Tackling The World

The door opens and Dad looks at me “I told you already whatever you’re trying to push we’re not interested so take a hike”. I look at Dad pretty frustrated “Dad… please just let me talk to you and see Mum, that’s all that I want from this visit” I sigh “I’ve come all this way just to come and see you because we are family”.

Dad shakes his head “We were family but you made your choices in life Joshua and I’m sorry but at the end of the day you chose to walk away when you made the choices you did”. I stand there frustrated and upset “So what happened to when you used to say that it didn’t matter what happened we would never stop being family?”.

I see Dad’s face slip for a moment before regaining composure “Well there are things that a person can do that just destroy and the chance of being a proper family and well Joshua, unfortunately, you just have to live with the consequences of that”. Dad starts to walk back inside “Dad… wait please, why can’t you hear me out?” I plead with him.

“I get that being gay isn’t something that you wanted for me, I can understand that but wasn’t your aim for every one of us to just be happy, and right now this isn’t making me happy not being able to even talk to the person who made me the person I am”. I say pleading with Dad “The only thing that is different to me is that I’m gay, there is nothing different about the actual person that I am, you know that and Mum knows that”.

He just looks at me, I can see that his face is trying to hide the emotion that he wants to let out but ultimately, he just can’t change his ways and turns to me “I appreciate the effort that you made coming here but I’m sorry Joshua there is nothing you can say that will change anything”.

I look across at him clearly dejected not understanding how someone can turn their back on his son the way he did but sometimes there is no way of just getting through to him. I give him the box “I brought these because I know how much you and Mum love them so I want you to have them at least please”.

He reluctantly takes them off me and looks inside and smiles a bit “Thank you, Joshua”. I smile at his smile, “You don’t have to tell Mum that they were from me if you don’t want to but I would like you to at least tell her I stopped by in the meantime”.  Dad just walks inside and closes the door on me, I try to listen to hear if there’s any conversation going on inside as I stand by the door but just here Dad says that Eddie dropped them off.

My heart sinks because I honestly wanted him to tell Mum that I had came by but it doesn’t come as any surprise that he didn’t tell her that I came by. I wander back to my car and put my head on the steering wheel and just want to hit something hard because I thought actually seeing me might change things but alas they didn’t.

I text Ben “Things didn’t go well… I got to see Dad but he closed to door on me and told me to go away”. I drive back to the hotel and crash up on my bed so frustrated and annoyed about the whole situation wondering if coming was even worth it. I look at the time and see that it’s not even 6 pm on my first night back home in 2 years and I’m in the worst mood I’ve been in for a long time.

I change into some gym clothes and go down and use the hotel gym, taking out my frustrations on the punching bag that is in there, just wanting to get out of this bad mood. I spend about 90 minutes in the gym, still feeling frustrated but I do feel a touch better. I head back up to my room and see a message from Ben.

“It’s alright bro, you knew this is something that could’ve happened, and remember that you always have a family with Me, Liam, Dan, and my Dad; I can ring you if you need bro, just let me know”. Ben’s words always know how to perk me up even if I did wish that I could have been with him instead of Liam.

I leave it for a few minutes and pick up my phone and start drafting a text “Hey bro… it’s been a while but if you’re not busy wanna catch up for a beer if you’re still in town” I wait and wonder if it’s necessarily a good idea but after a few seconds I hit send not expecting to get a reply.

It’s only about a minute or so before I get a reply “Of course bro, you thinking now?” the text replies and I smile “Yeah man, I’m staying in the city at the Hilton so what about just in the bar here”. 

The reply I get back is instantaneous “Totally easy man, I was actually just heading towards Town Hall to get the train home, so I can be there in about 15 minutes”. I smile “Yep for sure man, just let me shower and I will meet you in the bar.

I take a shower and realise that I probably need to have a decent trim both on my pubes and on my legs but decide that it can wait for a bit while I quickly wash my pecs and abs, with the water running down my stubbled chest and run the water down my body. I get out of the shower as tempting as it is to jerk off but I’ve got to get down to the bar to catch up with an old friend.

I put on a t-shirt and jeans and wander down to the bar and take a seat waiting when I hear the voice behind me “So I’m only good enough to see that you're back via Instagram now hey”. I turn around “Scotty bro…” he stops me before pulling me in for a hug “I’m only joking bro, it’s so good to see you again man”. He hugs me, his frame bigger than I remembered but still with his smile.

“Still drinking the usual?” I ask as he nods and I order two beers and we go sit at a table as they get brought over to us “How are things going man?”.

Scott shrugs “Eh can’t complain really man, just living that adult life full time now I guess” I nod, understanding that all too well. “How about you bro, you look pretty stressed I can tell man”.  I laugh “You could always tell when things bothered me, just I tried to talk to my family today and well Dad acted as if I was a total stranger and told me to basically leave and not come back”.

I feel Scott’s arm around me “That’s pretty shit bro but hey if they want to be like that then it’s their loss, not yours you know”. I nod, knowing that’s essentially what Ben said to me, “Yeah I know man, I’ve heard that back over home too now”.

Scott looks at me “Home… what you calling yourself an Englishman?” he says with faux-anger on his face. “Nah bro, but just where most of my friends are and everything is now you know” I reply with a defensive tone to what I’m saying.

“Hey bro, I’m not judging you at all man, all I care about is that you’re happier than you were before you moved and you definitely are from my perspective” he smiles with a genuine sense of happiness on his face. “So, is there actually anyone you’re seeing over there now?”.

I shake my head “Nah, nobody like that I mean I have had action but it was complicated and well somehow I’m going to be the best man at the guys wedding” I laugh a bit “Don’t even think about it, he’s marrying another really good guy”. Scott looks at me “It’s a really long and complicated story mate”.

Scott doesn’t push the issue as we keep drinking for a bit “What about you? Is there anybody in your life now or you still playing the field?”. Scott laughs “You know me, bro, I tend to pick out the drama queens in both the guys and girls so what do you expect bro?”.

I look across at Scott “You calling me a drama queen bro?”, Scott laughs “Well considering we never officially dated bro and we just messed about usually drunk, it doesn’t count”. I laugh hearing Scott’s words “Yeah fair enough bro”.

Scott and I have known each other since High School when we played in the same representative footy team and bonded when we would travel for carnivals and used to room together even though Scott was a year younger than me. It was actually quite a few years before we first had sex together.

I had been out on a date with Dani which had gone reasonably well with taking things slowly and I had dropped her home and Scott’s place was only around the corner so with it being early I thought would see how he was having broken up with his girlfriend just the day before. Neither of us exactly remembered what happened in between the time that we got there and setting up our phones to record our first fuck. It was both our first times having sex with another guy and it both awakened something in us.

Although I knew I was gay since I was 15, it took me nearly 4 years to actually have sex with my first guy. We just enjoyed each other’s company and always agreed that friendship was more important so we just hooked up every so often when either of us needed some action.

I come back to the real world and look at the time “Did you need to get home bro… or wanna come and chill up in the hotel room?”. Scott looks at me with a smirk “Is that just chilling as adults drinking beer or like the old days?”. I just smile and wink at Scott.