Chapter 11: A Quiet Moment
Sandra had no objections so we followed the landlord to his office in town, and in less than an hour I had the keys in my hand.
“How did you do that?” Sandra asked as we drove back to the hospital.
“Do what?” I replied in mock innocence.
She slapped my shoulder hard and reprimanded, “Don't go all coy on me you little shit! The wallpaper! The walls! How did you know?”
I loved that she felt comfortable enough with me to call me a little shit, and laughed. “Oh, that. I just knew. It was weird, the place felt familiar, like I had been there before. Like I used to live there. But of course I have never set foot in that building before today.” Sandra looked at me sideways but accepted the answer without question. After a few moments of silence I added, “It was sort of like the feelings I would get when one of the ghosts from the previous houses were showing me their lives. But this felt a bit different. Not so much a memory or a vision of the past, but more immediate. I didn't so much see what had been there as I felt the absence of what was no longer there. I can't quite explain it.”
When we arrived at the hospital Ben's room was empty and being cleaned. The nurse informed us that he had been moved about an hour ago and should be all settled at the rehab center by the time we got there. Sandra headed off to check on him immediately, but I drove home first to pick up some clothes and bedding for tonight, dropping them at the cottage before driving over to find him.
The woman at the front desk was expecting me and gave me directions. It was a good thing she did. The building was large and sprawling, having been expanded and renovated many times over the years. I had to make three turns and travel along multiple long hallways before I go to the appropriate elevator. Along the way I passed many private rooms that seemed connected to the nursing home part of the facility. I saw a good number of the residents either sitting alone in their rooms, watching television, or aimlessly wandering through the halls, a bit lost or vacant. Many were confined to wheelchairs and some were parked in out of the way nooks or by windows. These folks were just staring off, as if in another world. I wondered about their lives here. Did they have family in the area? Did they get visitors, or were they abandoned? While the various attendants scurried about, busily, chirping as much cheerfulness as they could muster, the residents had a dullness about them, a stillness. On the whole they seemed to be waiting, just killing time until...I didn't want to think about it.
Ben was on the fourth floor in one of the original parts of the building. This area had a different energy to the first floor. Many of these residents were younger, and I could hear the low chatter of various conversations they were having with the variety of visitors that were present. A few folks were walking in the hallway with the aid of a nurse or family member. These people seemed to have a goal, something to aim for, unlike the first floor, which lacked the essential attitude of hope. Ben's room was small but adequate, with a television on the wall and two chairs and a table set in front of the window. He had been fortunate enough to be given a room that overlooked the sea, and I could even see the cottage I had rented.
It was clear he was still in pain, but his spirits were tolerable. “No more tubes or monitors!” he said with a subdued glee, waving his arms in the air, clearly enjoying his new found freedom. “And they said that starting tomorrow I can wear real clothes again if I want, No more Johnnies!”
“I don't know...” I teased. “I kind-a like the easy access. No zippers, buttons, or belts, just a quick 'whoops' and there it is.” I gestured as if I were pulling up his hospital gown and he looked horrified at the prospect.
He covered his crotch with his hands, holding his johnny firmly in place and protesting, “What if someone comes in? Besides, my mom is right there!”
“If you boys want some privacy I'll be happy to leave,” she said with a smirk. “ I could even stand guard outside the door if you like.”
“Mom!”
Ben started turning red, but Sandra just chuckled. “I'll take that as my cue to go find some lunch somewhere. Is there a cafeteria here? Probably not. So why don't I just head home for a bit and make a sandwich. I can pack some clothes for you and bring them back later.”
“Thanks Mom,” he whispered as she gave him a peck on the cheek and headed for the door.
Once she was gone I sat on the bed beside him and kissed him for real. “I've missed you,” I said softly, caressing the side of his face and allowing my hand to stray down to his neck and then lower to his chest.
His breathing deepened as he relaxed into my arms. “I've missed you too,” he sighed, closing his eyes and returning my kiss. We sat without words for long minutes, needing nothing more than each other and the present moment. He began to doze off and I could think of nothing I would rather be doing than holding him as he slept. I felt his body going limp and knew I would spend the rest of my life with him, waiting for moments like this. I nestled my head into his shoulder and eventually joined him in a blissful sleep.
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The darkness was almost absolute. Only the slightest whisper of starlight offered any hint of my surroundings. I was in the bedroom of the cottage I had just rented. Though I had yet to spend a night there, the room was familiar and comforting. The steady beat of soft waves just outside the window, close, but not threatening, spoke of the eternal sea. I wrapped myself in her ageless rhythms, enjoying the tranquility of this moment, but well aware of the raging tempests that would undoubtedly follow. Still, I took comfort in her strength, and knew her as an ally.
This bit of coastline was the perfect spot, no nearby neighbors, except for the abandoned hotel, and the town was close enough to be convenient, but not so close as to feel crowded. The house had not taken as long as expected to build, and the last year had been quiet. I felt at peace, but as with the sea, I knew this peace to be temporary. I knew that others would encroach, no matter how hard I tried to keep them away.
I had kept it at bay for over a year now, but I feared that I could not continue. Every time I scattered the pieces they came back together, no matter the distance. I had to figure out how to put the beast to flight, but up to now, it had stuck to me with a tenacity that I could not break. The answer was obvious, but terrifying. I could think of only one other solution, and for that I needed the strength of another. One as strong as I, but incorruptible. None had passed the test yet, and I had tried with many. I was beginning to lose hope. Did I have it in me to try one more time? What choice did I have? I closed my eyes, opened myself to the sea and stars, asking for their guidance. I allowed my mind to float into the heavens, where I could survey the sea of humanity below, and waited for him to make himself known to me.
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“Well, isn't this a pretty picture!” Helmut and Kevin stood at the foot of the bed, grinning from ear to ear. “Two peas in a pod.” Then nudging Kevin and smirking, Helmut added, “And this one's been dreaming. Just look at that boner!”I looked down groggily and sure enough, I had pitched quite a large tent in my trousers. Adjusting myself, I started to get up, but before I could say anything, he continued, “And what about him? Any joy there?”
Ben lifted the covers and looked at his own lap. “Nope, nothing,” he said with a chuckle. Then with a wicked gleam in his eye he teased, “Is that why you came? To point out my inadequacies?”
Helmut stepped forward and kissed him on the forehead. “I've never thought of you as inadequate,” he soothed. “Just unavailable. Besides, we didn't come to see you. We came to drag this one away and make sure he eats something. It's well past lunch time and I bet he hasn't even had a sandwich yet.”
He was right. I hadn't eaten.
“Not really hungry,” I mumbled, knowing it would do no good.
“I thought so!” Helmut triumphed as he rounded the bed and grabbed me by the arm. “Come on. At least we can get you a burger or something.” Dragging me out the door he assured Ben, “We'll bring him back in a bit, then we can have our way with you.”
Ben laughed, “I look forward to it.”
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