Bird Came Down

Theme Song: Candy Everybody Wants, Ten Thousand Maniacs

WHEN FELIX GOT home from his sister's church, Scott had cleaned up the apartment and was sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee.

“I just made it,” he said. “I was waiting for you.”

“I thought you’d be home.”

“Speaking of home, we’re going to look at houses tomorrow,” Scott said. “How far do you need me to be from you?”

“Huh?” Felix noticed that Scott had put his favorite mug next to the coffee pot.

“I want to be close, but not so close it drives you nuts,” Scott explained.

“Well, if you understand that formula, I’m sure you understand just how far away to be.”

Then Felix grinned as he put the coffee pot back on the burner and added creamer to his coffee, “but I don’t want you far away at all, Scott.”

“Was church good?” Scott said, climbing onto the couch. He was in pajama pants, and there was something sweet about his long, bare feet.

“It was church,” Felix began. Then he said, “I haven’t lived the life I want to live.”

“Huh?”

“I am usually at church because Val wants me to be there and she is the junior priest, but today it affected me. What she said affected me. I don’t know,” Felix sat down. “Perhaps my life has affected me.”

Scott pulled his knees to his chest and Felix was startled by the look on his face because he wasn’t used to people paying him close attention.

“I used to believe in things,” Felix said. “I mean the big things. Jesus and the Resurrection and all that. And you kind of just say, yeah, I still believe in that. You don’t think much about it, and then one day you see where your life has turned. You see what you’ve settled for, and you realize you don’t really believe in anything anymore.”

Scott said nothing. He didn’t even nod. He waited for Felix to keep speaking.

“There is a part in the old style Mass where it reminds you that if you take communion without faith you take it to your own detriment, and now I think I’ve been taking it to my detriment because I haven’t had faith. Not in anything.”

Scott shook his head and chuckled then stopped.

“What?” Felix said.

“I was going to say something very conceited.”

“Huh?”

“I was going to ask if you had faith in me, then I realized it wasn’t about me.”

“It is, though, actually,” Felix said.

“How?”

“I stopped believing anyone would ever love me, and Valerie was preaching this morning and… I can’t really repeat exactly what she said or how she said it, but I realized that being a Christian and living in this world wasn’t supposed to be this scrappy thing I’m living, picking up bits and pieces of stuff, crawling from one thing to another, and then I thought about you, waiting here for me, and… how good life is, and how ungrateful I was for it, and how I had become so jaded.”

Scott said, with sudden frankness, “I think I’ve been afraid my whole life.”

“I have too, and now I feel like there was no need for it. No need for ninety percent of what I’ve done.”

“What if I went to church with you next week?”

“I… uh…”

“It’s not like a revival meeting. It’s just Mass... I mean, Episcopalian, but still. Would you mind if I went with you?”

“No, Scott,” Felix lied. “I would not.”

Then Felix said, “I need to change.”

Scott touched his hand.

“Don’t change too much,” he said. “And don’t change without me.”

-You’re cute.

Joey looked at the picture beside the comment and typed back:

-You’re cute too.

It always felt odd calling a guy cute, and Felix hadn’t been cute, not exactly. He was too old to be cute. He was too… uncute.

-Hey, you wanna meet?

Joey explained:

-I work all week… No, Actually I’m free on Tuesday.

-There’s that new club on 23?’

-Is it a gay club?

-Yeah.”

Joey typed:

-I actually don’t like gay clubs.

-Actually, I’m not a big fan either. Would you like to go to the Pub?

-Sure.

-Great. I’ll pick you up.

This floored Joey. He had never been picked up before. This was like a real date. He typed:

-Okay.

“So we’re going to look at houses tomorrow,” Scott told his mother. “Me and the boys, The one I found is plenty spacious, and it’s close to downtown.”

“You meant it’s was close to Felix,” his mother corrected.

“Ah…” Scott blushed. “I guess you’re right.”

“I always thought it was because Kim just wasn’t a nice girl,” his mother said. “And she wasn’t. But I’ve never seen you so happy with anyone.”

“What are you saying, Mom?”

“I’m saying you’re a grown up,” she touched his cheek. “Felix is a wonderful man. Who you’re with all the time. How you feel about him is obvious, and its obvious he loves you too.”

Scott tried to look at his mother, but he couldn’t. She didn’t take her hand off of his cheek, but she didn’t make him turn around either.

“All I’m saying is if you think you have to hide things from me you don’t, You don’t have to hide them from your dad either. We can’t even be sad about not having grandkids. Cause we’ve got them.”

“I almost lost him once, Mom,” Scott said, looking at her now. “I wasn’t brave enough, and that’s how I ended up with Kim. And now it was just luck that I found him, and I don’t want to lose him again.”

“It was not luck,” Mrs. Flowers said. “And you had better not lose him again.

Suddenly Scott said, “We’re going to church together. I’m going to his church.”

“Oh? What is Felix?”

“Episcopalian.”

“Well, that’s great!” Mrs. Flowers looked excited. “You guys can even get married.”

“Mom,” Scott held up a hand. “Mom… Just one thing at a time.”

“Alright,” she nodded.

There was a phone ringing, and Scott reached into his pocket.

“Hello? Felix.”

He couldn’t help blushing, and he felt he must have looked like a stupid girl. His mother was glowing, and he shook his head and walked into the living room.

“I was thinking,” Felix began.

“Okay, babe.”

“What?”

“Should I have not said that?”

“No,” Felix said. “It’s cute. I just hadn’t expected it. It’s… sweet. Well, anyway, I was thinking… of you. So I called.”

“You romantic bastard.”

“I’ve been called a bastard my whole life,” Felix said. “The romantic bit… That’s a nice touch.”

“Joey, listen to this fancy shit.”

“What’s fancy shit?” Nathan asked.

“Daddy said shit,” Taylor laughed.

“Uh,” Scott chuckled nervously, “Daddy needs to stop doing that.”

“What were you trying to say?” Joey asked.

“Listen to this.”

“Okay.”

The Lord be with you.
And with thy spirit.

or

The Lord is here.
His Spirit is with us.
Lift up your hearts.
We lift them up unto the Lord.
Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.
It is meet and right so to do.

It is very meet, right, and our bounden duty,
that we should at all times and in all places
give thanks unto thee,
O Lord, holy Father,
almighty, everlasting God,
through Jesus Christ thine only Son our Lord.

“What’s that from?”

Scott put down the thick red book.

“It’s The Book of Common Prayer.”

“I know less that I did before.”

“I’m going to Felix’s church this Sunday. That’s their mass.”

Joey frowned. “I thought they did it just like we did.”

“No, they’re Anglican,” Scott pronounced each syllable. “Like the Queen of England and all that. You saw the royal wedding. They’ve got thees and thous and all of that. Listen to this:

All glory be to thee
Almighty God, our heavenly Father,
who of thy tender mercy
didst give thine only Son Jesus Christ
to suffer death upon the cross
for our redemption;
who made there,
by his one oblation
of himself once offered…

“I gotta stop. That’s some heavy stuff. If God won’t hear that, he won’t hear anything.”

“You really think about God?” Joey said while he was buttoning his shirt.

Scott shrugged. “Not like I should, but sometimes. I mean, I will on Sunday.”

“You ever wonder if you think about God just as much a you should?” Joey asked.

“Whaddo you mean?”

“I mean we’re just specks on a planet that’s like a speck. What if it doesn’t matter? What if we don’t matter and we spend all of our time being afraid of God, but it doesn’t matter because he doesn’t really even care what we do?”

“I’m not afraid of God,” Scott said, closing the book. Then he said, “I mean, I’m not saying I’m such a bad ass I could fight God or something, but… I mean, I’m not going to church cause I’m afraid of God.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Scott.”

“What are you so fancy for?” Scott asked.

Joey grinned, and then he got on the bed and said, “I have a date. This guy wants to take me out. I met him online.”

“Is he safe?” Scott sat up. “You want me to follow you?”

“No,” Joey shook his head. “And he’s really sweet. He even understood how I wasn’t ready for him to show up at the door because I had just… I mean told you the truth about myself.”

“Mom told me she and dad were happy for me and they knew how I felt about Felix,” Scott said quickly.

Joey blinked.

Scott nodded.

“Maybe you should tell them.”

Joey shook his head.

“I’m not ready yet.”

Scott nodded.

“I’m going to follow you to make sure you’re okay.”

“Please don’t.”

“You sure?”

The phone in Joey’s breast pocket sang a melody and Joey said, “Yeah. He’s almost here. He’s meeting me on the corner.”

Joey showed him a sweet faced, bronze haired boy and Scott said, “Harmless enough.”

“Alright,” Joey thumped Scott on his shoulder and Scott thumped him back.

“Wish me luck.”

“Break a leg. Or a dick?” Scott shrugged, and Joey stuck his tongue out, disappearing down the hall.

Taylor and Nathan came back into the room and Taylor said, “What are you doing, Dad?”

“Counting to ten,” Scott said, and then he got up, and patting his son on the head, headed down the hallway and down the stairs as he grabbed his car keys and called Felix.

“Are you free? Great. Just wait for me. I’m coming to get you. We’re tailing Joey.”

“Why are we doing this?” Felix said, but Scott commanded, “Duck, duck, duck,” and they sank lower in their seats while Scott rolled up his windows and slowed his car.

“Because this is my baby brother and enough jerks have hurt him.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Not you!” Scott said. “You’re the good thing he had. You’re the best thing he had. Even if I don’t like to think about it.”

“I saw a porno with two brothers.”

“Please don’t.”

“They weren’t twins, but they did look alike, and after you came back I realized how much Joey looks like you. That made things slightly odd.”

“Felix, please.”

“Though the truth is the two of you don’t even do the same things in—”

“Felix, I’m serious,” Scott said sharply. “I really don’t wanna hear that shit.”

“I really don’t want to be dragged along on crazy stakeouts,” Felix returned, unrepentant.

He knew when it was time to quit, and he realized, suddenly, that having sex with Joey and Scott together was a vivid fantasy. Part of him wondered if Scott would ever be okay with it.

“What?” Scott looked at him.

“Nothing.”

“You were having one of your weird thoughts.”

“Just pay attention to the road and why are we turning onto Main?”

“That’s where Joey is.”

“In the fucking Pub?”

“What’s wrong with the Pub?”

“Ben works in the Pub,” Felix moaned as they drove up the street slowly.

“We gotta wait till they’re inside.”

“And then do what?” Felix said. “Cause we’re damn sure not going in.”

“It’ll be good for Ben to see you with me.”

“Start that crap, and I’ll bring up Joey again.”

“Fair,” Scott said.

“He’s cute enough,” Scott said.

“He’s—shit! That’s Wesley.”

“Who the hell is Wesley?”

“My sister is the junior priest at Saint Madeleine’s, but Father Duncan of the mighty folk guitar—”

“Is that his Indian name?”

“Of course. And he has all these kids named after famous Anglicans and that’s his son, Wesley.”

“Really?” Scott looked amused.

Felix nodded, not seeing why this was funny.

“I’ve heard of size queens and rice queens but Joey must be an… Episcopalian Queen?”

“That’s really witty, Scott.”

“I got a ton of ‘em.”

“What the fuck?” Felix said.

“That’s a bit much?”

“No, fool. It’s Ben.”

“Well, how’d he see you from inside a car? Is he coming here?”

He was crossing the parking lot. But he did not tap on Felix’s window. Instead he tapped on Scott’s, waving.

“Roll it down,” Felix said, “I have to face him some time.”

Scott rolled the window down and Ben said, “Hey, Felix. You ought to come over, even if we can’t have what we had. I always knew he’d go back to you,” Ben said graciously to Scott.

Scott nodded and said, “Thanks man.”

“Yeah,” Ben continued, “I remembered your car, so I knew it was you. I’d know it anywhere.”

Ben offered his hand and Scott shook it while Ben smiled.

“Great,” Ben said. “Hey, Felix, you wanna hang Wednesday? Wednesday is band night.”

Felix nodded. “I have a job interview Tuesday, so depending upon what happens I may really need it.”

“Great!” Ben said, “Oh, and Scott?”

“Yeah?”

And then Ben pulled out a can off pepper spray and shot it full in Scott’s eyes while Scott screamed.

“Dirty fucker, see if I let you punch the shit out of me and screw up my car. Fuck you, asshole!” Ben said, methodically, spraying the rest of the can in Scott’s screaming face.

Thanks for reading, friends. Hope you enjoyed, and me and Felix and Scott and everyone else will see you in a few days.