Chapter Four: “Cecily, Darling!”
I arrived just as the fitting was beginning. Ben seemed particularly cheerful, and I put my doubts on a back burner to help him keep his spirits up. He took pleasure in flirting with the various medical professionals who were lifting him and moving him around to get measurements and create templates. One of the technicians was taking care of his catheter bag, making sure the tube didn’t get tangled or come detached, and Ben joked, “Usually he’s the only one that gets to touch that part of me.” He gestured towards me with his head, causing the male technician to blush, and the female nurses to laugh. “I thought so,” he smiled at the young man, who seemed to be at a loss.
“Would you rather he take over then?” he asked, trying to maintain his professionalism. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
“Now why would I want that?” he teased, “When you’re so cute?” He shot a grin at me, inviting me to join in the fun, but I couldn’t quite do it. “Besides, he’d just make a mess of it,” he added in a conspiratorial whisper.
One of the nurses piped up and asked, “Well, I’m waiting.”
“For what?” Ben looked puzzled.
“For the inappropriate remark about water sports,” she laughed, “Or some such thing.”
“Don’t encourage him,” I chuckled. “He can get pretty...umm…”
“Raunchy!” The voice of a nurse boomed from the door. “And don’t I know it. Especially when his pain meds kicks in. And it looks like they’ve kicked in.” The solidly built black man who had just entered the room was clearly amused by Ben’s antics. He turned to me and assured me, “Don’t worry, they’ve all been warned not to take him seriously.”
“Cecily, darling! I’ve been desolate without you.” Ben raised his arms and blew air kisses to his nurse.
“Have you now? Next time I’ll have to bring a bigger needle.” The nurse replied with a chuckle.
“Promises, promises!,” Ben replied with a leer, before turning his attention back to the poor technician who was trying his best not to laugh.
The nurse proceeded to check in with the team that was working on Ben, then he motioned for me to follow him out of the room. Ben was so involved with his newfound best friends that I don’t think he even noticed I had left.
“I’m sorry about that,” I said as we entered the hall.
“Don’t be,” the nurse replied, “He’s just being playful, and with the issues he’s going to be facing over the next few months, well, I’m just happy to see he’s still able to find joy in something, even if it’s reliant on drugs. Cecil Halloway, although I get the feeling I’m going to be Cecily around here from now on.” He offered me his hand as he introduced himself. “We haven’t had a chance to meet since I’ve been assigned to him. I’m assuming you’re Joey.”
“I am.” I responded. “Pleased to meet you.”
“I’d like to go over a few things with you, and he’s in no state for that.” He looked at his watch. “I haven’t had a chance for lunch yet, would you be OK going over things in the cafeteria?”
I agreed, and grabbed a snack while he made himself a salad. It had only been a week since Ben's injury, and I had gone much longer than that without sex in the past, but my neglected libido was beginning to assert its presence, and I couldn't help but notice how Cecil filled out his scrubs. He did not strike me as a body builder, but his frame was solid, stretching the thin fabric tight across his chest and ass. I nearly knocked over a display of muffins as he bent over to reach for some croutons at the back of the salad bar, and when we finally sat down at a table in the corner of the dining area, I could see nothing but the outline of two perfectly formed nipples, which seemed to dance across his chest as his pecs flexed with every movement of his knife and fork. “So, umm, is there anything new I should know about?” I asked distractedly.
“Not really,” Cecil offered between bites. “I just wanted to give you a heads up as to what the next few months may look like for you. I’m assuming you’ve never had to deal directly with a spinal injury before.”
“No,” I hesitated and looked down, not sure how to respond.
“First, let me assure you, there is no visible damage to his spinal cord. What we are dealing with here is probably just shock and inflammation. Assuming that there are no hidden injuries, these things usually begin to heal all on their own within a week or two. Full recovery, however, takes longer, as much as a year. There is no clear timetable, and all of this is dependent on the assumption that there are no deeper traumas within the spinal column. The MRI did not reveal anything obvious to worry about, but we can’t make guarantees.”
“I know,” I stuttered.
“In the meantime, he has been making remarkable progress, and the doctors are planning to move him to rehab as soon as the brace is in ready. That could be as soon as tomorrow. The room is already reserved, and once the doctor signs the papers we can get him started immediately.” He offered me a hopeful smile and I did my best to return the gesture, but it must have been obvious that I wasn’t feeling hopeful.
He closed his file, and looked at me directly. “The next few months are going to be hell. You’re going to have to watch him struggle to do the simplest things. As his nerves wake up he will have days when he seems to be making great strides, but there will also be times when it seems he’s making no progress at all. He’s going to need you more than he’s ever needed you before, so I’m going to make a recommendation. Before it gets too overwhelming, I think you need to bring others in to help the both of you cope. We have a support group for care-givers that meets twice a week, and I think you should at least give it a try.”
“I...I just had this conversation with a friend at work.” I hesitated for a moment, then added, “I have an appointment with a counselor scheduled for Tomorrow.”
“Excellent!” he enthused. “I usually have to fight to get care-givers to tend to their own needs.” He reached across the table and placed his hand on top of mine. “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but things will get better. I can’t make specific promises, but I’ve seen these kinds of cases before. I expect Ben to at least regain most of his mobility, and I see no reason why he can’t make a full recovery.”
I just nodded. It didn’t feel safe to embrace that level of hope yet, and besides, the warmth of his touch had added a whole new level to my libidinous distraction. I began to wounder if he might be hitting on me, but that struck me as highly unprofessional and I dismissed the idea. I was more perplexed by the sudden and unexpected lust I was feeling after so short a time without sex. I still loved Ben more than I knew how to express and these unbidden thoughts felt disloyal to me. I felt as if I were somehow betraying him. Cecil made some small talk for a few more minutes, offering me encouragement and support, then began to clean up his dishes. “Well, I have to get on to my next patient. I hope I can see you again soon, but I’m usually here during the day, when you’re at work.”
“I’m going to take a leave of absence once Ben is in rehab,” I told him. “But I expect he will have a different nurse there.”
“He will,” Cecil stated with a smile, “Bet he’ll still be stuck with me. I’m his case manager. I’ll be following him through this whole process. Next time we talk you’ll have to tell me how the counselor was.” He stood up to leave, but before he turned, he repeated, “You’re going to be just fine, both of you. I promise.”
When I got back to his room, Ben was alone and much calmer. “There you are!” he chided, “I was beginning to loose all hope.”
“Cecil wanted to go over a few things with me,” I offered guiltily. “And he hadn’t had lunch, so we went to the cafeteria.”
“Going on dates behind my back already?” He was still not quite himself and was enjoying playing the melodramatic victim. “So how was the beauteous Cecily? Is her dick as big as mine?”
“How should I know?” I said, refusing to play along. “Is he family?” I asked, “I couldn’t tell.”
“Straight as an arrow, poor dear.” The drug induced euphoria was fading and I knew to expect a crash.
“What would you like?” I asked dutifully. “Do you want something from the cafeteria?”
“No, nothing.” He grew still. I made a move to sit in the chair, but he stopped me. “No, don’t go way over there.” I took this as cue to sit on the side of his bed and hold his hand. He was fading rapidly. All the excitement of the fitting seemed to have worn him out. I watched him fade, kissing his brow, and wondering what was going on with my seemingly raging hormones. None of this made sense, but nothing had made sense since his injury. I allowed myself some inner space, seeking out the quietude I had felt walking along the shore. This offered a kind of comfort, and once I was sure he was asleep, I gently withdrew to call the museum. I knew that in my current state I would be useless at work, and that my boss would be fine with me starting my leave of absence a little earlier than expected.
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