haven’t gone through all the effort to get this far to not do it; It won’t change who you are alright? You’ll still be the same Liam that is my fiancé and the same guy we all love” I smile after reading his text and head inside to the office.

(Ben's Perspective)

Heading to work, I get the sense that Liam has so much on his mind and it’s never good when he is overthinking the situation because he stresses himself out so much that he gets into trouble and I know that even though despite all his efforts and changes he still cuts deep when he is hurt.

Staying in my car for a few minutes before going to grab a coffee, I think about everything that he is going through between the signing of the recording deal, meeting with his Aunt for the first time in 15 years, trying to find his Mum and then worrying about Dad, I know it might be selfish of me, but I’m worried he’s dealing with too much at once. Liam is a fragile guy and I don’t want to lose him again because I don’t know how many chances that we have left to keep him right.

I start to worry about whether I’m trying to treat Liam like we are teenagers again and that I’m not able to trust him. Putting my head on the steering wheel, I just have a massive doubt of confidence in myself about whether I am treating Liam like an equal or treating him like a child. I wander out of the car and go to grab a coffee before heading up to the office.

I order an extra strong Cappuccino and a Lemon Muffin and take it up to the office and just sit at my desk not really focussing on work for a while. My mind is really thinking about everything, what if this goes wrong, what if his family bring back trouble and what if his aunt doesn’t bother to respect his wishes and tells everybody where he is. I shake my head out of it “Fuck sake Ben, you’re better than this” I say as I reassure myself everything will be ok as I keep working but my mind keeps wandering as I try to read through the emails that came in overnight. Sitting there, a recurring theme keeps crossing my mind which is Liam worrying about Dad and how even though I’ve told him things are fine and Dad seems fine that there is something more at play.

I jump online and try to find Dad a trip that he would enjoy just to get away from things because I know that he is getting stressed about work and that without Mum he doesn’t have anybody that he can really go and talk to. I google some trip ideas to book him just so that he can take a break because not once has he actually been able to go on holiday or have time to himself.

“Hey Ben, Greg asked if you could ring him… Ben? Hello?” I must’ve been in my own world as Kayla comes into my office to pass on a message. “Oh, hey Kayla, sorry was just thinking about things that’s all,” I say as she sits down and closes the door. “Is everything alright with you and Liam?” she asks as I nod. “Yeah, everything is good, was just thinking more about my dad that’s all, so what’s up?”

Kayla sits there not really believing me but carries on with the intended conversation “Greg wanted to know if you could give him a ring about the Presentation? He’s at home sick with the kids today and needs you to talk him through what needs to be updated” she says as I nod and tell her that I can do it as she just stays seated at my desk.

“Ben, you and I haven’t worked together long, but it’s pretty easy to tell when you’ve got something on your mind because you go quiet and this morning you walked straight in here without saying good morning” Kayla sits there as I just nod along, “Honestly, it’s nothing you know just a busy week with a bit going on with my family life and in particular with Liam, that’s all, nothing bad,” I say with a smile that she accepts that everything is ok.

I eventually get my head in the game and do some work reviewing the information that is supposed to be going into the presentation that we are doing in a couple of weeks for a major company and it’s my first big project here. Sitting there I get a text from Liam “I don’t know if I can do this B”. 

Despite showing that he exudes confidence, ever since Liam’s problems with Chris he always has this sense of self-doubt and I think a lot of what happened between me and Josh plays on his mind a fair bit about doubting whether he deserves me and then every so often has doubts about taking risks. I reply quickly “Of course, you can do this L, You haven’t gone through all the effort to get this far to not do it; It won’t change who you are alright? You’ll still be the same Liam that is my fiancé and the same guy we all love”.

I hope everything goes alright because last week Liam was nervous about playing a gig at the Nova and in the space of a week, he’s about to sign a life-changing record deal for an amount of money that is just eye-watering. Focussing on work, I go back through the presentation plans that I have so far trying to work out what I need to ring Greg about although I don’t know what’s really missing. I want to ring Liam to see how it’s all going because it can’t take that long but I quickly realise that it’s not even 9:30 yet and he hasn’t even gone into his meeting yet.

I ring Greg and talk to him for a little while, distracted by thinking about Liam I miss a few key factors of what he has to say but thankfully he puts his idea in writing so that we can give the other staff and who we’re presenting to an outline of what we’re trying to achieve. Our phone call takes about 40 minutes to go through ideas, which pushes me to beyond 10 am but I don’t want to bombard Liam just yet with my texts and worries.

The rest of my morning is filled with having to deal with an unhappy client who believed that the campaign that was created for them by the advertising department was substandard and didn’t meet their needs and as Junior Director of Marketing and Personal Relations, it’s my job to make sure that our clients are happy. Sitting there on speaker phone with the client, I can totally understand why they are upset but my mind is wandering as they talk and rather unprofessionally, my attention goes wandering from what they have to say and how they want us to fix the situation to thinking about Liam and texting him.

“Hey babe, how did it all go, get it done?” I text him thinking that surely by now his meeting would be done and he can tell me how it all went. I don’t hear anything back from him which bothers me a bit but then at the same time, he could still be going through details or even just driving home which means I don’t want him texting me back.

“Oh yes that’s not a good idea at all,” I say snapping back to the conversation having realised that I wasn’t listening to what they had to say and try to backtrack and think about it. As the conversation continues there is a message pop up on my computer on our internal message service from Angela out at reception.

“Attn Ben; There is somebody who said they don’t have a scheduled appointment here to see you, please respond” I sit there looking confused having no idea who it is because Liam would text me or call me first and so would Dad so it can’t be either of them and honestly, it’s gotta be someone I don’t know.

After finishing the conversation, I feel bad for leaving the person waiting in reception but at the same time, I didn’t want to let the person at the other end of the phone call down because client relationships are important no matter what size of business they are. 

I finish taking some notes and head out to the reception area “Angela, you said that someone was waiting for me?” I say not being able to see out at the time because of the giant and ugly indoor plant that she keeps on the counter. “Yes, he’s just over there” I open the door that separates the office area and reception and see Liam sitting there on his phone playing Football Manager.

“L? What are you doing here without telling me?” I ask surprised that it’s him because normally he would say that we are going on a lunch date or that he’s coming by which makes me worried something bad happened.

(Liam's Perspective)

Reading Ben’s text makes me smile and I realise that I’m being stupid about the whole thing and head inside to the meeting where I’m about to sign a life-changing deal. Sitting and waiting for Andy is nerve-wracking as you look around the room at all the stars that would have been in this office and situation way back in their careers.

Andy comes out just after 9:30 “Liam dude, good to see you come in and we can get these contracts signed” I follow him into the office where he offers me a drink which I just have a bottle of water and we start talking about our plan.

“So, what the plan is for the deal going forward is that we want to get you out and marketed whilst we get a single out there as the first piece of music, you’ve got a good look and sound that we can market which would we could do within the next month at least,” he says as I look through the final draft of the plan. We have a discussion about the music that we want to go for and how he thinks I should be promoted.

“Now going forward, your name is very close to another performer that I don’t need to tell you about, so is there anything that you maybe want to use going forward?” he says as nod knowing who he is referring to. “I’ve been thinking about that since our meeting on Monday and well I am engaged so I was thinking about using his surname as part of my performance name because well I am going to take it when it comes time”.

Andy nods and looks surprised when I say that I’m engaged “I thought that I told you that I was engaged to Ben” I say as she shakes his head. “I don’t remember it and it’s not an issue at all but we can use this as an opportunity to market you differently than we first thought,” Andy says getting an idea although I stop him.

“I don’t want to be labelled as a gay singer, I don’t believe in labels and I don’t say that I’m gay, I just say that I am in love with my fiancé who just happens to be another guy and that’s the same way Ben feels about things,” I say getting defensive because despite being with Ben for so long, I don’t believe in having a label on things because I don’t love Ben because he’s a guy, I love Ben because he’s Ben.

Andy nods so we talk through the music and how we want to market the songs and which song that we think would be the most perfect single to start with and how quickly he wants me to go into the studio to record it and even make a music video for it in the next few weeks. I look at the contract and the amount of money it’s worth and after talking it through with Andy I sign the contract to take the next step in my life.

After signing the contract, we decide that we were going to use Bloodlines as the title track for the first album and use that to go with the theme of things. Wanting to get things done quickly, Andy books a time for me to record the song next week in the studio and says that he will talk to me when it comes to doing the music video but he wants to get everything done within the month.

Finishing up the meeting, Andy says that the first payment goes into the account over the weekend which is the bulk amount of it and it’s an eye-watering amount. Rather than calling Ben, I decide that it’s probably better to see him in person and talk him through everything that happened and tell him the amount of money coming into my account.

I head into Ben’s office and head up to reception “Morning, I’m here to see Ben, he’ll know what it’s about it”. The receptionist gives me a really unappreciative look and rolls her eyes as I sit down waiting for Ben not sure how long he is going to be but I sit there playing Football Manager on my phone for a while until Ben comes out.

“L? What are you doing here?” he says surprised which isn’t a surprise considering that I didn’t call or anything which I normally do. “I just wanted to show you something very important,” I say as he leads me into his office “I don’t have too much time though so if we get interrupted don’t think it’s personal”.

I shake my head “I know it’s nothing personal babe, it was just really important that I wanted to show you” I grab the signed contract out of the bag and put it on his desk. “It’s official, I’m an officially signed singer now,” I say as Ben comes around and kisses and hugs me “I’m so proud of you B… and what I said in the text message is true, nothing about you changes because of this”.

“So, what is going to happen next with all this?” Ben asks as he works on his computer at the same time as talking to me about things. “Well next week we’re going to start recording the first song which we decided we’re going to create Bloodlines as the album and as the title track so he wants to get it out in the next few weeks and probably either sometime next week or the week after Andy is going to film the video for it, nothing too flashy mostly just something by the Thames he thinks either at Sunset or Sunrise just for some really good aesthetics,” I say really excited by this all but still nervous about it affects the search for Mum.

Ben has a read-through of the contract quickly and tells me that it looks good but skims over the detail that I wanted him to see the most. “Read the top bit again,” I say to him as he reads through the contract.

“Alright,” he says a bit confused about why I want him to do that “This contract signifies the agreement between Impact Music and Liam Morgan…” Ben stops for a minute and realises what it says. “Liam Morgan?” he asks as I just smile and nod, “Well I couldn’t use my name because it’s too close to a certain other singer but I thought that I might as well just take on my married name beforehand,” I say as he gets up and hugs me and kisses me.

“This is an office remember?” a voice from behind us says as Jessie stands and has a smile on her face as Ben and I break apart from our moment. “Hey Liam, how are things?” Jessie asks as I stand up and smile “Pretty good, how about you?” to which Jessie replies with the usual not bad response that you give someone. “Sorry for interrupting but I just came to let you know that the big bosses need you in the meeting room for a directors' meeting,” she says as Ben has to rush off.

“I’ll catch you at home L,” he says as he dashes out of the office and heads towards the meeting room which is upstairs and I head out of the office talking to Jessie. “Was good to see you,” I say not remembering which of Ben’s work friends that is but it is really good to see her and be welcomed in the office even though I don’t really want to disturb him at work too often.

Excited, I stop off and grab some lunch and drive down by the river and park just to enjoy some lunch. Locking the car I wander down and sit at the table and start eating the Chicken Burger that I bought. Sitting there, I’m playing around on my phone for a while as someone comes up behind me “Liam? that you bro?” I say turning around and surprised that Josh is standing there sweating up a storm with his tanned arms shining in the sun.

“Oh, hey Josh,” I say turning around as he sits down next to me on the chair. “What brings you out this way?” he asks as I just shrug because I didn’t really have a plan and just thought it would be nice to come out this way and have lunch, what are you doing here?” I ask him back because this isn’t really anywhere close to his apartment even though you can see it in the distance.

“I didn’t have any work today so was just going for a run across out this way because it’s about 5km out here and then 5km back home,” he says which I couldn’t think of anything worse than doing a run that is that long even though I know that’s what Ben likes to do and wants me to do, I would rather just get my work out at the gym.

“Do you want a lift back home or something? Saves going to too much effort having to run all the way back and be nice to catch up” I ask him as Josh thinks it over. “Yeah alright, still feeling the jet lag and this is always extra to the program,” he says as he sits there.

“So, what made you come all this way out here to sit and have lunch all dressed up, you’re not meeting someone are you?” he asks as I get defensive about his question. “Are you trying to imply something? I just signed my contract this morning, visited Ben at the office and then just came out here to somewhere quiet to have lunch, that’s all and nothing more” I say my tone clearly annoyed by the second part of Josh’s question.

“Hey hey, sorry I wasn’t accusing you of anything and I didn’t mean for it to come out the way that it did because I was just wondering if you came here to see your aunt or somebody else in your family,” he says as I realise what he meant and knows what he was talking about.

“Oh nah, just came here to think and just reflect mostly because it’s usually pretty quiet out here and it’s just a spot that’s just for me because I know that I have the Apple Tree and Ben has the park but I don’t have a spot where I can go out that is just mine,” I say as Josh nods understanding where I come from. “Yeah, mine was the local Soccer… sorry Football fields where there used to be a covered area with like changerooms, I would just go sit up there for ages thinking on my own and then occasionally with Dani”.

I finish off my burger, offering Josh a bite not that it would be likely but I felt it was just polite to do so even if he laughed at my request. Heading back to drop Josh off he asks about my contract “So what’s happening with the contract or is it a secret?” he asks curiously about the details.

“It’s my little secret” I laugh nudging him “Nah, we’re starting recording next week on Bloodlines which we’re going to use for the title track and film a video for it in the next two weeks, the song should be released by the end of the month really, so all super quick,” I say as Josh looks surprised at how quick everything is going.

“Fuck, that’s quick bro I can’t believe how quickly you’ve gone from performing last week to having a record deal in just 7 days, it’s amazing,” he says as we get to his place “Do you have a few minutes to come upstairs?” he asks as I nod and park the car and follow Josh upstairs.

Naturally, he takes his shirt off and with the sweat rolling off his body, it’s turning me on so much because I just want to run my hands over that smooth meaty chest and amazing abs. It’s distracting watching him just walk around with his shirt off like that “You’re not hearing anything I’m saying, are you?” he says to me as I laugh “Yeah of course I was” I try to quip back not being able to answer Josh asking me what he was talking about.

“You and Ben are so much alike,” Josh says as he smirks and towels the sweat off before putting on a fresh clean white tank top that still doesn’t cover up all the muscles. “So, what were you saying before?” I say trying to change topics because looking at Josh like that makes me feel slightly inadequate, especially knowing that Ben has been with Josh, which is odd because I’ve never felt weird about it before.

“I was just wondering if you still wanted my help finding your Mum and how that’s been going if there’s any progress, I know you’ve had a lot on your plate,” he says as I nod appreciatively that he is willing to help me especially now that he knows that Ben is somewhat onboard with the plan.

“Well other than seeing Sophie the other day, I haven’t done a lot of research simply put because I don’t know where to look other than at our old place and she’s clearly moved from there,” I say as Josh looks like as if he’s taking notes on his laptop. I look over his shoulder “You typing this all out?” I ask surprised as he looks across at me “Of course I am, if we’re creating a plan then we need to know what we’ve done and what we haven’t done plus what information that we get we have somewhere safe so that we can find it” he says which is a good plan and that he’s clearly been thinking about it for a long while.

I sit there trying to think of as much information as possible as he types it out “I’ll email all this to you and Ben so that you’ve got copies, hope you don’t think it’s weird but I just thought I would be able to help you out by doing this” he says which is actually a really big help because I know Ben wouldn’t be going to these lengths for me.

I spend about an hour with Josh as Ben rings me “Hey B, what’s shaking?” I ask as Josh calls out “Sup bro” so that Ben can hear him. “Not much, was gonna ask if you were at home yet… wait was that Josh?” he asks sounding surprised hearing his thick Australian accent in the background. “Yeah, I’m at his place we bumped into each other and he invited me over to talk and hear about the contract,” I say which is partly true although mostly we’re talking about how to find Mum.

“Ask him if he wants the three of us to have dinner tonight?” Josh whispers to me as I feel him up close and personal with me which gives me goosebumps. “I don’t know if you heard that but Josh wants to know if you wanted to come around and the three of us can have dinner and a proper catch-up because he hasn’t had a chance to talk to you yet,” I ask Ben which I think he’ll say yes to because he’s talked about wanting to catch up with Josh since he got back and ask about the family and whether his relationship with Scott is a goer or not.

“Yeah, sounds good actually cause Dad has to go to a crisis meeting for work at 4 and isn’t sure what time he’ll be home so I was gonna say can you cook dinner tonight,” Ben asks almost with a sense of relief in his voice that he doesn’t need to worry about it. “Do you want to come straight here from work or go home because I wanna change”.

Ben and I agree to meet back at our place and then come back to Josh’s which he is totally cool with and after talking for a while longer I head home. I get back home at about 3:30ish and head straight upstairs and fall back on the bed letting out a massive sigh.

Just laying there still dressed, I finally have two minutes to myself to take everything in that this is all happened that “Liam the brat; Liam the addict; Liam the useless” has actually managed to make something of himself by signing a six-figure record deal with a major company, got engaged before I was 25 and managed to clean my life up which is much better than what most people my age have done and the people who always criticised me did.

I strip my clothes off just laying on the bed now naked, still taking everything in and reflecting on the tattoos on my body with quite a few that are just designs that I liked and thought would look good but some have real significant meaning. The quote on my arm “You aren’t alone” which was the last three words of a letter Ben sent me when I was banned from seeing him because of the issue when he took the blame for me when we got stopped on our way back from visiting a mate in Scotland and I had a small bag of pills on me that had fallen out of my pocket. I was on my last chance and any sort of arrest or trouble would put me into prison.