Bird Came Down

Theme Song: That's What's Up

Fdward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.

Scott started watching porn at work. The last time he’d been with Felix was right before the funeral, and now his days were consumed by office work and his nights by children. At first Scott would click on to YouPorn or X Tubes for a little bit, but eventually he had it running all day. He wasn’t stupid. He had seen movies about office computers being checked, and he brought in his own MAC to work. In the end he wanted sound, and he kept one earbud in while he typed facing the door, and folks walked back and forth while he watched JD Phoenix in Cubicle Mates being asked to suck his new office cubicle partner’s dick. It didn’t take very long, and soon he was slurping away noisily, the cock popping out of his mouth. In the end, in assless underwear—Scott wore Champion, but maybe someone else could wear assless—JD was getting fucked.

Scott knew the porn was stupid, so he was surprised at how hard it made him. This was his release for the day, the same way uptight women drank white wine and read Fifty Shades of Grey.The married men videos made him the hottest, the guy in the suit sneaking away from his wife. The straight guy sticking his dick in a glory hole and expecting a woman to be on the other end only to pretend horror when, in mid blowjob, he learned it was a man. And it didn’t matter that no one who stuck his dick in a glory hole expected a woman. It all sent him into feverish excitement, and then he would go to the water cooler and have a drink. Looking around at the bent heads at clicking keyboards, Scott Flowers thought:

I wonder how many of these other fuckers are doing the same thing?

“And its weird,” he told Lance over lunch, “that I should even be turned on by something like that. I mean, I was the married man, the real married man, and when I did those things they didn’t excite me. I can’t describe it. I mean, obviously I liked it. It was an escape, but it was also embarrassing and… shameful. But I’m watching them on my computer and getting off on them.”

“You’re getting off at work?” Lance put his bagel down.

“No,” Scott said. “I let it build up all day and then jerk off like crazy at night.”

“That’s some Salvador Dali shit.”

“Huh?”

“He used to torture himself sexually, and then build up the pressure for maximum sexual satisfaction. Don’t look surprised,” he said at the surprised look on Scott’s face, “I know a few things.”

Scott chuckled and said, “I was giving you the same look people give me when I say something smart.”

“Yeah,” Lance said with a grimace. “I’m afraid if your boyfriend is the smart one then you have to be… the not smart one.”

“I’m a widow now,” Scott said, “a respectable gay widow in the modern world with a guy who loves me. But after the kids go to sleep I fantasize that I’m fucking around behind my wife’s back and lately that gets me off the best.”

“Sometimes I pretend that I’m raping Dylan or he’s raping me and that gets us off,” Lance said quickly, wiping his hands on his jeans, “and I’m telling you that cause we’re friends. There’s a price to pay. It sends me into a dark place because a long time ago we really were violent with each other. I started it. And the real thing, when it happened, wasn’t hot at all. I can’t describe it.”

“You raped Dylan?”

Lance looked at Scott trying to discern what his question meant, if he was judging.

“The reason I ask is because… I’ve been violent too.”

“With Felix?”

“God no! With Felix! He’d kill me. I’d kill myself.”

“I wanted to kill myself. I was afraid Dylan would leave me. I was angry because he was leaving me, and I’ve never told anyone. Not even Elias. It just… I felt so helpless. Dylan’s no punk. He… turned the tables. We were both injured and really humiliated but at the same time when we are together we’re still sort of violent. Play violent. I could never hurt him again. If I think I’m causing him pain, like even if I thin his seatbelt is strapped on too tight it terrifies me. And he’s the same way with me. But we pretend at it and it gets us off and I don’t know why that is. But… This isn’t about me.”

“How do you live with seeing that part of yourself?” Scott said. “The part of you that can do terrible things. You hear about hate crimes and about how brutal rapists are but then…” he shook his head.

“When I met you I knew we should be friends,” Lance said.

Scott looked at him.

“I thought it was cause we were both good old All American Athletes,” Lance said, “but it’s because we’re both fucked up and dark.”

“And evil?”

“No,” Lance said. “I used to think I was, but I’m not evil. And you’re not evil either. I work in a prison. I’ve seen evil.”

That was the night Dylan went to visit Felix, and Lance stayed with Elias, and in the end while Lance was drawn up like a fetus, Elias put his head between his legs and sucked the light out of him, Lance crying out like a baby bird and coming in his mouth the same time Dylan walked into the door. Hearing Lance come, Dylan knew that when the two of them were half asleep, he would join them. It was the same night Felix walked to Scott’s house only to see Matt there and walk away. And that night Scott and Matt sat on the couch with the kids between them watching the end of a long and terrible Disney Channel movie that Scott could hardly believe he was paying for.

They put the kids to bed and Scott told him, “I really appreciate you coming here,” and Matt said, “They’re like my own kids.”

Scott went to the restroom, and while he was peeing the door opened and Matt walked in, closing the door behind him.

“What the fuck? You couldn’t wait?” Scott finished up and flushed the toilet. He was zipping his pants when Matt said, “Not just yet,” and sat on the tub.

“Whaddo you… ”

Matt reached into Scott’s pants and he yelped.

“What the fuck, Matt?”

“Scott, stop,” Matt said, tired, and reached for Scott again.

This time Scott didn’t yelp and Matt, stroking his own dick said, “I won’t say a word against anyone, but you wouldn’t be spanking the monkey and I wouldn’t be putting your kids to bed if someone was here.”

Scott just stood there while Matt spoke matter of factly, opening his trousers now and holding Scott’s dick. And then suddenly, sitting on the side of the tub, Matt’s neck snaked, and he moved up and down on Scott and it felt so good and he went so hard. He planted his hands in Matt’s thick hair and let his old friend suck and suck, lick and slurp. Matt began to unbuckle his pants and pulled them down and Scott stood in the bathroom while Matt sucked him off.

“I got clean on one of the commercial breaks,” Matt said when he pulled away from Scott. “I got clean and lubed up and your dick’s wet.”

“You planned this.”

“I did,” Matt said.

He dropped his pants and went to the sink, pulling Scott with him. They clicked together like two magnets, and with a satisfied grunt, Scott was inside of him. He fucked him on the edge of the sink, and the two of them moaned.

“Just a couple of pumps,” Scott murmured. “Just a few.”

If it was just a few it wouldn’t be cheating. If it was just a few he wouldn’t be doing this for real. But Matt groaned. “Just fuck me.”

And then Scott bit down on his throat and Matt cried out.

“Fuck it,” Scott said, and began to fuck him harder and harder. He pushed Matt to the floor and fucked him violently against the tub until he shouted, and giving a defeated cry, like something between a long, staggered sob and an exclamation, Scott’s teeth chattered as his body convulsed and he came, shooting inside of Matt over and over again.

After a few minutes. It must have been a few minutes, and Scott was surprised that the kids didn’t wake back up, Matt said, “Scott, can we please go to bed and finish this. I don’t want this to be over. Not on your bathroom floor.”

“Yeah,” Scott said, pressing his face into Matt’s back, into his shirt. He pulled out of this friend, and he saw his semen pouring from him, dripping on the tile floor between the tub and the bath mat. “Let’s get up and do that.”