Trust
An awkward silence followed until I asked, “So what are you doing with Mike tomorrow? Anything fun?”
Kevin looked a little embarrassed, then said, “He thinks I need sexier underwear, so we're going to go shopping.”
I was floored. It was just like in my dream. But how could that be? “Oh...” I Hesitated. “I guess that means he saw you in your current underwear.”
“Oh yeah, and then some.” Kevin muttered. “I mean, how do I know I can trust this guy? How do I know that he isn't just some old pervert trying to get into my pants?”
I took a deep breath before responding. “First of all, there are plenty of people in this town who would call every one of us perverts, you, me, your father, even the people who aren't queer but just helping to keep this place running. That is a hurtful word and unworthy of you.”
“I'm sorry,” he sulked.
“But more to the point, I've only known Mike for a few days, and it is clear to me that he wants nothing more than to help people. The first time I met him he chased away a gang of straight bullies who were threatening to rape me, and then he followed me home just to make sure I arrived unmolested. He didn't have to do that.”
“Wait, you were attacked?”
“Threatened, but that's not the point.”
“Still, why didn't you tell anyone?”
“Because nothing really happened.” I responded, impatiently. “Let's get back on topic. Do you think your father loves you?”
“Of course, even if he is a prick sometimes.”
I smiled at this response. “And would he ever do anything to hurt you?”
“No.”
“Do you see where I'm going?”
“Yeah, yeah, he would never put me in the clutches of some old...ummm, pedophile. But how well does he know this guy? I never met him before today.”
“Of course not, I mean, do you talk about your sex life with your father?”
“I try not to, but he does ask questions sometimes. It's really uncomfortable.”
“So what makes you think he would share the details of his sex life with you? Of course you haven't met Mike before.”
“Do you mean they are lovers?” Kevin's eyes opened wide.
“I don't know,” I admitted. “They may have been in the past, or maybe they're just friends who enjoy going on the hunt together.”
Kevin thought about this for a moment. “So you think I can trust this Mike guy?”
“I do,” I assured him.
“And what about this whole 'Sir' thing. It just feels silly.”
“If it really makes you uncomfortable tell Mike. He's actually quite thoughtful and considerate, and I'm sure he will take your feelings into account. It sounds to me like he's just establishing a framework within which he can build the trust you need to take him seriously. It's usually part of a dom/sub relationship, which is about growth, stretching boundaries, and, above all, trust.”
Kevin considered this for a moment. “Okay, I suppose I can give it a try”
“That's the spirit!” I reached over and patted him on the knee. Then, sitting back, I added, “You know what I think?”
“What?” Kevin asked with a smile.
“I think you might be afraid to admit that you still have a lot to learn about sex and men.”
“But I was a...”
“I know your past, and it's true that you can not be called an innocent.”
“Not by a long-shot,” he harrumphed.
“But I do think you could still be called naive.”
“What's that supposed to mean?” he asked with a touch of irritation.
“It means that your idea of men is based on an abusive father and brother, and the predatory men who sought out the services of an underage hustler. It means you have precious little experience with real relationships, relationships where trust can thrive. Just the fact that you trusted that predatory jerk who was trying to use you, while distrusting the guy who is trying to help you, shows that you still have a lot to learn about judging the characters of the men around you.”
“I guess. I mean, you're right about the first guy. I should have seen it coming, but Mike?” He looked around to make sure his father hadn't returned. He whispered, “Mike didn't just see me in my underwear. He made me get naked and jerk off for him. His hands were all over me, and he even sucked my dick for a while”
I was again taken aback by the similarity of his reported experiences and my dream. The shock must have registered on my face, because Kevin's eyes again got big and he immediately said, “See! I was right, wasn't I? He is a pervert!”
“Wait, wait.” I shook my head in an attempt to gain clarity. “That's not what surprised me. Within the dom/sub thing the body is where risks are taken, and sex is how trust is built. I expected things to get sexual between you fairly quickly. Between the two of them, which one felt safer?”
“Well, things got pretty violent in the woods,” he admitted.
“Did that boy ask your permission before ramming his dick down your throat?”
“No, we really didn't discuss anything, it just sort of happened.”
“And do you think he could see you weren't enjoying it?”
“Yeah, I suppose.”
“And he still continued?”
“He actually seemed to get off on making me gag and cry.”
“What about Mike? Did he ask permission before things got sexual?”
“Sort of, I can't quite remember. He did say something about wanting my consent, and he did ask if it was okay before he began sucking my dick.”
“Did you ever feel unsafe with Mike?”
Kevin thought for a moment, then replied with a simple, “No.”
I decided to follow the lead of my dream and asked, “Did he get his dick out or pleasure himself?”
“No.” Kevin seemed puzzled. “He did seem to enjoy touching my body, and he did grind his dick into my back while I was jerking off, but I think those things was meant to arouse me more than anything else.”
“Did he cum?”
“No, it was all about making me cum.”
“And after you came, How did you feel?”
“I almost fell asleep,” he chuckled.
“Did you feel safe?”
“He wrapped his arms around me, and held me tight against his body. He even kissed me.” Kevin blushed at the memory. Pulling himself from his internal reverie, he stated, “I felt very safe.”
“Trust your instincts, not your doubts.” I offered. “While I'm sure Mike derived pleasure from his encounter with you, I believe what he was trying to do was really all for your benefit. He wanted you to go to that most personal of spaces, where you are most vulnerable, and in that place to establish a sense of safety with him.”
Kevin thought for a moment before adding, I guess part of it is that he's so much older than me, I mean, he's almost my dad's age. Isn't that just kind of creepy?”
“It can be, especially if the older guy is trying to recapture his youth or something. But consider the situation. He's not trying to be your boyfriend, a partnership of equals. He's acting as a mentor, which comes with built in power differentials. It's always an uneven relationship, requiring both trust and respect.” Kevin nodded, again considering my words. I continued in a conspiratorial tone, “Besides, Mike is hot as hell, and did you get a good look at that monster dick of his?”
Kevin let out a giggle. “Oh my god! That thing scares me. I mean, what if he ever decides to try to fuck me with it?”
“Lucky you if he does,” I laughed. “Just make sure you take notes, though. Ben's going to want details.”
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