Chapter 12: Fatherhood
“Three burgers, Mike, and make it snappy!” Helmut ordered for us before we had even seated ourselves at the bar.
“Back again?” he asked. Then noticing Kevin, he frowned, “And what's he doing here? He ain't twenty one yet. You're gonna cost me my liquor license!”
He's over 18, and besides, we're just getting food, no booze, I promise. Can we stay, pleeease?” Helmut did is best impression of batting his eye lashes at Mike, and it was just ridiculous enough to make Mike grin. “Besides, we need to feed your new neighbor here. He just rented the haunted cabin down the road.”
Mike harrumphed as he headed to the kitchen. “We'll see how long that lasts.”
“Let's grab a table,” Kevin suggested suddenly. “I have some news and it's more private there.” Helmut and I looked at each other quizzically. The place was almost empty, but we followed Kevin's lead to a table in the back corner.
“You been keeping secrets from me, boy?” Helmut seemed somewhat amused that his son felt the need for such discretion.
“Umm, no, not really. I just haven't known how to talk to you about this. Besides, I want Joey's advice as well.”
“It's alright,” I offered. “You can talk to us about anything.”
“You haven't gotten someone pregnant, have you?” Helmut blurted out partially an accusation and partially a joke.
“Eww, dad, no! Like I could even...” Kevin stopped himself when he saw the twinkle in Helmut's eye. “You really are a bastard sometimes, you know that?”
“I do my best,” he chuckled. “So, what is it?”
“It's just...you know we had a company picnic last week?” For the last eight months Kevin had been working at the local supermarket stocking shelves and delivering groceries. We both nodded, encouraging him to continue. “There's this guy, he's really cute and I...”
“Young love,” Helmut interrupted. “I should have known.”
“Shut up, dad.” Kevin slapped his father on the shoulder. “That's why I haven't said anything. I knew you'd make fun of it.”
I gave Helmut a stern look and he relented. “I'm sorry, half pint. I won't make fun, at least I'll try.”
“And don't call me that. It's embarrassing.”
“Sorry,” Helmut was obviously swallowing a giggle, but he did his best to encourage his son. “Alright, stud muffin, Go on. Who's the lucky cock?”
Kevin hesitated, giving his father a dubious glance and continued, addressing himself to me. “Anyway, he'll be a sophomore this year, and we'll be having a couple of classes together in the fall. We've gone out after work a couple of times just to hang out, but I think we could be more than just friends. I don't know what I should do.”
It was clear that this meant a lot to Kevin and he was struggling to find his way. In high school he had been a bit of a loner and a misfit, despite a certain amount of bravado he retained from his homeless days. Underneath, however, he was still frightened and insecure. I knew Helmut had been waiting for him to have his first real boyfriend, but no one had gotten past his defenses. Now that he was starting at the local college, we were hopeful that a more diverse population might provide someone he could feel safe with.
“Easy,” Helmut said. “Stick your hand down his pants and see if he gets hard.”
“Dad!” Kevin shrieked.
“Just don't do it at work, you could get fired.” then turning to me he whispered, “Voice of experience.” Kevin stood up, ready to walk out in a huff, but Helmut pulled him back into his seat. “Sorry! Sorry, Just couldn't resist.” He took his son's hand and looked deep into his eyes. “Have you talked to him about your feelings? Have you kissed him yet?”
Kevin allowed Helmut to calm him down, then slowly responded, “I...I'm not even sure he's gay. I don't know how to ask without upsetting him. I'm no where near kissing him yet.” The vulnerability pouring out of Kevin was palpable, and I could see Helmut softening right in front of me. I knew there was nothing he wouldn't do for his adopted son, even if it meant becoming vulnerable himself.
“It's been a long time since I had to worry about coming out to anyone,” he offered. “I'm sure things have changed...”
“Oh, he knows I'm gay,” Kevin interrupted. “Everyone does. It's no secret. Especially with me coming from Hope House. Everyone in town knew I was gay before they had even met me. Someone at work must have told him, because it's clear he knows”
“So what's the problem?” Helmut asked. “If he already knows, and he's hanging out with you, he must be fine with it.”
“As friends, yes,” Kevin continued. “But I want to be more than friends.”
“So just ask him on a date. What's the worst that could happen? He could say no, that's all.”
“No,” Kevin confronted his father. “He could get offended and never want to talk to me again, or worse, he could get violent. Some guys do, you know.”
“I know.” Helmut thought carefully before going on. “You have nothing to worry about. You're handsome and smart, and you have a good heart, and everyone who knows you loves you. If you care about him you need to give him a chance to get to know you well. Yes, he may be a jerk. Yes, he may break your heart in the end. But that's the risk of being alive. Trust me, I know about broken hearts.” Kevin took his father's hand and waited for him to continue. “No matter how badly people have hurt you in the past, you are surrounded by people who love you now. Don't forget that. Give it a try. We'll all be here to help you pick up the pieces if it goes badly. Besides...” His trademark smirk returned, as he whispered, “...If he gets violent we can always sic your Auntie Phil on him. If that doesn't put the fear of God in him, nothing will.”
Kevin smiled at this prospect and quietly said, “Thanks, dad.” Turning to me he asked, “What do you think, Joey?”
“I think your dad just said everything that needs to be said.” I felt honored to watch as each of them brought out the best in the other. “And now all that's left is to decide on what kind of a date you want to invite him on. A movie? Dinner? What?”
At this point Mike arrived with the burgers, being as unobtrusive as possible. He had clearly read that the conversation had turned serious and did his best to not interrupt. But Helmut, having had enough of vulnerability for one day, asked him, “So, Mike, where can I buy condoms in bulk around here? Seems we're going to be needing some.”
To get in touch with the author, send them an email.
