The book is now available via Barnes & Noble (Nook). I have provided the link below:

Thank you in advance for your support!

Nook is free to download on your phone, tablet, Mac, or PC _________________________________________________________

Mom was standing there with my school counselor, Mr. Holland, and I'm sure the look on my face was priceless. She was the last person that I expected to see in the main office, or anywhere for that matter. I imagined that the principal was going to be waiting in his office with Ashley and Mr. Johnson. In my mind, we were going to be read the riot act before being kicked out of school, put in jail, or both. Instead I was greeted with a "Hey Tony", and somewhat of a half hug from mom. After our short embrace, I stood back and just looked at her. Mom never stepped out of the house without being put together from head to toe, so I was a bit thrown off by her appearance. She wore a pair of sweatpants with a stained oversized sweater. Her shoes looked a bit run over, and one of them was untied. Mom had a look of concern on her face, as we followed behind the counselor.

We made our way down the narrow hallway and eventually made it to Mr. Holland's office. This was my first time in his office, and I must say that it was rather nice. He had a large desk with a couple of file cabinets to match. The office was so large that he was able to comfortably fit four chairs and a beautiful red couch, which mom and I sat on. Mr. Holland placed a box of tissues on the side table, and sat in the chair directly in front of us. "Tony, your mom wanted me to be here while she shared some news with you. Mom broke down and tears poured from her eyes. "Your dad. Tony. Your dad," she cried out. Even though I was not on good terms with my father, I still loved him with all my heart. I held my head in my hands and began to cry.

Mr. Holland moved over to the couch and put his arms around me. "Your mom has not finished telling you what happened. Ms. Jacobs, you are still choked up. Would you like for me to continue with the news?" he asked. Mom nodded her head yes. "Tony, your dad was in a head on collision yesterday evening. He was flown to shock trauma in critical condition, and does have life threatening injuries. I know that this is a lot to take in all at one time Tony, so please know that I am here for you whenever you need to talk," he said.

Mr. Holland continued to hug me and rub my back, which did give me a little comfort. "Do you plan on going to the shock trauma center now Ms. Jacobs," he asked. Mom said that she did plan on taking me out of school now to go see my father. "Do you have someone to drive you, because I don't think that you are in condition to drive all the way to Baltimore," he expressed. Mom managed to respond in between sobbing. "My cousin drove me here and is waiting outside. She will be the one driving us to the hospital," mom replied. Off we went and it felt like the longest car ride of my life. I just kept having flashbacks of all the good times I had with dad. Like when he use to put me on his shoulders and walk around the house, or when he would dress up like Santa Claus every Christmas.


I've never been inside of a hospital before now, and I never imagined that my first visit would be to see my dad. Walking through those hospital doors just made me a little uneasy. It was almost as if I was walking into a funeral home. Mom and I made it to where they were keeping dad on the seventh floor. Just as we were about to enter the room, one of the doctor's came out and asked me to wait while he talked to my mother inside.

After about five minutes, mom came out and I could tell that she just received bad news. "Tony. Your father fell into a coma a few hours ago. We are going to be allowed to see him for thirty minutes, and then we have to go out to the waiting area. I was all cried out between crying in my counselor's office at school, and crying on the way to the hospital. A sense of calmness came over me and I knew that I had to be strong for my mother, if not for myself. I asked mom if I could have five minutes alone with dad. She agreed and I entered the room. All of the nurses and doctors left almost immediately after I entered. My heart sank when I saw my dad lying in bed, hooked up to a gang of machines.

I grabbed hold of his right hand, as I stood at his bedside. "Dad, if you can hear me I just want to tell you that I love you despite our differences. I know that you didn't truly hate me. You just didn't understand what it meant for a guy to be attracted to another guy. Maybe you had my life already planned out in your head, and you sure as hell didn't see me being with another guy in it. Maybe you were a little pissed at me because your only child was gay, and was not going to carry on the Jacob name. Maybe you thought that somehow something you did or didn't do caused me to be gay. Just know that I was born this way and it was nothing that you or I could have prevented dad," I said. I began to break down and cry as I continued talking. "You mean more to me than you will ever know. When I was growing up, I always wanted to be just like my daddy. Even now, I am very proud to be your son. Yeah, you have made a few bad decisions in life, but we all have. Dad, please don't die on me. I need you in my life. Mom needs you too. Please don't die," I cried.


About a week went by since my dad first slipped into a coma. I went to the hospital just about every other day, and mom went everyday, to check on dad. I wanted to be by my dad's side in case he woke, but mom thought that it was best if I went to school. She thought that school would keep me from worrying around the clock. Just yesterday, doctors told mom that he may never awake from the coma and that his chance of survival is only twenty percent. She was now faced with the decision of letting my father stay in a comatose state, or pulling the plug.

Not knowing which she was going to choose, mom called dad's side of the family so that they could be by his side, and help her make the decision. Unlike mom, who lived close to her only brother, dad's entire family lived in Philadelphia. His mom and dad both lost their fight with cancer, and passed when he was in his twenties. I was really young when they passed, so I don't have any memories of them. Dad was the youngest of four siblings. In chronological order from youngest to oldest, it was dad, Richard, Patrice, and then Sylvia.

I've only met my uncle and aunts on my father's side like two or three times. They came over for Thanksgiving once, and my family drove to Philadelphia for a family cookout a couple times. Initially, they were upset with my mom for not calling them earlier. They were devastated when they heard the news, and came to D.C. immediately. Instead of staying with my mom and me, they all booked hotels near the hospital. Since learning of my father's accident, I moved back in with mom to help her through this difficult time. I was a little relieved that I wasn't going to have to share a space, or even worse, a bed, with all those people in one house. Since moving back in with mom, I've just been sleeping a lot. Sleeping helped to pass the time, and it was truly the only time that I didn't have any worries.


The book is now available via Barnes & Noble (Nook). I have provided the link below:

Thank you in advance for your support!

Nook is free to download on your phone, tablet, Mac, or PC




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