Tackling The World

I spend Tuesday just wandering around Sydney and doing a bit of shopping before the party tomorrow night, I can’t shake the nervousness that I have about what is going to happen and who is actually going to turn up.

The feeling is overwhelming me and I feel like I should ring Dani and call the whole thing off because I just don’t want to do it in case everything overwhelms me especially with my family going to be there if Dad doesn’t stop them from going. I play tourist for the day and head up the Mountains just to escape the city and just to clear my mind for a while. The drive and wander around does me good because it puts me in the right frame of mind to deal with anything that happens tomorrow night.

I spend a few hours up the Mountains before heading back to the hotel and take advantage of the Spa they have and get a massage on my back and legs to release the tension. The night is quiet as I just relax with room service and watching a few movies.

The next morning, I get up and get ready for the last day of actual work tasks that I have to do so I take a quick shower and get dressed and grab breakfast on the way to the first meeting of the day. My mind is racing through every possibility that could go totally wrong tonight that I manage to miss the exit to where I need to go completely so I have to add an extra half an hour onto my journey so I rush to get there that I can’t even get to have my coffee.

I honestly just run through the meeting on autopilot, totally distracted about everything that I nearly give out the wrong details about the project and have to take a minute to compose myself and get through the first meeting. I get out of there and put my head on the steering wheel “seriously Josh, snap out of it and focus on what you’ve got to do today” I say to myself pumping myself up for the next few meetings.

Before I leave, I ring Dani “Hey girl… how’s everything for tonight shaping up?” I ask her trying to hide the extreme nervousness that I have right now about the party but ultimately it doesn’t matter because she sees right through it anyways when she answers me “You’re nervous aren’t you” she asks me before anything else. “Is it that obvious?” I reply to her.

“I’ve known you for way too long and you wouldn’t be ringing me if you didn’t want to know if I’d heard from anyone about not coming,” Dani says at me “And the answer to that is no, I haven’t heard about anybody not coming and I don’t need any help setting up because the club and Scott are in charge of doing that alright?”.

“Yeah alright, I’m in such a state about everything that I nearly fucked up my first entire meeting of the morning, took the wrong turn and was nearly late for it, and then now my next one, I’m just shitting bricks that I’m not going to be able to focus on it and just worried about really messing this one up. Dani raises her voice down the phone “You will get through your meetings and not even think of the party alright, I’ll make sure I check in with you afterwards alright?”.

Even though Dani and I aren’t married anymore, she still treats me like we are married and bosses me around, caring so much about me “Alright, it’ll be about 2ish by the time I’m done so ring me then”. She agrees and we hang up the call, my nervousness and panic about my parents is barely affected but I need to put it out of my mind and just deal with what comes at the party tonight.

I grab a quick lunch and then head into the next meeting which goes a lot better although with a touch of awkwardness as Michael is there representing his company. We get through the meeting alright before I wander out and pull out my phone to ring Dani. Michael grabs me by the shoulder “Hey mate, sorry I haven’t called since but I’ve just been feeling weird of late you know like the things we did were really enjoyable but with my girlfriend coming back I just don’t know anymore”.

I look at Michael “It’s totally cool bro, I never expected you to be into anything more serious and I’m glad that you have fun but remember at the end of the day you just need to be honest with yourself and deal with things at how they are the time man, nobody decides who can tell you what to do with your life” I say before pausing and realising that this is the advice that I need to take on board.

He just smiles and shakes my hand and wanders away, I take a moment to reflect on what I told Michael and realise that that is exactly what Dani has been saying to me about going back to London and I realise that I can’t use what anybody else says, it’s what I need to do. I ring Dani and tell her that I’m feeling much better and although I don’t tell her the circumstance of why I just know that I can tackle this party tonight.

Heading back to the hotel, I take some time to hit the gym and just work out the remaining nervousness that I have leftover. I wander up back to the room and realise that I’ve got a bit of time before I need to get to Dani’s and then the party so I do something that I never thought that I would do, but I strip off and let the sun hit me as I just take a spot by the window and lay on the desk that’s there just getting some warmth for a bit. I don’t know why I do it but it just feels good and almost like being at the beach getting a tan.

I close my eyes for a few minutes and just think about laying on the beach, shirt off wearing nothing but a pair of black speedos while I was on honeymoon with Dani and just relaxing, getting plenty of looks from the local women and some men as well. The attention was always something I liked and it was a wonder that I never did any modelling with how many of my teammates were used for various ads and promotions.

The shuteye is broken by my phone ringing which I pick up “Hey bro, you all good for tonight, I’m just driving through the city and wanted to know if you wanted a lift out to Dani’s tonight” Scott’s voice sounds excited about things “Nah it’s all good bro, I need to have a shower and get ready before I head out so thanks man”. Scott sounds disappointed when I say it’s alright “You want to pick me up and drop me off don’t you bro”.

Scott laughs “Well kinda yeah but I mean if shit goes bad then I don’t really want you to be alone tonight though honestly I just wanna spend the night with the man of the hour too”. I smile because I know what Scott wants tonight and honestly, I’m not in the mood to say no to him.
“Alright bro, you’ve gotta wait for me though because I’ve got to get ready and I mean you don’t want to particularly see me naked do you”. Scott plays coy and laughs down the phone “Oh god I mean never, not once in my life have, I ever wanted to see your cock bro”. I laugh “Calm down bro, I know you enjoy it in your mouth”. Scott laughs “Well I’ve got my clothes in the car so you want to maybe shower together”.

I shake my head and laugh “Fucking hell you are a pushy bastard aren’t you but how can I say now, how far away from the hotel are you?”. Scott laughs “Honestly bro, I’m walking along George Street now”. I put on my gym shorts with no underwear as well as a tank top and meet Scott in the lobby and we head up. “Now why are you so desperate to shower with me,” I ask him as we head upstairs.“What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t keep you calm before the party bro,” he says laughing, barely closing the door before we strip each other naked.

We get into the shower and Scott can’t keep his hands off me, trying to massage my shoulders so that I can calm down although I feel like he wants to get me more than calm. We shower and wash each other in between making out, his lips go up against mine and we make out, tongues pushing each-others in our mouths. After a few minutes of exploring the body, Scott turns off the water “I think you’ve calmed down enough” he says smiling at me “Plus don’t want to spoil tonight’s fun” he says as I nod but inside I want to punch him.

We get dressed, I put on a white shirt with a denim jacket and jeans plus black shoes whilst Scott puts on a black shirt with white pants, an interesting look for someone who spills their food more than they eat it. We grab our stuff and head down to the car “You ready for all this bro?” he asks me. I sit there not sure what to feel but thinking about my advice from Dani and what I gave to Michael, ultimately, only I can make it what I want it to be.