Chapter Five: Options
The doctor came in while Ben was still sleeping. I had moved to the chair and was reading when he entered. “Don’t wake him,” he said when I started to move towards the bed. “Sleep is probably one of the most beneficial things he can do right now.” He turned to look over Ben's chart and gently take his pulse, and I found myself looking him up and down, wondering just what was under that lab coat. When he turned back to me and asked if I had any questions., I realized that a part of me had already responded to him, and was grateful for the book in my lap.
Before I could answer him, Chad rushed into the room and ran to embrace Ben without even acknowledging us. He buried his face on Ben’s shoulder, muttering a muffled, “I’ve missed you so much.”
Ben’s arms moved to embrace him and Ben managed a groggy, “I’ve missed you too, Squirt.” Ben had given him that nickname after Kevin had moved in with Helmut, and Chad had taken on the role of masturbation mentor for the boys in Hope House. I was never sure if Chad understood the sexual connotations of it, but he clearly enjoyed the fact that Ben had a special name for him.
The doctor smiled and said, “Well, that looks like good therapy too,” before excusing himself to move along on his rounds. I could hear him in the hall and could make out Sylvia’s voice asking him about Ben’s condition, and saw Ash, Sabina, and Kevin peering in through the door. Obviously Sylvia had told them to take turns in the room so as not to overwhelm Ben.
I went to the door and offered, “It’s OK for two of you to be in here at a time, does someone else want to come in?”
“No,” Kevin smiled, “We’ll let Chad have some time with him first.” I was impressed by their thoughtfulness and joined them in the hallway.
Sylvia had only detained the doctor for a moment, and as he left, she turned to me and asked, “And how are you?”
“A little better,” I was surprised to hear myself say.
“Good to hear,” she whispered as she gave me a hug and a small peck on the cheek. “To be honest, I’ve been as worried about you as him. I wish I knew how to help you get through this.”
I thanked her and we all walked down the hall to a seating area in front of some windows. “I hate hospitals,” Sabina observed. “They are so creepy, worse than haunted houses.”
“How so?” Sylvia inquired.
“In most houses only a few people may have died over the years, and they usually have a connection to the place, it’s their home. But in hospitals, thousands of people have died, and they have no connection to the place. I always feel like I’m surrounded by lost souls in a hospital. Creepy!”
Kevin chuckled, “Leave it to you to think of something like that.”
“Listen battery boy,” she countered, “At least I think, I don’t just mindlessly jerk off for the spirits’ entertainment.”
He laughed, “At least they enjoy it when I’m around.”
“All right you two,” Sylvia interrupted. “We’re in public. You can be as graphic as you want at home, but here…” She gave them a stern look which silenced them both. They hadn’t really been arguing, Helmut had had an effect on all our kids, and it was standard practice for those who knew each other well to speak bluntly and trade insults as a form of camaraderie. “Can I trust the two of you to behave while I go check on Chad?” They both offered up their most angelic look as she walked away chuckling.
They all got a chance to spend some time with him, and I took the opportunity to head for the cafeteria to grab some dinner. When I returned they were getting ready to leave, and Ben’s mood had improved greatly. Once we were alone and he had finished his dinner, we settled into a quiet evening. Neither of us felt like watching the rather disappointing selection of channels the hospital TV had on offer, so he picked up one of his knitting projects, and I took out a book.
I couldn’t concentrate, however, and found myself watching him and wishing I could just climb into that bed and hold him. Noticing my gaze, he paused and asked, “Well?”
“I miss you,” Was all I could say.
“I’m right here,” he grinned.
“I mean, I miss holding you,” I clarified, “And having you hold me.”
“Like I said, I’m right here.” His grin deepened as he set his knitting on the bedside table and patted the bed beside him.
“I can’t. The IV, the monitor wires, your mom…”
“My mom won’t be here for hours,” he insisted. “And so what if things get tangled, it’s not like I’m on life support or anything.”
He patted the bed again and I went over and sat on the edge. “But it’s not the same. I want to hold you for real.” I ran my hand along his chest, wishing we were really alone so I could take that johnny off of him and play with his nipples. That always made him hard. “I want to fuck you,” I whispered, “and I want you to fuck me.”
“I want that too,” he assured me, “But right now that’s not an option. To be honest,” he added, “Right now I don’t really have a sex drive, nothing. But I imagine you're getting a bit horny by now. So I tell you what, Let’s do what we can, and when you need what I can’t give you, find yourself someone who can. You need to find yourself a fuck buddy or do some random cruising or something. I get the feeling it will be quite the long haul before I’m able and ready to satisfy your needs.” With that he pulled my face down to his and kissed me deeply, pulling me on top of his chest and holding me with a ferocity I didn’t expect.
I adjusted us both and found a comfortable position that allowed us to hold each other for a while. By the time the nurse came in to do her evening check, Ben was sleeping peacefully in my arms and I was beginning to drift off myself. When I woke, Sandra was sitting quietly in the chair, working on a crochet project of her own. She didn’t say a word as I began to disentangle myself from her son without disturbing him. “How long have you been here?” I whispered.
“Not long.” She smiled indulgently. “It does my heart good to see him so well loved. I couldn’t imagine a better son-in-law.” I think I blushed a little before she asked, “So why haven’t you two gotten married yet? It’s been over three years, and it’s clear that...well how much you love each other.”
I hesitated for a moment. The thought had crossed my mind, but we had never really discussed it. “I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Things seem fine the way they are. The only real issue would be if this were a Catholic hospital and they didn’t want to acknowledge me as his next of kin.”
“True,” she mused, “The whole legal thing is important, but I was thinking more about your commitment to each other. Don’t you want to make it permanent?”
“It is permanent,” I answered puzzled, “And everyone knows it. Why bother with an outdated ritual?”
She frowned. “Take care,” she warned, “Some of us still find that outdated ritual to be meaningful.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disrespect your marriage, I just don’t feel like we need it. Besides, there’s something about being together because we want to instead of we have to. It’s like, every day we have to choose to remain together, not because of something external, but because we want to be together. I think it makes our commitment stronger when we each know that the other can leave whenever they want to, but they don’t. I mean, who wants to continue in a relationship where someone wants out?
“Hmm…” she pondered, “That’s an interesting perspective. I’ll have to give it some thought. In the meantime, isn’t it time you headed to bed? What time do you have to be at work in the morning?”
“I don’t. I’ve started my leave of absence today. I really can't concentrate on anything but him right now, so I decided not to wait until he gets into rehab.”
“I can see that,” she said with a grin, motioning to my hand with her eyes. “Quite the death grip you've got there.”
I hadn't realized it, but as I was getting up my hand remained under the covers, firmly holding his limp dick. “Oh...I um... Sorry.” I pulled my hand out and smoothed the coverings over him. Had I been holding his dick since she arrived? Had I been holding it the entire time we were napping? Probably.
“Don't worry,” she chuckled, “I walked in on him plenty of times when he was a teenager. Sometimes he was so focused that he didn't even notice me.” She paused for a moment, then offered, “I imagine you'll be practicing that death grip on yourself pretty regularly with him out of commission.”
“Sandra!” The grin on her face broadened as I felt the warmth of a blush covering my face. “I'm not going to discuss...”
“Oh get over it.” She was actually laughing now. “You may be a bit older than him, but you're not dead yet. I know how horny you boys can get.”
“Still, I'm not having this conversation, especially not with you!”
“That's fine,” she acquiesced, still grinning. “But Don't pretend. The need is real. Talk to someone.”
I harrumphed, embarrassed, but touched that she was concerned about my mental health. “Good night, dear,” she offered as I kissed Ben gently on the forehead, and took my leave.
To get in touch with the author, send them an email.
