Tackling The World

Apologies for the break between stories, a few personal events plus a bit of flu meant that I couldn't get up any more chapters over the past few days.

I finish up having dinner with Scott and head back to the hotel, it was a fun night with him and I know that he is going to be involved in whatever plan Dani has but I just need to go with the flow.

Driving home I keep reflecting on the old days of playing at the Footy at the highest level and the glory and focus that came upon that. I remember when Mum and Dad plus the rest of the family would be at the games every week to watch me play whenever they could which was only a couple of years ago. Comparing that to now where I don’t even bother to exist in Dad’s eyes truly hurts me deeply considering how proud of me, he used to be.

I get back to the hotel and have a quick shower and just get into bed and put the TV on, hoping that there is something good on, which like usual there isn’t. In the end I just put on my headphones and just listen to music all night drifting off to sleep for the night trying to not think about the past way too much.

Next morning, I ring Dani and talk to Isabella before she goes to school and in the hope of pressing Dani into letting out what she is planning to get my parents to see me and talk to me. In the end she keeps changing topic which is no surprise because nobody could talk their way out of a situation like she could. The chat with Dani is actually a good one because we organised to catch up again and just talk things through a bit more about everything going on and how I should attack things.

After hanging up the phone, I go in and take a shower washing my body and putting off the decision to adjust the stubbled body hair on my chest which I’m adjusting to even if it does feel really weird. I get dressed to meet some more clients and a few business meetings which I don’t really feel in the mood for but I don’t really have the opportunity to postpone them. I head to the first one and grab a coffee on the way worried about my attitude because it’s something I pride myself on.

I walk into the office where the receptionist looks more interested in her phone than at me when I walk in “Hi there, I have a meeting with Michael at 11”. She barely looks at me answering “Take a seat and I’ll let him know that you’re here”. Her attitude doesn’t inspire me with confidence and sitting there for about 20 minutes she finally puts her phone down “Who did you say your interview was with again?”. I shake my head, controlling my frustrations “Michael at 11”, she looks at the clock behind her “Oh… yeah right, I’ll remind him”.

Next thing I know, the door opens and a familiar face looks at me “Josh… is that you mate?” I smile and look at the familiar face “Shit Michael bro, I didn’t put the name together” as we both laugh and hug “Been so long man, I mean I knew the name but never thought you’d be the same Michael Ellis”. He laughs “Nah neither would I at one point but look at where life brings us”.

We head into Michael’s office and barely talk about what we need to but instead talk about life “So I heard through the grapevine you got married” Michael laughs “Married and divorced in the space of 18 months really bro”. I look across at him as he nods “Yep that was a whirlwind period, we met in Bali on holidays and found out we connected more than just sex dated for about 12 months before we got engaged and then I mean the warning signs were there but thought we could work things out but it just kept going downhill”.

I nod sort of understanding about his situation before we get through some work chat just to organise investments in some of the new properties being developed back in the UK and selling them to prospective Australian clients. “Not sure what your day is like Josh but would you want to catch up for some lunch?” Michael asks wanting to catch up a bit more.

I look at my watch and see I’ve got plenty of time before my next meeting “Yeah absolutely man would be good to catch up, know anywhere good?” I ask keen to catch up with Michael again. My connection with Michael was always a good one, we came through footy teams together and got along reasonably well even if we weren’t super close friends.

He takes me down to a Thai restaurant that isn’t too far from his office and we both order off the lunch specials. Michael looks at me “So what about you, are you and Dani still married happily?”. I give out a little laugh and shake my head “Nah man we divorced because I’m actually gay” I say being honest to him.

Michael smiles at me “Oh right I never knew that bro” he says not sure how to react about what I said “It’s fine bro, I don’t really advertise it man like I happily tell people when they ask but at the same time I’m not just going around shout it to the world” I say confidently which compares to everything else in Australia where I still feel weird talking about things.

“Well I’m glad you’re being yourself man, I hope you don’t think I wasn’t cool with it or anything man I was just shocked” Michael says with a worried look on his face potentially thinking he’s upset me. “It’s ok man, I’ve dealt with worse talking through the situation before so nothing upsets me anymore”.

Michael smiles and we just chat about general things about life and work before we part ways and I head to my next meeting. I go through my afternoon’s meetings and nothing really exciting happens for the rest of the day. I spend the night by myself just having a relaxing night with dinner in the hotel room and just chilling watching Movies in the room before my phone buzzes with a number I don’t recognise.

I look down and read the text from Michael “Hey Josh, is there any chance we could talk in private man?”. I look at it surprised that Michael is texting me and wanting to talk privately with me about something seeing it’s been so long since we talked. “Yeah, sure man, when and where do you wanna talk?” I reply back still a touch confused about things.

Michael replies instantly “The sooner the better if that’s cool”. I sigh, not wanting to have any more drama at the moment but I don’t want to leave anyone hanging, “Are you able to come to my hotel in the City at all?”.

Again, the reply almost comes instantaneous “Yeah that’s fine, which one?”. I reply back with the hotel details and he says to me that he will let me know when he gets here. It’s about an hour later and I get a text from Michael telling me he’s outside. I put on a singlet top and pair of shorts and head down and take him up to my room so we can talk privately.

Michael looks anything but the happy, confident guy I had a meeting with earlier, right now he looks shaken and worried about things. “Is everything ok man, you seem really panicked that’s all”. He looks at me and nods “Yeah… just nervous that’s all”.

I grab a beer out of the minibar and give it to him “What are you nervous about bro, what happened?”. Michael lets out a sigh “Well the thing is I think… I think I’m into guys and I just don’t know what to do”. I nod, understanding my past back when I was young but for Michael who is now into his 30s it’s probably a life altering moment if he does figure it out.

I look at Michael “Just be honest from the beginning with me alright you know and you know that I won’t judge”. Michael sits silent for a minute before starting “Well I’ve been dating girls for quite a while but lately I just don’t seem interested and just generally curious about being with men”.

I sit there and look at him “What makes you so curious generally? Is it just something that you want to try or is it like that you think that maybe you will end up being in a relationship with another guy?” I ask Michael not trying to make things difficult but needing to know what he is feeling so that I could help him out a lot more.

Michael doesn’t really answer me because he is in total confusion about the situation which for anybody is confronting but especially Michael who has never really had to deal with these situations before and not knowing anybody to talk to. I put my arm around Michael and just smile at me “Look, the only person who can make these decisions is you and for all the words that I can say, it might be a slight help but in the end nobody can truly know what is the right decision for you but you”.

I don’t know whether my words are really helpful or not because I’ve never really been the person who has been the supporter in this situation but ultimately, I always want to help somebody out when they are in a situation like this. Michael nods and looks at me before he moves in and kisses me, just as I pulled my arm away from him. Nervously, I sit there as he pulls away almost in tears worried about what happened. I look at him and smile before kissing him back and I don’t know why I feel like I needed to do it but I kiss him back and run my hands over his shoulders. My mind racing about what could happen next and whether I should do it.