Tackling The World

After the events of the last few days, I decide just to spend the morning by myself to relax, the trip had everything that I wanted but then also plenty of drama that I didn’t want to have but at the end of the day it ended up as a positive because I was able to talk to my parents and somewhat settle things with them even though there was a fair bit of tension between us.

I start to pack my bags, mixed feelings over heading back to the UK because I actually felt home again back here after feeling isolated for so long especially with Isabella and Dani as well as everything Scott and I have done together and what we built up in that short amount of time. I did think about not going back for a bit but I enjoy my work over there and I’ve got plenty of friends in London that I don’t want to leave and especially being a big part of Ben and Liam’s wedding is also very important for me.

I leave packing for a bit and take a walk around Sydney, just one final time for me to take some time to have a look at the sights that I didn’t get to see and just to reflect on things considering that I don’t know when I will be back which does make me upset but reflecting, I know that I cannot just drop and leave everything to move back home.

After doing a few more of the sights of Sydney and having an early lunch, I head to Dani’s for the afternoon to spend time with her and Isabella. I drive to their place and pull up and head and knock on the door. “Hey,” I say as she lets me in “How are you feeling this afternoon?” she says knowing that I’m probably feeling plenty of doubt about going back to the UK. “Not too bad actually, I mean I kinda do want to go back and sleep in my apartment and my proper bed”.

Dani laughs hard “Of course, the highest of all priorities in life,” she says as I just shake my head and head inside and sit on the couch. “Well I’m glad that you are feeling alright about going back, I know how hard inside you’ve been dealing with it but I’m glad”.

I smile and nod “Yeah, I think ultimately that I will spend more time here but for the time being, I’ve only just moved into my new apartment and I really enjoy living there and I’ve set up a good life over there and got a good second family with everyone over there plus I want to make sure that I’m there through Ben and Liam’s wedding and everything setting it up,” I say thinking about heading home and actually feeling excited about going back to London to see everyone.

Dani smiles “You really care about Ben and Liam, don’t you?” as she sits next to me and I nod “Yeah I do really, like Ben is a really kind-hearted guy and has been through a lot in the past little bit and I wanted to help him through his tough time and well despite what we got up to, I still see him as my closest friend over there and I need to help him.”

A quizzical look goes across Dani’s face “What we got up to?” she says to me as I nod “Yeah well we got it on once and I thought we might have built something but his heart was truly with Liam” I say reflecting, realising that I’m not as upset about not getting together with Ben as I thought especially after connecting with Scott again and taking our relationship to the next level.

Dani doesn’t bother to say anything but just nods as I talk about the connection that Ben and I had before she asks about Liam “So what is Liam like?” she asks me. I smile “He’s a nice guy and cares about and loves Ben so much but he’s troubled and I just worry that his past will come back again because that’s where the issues have been with those two lately but I don’t know if I should talk about it because I told them I wouldn’t bring it up and just protect them”.

Dani hugs me tightly “You are just such a cutie Josh, so protective with a heart of gold and wanting the best for everyone, that’s why I fell for you in the first place and still love you now… as a family member not in the old way”. I smile “Well yeah I still love you too Dani, just not in the way that we used to love each other” we both smile and giggle at it. “So are we both getting Isabella or do you want to pick her up by yourself?” I ask Dani.

Dani looks at me and shakes her head “Nah, you go by yourself so that you and Isabella can spend one last afternoon together enjoying Daddy-Daughter time” she says smiling at me and nudging me to get up and go and her pick up so that we can spend just one more time together before I head home. I head out and pick her up from School, Isabella is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster at the moment, she’s excited to see me but knows that this is my last day here and even though she’s coming to the airport tomorrow, it’s our last time to have fun.

We drive and get some afternoon tea and stop at the park to have a mini-picnic, her face is smiling at me and fills my heart with joy but then my heart breaks when she tells me that she doesn’t want me to go tomorrow. “I have to go because where I live is all the way in London because that’s where my job is but I promise as soon as I get back to my house, I will ring Mummy and tell her I’m ok”. Isabella smiles at me, I can see she is upset about me going but at the same time, reassuring her has perked her up a bit. We head back to her house where Dani has already started to cook us dinner with a waft of spice filling the house. I walk in the front door and know the smell “Are you cooking what I think you are?” I say as Dani is over the stove.“

Of course, I am, it’s you’re favourite Beef stir-fry, the one that you cooked me on our first anniversary,” she says smiling “I wanted something special for you before you left and I know it’s a bit sentimental and you’ll probably say weird but it’s my way of finishing your trip off on a special and close moment”. I smile at Dani and hug her and bring Isabella into the hug as well, “You two are the most special girls in my life and I am going to miss both of your smiles every day”.

The night goes smoothly and the feelings of not wanting to leave creep back in a fair bit but Dani reassures me that I am making the right decision for me because I need to be there for Ben and Liam as much as anybody else right now. I head back to the hotel for the final time and just get straight into bed, feeling a weird sense of things. The combination of the excitement of heading home and filling everyone in, sadness about leaving Scott, Dani, and Isabella, and then the regret that I had over how things went with my family.

I pick up my phone even though it is late I ring my parents' house to just have one last conversation with them, Mum answers “Hello, who is speaking please?” she asks down the phone. “Hi Mum, it’s me, Josh, I know it’s late but I just wanted to talk to you before I left tomorrow,” I say down the line, not sure how she will react.

“I’m glad you called Joshua, I wanted to talk to you and just apologise for everything that we have done, seeing you make the efforts that you did showed me and your father that everything was our fault, and honestly I think we just didn’t know how to react to you, was all” I can hear her start to cry again. “Don’t cry Mum, I didn’t want this to make you cry at all, I just wanted to talk to you and ask if you would like to catch up for Breakfast in the morning before I head to the airport” I ask her trying to be nice and just want to end things on a good note with them.

I can hear her wiping away the tears and agreeing “Yes that would be fine, I will let your father know but if he doesn’t come then I will do it” I smile hearing Mum agreeing. “How about I bring breakfast at about 8ish tomorrow and I will see if Dani and Isabella want to come”. Mum smiles “Absolutely fine Joshua, I’m looking forward to it”. I hang up the phone smiling and excited about the fact that I could potentially end this trip on the perfect note.