Tackling The World

I don’t bother replying to Liam as I just pick up some clothes for tonight and tomorrow and head back down to the car. I head to Dani’s as Isabella heads to bed a little after her bedtime but Dani kept her up so I could say good night to her.

After saying good night to Isabella and reading her a bedtime story, I go and have a shower and wash my body, feeling relaxed and happy to be around everyone back home and hopefully with my family. I wander out of the bathroom in just a towel after forgetting my clothes in the living room when Dani smiles and laughs “Well someone is still looking hot as ever” she says making me blush.

“Well, you know I enjoy the gym a lot plus you know you’ve gotta look as hot as possible if you want to have some fun” I wink and tease Dani and change into my sleep boxers as she checks out my naked ass. “Guess your bum is what you work on the most lately because I never remember it being that hot”. I turn around offended “Hey my bum has always been good”.

Dani shrugs and laughs as she pours herself a glass of wine and grabs out a beer for me and pours it into the glass “Just like the old days hey” she says as we wander and sit on the couch. “So you seem much happier than the other day and less bothered” as she puts her arm around me.

“Yeah, well just getting to spend all this time with Isabella and you plus Scott and just being back home you know, and hopefully getting things settled with the family after all this time” I sigh “It’s just so nice here that I am back in that state where I don’t know whether I really want to go back or not”.

I feel Dani rubbing her hand on my shoulder “You always have this issue when we talk and visit but you know that there is always a home for you here but at the same time you have some amazing friends in London and I know that if you leave them you’ll regret everything and have to pick up and start again back here which whilst you’ve got me here it would be a pain having to move everything back across”.

I nod at every word that she says to me just thinking that whilst it would be amazing to be back home, I do have to agree with her that almost everything else is back in London.

We sit there just talking like the old days when we were dating and married just without it leading to sex like it would use to back in the days. “So you’ve made me told you about my life and everything but you’ve never talked about whether there’s anybody you’re dating or involved with as yet”.

Dani whacks me “Why do you have to turn this onto me all the time,” she says laughing “Nobody really, I was chatting with a guy but things cooled down once I told him that I had Isabella at home and that was that,” she says shrugging her shoulders. “Well, that’s his loss because you are a remarkable lady who should have somebody who treats her like a queen that she deserves and does a better job than I did”.

I feel Dani whack me then grab hold of me “Josh, you did an amazing job with me when we dated and were married. You were always there for me, you did so much around the house and now you’re the most amazing Dad that there could be, you wake up early so you can talk to Isabella over video nearly every day which she loves so much and we both do” I smile when Dani says that to me and she interrupts “Never doubt yourself for what happened between us alright, you were amazing through the whole thing and I never once felt treated badly with you all”.

I smile and hug her “I should head to bed, no doubt Isabella will be wanting to get up early so that we can go to the zoo bright and early” I kiss Dani on the cheek goodnight and head to the toy room and get into the spare room. I quickly drift off to sleep dreaming about what life would have been like had I stayed with Dani and I see ourselves living the life, me feeling pretty weird about things knowing about being gay but instead of being myself I’m playing the straight husband role still playing Footy.

The thought of playing professionally is still something that I do regret because even though it was hard work, it was something that was fun and got my name up at the highest levels, but at the end of the day, it wasn’t something that I could be able to be myself with because despite all the progression in society there isn’t really the ability to be openly gay in professional sport anymore.

My sleep is broken by slapping on my pecs which stings and it’s Isabella who is there slapping me to wake up “It’s Zoo day” she says jumping up and down and running out of the room once I fully wake up. Dani walks past “Somebody is obviously excited” she says as Isabella goes out for breakfast. I laugh and check the time saying 7 am.

I roll my eyes and get out of bed, throwing on a T-Shirt before heading out to the living area as Dani starts to cook breakfast “Don’t bother saying anything, I always cook breakfast for us on a Sunday morning so as a guest you can put up with it” Dani says pointing at me as she knows that I would just be having cereal and fruit or eggs.

I sit there as Isabella is playing with her toys and reading her animal book wanting to make sure that she gets to see everything in the book. “Looking forward to today?” Dani asks and I don’t answer as I scroll through my phone “Jeez this is really like the old days, I talk to you and get silence” I shake off and realise that she’s talking to me “Sorry didn’t realise you were talking to me then, yeah I am and have been for the whole trip you know”.

Dani dishes up breakfast for me and Isabella as we go and sit at the table together and eat “So what do you want to go and see most today” I ask her as she has her animal book with her “I want to see the Elephants and a Flamingo” she says very excited. I sit there not sure whether to tell her that there aren’t any Flamingos at the zoo let alone in Australia but I don’t and Isabella doesn’t stop talking about the zoo so much that she forgets about her breakfast.

We eat breakfast as a family which like the dinners we’ve had it feels really nice just to have that family feel and it makes me again want to enjoy that a lot more than what I have had when I usually eat breakfast alone in my apartment or eating it on the way to the office. Isabella and Dani go off and get ready together while I sit on my phone messaging back to both Liam and Ben.

“Sorry for not getting back to you bro, but I really think that you need to do what you want to do, Ben is amazing but if you want to talk to your mum then you should at least try and see her wherever she is. Whether she wants to talk to you or not shouldn’t change how you feel about you” I text to Liam hoping that he’s not with Ben at the time but knowing they probably will be.

After messaging Liam I go straight into replying to Ben “Things are ok, really just feeling odd you know because everything that has gone on with Dani and I makes me really miss home and just connecting as a proper family”. Ben replies instantly “Do you want to stay in Australia?” the text says to me rather abruptly which makes me think about what Dani said.

I start to text back quite a few times but don’t end up replying because Dani and Isabella come out after getting dressed with Dani ready for work and Isabella all dressed for the Zoo. I wander back to the spare room to get dressed when Dani grabs my shoulder and follows me in “Are you ok?”. I turn back and look at her “Yeah fine why?” as she doesn’t look convinced by my answer “Alright, just something has you thinking that’s all”. I turn back “Honestly, yeah I am just thinking about things and especially what we talked about last night,” I say as I see it in Dani’s eyes understanding, “Alright just remember what I said alright?”.

I nod and go off and have my shower, thinking about whether I want to stay in Australia or not before going off and having an adventure at the Zoo with my little princess.